The ItalyDex
by TheFerengiKing
Summary: Do you need a PokéDex that is more reliable than the DerpéDex but is cheaper than a PokéDex? Then this PokéDex called the ItalyDex will supply you with the necessary information you need at a good price. Back in the works! (A/N I decided to revamp it with a different style so any chapter starting with the Pawniard entry will be the revamped version.)
1. Prologue to the 'Dex

**I'm doing this early seeing as some of you are probably waiting for the next one to come out. Anyways enjoy and also, if you C7, ehm, read the rest below before reading.**

* * *

Prologue:

Some of you are wondering why the hell I would want to make my own PokéDex. There is a simple reason, MONEY! Also because Professor Sycamore "disappeared" and people wanted me to replace him until they find him. So I currently have a lab/gym/home, except I don't have 400 different species of mother fucking Pokémon running all over the place destroying my property.

For gathering information, I would you experiences from other people, other 'Dexes, and my own Pokémon. I also bought a DerpeDex form some guy who said it was so bad that his own Metapod made better entries than that. I bought the 'Dex from him for 10 bucks, so I'll use some information to that as well. Unfortunately, Mr. C7's entries are a bunch of South Park scripts, Pokémon style, and 90% of it I can't even use, but I'll give the guy credit for putting up with over 200-300 Pokémon living in his house.

There is only one small difference between Mr. C7's homemade 'Dex and mine; I don't write drunk, I'm not dealing with hundreds of Pokémon, I don't half the US military and I don't have guns ranging from common American weapons to the antiqued Nazi rifles. Alright I'll admit I have three guns, but that's only as self-defense, not a thousand of them. Also, if you're reading this Mr. C7, I'm not trying to make you look like a prick, I'm just stating facts.

WARNING: This Fanfiction contains excessive amount of cursing, offensive content, and some of your childhood memories being bastardized right in front of your own eyes.

I give credit to C7sus4 for the idea.


	2. Bulbasaur Evo line

ENTRY ONE: BULBASAUR EVOLUTIONARY PATH

BULBASAUR:

This Pokémon is a relative beginner's Pokémon and just as that, it's as weak as crud. However despite the setback in its crappy ability to fight, it can at least run, um, away from the attacker. Now, its moves include such as vine whip, which can be a replacement for a regular whip if you're on a ranch, tackle, which sucks, and poison powder which is probably its best move.

In terms of food, the Bulbasaur basically acts like a plant and uses the sunlight to create a chemical reaction with the CO2 around with plus any water given to fuel the photosynthesis process of creating glucose and O2. If you didn't understand anything, you must have failed in biology.

In terms of looks, it's a fucking dinosaur with a plant on its back. Looks weird, doesn't provide much benefits and unfortunately this is one of the worst starters to get. The friendliness of it is neutral as it can be a good friend, but I still say it's a waste of space in your collection.

The thing belongs in the categories of a grass and poison type.

The weaknesses include: Fire, Flying, Psychic, and Ice. Bender would burn this shit like weed and I could sell it as Bulba-weed, with the taste of marijuana, but without the high portion.

* * *

IVYSAUR:

Very little improvement and really does suck as its stats increase by one. Its moves are the same with poison powder, except it now has more moves including razor leaf, poison seed and cut, but it is still a weak as hell Pokémon, but is better than its predecessor. This Pokémon, stated in the original 'Dex, says if it spends more time in the sunlight, it's flower will soon bloom, as this poses the question, what happens when you're in the middle of the fight and your Ivysaur sits there doing jack shit because it needs to get it's flower blooming?

I've battled some of these and they are pretty bad, in fact they are so bad, that I had Pella fight them and she won against them with ease, even Catherine won against one of these for fucking crying out loud and she's right now only nine months old.

The same categories and weaknesses, but a tad more defense at least.

Its looks are like a much bigger dinosaur with a flower on its back, which at least looks better than a Bulbasaur.

* * *

VENUSAUR:

This is an excuse for a third tier Pokémon as its HP is trash, everything has been increased by one, and it looks like a stegosaurus with that shit smelling plant somewhere in Africa, I think. Now, its moves include giant bloom, special reaction, jungle hammer, and the poison powder of course. One issue I have is that the 'Dex says that the monstrosity "can sooth people"; now what bullshit is that? It looks like it wants to eat you for lunch and you want to say that it soothes you?

I've only battled this once and Pella nearly was defeated, the trainer crapped himself as he lost, but hey, that's what happens when you bring in a crappy attacker.

It amazingly sticks to its original categories and still has its weaknesses.

* * *

MEGA VENUSAUR:

This Pokémon evolutionary line is also the first one to have a mega evolution. So far the Pokémon sucked, this extra punch at least pays off as it has stronger attack and defense. Does that mean anything, no it doesn't. However, one hilarious move I see is called Thick Fat, which is its special ability. Really? You're telling me that eating a shit ton of junk food and weighing nearly 400 pounds is a special ability? I've seen some stupid shit like Ash coming back from the dead but come on people, really?


	3. Charmander Evo line

ENTRY TWO: CHARMANDER EVOLUTIONARY LINE

CHARMANDER:

An interesting beginner's Pokémon, unfortunately it lacks in HP and defense, but makes it up for its speed and attack. Now, when this thing comes to mind all I can see is my gym burning down to the ground with me firing my rifle at it. Its moves include scratch, bite, and flame tail. Also just because no one's goes to the PokéDex, I'm getting these moves off of cards, not the show, which I should watch to get the actual moves but I hate the main character enough not to watch it, lol.

I'm not aware of what it eats, but I'm pretty sure it includes some kind of shit like animals, scraps of meat, anything meat based, and I don't know it even eats vegetables.

The looks show it's a lizard, as its category says, with its tail one fire. Two words for you trainers with no fucking idea what you're doing, take a bucket of water and dump it on the tail, and tell me what happens since I never done it myself.

This is the first Pokémon to be a single category as it's only a fire type. However, its weaknesses are: Ground, rock, and water.

* * *

CHARMELEON:

This looks worse than the last one, but it will get you through the night. Everything is at a minimum level of three, and special attack and speed are at four. This has that damn flame, but not arguing with it. Its moves contain Flamethrower, a good move, fire punch, slam, and, this one is stupid, rage. Rage is the shit I may put up with my father, Bender, or Midori, if Edward really fucks up; it is not an attack move.

Probably eats whatever a reptile eats.

The looks show it is a red lizard that looks like a sunburnt Charizard with no wings.

The weaknesses and types are the same.

I've battled a couple of these having Siliveisa and Kevanin battle out these things, before them, I had to use Bender and Edward to fight them. I'll I can say is, Charmeleons hold up well enough to survive for at least four minutes.

* * *

CHARIZARD:

An intimidating Pokémon I will say as it looks like a dragon, but weirdly isn't. The HP and Defense are still at three while its speed and special attack are at five, and everything else is at four. Its moves include: burning tail, combustion blast, fire wing, and burning inferno.

I have no idea what this monster eats as it is probably killing off little weak things for food.

Now, as already stated, this thing looks intimidating as it looks like a dragon, huge tail on fire, and it also has a couple of mega evolutions.

The type of this Pokémon are now fire and flying type, with the weakness of Electric, water, and 4x damage form rock types.

These mother fuckers I've battled a lot of times, since mainly its Alain Sycamore that constantly haves me battle that damn dragon. And when he breaks out his Mega X I break out my badass son and you have to see how Edward kicks the living shit out 'a that thing. Other people that battle with it are half the strength and are easy take outs. I'll say this myself, this Pokémon is pretty damn good, however, the only complaint I have is that it should be a dragon type, not a fire/flying type.

* * *

MEGA CHARIZARD X

The X is more intimidating than the regular as its black 'n blue, blue fire, and, finally, it's a dragon type. As previously stated, I battled the same one over and over again and still the prick keeps on coming, wait, hold on…

An hour later…

Speak of the devil, the damn prick came along, challenged me, and I kicked his dragon's ass. Now, one thing I have to mention is that this mega X is pretty damn powerful as it attacks is at seven bars while its speed remains lower and the defense has increased.

* * *

MEGA CHARIZARD Y

This is the second mega evolution to this Pokémon, which is strange, and unfortunately, this one reverted back to the original type and weakness settings of the regular Charizard, stupid Arceus. Its special attack is pretty high at and eight, but everything else goes no higher than five. Luckily it still looks intimidating and is relatively is still a good fighter.


	4. Squirtle Evo line

ENTRY THREE: SQUIRTLE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SQUIRTLE:

One fan fiction of doctor who called this a hybrid of a squirrel and turtle, and it kinda does represent that. It's another type of beginner's Pokémon and it does lack in a lot of areas. It also sucks since its speed is horrendous, but is at least a three in defense and attack. Its moves include: Bubble, tackle (which is fucking useless), bite, and water gun.

I'm not aware of what these things eat but I'm sure it's not nuts and reeds, seeing as weeds would make it fight "high".

This Pokémon is a water type with the weaknesses of electric and grass.

In terms of me fighting against these, I laugh my ass off. These things in the regular PokéDex say they go very fast while its speed is at two bars. Second the thing is a 1' 8" turtle squirrel hybrid and you want to go against my ass kickin' Pokémon? Some trainers were actually dumb enough to send this excuse at me and I had Pella as a Torchic go against it. Despite the disadvantage, she barely won.

* * *

WARTORTLE:

I remember when I got mine as I began on my "journey" trying to find some other assholes to attack. He wasn't the best as he had a slight arrogance but I dealt with it after I shot him. Yes, yes, I know I'm a cruel Pokémon trainer, but at least I have a family.

It stats are pretty bad, but not as bad as its predecessor, as everything is a minimum of three bars. The normal moves of a Wartortle include: water arrow (which was a pain in the ass since he shot it at me), double slap, rocket tackle, and water gun.

This son of a bitch ate every kind of vegetable I had, even if it was pickled seaweed. I had to put a fucking lock on the cabinet so I could keep him out when I opened up the gym. This, I can tell you, actually means that if you have a Wartortle, expect that your fridge will be half empty by morning.

In terms of looks, it looks like the Squirtle decided to get bigger, go Mercury style ears, and a larger poofier tail.

The same type and weaknesses as before.

This little prick in battle was almost a nightmare to control. You say use a water phasor and it shoots at your groin. Tell it to use tackle and ensure that you have a broken neck. Now, this was my case and for others I had literally no issues with dealing with as they come I, get knocked out after 30 seconds, and leave. I was stuck with this character until he evolved until a Blastoise and got kicked out a month later.

* * *

BLASTOISE:

As stated before, I had one until I decided to get rid of it because it was filing and its arrogance evolved along with it. The stats of this are bad, too fucking bad. Bender would knock this prick out in five/six minutes and no problems. Another thing I want to add is that the category should go from "shellfish" to "selfish". Its moves include: Hydro pump (careful where it aims), deluge, water log and rapid spin.

In terms of food, he literally made me pay almost 40K dollars after he decided to follow what I do and rob the farmers market. Guess what; the fat ass didn't think about, oh, I don't know, um, SNEAKING AROUND?! Anyway, he ate half the place and I was fucked with the bills.

The looks are somewhat intimidating as it is a giant turtle with two cannons on its back. The problem is, is that the attacks suck so the intimidation doesn't work as well as Charizard where it could actually intimidate because it both looks damn scary and actually has might.

Still the same types as before.

The battles experiences were so bad I thought that the battle I had with Ash a year ago was better. Blastoise, or as I named him "Blast ass", was pathetic to the point of needing Jesus because he was bad. Unfortunately after losing to a second tier primate, I literally went up to him and said, "Get the fuck out of here like that trainer." Rule of thumb for you people, don't get this som' bitch.

* * *

MEGA BLASTOISE:

Ok, this is much better as it looks like Bowser saying, "You feeling lucky punk?", as he is pointing to hand guns, literally, and a giant tank cannon at you. Everything jumps, including the special attack and I can tell you that this is one big ass opponent as I fought one and man, Heleva was in pain for a week.


	5. Caterpie Evo line

ENTRY FOUR: CATERPIE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

CATERPIE:

This was literally the first Pokémon I ever saw (Read the first chapter of When Worlds Collide) and I saw its third tier later on as my second one. Now, it's basically a worm and worms are well crap, this is shit since its stats are, shit. Its moves include: Bug bite, tackle, and some shit called adaptive evolution.

I have a couple of these in the lab and the problem with these damn caterpillars is that they seem to eat every leaf they could find. It was funny watching them chase down a Scyther and try to eat it thinking it was a leaf.

It is a bug type with its weaknesses being fire, flying, and rock, meaning Bender can have lunch, or Pella, or the next Torchic they may have.

I never fought them in battle, but I have a couple facts about them that you should know before saying I want one. One they smell like shit, or like a bug version of it, and two, they are constantly annoying as they keep on eating and eating, at one point one of them ate a 20 dollar bill and I couldn't figure out where I put it until someone said that there Caterpie had an upset stomach. I looked at it with an X-ray and said, "It ate my money, that's why."

* * *

METAPOD:

One word can describe this one; useless. Its attack is shit, but its defense is at three which is something good. However, I never understood why people are so excited seeing their Pokémon ready to evolve it sits like a fucking rock.

The typing is the same, and it has horrible moves like harden, ram, and sharpen.

To be honest, I don't think it eats. This is good for me since I don't have to watch everywhere it goes, or have Edward chase them all over the building.

In terms of me fighting, the "as hard as an iron slab" part has been debunked, as Bender was fighting off a rouge Lucario and the both of them crashed into a Metapod shattering a Butterfree out. I shot up the Lucario, and cleaned up the mess, but still I debunked the phrase at least.

* * *

BUTTERFREE:

This is one big ass purple butterfly, and to be honest, I think some trainers were dumb enough to use them. To start off, a Charmeleon is more powerful than this thing. However, the Butterfree's speed is at four which at paces the Charmeleon's pace. This Pokémon also sucks at basic fighting and defense, and hilariously, the Metapod has more defense than the giant butterfly. The moves of it include: Gust whirlwind, psy bolt, and stun spore.

This insectoid Pokémon eats primarily honey and once in while will go for anything that has sugar, meaning your soda and juice.

In terms of typing, it's a bug and flying type with its weaknesses: Electric, fire, ice, flying, and 4x damage with rock types.

I've fought a few of them and I'll say this, Rose could tackle five of them at the same time. That shows how bad they are, and try to convince one not to steal my sprite is harder, but you'll get used to it after you've shot about 20 of them and three of those 20 are dead.


	6. Weedle Evo line

ENTRY FIVE: WEEDLE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

WEEDLE:

First off, this thing looks like something out of Mario, two, it's like the Caterpie, oh wait, it's exactly like the Caterpie. Its stats are alike so I don't need to explain that. The moves include: String shot, and something called multiply. Does this mean the thing reproduces asexually?

It terms of food, it is way more controllable than your caterpie, however, I would be careful not to lock your Weedle in the fridge as I had someone try that and wound up with a Kakuna and an empty fridge.

In terms of typing, it's a bug and poison type with the weaknesses of fire, psychic, flying and rock types.

I never had to battle them, however Catherine likes to, for some reason, talk to them and play with them. Not asking why, but since I would have by pants eaten off literally, it's safer for her to go there than me.

* * *

KAKUNA:

Sounds Hawaiian, but back to this, um, cocoon. This is actually weaker than a Metapod and to be honest, since it's pretty much fucking stuck as the thing sticks to a tree. Its moves include: Stiffen, bite, poison powder, and spit poison.

The thing doesn't eat jack shit, good.

It's the same types.

No problems with them so you're clean to read the next one.

* * *

BEEDRILL:

These mother fuckers are really easy to piss off. It's like telling a Klingon that he is an honor-less asswipe. And if you tell that every Klingon is like that in a group of Klingons, you got Beedrill. Now, it is a fact that Beedrill is a territorial as fuck Pokémon seeing as the attack has jumped to half way and its speed is the same as Butterfree. Its moves include: Raid (Ironic isn't it?), twineedle, and poison sting.

Now the food it eats, I have no clue. The lab had two of them and all I saw was them sitting there day and night growing and defending small amount of territory like N. Germany and Japan taking over land. In the end I let Edward and Bender go nuts fixing the two bees.

Still the same types.

In battle, all I had with them was the rouge ones that appeared at the gym, which I shot with a leased .12 gauge. I even sent a picture of me shooting the Beedrills like a madman to C7 and he gave me a finger for copying his idea, oh well.

* * *

MEGA BEEDRILL:

HOLY SHIT, while wetting yourself as you are being chased by a bee with drills almost everywhere on its body is the only phrase you can scream. This thing is OP when it comes to speed and attack being at an 8. However, everything else is three and below. Now I have never fought against any of these, but other trainers said it was like a lightning bolt, I told them, "When you see a missile come at ya, scream to tell your Pokémon to move maybe?"


	7. Pidgey Evo line

ENTRY SIX: PIDGEY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

PIDGEY:

Short for Pigeon, and also looks like one, this little bird is an annoying pest and can be shot and eaten. It stats are crap, but its speed will get it out of any problem, unless you up against a bunch of those giant bee from the last entry. Its moves include: gust, corner, peck off (sounds like fuck off), and quick attack.

In terms of food, give it the Weedles and Caterpies so you don't have to constantly buy out the stores of lettuce and other green leafy vegetables.

Its typing is normal (which is contradicting since Pokémon in general isn't normal) and flying, and its weaknesses are electric, rock, and ice types.

I personally fought these with my kitchen knives and guns as I try to shoot these off my lawn and have them for dinner. And damn do they taste good; however the knife ware I have is starting to chip a little.

* * *

PIDGEOTTO:

A bigger turkey and long for pigeon once again. Looks better also as it has a fine array of feathers and actually looks like a turkey. Its stats are at a decent level seeing as the HP, attack and damage are at three with its speed at four. Its moves include: Whirlwind, gust, quick attack, and twister (which will destroy your house if you piss it off).

On a separate note here, the 'Dex says, "It claims a large area of space as its territory". One thing I will emphasize is that if you got a mix of Beedrills and Pidgeottos, prepare to have Nazis vs. Americans because there will be a WWII situation and a shit load of casualties. Moral here, don't have both species in one area.

The food this bird eats is similar to the little self, except it now eats more so.

Its typing is the same.

In battle I dealt with the ones currently in the lab as the fuckers constantly fight each other and other Pokémon. Now, in case of these oversized turkeys do come crashing from the sky, I go find one and cook it for dinner. What? Can't I have some to eat while the Pokémon kill each other? It's called dinner and a show.

* * *

PIDGEOT:

This is something for Thanksgiving as it's basically almost five feet tall. Its looks are pretty damn beautiful and I will also say that some people who are into Pokémon would take this. The stats of this giant turkey are decent as the minimum is at three while the attack is at four and speed is a five. Its moves include: Clutch, headwind, strong gust, and quick attack.

As already stated before, some people who are Pokephiles actually have these. I know because one time a guy came into my gym with a Pidgeot and once I saw them kiss I asked them if they were and they said yes.

In terms of food, you can bet all your Weedles and Caterpies would be gone by now, which is actually a good thing. Also, do not give them any kind of prune based food because I experimented once as I gave a group of them different fruits and one had a prune and, uh, take a guess about two hours later.

Typing remains still.

In terms of battling, they are tricky to target, but when you have a .45 hunting rifle with you, anything is possible. But, I dealt with a more interesting one than this.

* * *

MEGA PIDGEOT:

This is more of an ass kicker as its speed is at six and the special attack is at seven. However, it's HP and special defense remains at a three so you're still good. I've fought a Mega Pidgeot twice and you can almost guarantee that you'll need a powerful/fast Pokémon to knock this bitch out.


	8. Rattata Evo line

ENTRY SEVEN: RATTATA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

RATTATA:

Well, it's a fucking rat, duh. These things are like in my world where they eat everything, take a shit in your food, and leave or make a nest to destroy your house. Its stats are well bad, mainly because of the fact that the speed of these is at four and its fighting is at three which helps pick up its crappy defense. Its moves include: Tail whip, bite, and lunge.

In terms of food, expect virtually anything. It will eat your own fecal matter if disguised properly and I have conducted an experiment to which it did that. However, it also gave the test subject cholera.

In typing, it's a normal type with its weakness being a fighting type. Because of this, I have Edward or Bender (Who may send his daughter out instead) and clean up these little rodents. Edward usually slices them up with the four knives he has and Bender just blow torches them.

In fights, the ones above are half of it; I have to usually pull out a couple of guns to clean them up. Now with Edward stealing the guns from the Russian military, being automatic weapon he stole a year and a half ago, I can shoot up a whole group of these disease carrying miscreants.

* * *

ALOHAN RATTATA:

This was a problem back on my vacation, besides the undead fighting and the badass "Princess and the frog reprise" spoofing, as there were these little dark rats that were a pain in the ass to fight off. According to that Professor Kukui guy, these rats have a low HP at a one, which substituted for a five in speed, meaning these things out run Beedrills.

Also they can go right through your door and turn your house into a city if needed.

In terms of typing, this rat actually is a dark and normal type, thanks to evolution, unlike you Arceus believing pagans, and its weaknesses are more diverse being fairy, bug, and 4x damage on fighting.

* * *

RATICATE:

This is more of a problem seeing as they are better attacking and higher speed, but still, they have low HP and can be fixed by throwing my son at them, lol. There moves include: crunch, shadow bite, gnaw up, and quick attack.

In terms of food, it has its lower form get it food since the Raticate are a bunch of lazy fatasses.

In typing, it remains the same as the regular Rattata.

In battles, I have only fought around 30 of them. When you're near a nest of these rodents, throw in a couple of grenades and bullets. If you want to try rocket launchers, do that too. My thing is, kill them, don't fight and knock them out.

* * *

ALOHAN RATICATE:

As if the regular one wasn't enough, they had a higher form. The stats of these giant rats are actually better than the regular one with the attack and defense at four and HP actually higher at three.

It's typing is the same.


	9. Spearow Evo line

**This chapter is a little short, bear with me.**

* * *

ENTRY EIGHT: SPEAROW EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SPEAROW:

It's an uglier version of the Pidgey, but it beats the Pidgey. Its stats are crud as the speed and attack pick it up a bit, with speed being a four, and attack at a three. Its moves include: Whirlwind, peck, flap, and wing attack.

Food, similar to a Pidgey, only I think it may also eat leftover carcasses if it's really hungry.

Its typing is also the same as a Pidgey.

In battle, shoot up these motherfuckers, however a word of caution: These Pokémon are highly territorial and will attack when you do some stupid shit on their lawn. Make sure to bring a good variety of weapons, being at least a melee and a gun.

* * *

FEAROW:

These are some serious scavenging bastards. I had to watch over two of them and they started chasing down the Pidgeys and Fennekins, oh well. The stats on this are five on speed and attack, with everything else at a three. Its moves include: Peck, drill peck, slashing strike, and pierce.

The looks of it is one really fucked up Pidgey/vulture. The sharp beak is intimidating, but since its only 4 feet tall, it doesn't look that great.

This thing is mainly a scavenger judging from a lot of information stated. Also make sure that your littler Pokémon, like Eevees, Caterpies, and even the Riolus, don't wind up in this things area.

Its typing remains the same.

I've had to battle a couple of these in my gym leader experience and they are pretty fast. However, it nearly had Pella turned into Teriyaki and Bender screaming at me for about 20 minutes.


	10. Ekans Evo line

ENTRY NINE: EKANS EVOLUTIONARY LINE

EKANS:

Interesting, a purple cobra, not only that, but it's only about 6 feet long. This is an excuse for a snake as I have seen a copperhead more frightening than this. Its stats are pretty bad and its moves include: Bite, poison fang, poison sting, and tail snap.

In terms of food, it will eat anything small like a Spearow, only this bastard is larger and will eat more.

The typing is a poison type with its weaknesses being ground and psychic types.

In battle, don't throw anything small at it, some large will do. Now, there is one of these in this professor's lab and I'll tell you that I lost two Eevee's because the stupid thing ate them. On a nicer note, it and Edward got into a fight with Edward in the hospital and the Ekans dead.

* * *

ARBOK:

This must be a Vulcan Pokémon, judging its name, which can basically crush a lot of shit and look pretty fucking terrifying at the same time. Its moves include: Burning venom, wrap, deadly poison, and strangle (That's not a move, that's what Homer Simpson does to his son).

In terms of food, half of the lab nature area would be a gourmet restraint for an Arbok. This thing can eat every Eeveelution, Pidgeys, Spearows, Lucarios, Magicarps, Psyducks, and anything else that is 4 feet and lower. It's like the Tasmanian devil in a snake suit.

In typing, it's still the same.

One thing I forgot to mention above is that all the stats of this cobra increases by one. In a fight this thing is pretty damn scary, and I should know since when I sent out Midori to fight this thing, bad move, she got strangled and almost collapsed, luckily I called her back and had Bender kick the snake's ass.


	11. Pichu Evolutionary line

ENTRY TEN: PICHU EVOLUTIONARY LINE

PICHU:

This looks like a miniature Pikachu and is definitely not one. First off, its stats are shit except for the speed which is at three making it crud. The moves of it are fucking stupid, it includes: paste, collect, and some shit called baby evolution. These moves are pretty fucking retarded.

In food, I don't know what they eat, electricity? I have a couple and they are as annoying as fuck. I hate these things.

The typing is an electric type with a ground type weakness.

In battles, what a fucking joke. I've never saw any of these things battle, NEXT!

* * *

PIKACHU:

As soon as these things evolve I either sell them or put them in the adoption bin. I don't like Pikachu and the last one I saw was the one that was murdered with Ash. I didn't do it, stop looking at me like that Midori. Its stats are well enough where the speed is at five and the attack is at three. The moves include: Thunder jolt, Thunder shock, anything with thunder, and Iron tail.

The typing is the same.

It eats electricity.

I've battled only one and I told the trainer to go away because it had a Pikachu and I even told him, once it's a Raichu, bring it back for a fight.

The information on the DerpéDex is stupid as all hell as all it puts in are communist jokes and at the end the guy saying, fuck everything including superman, what the fuck man, what the fuck?

* * *

RAICHU:

It's a giant orange Pikachu with better statistics and a much better outcome. However I caution when it decides to stick its tail into your house floor and set it one fire with the electricity it discharges. Its moves include: Spark, Kerzap, Mega thunderbolt (No mega evolution involved), and quick attack.

Typing and food are the same.

The battling is decent as I have tried throwing all kinds of shit at it and it can last for maybe a minute, two if you're lucky. A warning I may need to add is don't let this thing go near your power outlets because you will kill every little electronic you got.

* * *

ALOHAN RAICHU:

How un-fucking-original, a Raichu, on a surfboard, in a region that spoofs Hawaii, this is some stupid shit that really needs to be thought over.

The typing of this Raichu is electric and psychic with its weaknesses being ghost, dark, bug, and ground.

Never fought one, never even saw one, so don't bother.


	12. Sandshrew Evo line

ENTRY ELEVEN: SANDSHREW EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SANDSHREW:

Looks like an armadillo with sharper claws. This character sucks in speed, but is decent in its defense and attack, both being at four. Also it's not a mouse, it's a fucking armadillo, that's a different category but the PokéDex writers were too lazy to do that. It moves include: swift, sand tomb, scratch, and rear kick (AKA kick ass).

Its typing is a ground with the weaknesses being grass, ice, and water types.

In food, I don't know. This thing absorbs water, so don't worry on that; however I would try to figure out what it eats.

I haven't battled these little things yet so don't ask.

* * *

ALOHAN SANDSHREW:

An Alohan one, aye? First off, this thing is larger and is a bit more pathetic. It changes from its typing of ground to steel and ice and the weaknesses change to where it takes 4x damage from fire and fighting types, Bender could take 20 of these on with no issues, and ground types, meaning the regular version is its weakness, how ironic.

The stats of it however are better as the defense and speed increase by one.

* * *

SANDSLASH:

This little guy is as scary as all hell. The claws of it are pretty intimidating and with what the 'Dex says, watch the fuck out. The stats are decently achievable as the attack and defense is at five and speed is at four. The moves include: Needle, poison sting, fury swipes, and sand swirl.

The food, still have no idea.

Typing, it's still the same.

In battle, only twice I fought this. I threw my Serprior at one and all I got was a knocked out snake, AKA the same fucking Pokémon I tried to throw it at. The next one was hilarious as I had Kevanin fight it and almost lost, until he said screw it and kicked the Sandslash in its testicles.

* * *

ALOHAN SANDSLASH:

Don't fuck with this character; I actually fought this one as a foreigner was trying to challenge me. And just a side note, because I'm known as the hardest gym to beat, everybody from every fucking region tries to beat me. I threw Bender at it and damn it took nearly four minutes to knock the Hawaiian Sandslash out.

It's typing is the same as the predecessor.


	13. Nidoran (female) Evo line

ENTRY TWELVE: NIDORAN (FEMALE) EVOLUTIONARY LINE

NIDORAN (FEMALE):

Why the fuck is the species separated into a male and female category? This must've been a drunken fucker's problem but I'm not a drunkard as my wife once has called me. The stats of this are pretty bad seeing as the highest one is attack on three and everything else at a two. The moves include: Scratch, tail whip, poison sting, and double kick (one for each testicle, you'll need it).

In terms of food, it eats a fine assortment of berries.

In typing, it's a poison type with ground and psychic type weaknesses.

Never battled one, but have seen a couple of them try to kill each other and damn are they rough.

* * *

NIDORINA:

Any better, not really. The stats are all at almost three. The moves include: Quick blow, tail whip, poison sting and double kick. One complaint is that the ability, Rivalry, is not an ability, that's the shit between Pella and Arenmo, since they are at their final tiers, AKA a Blaziken and Zoroark.

The typing is the same.

Food, I assume, is the same.

Battles, fuck 'em, I don't battle these since they try to always use that double kick on my Pokémon and kids, or at least the male ones.

* * *

NIDOQUEEN:

The queen portion is pretty damn right. Their stats are now at a decent marker at four, with attack at five. The moves of it include: Mega punch, ruthless tail, double stomp, and poison horn.

Food, next.

Typing has changed seeing it's now a poison/ground Pokémon with its weakness being, ground, ice, water, and psychic.

I've battled some of these and they aren't that bad. One thing I will consider is that they can tend to be very violent when fighting off females for some reason. Also the double stomp is a major warning to male Pokémon you use as if the stomp goes the right way, well, take a guess.


	14. Nidorin (male) Evo line

ENTRY THIRTEEN: NIDORAN (MALE)

NIDORAN (MALE):

Now the male of course is the stronger one of the species here, and feminists, do exactly how Snoop Dogg says it, "Bitch shut yo trap". Anyway, the only thing it's better in is speed by one. Still has rivalry, moves include: peck, poison skin, poison horn, and double stab.

Food is like the female version.

Typing is the same as the female version.

Never battled one.

* * *

NIDORINO:

This is better in attack and speed but, it still isn't decent enough for a fight. Moves include: Horn attack, fury attack, horn drill, and, the non-move, rage.

Food and typing are the same.

Now, a word of caution when these things are around, they go for the most painful solution in a battle. Other than that, they are easy targets.

* * *

NIDOKING:

As a quote from the Pokedex, "Once it goes on a rampage, there's no stopping it", meaning get a T-34 tank out because you'll need it. This mother fucker is powerful and I had to use Edward and Midori to knock the last one out, well Edward "Blasted off" from the tail whack and Midori knocked it out. The moves of it include: Rumble, poison rub, tail swing, and pride attack.

Food and typing are the same as a Nidoqueen.

In battles, they are fierce, and they are hard to fight off. Luckily with the add on of Siliveisa and Kevanin, they aren't that bad anymore.


	15. Cleffa Evo line

ENTRY FOURTEEN: CLEFFA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

CLEFFA:

The first fairy type Pokémon and so far it's the weakest. My God, this is so fucking weak that the Kakuna is more powerful than it. The stats are shit as the speed, attack, and defense are at one and everything else is at two. The moves include: Eeek and Eeeeeeek. Also it is retarded for any of you fairy lovers.

The food consists of something sugary.

The typing is fairy, and the weaknesses are steel and poison.

I never encountered one in battle.

* * *

CLEFAIRY:

What is this thing? People can't catch good stuff and they think this is any better? The stats are bad, the moves include: pound, sing (what the fuck, that's not a move), double slap, and gesture.

In food, expect the same, in typing, the same.

I fought one in a 1v1 battle and I was amazed that it lasted for 30 seconds. It also was part Jigglypuff since it sang a sleepy time melody. Unfortunately, Bender went on a rampage afterwards and it took a minute to calm him down.

* * *

CLEFABLE:

It actually is getting better than being a pink starfish with eyes and a mouth. The stats are better where attack and HP are at four with defense and speed being three. The moves include: Lullaby, metronome, moon impact, and meteor mash.

One fact that is needed is that these Pokémon are from space, on a sad note, they weren't assimilated by the Borg.

Food and typing is the same.

Having these things to fight with is like having yourself run naked through your school, you'll embarrass yourself. I never fought one and probably will have a requirement stating that the person must have no dignity, honor, or pride left.


	16. Vulpix Evo line

ENTRY FIFTEEN: VULPIX EVOLUTIONARY LINE

VULPIX:

One major question is this, is this Pokémon another Star Trek: Voyager accident? It sounds like B'Elanne decided to take another Vulcan and Talaxian and fuse them together. First we had Tuvix, now we have Vulpix.

Besides the bad Star Trek jokes, the stats are decent in speed as it resides at four and the move pool includes: singe, ember, fireworks, and roar.

The food it eats is similar to a fox.

The typing is a fire type with the weaknesses being ground, rock, and water.

As for fights, Bender laughs at the little foxes. This starter is a sucky thing and doesn't even have the balls to enter, unless it's a female.

* * *

ALOHAN VULPIX:

The total opposite of the original, except the original can kick this version's ass. Stats are decent for speed, sucky for HP, defense, and attack.

The typing is different being an ice type and its weaknesses being fire, steel, fighting, and rock types.

I never fought one in battle so fuck off.

* * *

NINETALES:

Ha, bullshit if it thinks it can live for a whole millennium. The entire entry of the PokéDex is loaded with bullshit as it makes no sense and sound like a Harry Potter story. I also feel sorry for C7 seeing how he can't hug his Ninetales, lol, but seriously these are dipshits of their own kind. The stats are decent as the speed is at five, the defense is at three, and the attack is at four. The moves include: Confuse ray (like this shit isn't confusing enough), searing flame, Will-o'-the-wisp, and hexed flame.

The food I don't know about.

The typing is the same as regular.

The battles, oh the battles, they are fucking annoying. I have three of these sons of a bitches in the lab and they are constantly annoying me to the point of actually putting a gun to their leg. I hate this professor's guts and the lab as well.

* * *

ALOHAN NINETALES:

Oh my fucking God we have this. If the Vulpix hybrid wasn't bad enough, it's the evolved version of it. However, I will say it is good because the attack and defense are at a four and the speed is a great seven.

The typing changes to where it is an ice and fairy type with its weaknesses being fire, poison, rock, and 4x damage on steel types.

I battled one of these before and all I can say is that the animal is pathetic. Even with the speed, it was blow torched by Bender well enough.


	17. Igglybuff Evo line

ENTRY SIXTEEN: IGGLYBUFF EVOLUTIONARY LINE

IGGLYBUFF:

God, what are these? According to the 'Dex, they are in the balloon category. This means take a pin and pop every one of them. Stats are decent for HP, but shit on defense and attack and a fucking snail on speed. The moves include: Set song, inquire, that baby evolution shit, and graffiti (Not a move, this is what black people in New York do on the subways).

In terms of food, keep it away from sugar and careful about giving it too much water.

In typing, it's a fairy and normal type with its weaknesses being steel and poison types.

I've never battled one as the thing is a one foot balloon that can sing. It's too fucking ridiculous.

* * *

JIGGLYPUFF:

Doesn't sound right, and is still in the balloon category so shoot it, its target practice. The stats are good for HP at five, but still shit in attack, defense, and speed. The moves include: Rollout, Heartfelt song, sleepy song, and sing.

One informative note is that this thin will sing. However, if you're fighting against a psychic type that doesn't fall asleep to these songs, your Jigglypuff will start to die of lack of oxygen. Not a bad idea, but in case you love your Pokémon to death, just a warning.

The food and typing is the same.

The battling is tricky with this character as it will be able to withstand a couple of blows and most likely put you opponent to sleep. However, Midori, Edward, and Rose are finally immune to those attacks while I still sound cancelling headphones. The trainer at the end bitches how I wear the headphones instead of fighting. The only response is, "Mine's a psychic, your's a wimp."

* * *

WIGGLYTUFF:

As weird as it sounds, this is better than the last version. It's attack is at four, the speed is at three and the balloon category is still there so, SHOOT THE MOTHER FUCKIGN THING ALREADY! Raging aside, the moves include: Double edge, expand, balloon barrage, and pester (Not a fucking move, this is Edward as a Ralts).

The food and typing are the same.

The battling is good enough to last two/three minutes tops. I would like to inform you that these things have a small sense of pride.


	18. Zubat Evo line

ENTRY SEVENTEEN: ZUBAT EVOLUNTIONARY LINE

ZUBAT:

Well, it's a bat, and two, this is a pretty bad bat. The stats are bad with the exception in speed which is at a three, but still bad for battling. The moves include: Skill dive, bite, supersonic, and poison fang.

Food is blood, insects, and berries. Do not have this thing around or you're more likely to wind up in the ER with blood replacements.

The typing of it is poison and flying with its weaknesses being electric, ice, psychic and rock types.

In terms of battling, there are a couple of them in the lab and they are fucking annoying as they keep trying to bite everyone. Although it is good to see a Geodude come in and beat the shit out of a couple of them.

* * *

GOLBAT:

That's a big mouth, and it does prove worthy of something. The stats show that the attack is at four while the speed is at five making it a good attack for an air unit. Everything else is at a three, and the moves include: super poison breath, supersonic, sharp fang, and mean look (Not a move, what Midori does to Edward if he fucks up).

Food is a little more so being that the bat is fucking scary and is now more than five feet tall. Also, buy a lot of blood transfusions because this thing will drain them fast, or it will drain you fast.

Typing remains the same.

In battle, the looks can be intimidating and unfortunately the mean look takes the cake on that. I dealt with a wild one before and told it to fuck off and shot its wing. The easiest way to deal with wild Pokémon is to shoot it.

* * *

CROBAT:

Well, now we got another good Pokémon to use finally. This thing's stats have a five in attack and seven in speed. This makes it a fine unit, other than Charizard, for Arial assaults. The moves of this thing include: Ultra-toxic-fang, strike and fade, skill dive, and radar jam.

The food is getting bigger as it does, so take a guess.

Typing remains the same for the huge bat.

In battles, well, it's not as intimidating as the previous self, but it still can lay a good hit on your opponent. I would throw Edward onto these things, but if that fails, next would be Heleva.


	19. Oddish Evo line

ENTRY EIGHTEEN: ODDISH EVOLUTIONARY LINE

ODDISH:

Wow, an actually fucking honest name for a Pokémon. This piece of grass shit is crap in HP and speed, but three in attack and defense. The moves include: poison powder, razor leaf, ram, and stun spore.

A separate note, this thing is categorized as a weed Pokémon. Does that mean this thing is loaded with marijuana, and will Snoop Dogg and North Korea buy it? Also the ability chlorophyll is not an ability, it's a process of a plant you stupid mother fucking professors.

The food it eats isn't bad; just make sure it doesn't absorb all the nutrients from your garden.

The typing is grass and poison with its weaknesses being fire, flying, ice, and psychic.

Never fought one in battle, but I have used a homemade flame thrower to rid a field of them :D.

* * *

GLOOM:

Gloom? That's pretty depressing. The stats are as well seeing the attack and defense at three, but the speed at two. The moves include: anything with powder, cling, double razor leaf (wish your male Pokémon a good life), and foul odor.

The food eats probably the same as the predecessor, only this thing produces a shitty honey which I wouldn't eat, mainly because it looks like spit.

The typing remains the same.

I only battled these things twice and was bored of them. Go and fighting this yourself is more fun. However, if you do, you'll need a gas mask, some blow torches, and once you come back, a shit load of deodorant, soap, and at least three showers. Done this before, didn't stop hearing everyone complain for at least three hours.

* * *

VILEPLUME:

Well according to the 'Dex it simply states to stay away from anything pretty and run away. This thing will most likely eat you. The stats are getting better as the attack and defense are now at four with its speed and HP remaining on three. The moves include: solar beam, pollen spray, dazzling pollen, and allergy attack.

Food, as stated in the intro and stats, this thing will actually eat animals.

Typing is the same.

In battles, watch the fuck out, I battled one about three years ago and it gave Bender on hell of a rash. I had to send him off to the Pokémon center for about three days until he returned.

* * *

BELLOSSOM:

Well, the thing is probably better than the other three, even though it evolves from a Gloom. The stats are decent in attack and defense. The moves include: Solar beam, dance-'till-dawn, blend pollen, and parallel grain.

The food is much better as it basically is a plant.

Typing has changed as well being that it is only a grass type with the weaknesses of bug, fire, ice, flying, and poison, so damn ironic eh?

In battle, I've never taken these for an actual opponent since they look cute and harmless-ish.


	20. Paras Evo line

ENTRY NINETEEN: PARAS EVOLUTIONARY LINE

PARAS:

Sounds like Paris, but is a hermit crab with mushrooms for a shell, lol. Besides the stupid design, th stats are decent in attack at a four, but suck in HP and speed. Its moves include: scratch, blot, toxic spore, and stomp.

The food it eats is what hermit crabs eat, I really don't know.

The typing is weird as it's a bug and grass type, but its weaknesses are bug, ice, rock, poison, and 4x damage with flying and fire. If you have a Charizard against these, it's a guaranteed 10 out of 10 you'll win.

In battles, I'm not at the beach, bitch.

* * *

PARASECT:

The name tells all that this mother fucker is a parasite, and it is. This thing will kill and entire forest in a day if you give it time. The stats are good at fighting with a five, speed is crap, and everything is decent. The moves include: X-scissor, colorful spores, slash, and toxic spore.

In food, it's a crab, what do they eat?

In typing it's the same.

In battles, only once id did and the sucka fought, for two minutes, then wound up in the ER.


	21. Venonat Evo line

ENTRY TWENTY: VENONAT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

VENONAT:

A walking, talking fly with built in radar, just what the NSA needs. Anyway, this things stats are below average as the speed, HP, and attack are at a three while everything else is at a two. The moves include: stun spore, bite, signal beam, and tackle.

Food, it eats anything that would be sweet or leafy.

The typing is a bug and poison with the weaknesses being fire, flying, rock, and psychic.

The major problem with these is that they track where the fuck you go. So if you want to kill someone off, make sure the other guy doesn't have a Venonat. Never battled one, so don't bother.

* * *

VENOMOTH:

A huge moth that is good at cleaning off street lamps. The stats are decent as the speed is at five, but the attack and defense are at three. The moves include: sleep poison, razor wing, stun spore, and noxious scales.

The food consists of insects which means watch out for any insectoid Pokémon you may have.

Typing is the same.

I've battled a couple of these and they are relatively pathetic. At one point I saw Pella, as a Torchic, battle this and ride it. Hilarious as all fuck until I decided to cut the match since this was turning into a bad rodeo.


	22. Mini Story 1: Lab war

**There will be small stories that happen every once in a while as a comic relief or as a way to show what's happening in the lab. Also if you're easily offended by WWII subjects, I suggest don't read this one.**

* * *

MINI STORY ONE:

I finished writing up the giant moth entry and put the computer to sleep. I pushed back the chair, stood up, and walked out of the room with a sprite saying, "This PokéDex shit better be good cash."

Now, the "disappearance" of prof. Sycamore was me selling Team Flare his coordinates and where he was so they could take him away. Yay for me, not yay for Midori as she has to constantly watch over the place for the other Gardevoir.

I walked to the lounge and saw Edward there rubbing his head and I asked, "Did some shit happen in the nature room?"

He looked up and answered, "Those damn Pidgeottos and Beedrills are at it again."

"I told those bee Nazis and those pigeon Americans to stop this shit, anyone else I should worry about?"

He looked worried as I mentioned that and I said, "Who else joined?"

He stuttered, "W-well, the Froakies and Fennekins have teamed up against the Bees, the Caterpies and Weedles have formed a new team as well, and the Spearows, Chespins, Ralts, and Snivys have teamed and are attacking the Pigeottos."

I pissed myself and said, "Where the fuck is Bender?"

He stood up and said, "Follow me."

We walked to the nature area and, oh my fucking God, the area was a WWII battle field. You literally had Pokémon shooting each other with energy beams, poison weapons, water guns, slicing melee weapons, and all I could say was, "How the fuck does C7 guy keep 300 Pokémon under control?"

Then a Froakie came flying out of the sky and he said, "I hate this."

I bent down and said, "Well Kevanin, why do you think I let you father do the hard work?"

Edward looked at me and said, "Why not throw Mr. Bender into this?"

I looked at him and said, "Because he got sent to the hospital trying to prevent this shit."

Then a Beedrill came zooming past us into a wall, then crashed into it and got knocked out. I walked onto the field and fired of my M4A4, which Edward stole, into the sky. After I was done I yelled out, "WILL YOU FUCKING ANIMALS STOP THIS SHIT, or do I have to start fixing it myself?"

Everyone was finely spooked and seized fire. They went back to their "normal" activities and I went back to the computer. I pasted Edward, telling him, "If you see even the slightest WWII style fighting happening, get me."

I walked off like a badass only for Kevaninj to ask, "Is this why grandpa doesn't like being a professor?"

Edward told his son, "Well, he seems to get annoyed of how everybody in there fights, way too much."

"Says the guy who shoots everything for the fun of it", said a voice appearing as Siliveisa with her arms crossed. She continued, "He needs to know that all problems can't be solved by shooting a gun at it."

Edward snickered at his wife's compliment and said, "Having him not shoot at everything is like having you not getting touchy on the "subject"."

She gave a glare to him, "I stated it once before, I don't tolerate people's shit."

"And I'm not denying that statement."


	23. Diglett Evo line

ENTRY 21: DIGLETT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

DIGLETT:

What the fuck is this, a mole, shoot it. There is no need for these things as we already have moles in one universe. The stats are fuck shit in HP and defense, yet it's decent in attack at 3 and good in speed as its 5. The moves include: mud-slap, mine, dig under (who the fuck named these moves?), and mini earthquake.

The food it eats is probably like worm and is worms.

The typing is ground with the weaknesses grass, ice, and water.

Never fought one in a Pokémon battle, but I have shot these up if they get too close to me. As stated several entries again, I'm not a friendly Pokémon trainer.

* * *

ALOHAN DIGLETT:

Interesting, this one is better than the original, except it is its own weakness. The stats are better as the defense and speed is up by one.

The typing also changed as it's a ground and steel type, and the weaknesses are ground (see?), fire, water, and fighting.

Never fought one.

* * *

DUGTRIO:

Oh great, three moles from one body with the same fucking thoughts. Anyways, the stats are better as the attack is at four, the speed is a fine six, and everything else is bad. The moves include: rock tumble, sonicboom, rumble, and earthquake.

The typing is the same as the original.

The food is relatively the same.

Battles, add me with an automatic weapon.

* * *

ALOHAN DUGTRIO:

One, it looks like three women stuck together, two, that bad luck thing is bullshit. Now, the stats are pretty decent since speed is at seven and the attack is at five.

The typing and food is the same for the Alohan version pre-evolved.

Never battled one.


	24. Meowth Evo line

ENTRY 22: MEOWTH EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MEOWTH:

Oh looks, it's everyone's favorite Brooklyn accented Pokémon, Meowth. Go back to New York ya Yank. Anyways this damn cat has horrid stats on everything except speed, since it's at five. The moves include: nap (retarded already I see?), scratch, stall, and feint attack.

Here's a good piece of information that should be known, there used to be only one Pokémon that could talk like a human. It was a Meowth; unfortunately it joined Team Rocket, failed too many fucking times with the same group of dick wads chasing the same stupid fucking kid for four years then got shot at least ten times so far and still doesn't learn anything.

The cat can eat anything rodent, and gets easily high on catnip.

The typing is a normal type and its weakness is fighting types.

I literally battled the same fucking Meowth over and over again for the last 5 and a half years and I gotten sick of it. Now, I just say, fuck it, and shoot up everything.

* * *

ALOHAN MEOWTH:

This is not a Pokémon you want to fuck around with, figuratively and literally. First off, they are feral, and two, they are prideful. The stats are also higher up as the speed has increased by one.

The typing is also different as it's now a dark type with its weaknesses being fairy, bug, and fighting types.

* * *

PERSIAN:

Does this mountain lion look Persian to you? Besides the retarded professors naming these things, the stats here are interesting as everything is a minimum of three with attack being four and speed at six. The moves include: Raid, fasten claws, feint attack, and fury swipes.

The food probably includes some kind of rodents and doubles the highness of cat nip.

The typing is the same as regular.

The battles, well, other than shooting off Giovanni's Persian, I haven't actually battled one.

* * *

ALOHAN PERSIAN:

What the fucking hell? A Hawaiian Persian Cartoon styled cat? Fuck this shit, I'm gone. Anyways, the stats show that the speed of this thing is at a seven meaning its fast. Typing is the same as the predecessor, and is way too fucking prideful.


	25. Psyduck Evo line

ENTRY 23: PSYDUCK EVOLUTIONARY LINE

PSYDUCK:

Even though it's called Psyduck, it's not a psychic. Also these things act retardedly and have a collective IQ of between -10 and 10. The stats on this duck are pretty bad seeing its HP and defense on a two, but its speed and attack are at a three. The moves include: stampede, delusion, migraine (That's what I get after the WWII in the nature room, or talking to my father), and scratch.

The food it eats I'm pretty sure are reeds and weeds, unless it gets too high.

The typing is water with its weaknesses being grass and electric.

I've battled this one at one point as a trainer thought it could knock out Pella as a Torchic. Well, that failed seeing as she simply walked around it confusing the shit out of it. It was a bad comedy until the duck just collapsed, not even from an attack.

* * *

GOLDUCK:

It's better than its predecessor, but is still has some issues. The HP and defense are at a three while the attack is at four and the speed is a five. The moves include: scratch, double jet (that would hurt), swim (Not a move you dumbass professors), and water slide.

Food and typing remains the same, I think on food.

I've met that Waterflower girl from Kanto about a year ago and challenged this Siliveisa, and shit was it a damn good fight. Alright, the place was drenched and I think the duck was trying to "do" something, but still it was a good fight.


	26. Mankey Evo line

ENTRY 24: MANKEY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MANKEY:

Do you remember the time you called a black guy a monkey? This is the same situation, only with a Pokémon that can kill you, since this thing has a very low temper. The stats on it are four on speed and attack, the HP and defense is at a two. The moves include: Rage, three-step strike, low kick, and flop.

The food, I got no fucking idea.

The typing is a fighting type with its weaknesses being flying, fairy, and psychic.

Never fought one in battle, but I have seen some people get beaten up by a few before.

* * *

PRIMEAPE:

When you've pissed off one of these mother fuckers, run your ass off. This thing will actually beat the shit out of you until you're nothing but an empty punching bag. The stats are well off as its attack and speed is at five, while the HP and defense is at three. The moves include: low kick, swagger, karate chop, and top drop.

The typing and food, I assume, is the same.

The battles, a few definitely. I put up with enough of these to gather a one pound blood donation from Bender and Edward from these. That's what happen when you throw a fighting type against a fighting type, blood comes out every way.


	27. Growlithe Evo line

ENTRY 25: GROWLITHE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

GROWLITHE:

Ok first off, it's not a puppy; this thing is a fucking dog/tiger hybrid. Second, I'm surprised it can fight that well. The stats on this thing are decent as the fighting is at a four and the speed is at a three. The moves of it include: combustion, stoke, body slam, and firebreathing.

The food is obviously meat, just not people or seafood.

The typing is fire (of course), and the weaknesses are ground, rock, and water.

I had to tolerate a couple of these over the years, including the ones currently in the lab. I sold a few of them off to Team Rocket and some off to Aloha but other than that, I still put up with them. Why are you looking weirdly at my Midori?

* * *

ARCANINE:

Whoa; that word alone is good enough to describe it. The thing can go nearly 260 MPH and you want to fuck around with this thing? The stats on it have the speed at five, the attacking at six, and the HP and defense at four. The moves of it include: crunch, heat blast, inferno onrush, and burn out.

The food is going now to be smaller Pokémon so watch out for yours.

The typing remains the same.

Here's something you could try to do, since I tried it and unfortunately I got attacked for it. Try to find one, and skin it and sell it off to Garak or Quark for a good profit as a fur coat. I have an Arcanine fur coat and Midori complains about how I kill off Pokémon for my own usage, can you blame me? This coat is damn soft.

In battle, they are fucking fast, and they are hard to shoot at properly. My advice for battling this is a thermonuclear bomb.


	28. Poliwag Evo line

ENTRY 26 POLIWAG EVOLUTIONARY LINE

POLIWAG:

It's a tadpole with a swirly thing on it. Newest shit so far, ANYWAY, the thing's stats show it has a good amount of speed at five, but sucks at everything else except attack which is at three. The moves include: tackle, twiddle, wave splash, and razor fin.

I have no clue for food.

Typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and water.

Never fought one in battle.

* * *

POLIWHIRL:

Getting better, except the speed is the same, and the HP and defense increased by one. The moves included are: light punch, energy ball, rain splash, and bubblebeam.

The food and typing is the same.

The battles, only once and that was when Edward as a Kirlia did the finger at one and a fight broke out. God, what a mess he was.

* * *

POLIWRATH:

The wrath portion is correct as this thing could kick the shit out of you. Also, end the tadpole category since it doesn't look like one. The stats are somewhat better as the attacking is at a five, HP and defense is now at four, and the speed degraded to a four. The moves include: Whirlpool, a stupid move called submission, steamroll, and mega throw.

The food is the same, whatever it is.

The typing changed where now it's a water and fighting type, and the weaknesses are electric, grass, psychic, fair, and flying.

The battles I did with this oversized frog are somewhat decent. It can fight, for about a minute.

* * *

POLITOED:

Kore-wa nan desuka? I have no fucking idea. It seems to be a giant frog. Also the fact of its hair I don't care as I have insulted enough of these "high status" frogs to make the British royalty look like a bunch of elected hobos. The stats on this thing show that everything, except for defense, is at four. The moves include: hyper voice, roll call, hyper jump, and big chorus.

The food is like the Psyduck luckily.

The typing is the same as its predecessor.

I never actually battled one.


	29. Abra Evo line

ENTRY 27: ABRA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

ABRA:

Well, what a waste of psychic matter. This little prick sleeps for 18 hours and does shit; it's probably having a good amount of wet dreams and shit like that. Anyways, this Pokémon is loaded will Bernie Sanders, AKA BS (Get it?), in the attack, defense, and HP as it's at a one. The Speed, luckily, is at a five. The only moves are ultra-evolution, not to be mixed with mega evolution, and play search.

I have not fucking idea what it eats since it sleeps for 18 whole fucking hours and I even have Edward watch the one in the lab and according to him, the Abra is picturing it banging Catherine. Told you, wet dreams.

The typing is psychic with its weaknesses being bug, dark, and ghost types.

In battles, bullshit, what battles? The only thing this thing does is sleep.

* * *

KADABRA:

Well, more active than your littler self I see? This Pokémon's stats are better as everything is one higher. The speed is at a six so it is pretty damn good in running away. The moves of it, um, I can't find any moves on it. YOU FUCKING PROFESSOR IDIOTS, WHO THE FUCK PAYS YOU!?

Now that I finished my "move", the thing this thing eats is, well, I don't know.

The typing is the same.

Battling is very interesting as you try to find where this thing is actually going. I battled a couple and it is very impressive.

* * *

ALAKAZAM:

And poof, we get this thing. First off, that 5000 IQ thing is pure bullshit. Q has a total IQ of 2005 and you expect me to believe this? Anyway, the stats are interesting as the attacks are one higher. The moves include: recover, mysterious beam, mind shock, and psychic guard.

Food, fuck it.

Typing same.

Battles, damn good. This thing will own your Pokémon, luckily with my cloaking move I "installed" on Midori and Heleva, it's much easier to combat other psychic types.

* * *

MEGA ALAKAZAM:

The only words you'll be able to mutter out of your mouth is 'Holy Fucking shit' as thing uses one thought and boom all six of your Pokémon are unable to battle in a second. The speed is at an eight with its special attack on a nine, a fucking nine. The typing also remains the same. I only fought one of these and it took out Bender, Siliveisa, and Midori. Edward was lucky enough to knock this guy out.

Also a fun fact, if you put all the names together you get Abra-Kadabra-Alakazam, the stereotypical magician words.


	30. Machop Evo line

ENTRY 28: MACHOP EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MACHOP:

Well, this is obviously another exaggerated entry from the original PokéDex. This five inch short three footer is not going to hurl 100 people. The stats are decent on attack and HP, but crap on everything else. The moves include: Mach punch, knuckle punch, anything with a "punch", and low kick (God, what is with people naming moves that aim for the testicles?).

The food is probably what people eat.

The typing is a fighting type with its weaknesses being flying, psychic, and fairy types.

I have a couple of these that occasionally beat the shit out of the "Beenazis" if they get too fucking annoying.

* * *

MACHOKE:

The choke part means it can easily strangle you, how nice. Another thing I must add on is that this thing is as powerful as fuck. However the ability guts is what keeps you alive. The stats are decent as attack is at five, speed is at three, and everything else but S. attack is three. The moves include: cross chop, strength, low kick, and brick break.

The typing and food are the same.

I've battled a decent amount of these, and if you put two fighting types together, you can kiss your gym goodbye, especially when you add this character and Edward to the mix.

* * *

MACHOMP:

This is Lord Garmadon turned into a Pokémon and on a fuck ton of steroids. The stats are good as the attack is at seven, if you haven't seen the four arms, and everything else resides as a three or four. The moves include: Machomp crush, anything with crush or punch, brick smash, and cross chop.

The typing and food remain the same.

The battles, oh God, more like the bills. Bender would have his arm twisted oddly to the point where Midori couldn't even untwist it. Now of course my family and friends have had concussions, fractured bones, internal bleeding, and the all-time favorite, a bill OVER 9000! Literally I had bills like that.


	31. Bellsprout Evo line

ENTRY 28: BELLSPROUT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

BELLSPROUT:

A little walking plant that shoots acid, how unoriginal. This little plant's stats are decent as the attacking is at four, and the defense, speed, and HP are at two. The moves include: sleep powder, vine blind, careless tackle, and inviting scent.

The food it eats is basic plant food.

The typing is grass and poison with its weaknesses being fire, flying, psychic and ice.

I only have two in the lab that Catherine looks after and waters; thinking watering will help them grow.

* * *

WEEPINBELL:

We had weepin' angels, now weepin' bells. Doctor Who humor aside, the stats are getting better as the plant's attacking is at five, speed and HP at three. The moves include: Muddy acid, sleep seed, vine whip, and razor leaf.

The typing and food are the same.

Never battled one.

* * *

VICTREEBELL:

America has the liberty bell but these people here have a victory bell, wait sorry, Victreebell, eh same shit. This giant fly catcher has everything at a three or five with speed at four. The moves include: sharp leaf, sleep poison, burning scent, and energy dissolve.

The typing is the same.

The food, I must warn is different. These things will eat any small creature that comes there way, however that doesn't mean they won't try to eat a human, just look what happened to that blue haired Team Rocket guy with his Victreebell, he constantly gets eaten by it.

The battles are pretty interesting as you have Bender constantly chasing this thing around getting shot by it with poison attacks.


	32. Tentacool Evo line

**Probably the shortest one so far so bear with it.**

* * *

ENTRY 30 TENTACOOL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

TENTACOOL:

It's a jellyfish/squid hybrid. Anyways, this pile of watery shit can be scorched for all I care, because I don't give a fuck. The stats are bad on everything except S. defense and speed which resides at a four. The moves include: gentle wrap, mysterious beam, poison sting, and psyshot.

The typing is a water and poison with the weaknesses being electric, ground and psychic types.

The food is whatever a jellyfish eats.

Never battled one, thank God.

TENTACRUEL:

Oh I remember these fuckers. These are the ones that went chasing me down the street back on that damned vacation along with the hippies. The stats are decent as speed is at five, attack is at four, and the HP and defense is a three. The moves include: poison sting, toxic, stick and absorb, and water arrow.

The food is the same along with the typing.

The battles, well except for the one I lost when two were attacking me, I never battled these Pokémon yet.


	33. Geodude Evo line

ENTRY 31: GEODUDE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

GEODUDE:

If it's called Geodude, they why are there female ones? A better one, why do they have a gender, it's just a fucking floating rock with arms, eyes, and a mouth. The stats are shit for speed, crap for HP, but decent for attacking and defense. The moves include: light punch, stone barrage, rollout, and anything with a punch.

Food, for a rock? Fuck you.

In typing, it's a rock and ground type with its weaknesses being fighting, steel, ice, ground, and 4x damage by grass and water types.

These fuckers are hard to knock off with bullets. You actually need to use explosives. Unfortunately, every time I acquire so kind of explosive, Edward goes off with it and does some random shit with it. In battles with them, I would throw off whatever fighting types I had, aka Bender and Edward.

* * *

ALOHAN GEODUDE:

Why not, this thing has hair for once. The stats are better since the defense is at a five, but everything else remains the same.

The typing is also different as it's now a rock and electric type with its weaknesses being water grass, fighting, and 4x damage by ground types.

Never battled one.

* * *

GRAVELER:

This name makes sense if you crush it into that. This giant rock has four arms, (Lord Garmadon must've been helping to make some of these Pokémon), and eats away at rocks all day long. Throw some uranium in its way and tell me if it lives or not. The stats on it are decent seeing the attack and defense are at a good five. Everything else, however, is at a two. The moves include: Rollout, double-edge, magnitude, grind, and big explosion.

The typing is the same as its predecessor.

The food is rocks with moss.

The battles with them, you have to get a fucking rocket launcher, or Siliveisa. Only the launcher doesn't give you problems, the other method doy7hu5rtgf….

Sorry "guess who" decided to hit my head over that comment.

* * *

ALOHAN GRAVELER:

A giant electric, magnetic rock, how lame. The stats are good in defense as it is a six. The typing is the same as its predecessor, however the food is different as it states the preferred food is dravite.

I haven't battled one yet.

* * *

GOLEM:

Not an iron golem, unfortunately, but it's a giant armadillo with hands, feet, and a dinosaur head. The stats are getting better as the attack and defense are at six, while everything else is a three. The moves include: rock tumble, explosion, stone edge, and magnitude.

A small side note to people who have house and buildings on mountain sides, good fucking luck when these quarter ton rocks come crushing you place to bits.

The typing and food is the same.

I battled this before definitely when that Brock guy came into my gym and challenged me, however he used three Pokémon before this character and he wanted me actually fighting. I came out then we fought and I won hands down, unfortunately, Kevanin heard what I was saying about his attitude and fired a water torpedo at my crotch. The other guy laughed his ass off only then I shot a line straight through his hair telling him to shut the fuck up.

* * *

ALOHAN GOLEM:

Well, this is interesting, we are to slow to fire our own stuff so let's grab the nearest floating rock we got and hurl them at our opponent, lazy as fuck if you ask me. The stats are great on attack and defense.

Never fought one.


	34. Ponyta Evo line

**Sorry if yesterday I didn't submit much. I had Biology shooting me in the back and me having to work at it until about 11:30 PM.**

* * *

ENTRY 32: PONYTA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

PONYTA:

A horse, finally an actually useful Pokémon. This Pokémon is excellent when your tricking people with a regular horse with this thing, err, the foal at least. The stats are decent on attack and good at speed, yet its crap on the HP and defense. The moves include: Flare, rear kick (at least no front kick), tackle, and flame tail.

The food it eats is like any other horse.

The typing is fire with its weaknesses being ground, rock, and water types.

In battles, well, it's too small for me to use for NEXT!

* * *

RAPIDASH:

Sounds like radish, but is a horse. This you can actually screw someone by trading a regular my world horse for this. The stats are getting better as this thing can go 150 MPH as it has speed at a six. Attacking is at five, while the HP and Defense resides at a three. The moves include: stomp, blaze up, super charge, and flare.

The food and typing is the same.

The only battles I had done with is dealing with the police in my world after riding on a Rapidash, which I "borrowed" and ran through Washington D.C. with a giant Confederate flag in hand. At least it was entertaining while it lasted, of course Midori came by and told me to stop making myself an ass but hey, I'm having a good time.


	35. Slowpoke Evo line

ENTRY 33: SLOWPOKE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SLOWPOKE:

Slowpoke, as it resides in the Dopey category you wonder, 'this fatass should be in the retarded category'. The stats are strangely decent in the HP, attacking and defense, but dipshit in speed. The moves include: tackle, yawn (Wake up asshole), headbutt, and big yawn (I said WAKE THE FUCK UP!).

The food involves whatever it catches, if it remembers what the fuck it was doing.

The typing is water and psychic, with its weaknesses being bug, ghost, grass, dark, and electric types.

I never battled one but I'll make sure to get my weakest Pokémon out.

* * *

SLOWBRO:

The slower thing is usually dumber. This thing is faster by one, its HP and attack has risen to four, and the defense is now at a five. The moves include: Zen headbutt, amnesia (It has that already you professor cunts), big yawn, and façade.

The typing and food are the same

I've battled this once and was surprised it didn't fight like a retard. However, I took only one disruptor blast to knock it out.

* * *

MEGA SLOW BRO:

Ok, first off, you're being eaten alive without knowing, two this is actually better than the regular. The stats show the defense has jumped to an eight making it excellent in defense.

The typing is the same.

I never have battled one, but people say these things are hard to knock off.

* * *

SLOWKING:

This king needs to be toppled like the Czars. Anyways, it stats are, eh, decent. The HP, attack, and defense are at a four with speed lacking at two. The moves include: psyshock, psy bolt, anything psychic, and aftermath.

The food and typing are the same.

And on a separate note for anyone wondering what that thing is on its head, it's the real brain. However if you remove it, this thing can't remember shit and has to restart. Also it tries to understand our world problems and solves them. Solve the question where did Hilary Clinton's emails go, you over sized prick.

Never battled one.


	36. Magnemite Evo line

**Also a slight note for anybody who reads my shit, I will be stopping introductions from the following date of 12/16/2017.**

* * *

ENTRY 34: MAGNEMITE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MAGNEMITE:

The mite portion is correct as this thing is a pest. I dealt with it once and gave Bender a knife and you should've seen the mess. The stats are shit for HP, bad for attack, and decent for speed and defense. The moves include: Metal sound, electro ball, speed ball, and sonicboom.

The food is electricity, so make sure your computer isn't near this fucker.

The typing is electric and steel, while the weaknesses are fire, fighting, and 4x damage by ground types.

I've battled these myself with tasers (didn't do jack shit), .44 magnum bullets (needed work), and finally .45 rifle shots which did a whole lot of metallic shit. Never fought one in a regular battle though.

* * *

MAGNETON:

Oh, I remember pulling a prank on Oak's lab about five months ago where I dumped ten of these things and killed off his computers, damn that was funny to watch. The stats are four for defense and speed, two for HP, and three for attack. The moves include: anything magnetic, self-destruct (Pretty fucking useless since you'll kill yourself), supersonic, and speed ball.

Food and typing is the same.

This thing is pretty damn dangerous in an electronic based area, but if you throw these magnetic fuckers in an old western town of the 1870s, then what problems? I never fought these, mainly because I would like my shit still intact.

* * *

MAGNEZONE:

Well, this is a super magnet that moves around grabbing everything including themselves. The stats are decent for speed, HP, and attack, while defense is good at a five. The moves include: Metal blast, tumbling attack, lost burn, and thunder blast.

The food and typing is the same.

The battles, are you fucking kidding me? I never fought anything on this entry because it would kill anything electrical.


	37. Farfetch'd Entry

ENTRY 35: FARFETCH'D

You are probably wondering why I didn't put in "Evolutionary line"? Well, there are no evolutions for this one and anytime you see just the Pokémon name, it means the entire entry is going to be about that one thing. The stats on this bird are crap seeing the HP at two and everything else at a three. The move include: spin turn, fury cutter, leek slap, and slash.

The typing on this duck is normal and flying with its weaknesses being electric, ice and rock types.

The food is probably leeks.

An informational note of this Pokémon is; do not try to take the stick it has. I did this and I wound up in the hospital with some leg injuries. It will fight for its beloved stick that it must enjoy beating the shit out of other people with and use as a foreplay toy, if it's a girl of course.

The battle with this thing was slim since the last guy put it against Edward and failed in 13.2 seconds timed. An excuse for an attacker, don't take its stick, got that?


	38. Doduo Evo line

ENTRY 36: DODUO EVOLUTIONARY LINE

DODUO:

A tow headed bird caused by radioactive material coming from Team Rocket's Nuclear power plant, of course. The stats on this bird are crap on HP and defense, but decent on attack and speed. The moves include: run around I:/, harmonize, double hit, and paralyzing glaze.

The food is whatever a bird eats.

The typing is like the Farfetch'd Pokémon on the last entry.

Never battled one.

* * *

DODRIO:

Fuck it, this is from Chernobyl not Team rocket. If you see it, shoot it, but make sure it doesn't look at you. The stats are good on attack and speed, and three on everything else. The moves include: incessant peck, drill peck, anything with peck, and slashing strike.

The three headed bird eats whatever it eats.

Typing is the same.

In battles, Edward's teleporting confusing literally ties up there heads. If you're trying to kill them off, you need to be in excellent camouflage.


	39. Seel Evo line

ENTRY 37: SEEL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SEEL:

Oh how fucking hilarious, a Seel aka a seal. Anyway this thing's stats are poor seeing the HP, defense and speed at three, while attack is at two. The moves include: pound, aurora beam, horn hazard, and tail slap.

The food it eats is what a normal seal eats.

The typing is water with its weaknesses being electric and grass types.

There have been battles where I hunt this thing for its blubber, but other than that no.

* * *

DEWGONG:

Chinese, maybe, decent in fighting, technically yes, a good choice against me, HAHAHA, go fuck yourself. The stats on this seal have everything, except S. attack, as a four. The moves include: ice shard, aurora beam, take down, and collapse. Also Thick fat and Cold fat are NOT FUCKING ABILITIES!

The food is the same.

The typing changes were now it's a water and ice type with its weaknesses being electric, rock, grass, and fighting types.

I only encountered these as I shoot up a whole are of them.


	40. Grimer Evo line

**This entry contains some offensive content, you have been warned.**

* * *

ENTRY 38: GRIMER EVOLUTIONARY LINE:

GRIMER:

The grime makes sense at least. This ugly liquid shit seems to enjoy sewage water and toxic waste, Fukushima needs a cleaning, this way we create a radioactive type Pokémon, lol. The stats are decent for fighting, neutral for the HP, and crap on everything else. The moves include: Lure poison, anything poison, taunt, nasty goo (sounds like the stuff that comes from a male's dick).

The food is, well, shit, crap, trash, septic water, toxic water, radioactive materials, anything that is liquid and garbage, pollution, and possibly yo mama.

The typing is poison with the weaknesses being ground and psychic.

Battling these are hard seeing as though they eat everything you throw at them, only if you throw sanitizer, that works.

* * *

ALOHAN GRIMER:

Here is a bad pun for this Pokémon, "HOLY SHIT". This thing looks even worse than the regular version. The attacking is at four while the HP and defense is at three and the speed is a crappy two.

This thing is the result of gluttony on shit, trash, and septic sludge. Also by coincidence, it has an ability called gluttony.

The typing changed where it is now a poison and dark type, (what the fuck, everything in Aloha is dark? Well, it was dark with the undead Ash but, really?), with its weaknesses being only ground types.

On a note some may need to know, the "teeth" are actually toxic materials stored in there. Kill this thing, steal the "teeth" and sell it to the Teams. I swindled someone for ten of these teeth for "latinum" bars and it was so fucking hilarious. I sold them to Team Flare for about 10k dollars and damn I made a profit.

In battles, never battled one.

* * *

MUK:

In the DerpéDex, C7 pulled out a joke where what happens if you spell Muk backwards? Take a guess. The stats on this are decent seeing the attack at five, HP on four, and the speed and defense on three. The moves include: anything strange (lol), pester, panic fluid (aka urine), and sludge drag.

The food is any kind of shit, trash, sewage, ugly people, Nazis, protesters, terrorists, the plastic soup, your own fecal matter, Democrats, fascists, communists, and the occasional criminals.

The typing is the same as the regular one.

The battles, um, the gym smelled like me shitting all over the place, since technically the Muk had a sewage treatment pond for breakfast. Afterwards I banned Grimers and Muks.

* * *

ALOHAN MUK:

The Gluttony ability should be a category since this thing will go as far as destroying you shit and then eating it. The stats are good seeing the attacking and special defense at a six, everything else except sped, at a four, and speed at a three.

The food is doubled as it will now include you, your family, your house, you neighbor's house, Republicans, Immigrants, random people, the store, Europeans, Hollywood stars, but will not eat Justin Bieber, curses.

The typing is the same as the last one.

The battles are nil, as in fucking zero.


	41. Shellder Evo line

ENTRY 39: SHELLDER EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SHELLDER:

A clam that can be shot at, and somewhat live. Shellder is a crappy clam that is useless for battle the stats are decent for defense and attack, but is crap for HP and speed. The moves include: tongue slap, tackle, rain splash, and clamp.

It eats, um, whatever a clam eats.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

The battles are with me shooting them with an AK-47.

* * *

CLOYSTER:

This oyster is actually pretty good. The stats show the defense at an eight, attack at a five, and then it goes crappy with speed at 3 and HP at a two. This defense thing could be because it is double layered. The moves include: Spine missile, clamp crush, surf, and grind.

The food is probably the same as an oyster.

The typing is different as it is now a water and ice type with its weaknesses being fighting, electric, grass, and rock types.

The battles I had with these showed two things: Edward and Bender can truly kick this ass's ass, and that they can survive a .45 and a .44.


	42. Ghastly Evo line

ENTRY 40: GHASTLY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

GHASTLY:

Our first ghost, not yay. Call up the ghost busters and clean up these mother fuckers will you? The stats are below grades and the only thing that can give it something to hold is its speed, which is at four. The moves include: sleep poison, lick, trick gas, and night shade.

The food it eats is, um, whatever the fuck a ghost eats.

The typing is ghost and poison with its weaknesses being ghost, psychic, and dark types, oddly.

I've battled only a couple and what makes no fucking sense is that a psychic has a ghost type disadvantage, but a ghost has a psychic type disadvantage, what the fuck man?

Also, the thing ways literally 0.2 pounds or 3.2 ounces.

* * *

HAUNTER:

Well, this makes actual sense. The thing will haunt you, have you come to it so it can kill you, yeah sounds like a haunter to me. The stats are getting better as attack is at a three and speed is at a five. The moves here include: Haunt (Who the fuck designed these moves?), time spiral, dream eater, and hypnosis.

The typing is the same.

The food now is your soul, literally.

The battles, well other than seeing my kids wet themselves and fighting blind with these, I haven't had an actual battle with these haunting Haunters.

* * *

GENGAR:

This is a bit annoying, if not just plain obnoxious. The stats on it are much better as the speed is a fine six, and the first three are at three. The moves on it include: sinister fog, creep show, life drain, and anything else that will make you shit and/or piss yourself.

Typing and food are the same.

The battles, oh Lord, the battles. During the Halloween thing a few months ago, there were a ton of trainers bringing in their ghost types and the only thing that was good about these battles was that everybody had well-functioning bladders. Nobody won of course but, these Gengars are tricky little son of a bitches.

* * *

MEGA GENGAR:

Another mega evolution with serious intimidation. This thing has a third eye and has the stats raised where speed is seven, S. attack is at eight, and the defense is at a four. The only down side is that this thing grew another weakness in ground types.


	43. Onix Evo line

ENTRY: 41 ONIX EVOLUTIONARY LINE

ONIX:

Oh great, it's the giant rock snake. The good news with Siliveisa, I can now knock these things out, the bad news is people are currently getting pissed on how I have more than six Pokémon, their problem. The stats on it are pretty decent seeing the defense at a seven, speed at a four, but is taken down when the HP and attack are at a two. The moves include: Harden, blind, tunneling, and headbutt.

The typing is ground and rock with its weaknesses being fighting, ground, ice, steel, and 4x the damage by grass and water types.

The food is, I assume, is rocks.

The battles with it are actually tricky, not because of the Pokémon choice, but because of the fact that I have to make sure my gym/house doesn't get destroyed. This would mean I have to go to another location for the battling.

* * *

STEELIX:

This is a good Pokémon to use to be honest. The stats show the defense at a whopping eight, attack at four, HP at three, and the speed is sucky at two. The moves include: slam, anything metal, iron tail, and heavy impact.

Food, I don't know.

Typing changed where now it's a steel and ground type with the weaknesses being fighting, fire, ground, and water.

The battles, well that Brock guy did have a Steelix and Bender did take it out with ease. Other than that, the other trainers usually had a hard time even passing him. If they win against him, they have to pass through Pella, and since she is now a Blaziken, those trainers are really fucking screwed.

* * *

MEGA STEELIX:

This is one hell of a Pokémon I'll tell you. This is the first Pokémon so far with a ten of something. The defense is a fucking ten, with the attack at six, and the typing remains the same.

I've battled this one a couple of times and I was amazed on it. Bender was knocked out, Pella won against it, barely, and then the dick pulled a second one out. Pella lost, pulled out Siliveisa, lost, then pulled out Edward, and he won luckily. This battle was about


	44. Drowsy Evo line

ENTRY 42: DROWSY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

DROWSY:

First off, fuck off. Second off, this isn't the best thing you need. The stats are crud seeing the HP and attack at a three with defense and speed is at a two. The moves include: pound, confuse ray, headbutt, and mumble.

Also as a side note, the name drowsy is stupid. Drowsy is when you rive your car at night after taking some pills. This happened last night and I ran over that Serena girl's Delphox and killed it. Good news, no sister in law, bad news, I think Siliveisa is COMING, HOLY SHIT! Gh ybngb nhyb vnghgbv hgvbf gvbf tghybtghytb {blood starts pouring out on the keyboard} g bhyngvbhgvbfdfcerhjnuk,lmjgtyhbvfg cb HELP ME! Bghnyhbghgbgbvhn bfvg jhnhyjjnumhdcfxvgf b….

(3 days later)

All that random text earlier was Siliveisa slamming my head on the keyboard, ehhhh my head, anyways I got sent to the ER, and Edward tried to calm down his wife, shit like that.

The food this thing eats is your dreams.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being, bug, dark, and ghost.

Never battled this thing.

* * *

HYPNO:

Getting better, the stats are higher on the attack and speed, since it has increased by two. Defense is a three. The moves include: Meditiate, hypnoblast, psyshot, and sleep inducer.

The food I assume is the same.

The typing is the same.

The battles with these are easy when Edward, Midori and Rose finally are impervious to hypnosis. An easy fight I'll say, so this is crap.

* * *

 **A couple of side notes, I actually hit my head on the keyboard, and I also watched a scene of the Pokémon movie 2000 [ _somewhere I assume at the end with a legendary falling through the water with the other two along with some flute playing_ ], and I might become more violent with the Fanficitons in the future since it only fueled my hatred for Pokémon.**


	45. Krabby Evo line

ENTRY 43: KRABBY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

KRABBY:

And it isn't Mr. Krabs, unfortunately, but it does make one hell of a dinner. The stats are actually impressive for a beginners seeing the attacking as a five and defense as a four. However, the HP is at a two and speed is at three. The moves include: vice grip, nap (what?), crabhammer, and iron grip.

The food is, um, whatever a crab eats.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being grass and electric types.

I battled a few by firing .45 bullets at them and they are a bunch of devious mother fuckers. Catherine, unfortunately, is becoming like her mother and stopping me from shooting them. And since she is now a Kirlia, it's getting more and more difficult.

* * *

KINGLER:

King crab anyone? This is what I call excellent sea food. The stats are grand on attacking at a seven, defense is at a five, and speed is at a four. The HP is still a piece of garbage at a two, but the others make it up. The moves include: salt water (That's the ocean you dick heads), crabhammer, guard claw, and body slam.

Food and typing are the same.

I battled a couple of these. But, I had actually persuaded Edward to "borrow" a couple of .50 caliber rifles from the US military. Me, Bender, and Edward went hunting for these suckers, until Catherine teleported our guns before we could fire.


	46. Voltorb Evo line

ENTRY 44: VOLTORB EVOLUTIONARY LINE

VOLTORB:

A living Pokéball, according to the legends and other shitty myths. The stats are sucky on the first three, but are pretty fast as it's a five on speed. The moves include: outlet, bouncing ball, ram, and speed ball.

The food this ball eats is electricity.

The typing is electric with the weakness being ground.

I never fought these in a Pokémon battle, but I did have to swing a katana at a couple of them when they got near the power box.

* * *

ELECTRODE:

This thing is a Pokéball upside down. The ball's stats are great on speed at a seven, somewhat decent on everything else. The moves include: Electro ball (itself, lol), static shock, head bolt, and swift (Not Taylor).

The food and typing is the same, unfortunately.

I've battled these, except the times I do battle them I make sure all the electronics are locked up. Other than that, this an easy kill.


	47. Mini Story 2: Delphox in the lab

MINI STORY TWO: DELPHOX IN THE LAB

I finish up on the Voltorb entry and turn off the computer. I get out of the room and look to see that Siliveisa isn't around, knowing she will still beat the shit out of me. There wasn't anyone around and I stepped out. Normally in a cartoon, something bad would happen, luckily nothing did.

However, I heard some arguing going on at the front of the store only for me to see a woman arguing with Midori. Midori technically runs the front of the store; I work the maintenance and 'Dex, and Edward, Bender, Rose, Catherine, and Siliveisa work with the "war" room.

I went up to the desk and asked, "Is there a problem with you ma'am?"

The woman looked at me with a kill look, which didn't bother me and yelled, "Your damn Gardevoir won't let me dump off this damn fur ball shit!"

Midori then yelled, "She's only dumping him off because he doesn't want to fight!"

"Nobody made you the boss of what I do!"

"Then you should learn how to take better care of your Pokémon!"

"Fuck you, you white floating bitch!"

"And to hell with you too you whore!"

I mentally sighed at the fight between the two and pulled out my .44 and fired at the ceiling. The shot startled them and I said, "Alright, let me get this straight. You want to ditch your Pokémon here, and get on with your life, correct?"

The woman said, "Yes."

"And the Pokémon you will be ditching is a?"

"He's a Delphox who won't fight."

"Alright, here is what I will do. I'll take the Delphox, you get the hell out of here before she strangles you", making a thumb gesture to Midori.

The woman gave me the Pokéball and left. Midori was still pissed off and said, "I can't believe you actually let her do that."

I told her, "Think of it like this, the Delphox here can do whatever it wants. It doesn't necessarily have to fight, look at Catherine; she doesn't fight, if anything she finds a way to take my weapons away."

Midori thought it over and said, "Good point, but what will he say?"

"I don't know."

I opened up the ball and it revealed the Delphox, only he didn't look pleased. He looked at me and said, "I am being drugged?"

"If you want alcohol, then you'll have to buy it or persuade me to do it."

He looked around and asked, "Where's my trainer?"

I said, "She ditched you."

"Well, she can go fuck herself at that point."

Midori then told me, "Everybody we get talks like you."

I replied, "Only I have a Southern accent, he doesn't."

The Delphox looked around and said, "What exactly am I going to do?"

"It depends on what you can do, *"war" room hours are 24*."

"Well, I don't fight that's one. Secondly, I kind of have a skill, but I did it behind my trainers back."

I smartassed, "What, watching porn?"

He looked aghast and said, "No, no, no, I mean a skill that she would say was entirely useless."

I asked, "And that would be?"

"Playing, eh", he hesitated a bit saying, "string instruments."

I was intrigued since a Pokémon playing an instrument was like a liberal supporting God. I asked, "Could you play a fiddle?"

He looked up and said, "Yeah, why?"

"Well, I got a couple of string instruments that you can practice with, and some songs and themes you can listen and try to replicate, Fiddler on the Roof is an excellent start."

He began a smile saying, "So, I don't have to fight?"

"Of course not, but if one of my 'employees' are out of commission in the 'war' room, then I need you to keep the area watched over."

The fox considered the idea and said, "Deal!"

We shook hands and I asked, "Also, what is your name?"

He answered, "Magnus."

I smirked, "Heh, I have a magnum, only it shoots bullets not fire."

I then showed him to his sleeping area, until I heard an explosion in the "war" room and saw the beenazis were at it again. I muttered, "Oh shit, here we go again."

I pulled out a .45 hunting rifle and fire in the room, startling all the Pokémon and yelled out, "Will you mother fucking animals stop this shit?!"

They all then calmed down and I put the gun away, and told Magnus, "Welcome to the new Kalos lab. I don't fuck around", and I walked off with a grin on my face. Catherine walked up to the Delphox and said, "You'll have to excuse my father, he solves everything by shooting at it."

Magnus told her, "I don't blame you, but he's, um, a little too violent."

Catherine was curious and asked, "And why is that?"

"I don't enjoy battling, if anything I'm against it."

"I'm against it as well", she said already liking the new Pokémon.

Magnus walked away still trying to cope with the fact he is in a place run by a crazy gun shooter.


	48. Exeggcute Evo line

ENTRY 45: EXEGGCUTE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

EXEGGCUTE:

It sounds like execute, probably will do that. The stats are decent as the defense is at four, the HP is at three, and the speed and attack is at a crappy two. The moves include: Ram, hypnosis, loathe, and rollout.

The food they eat is, um, I have no clue.

The typing is really interesting seeing as they have seven different weakness types. The main typing is grass and psychic with the weaknesses being fire, ice, flying, ghost, poison, dark, and 4x the damage from bug types.

In battles I have confirmed two things: They make great omelets and the one in the back isn't retarded. C7 claims the one in the back is a retarded one, and I'll tell you this, Slowpoke and Psyduck are retarded, this isn't.

EXEGGUTOR:

An executor that can execute, so fucking unoriginal. The stats are better however as the attack is at five, the HP and defense is at four, and the speed still lags behind as a three. The moves include: blockade, stomp, big eggsplosion (Oh hardy har har), and seed bomb.

The food is the sunlight.

The typing is the same.

The battles with them, well, you have a better shot at me with a Mega Venusaur.

ALOHAN EXEGGUTOR:

Whoa, that thing is tall, and is actually better than the regular one. This Sucker is nearly 36 feet tall, almost 12 yards, and it can fool people thinking it's an actual tree. The stats are also better as it has a six on attack, five on defense, but remains the same on HP and speed.

The typing changed on this sucker as it is now a grass and dragon type with the weaknesses being flying, bug, dragon, fairy, poison, and 4x damage from ice types.

I haven't battled one yet and don't plan on battling a 36 foot walking talking tree anytime soon.


	49. Cubone Evo line

ENTRY 46: CUBONE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

CUBONE:

A Pokémon wearing a dinosaur skull, what the fuck people? The stats are well crap as the HP and speed are a two, the attack is at a three, and the defense is at a four. The moves include: beat, rage, headbutt, and bone rush.

The food is unknown.

The typing is ground with the weaknesses being water, ice, and grass types.

This is one pathetic fighter, NEXT!

* * *

MAROWAK:

A more tempered and hardened Cubone? Let's break it with a mallet! The stats are, well, better as the defense is at a five, the attack is at a four, and the HP and speed is at a three. The moves include: anything with a bone, but not a boner, vertex chop, vengeance (Not a move, this is what my daughter-in-law tried to do), and linear attack.

The food is whatever.

The typing is the same.

The battles with it are hilarious as it becomes a reduced piece of shit. The spirit is very broken within a few minutes of fighting if not 10 seconds.

* * *

ALOHAN MAROWAK:

How many Hawaiian Pokémon do you got? Alright this one is a little scary but still isn't that great, like a Kazon almost. The stats are much better seeing the defense at a six, but everything else being almost the same.

The typing is way different since it's now a fire and ghost type with its weaknesses being ghost, dark, ground, rock and water types.

The damn problem with this thing is that it is intimidating. I battled one before and I swear Rose wet herself.


	50. Tyrogue Evo line

ENTRY 47: TYROGUE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

TYROGUE:

You can stress out by not doing shit; technically it would be getting bored. The stats are, um, shit, seeing as everything is at a two. The moves include: gut blow, mischievous punch, desperate punch, and that damn baby evolution.

The typing is fighting with the weaknesses being fairy, psychic, and flying types. This means Midori and Rose would knock the shit out of it.

The food is whatever its stated diet is.

Many trainers throw them as they got craps on everything else. The rogue ones are fucking annoying and constantly try to beat you up. Of course I would get in trouble with the town police as they see me shooting up the place, but I explain the licenses and video evidence.

* * *

HITMONLEE:

An excellent fighter with springed legs. The stats are a six for attack and the speed is at a five. The moves include anything that involves kicking, including the testicles, damn that's painful.

The typing and food is the same.

The battles with them are pretty decent, except Midori wipes them on the floor easily.

* * *

HITMONCHAN:

This should be the Rocky Balboa Pokémon since it's basically a boxer. The stats are a five on attacking, three on defense, and a four on speed. The moves include: anything with punches, Mach cross, gut strike, and anything with uppercuts.

The food and typing are the same, just make sure the eggs are bacteria free.

It is always funny to see two fighting types battle like a bunch of drunken Irish people. Bender went against one and they literally had a boxing match, until the Hitmonchan pissed off Bender and the damn bird kicked the boxer in the balls.

* * *

HITMONTOP:

A Pokémon that uses its feet for fighting instead of running its ass off. The stats are still decent seeing the attack at a five, and the defense and speed at a four. The moves include: anything involving kicking, close combat, gut spin, and quick draw.

The food and typing is the same.

I haven't battled one yet, but then who would use this piece of shit against me?


	51. Lickitung Evo line

LICKITUNG:

AHAHAHAHAAH, this Pokémon licks everything that it isn't familiar with. Put some Botox under it and watch it lick it and drop. The stats on this giant tongued Pokémon are somewhat decent as the HP is at four, the defense is at three, the attack is at three, and the speed is at a crappy two. The moves include: Lap up (Sounds like fuck up), slam, stomp, and, of course, lick.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting.

The food is, um, I don't know. Give it some shit to taste, oooh, do that; let it literally lick some shit.

The fights, um, never, NEXT!

* * *

LICKILICKY:

The tongue must be secreting acid or some kind of pain medication it overdosed on. The stats on this thing have everything except speed on a four. Speed is at a two. The moves include: return (That's what a trainer does to the Pokémon assholes), body press, knock off, and anything that involves licking the shit out of everything.

The food is probably anything.

The typing is the same.

The battles, well, it's an excuse for a fighter.


	52. Koffing Evo line

ENTRY 49: KOFFING EVOLUTIONARY LINE:

KOFFING:

Coughing up a storm? You got one of these mother fucking gas grenades in your basement using your stored up shit as a chemical source. The stats are crap as the HP and speed is at a two, the attacking is at a three, and the defense is at a four. The moves include: smog, smokescreen, gnaw, and tackle.

The typing is poison with the weakness being psychic.

The food is, um, literally raw garbage.

The battles, it's mainly me shooting them off.

* * *

WEEZING:

Does your house smell like some giant took a massive shit in it? This Pokémon entered it and ate your trash, blended the chemicals and gases and sprayed them out. It stinks worse than hell and will probably kill you. The stats are pretty decent as the attacking and defense is at a five and the HP and speed is at a three.

The typing remains the same.

The food is your trash and garbage.

I fought a couple of these and Midori can no long stand the stench of it. Rose actually vomited at one point, and Edward just held his breath and kicked the shit out of them. Unfortunately, I had to ban off the smoking Pokémon.


	53. Rhyhorn Evo line

ENTRY 50: RHYHORN EVOLUTIONARY LINE

RHYHORN:

A rhinoceros Pokémon? This useless rock's stats are decent for attack and defense, but is pretty slow and moderately well for HP. The moves include: Ram, knock over, stomp, and horn drill.

The typing is ground and rock with the weaknesses being fighting, ground, ice, steel, and 4x the damage from water and grass types.

The food is whatever a rhinoceros eats.

The battles I had with this would involve Bender getting paved into the dirt, but still alive and fighting. At least now I have a Pokémon that can kick its ass with easy, the only issue is that Kevanin is becoming more of her mother with the attitude, oh fuck not AGAAAAIIII—b vgbtvgfb vgb vg bvg…

Thank God she only slammed my head a couple times, to be honest I still think she is pissed over the fact I ran over her mother.

* * *

RHYDON:

First off half the facts here are actually true. It can cut through diamonds and has thick as fuck hides, however the tail doesn't knock down buildings. The stats are pretty impressive as the attack is at seven, the defense is at 5, the HP is at a four, but the speed is still pretty low. The moves include: anything with horns, rock tumble, crash impact, and storm up.

The typing and food is the same.

The battles with them are tricky seeing as Edward winds up in the hospital with a broken arm after a fight with one of these, but he does win. Also, do not throw a dark type at these, unless they have cloaks. Heleva charged at one and she had her leg twisted, drilled, and punctured.

* * *

RHYPERIOR:

A great, a superior rhino. The stats are still well off seeing as the attack is a seven, the defense is at a six, the HP is at a five, and the fucking speed still is a two. The moves include: anything with rocks, deep scrap, stone edge, and raging drill.

The typing and food are the same.

The battles with them show two things, they are painful and very hard to fight. One time I nearly lost, but was saved by the cloaking maneuver that Rose did.


	54. Happiny Evo line

ENTRY 51: HAPPINY EVOLUTIONARY LINE:

HAPPINY:

What the fucking hell is this thing? I have one in the lab and Catherine used to play with her as a Ralts, now she cares for the damned Pokémon. The stats are really weird. The HP is at a five, but it fights like a wet piece of paper at a volcano. The defense is shit as well, and the speed is, well, sucky. The moves it only has are lively and hospitality, so fucking embarrassing.

I don't know what it eats since Catherine feeds the little Pokémon.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting.

I never battled one, in fact why would you? This thing is an embarrassment to you if you use it.

* * *

CHANSEY:

First off, it's a Pokémon version of a chicken. Secondly the stats are really fucked up. This thing fights like a French car against a Russian T-34, yet the HP is OVER 9, meme alert. Technically it is at nine, and the defense is still a one with the speed at a three. The moves include: pound, happy punch, scrunch, and double edge.

The food, don't know.

The typing is the same.

The battles with them, uhh….. Well, these Pokémon work in the Pokécenters so I rarely, or better yet, never seen them battle.

* * *

BLISSEY:

When you're sad, run the fuck away from these crack heads. Stay in your room and cry your eyes out, it helps you think over shit. The stats on this one are actually impressive in the HP department being a ten. Unfortunately, the attack and defense still stay clogged in shit creek. The speed remains a three. The moves now include: energy link, double edge, rollout, and strength.

The food and typing is the same.

First off, it is annoying, second off, I swear these things just come around because they want to see what you're doing. They supposedly come to you if you're sad, well half the time I'm not sad. Usually, when I doing something private, a Blissey would come around and see what I'm doing and then turns around and vomits. Oh well.

In battles, fuck off, this thing is also a nurse.


	55. Tangela Evo line

TANGELA:

What the fuck is this? As a Vulcan would say, "It appears to be a tangled mess of hair", and he/she is right. The stats are decent as the HP, attack, and speed is at a three, but the defense is at a fine five. The moves include: beat, flog, nap (really fucking useless during battle), and vine whip.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being bug, fire, flying, poison, and ice types.

The food is, well I assume, sunlight.

I never battled one since Catherine now is following me as I go "catching" Pokémon. It's one thing if it's Midori when I go shoot up a forest, but even if I try to kill of the Rattatas, Catherine takes away my gun and I would try charging at the rat with my knife, which is a 30% chance of actually working.

* * *

TANGGROWTH:

Whoa, this vine bush actually is better. The stats are more effective on fighting as it has a five on attack 'n defense, a four on HP, and a three still on speed. The moves include: green acid, bind down, flog, and mega drain (Does not drain mega evolutions).

The typing is the same.

The food is the same.

I have battled a couple of these, but they prove useless against Bender.

* * *

 **I would also like to thank everyone for getting me over a thousand views on my fanfiction story here. Remember to Rate and Review and possibly suggest ideas for Fanfictions I could make.**


	56. Kangaskhan Evo line

ENTRY 53: KANGASKHAN EVOLUTIONARY LINE

KANGASKHAN:

Now, some of you Pokémon fanatics are probably asking, "Wait a fucking minute, there is no evolutionary line for Kangaskhan." Two words you simply minded prick, mega evolutions still count as an evolution. The stats on this behemoth have attack and speed on a five, and HP and defense at a four. The moves include: cross-cut, hurricane punch, comet punch, and fetch (is it a fucking dog?).

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting.

The food is whatever the fuck it eats.

The fighting, oh hell, this thing can fight, but my son fights better, and how better you may ask? Well, take an Abraham tank plus an Avenger's Gatling gun, on rocket boosters vs. an army made of Weedles. Edward can and will kick ass. The last one he fought made the trainer wet herself.

* * *

MEGA KANGASKHAN:

And, we have the Mega version, not whoopee. The stats are getting better as the attack is at a six. Also, the kid min the Kangaskhan's pouch now can fight alongside the parent. One asshole pulled out this and man, did he fuck up big time. Of course Bender was also in his mega evolution and he kicked the kid through walls, which I had to fix, and the Kangaskhan went running after the kid, oh well.


	57. Horsea Evo line

ENTRY 54: HORSEA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

HORSEA:

A seahorse, that's all it is. The stupid animal's stats are relatively bad. It's HP and attack is at a two and the defense and speed is at a three. The moves include: beat, fin smack, wave splash, and swift.

The typing is water and the weaknesses are electric and grass types.

The food is insects and moss so please shovel up that green shit off the walkway and feed it to your seahorse Pokémon.

The battles are, nil, since they are easily defeated by an Abra.

* * *

SEADRA:

Despite being in the dragon category, it's not a dragon type. The stats are better as the attack is a three, the defense is a four, and the speed is at a five. The moves include: water gun, searing flame, smokescreen, and water arrow.

The food is whatever water prey it eats.

The typing is the same.

Battled a couple, very lame.

* * *

KINGDRA:

Now, we're getting somewhere. This is called a dragon category Pokémon. The stats are a three for HP, five for attack and speed, and four for defense. The moves include: shred, twister (Shaka shaka baby XD), aqua stream, and dragon blast.

The food and typing is the same.

I battle this Pokémon from that damn Waterflower girl form Kanto. A bitch she was, but I tolerated bigger dicks/bitches so far, the biggest one being that Alain kid.


	58. Goldeen Evo line

ENTRY 55: GOLDEEN EVOLUTIONARY LINE

GOLDEEN:

It's a Pokémon version of a goldfish. The stats are somewhat decent being that the HP is a two, the attack is a four, the defense is a three, and the speed is a three. The moves include: flail, supersonic, waterfall, and fury attack.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

The food is whatever it eats.

Now, there is an aquarium in this lab that I would have Rose sometimes go to check up on. Unfortunately, the last checkup had her being attacked by a bunch of Staryus. Catherine does the job now, and I swear she's passing off everything as propaganda.

* * *

SEAKING:

This fucking fish has a better stat for itself. The attacking is at a five, the speed is at a two, and the HP is at a three. The moves include: anything with horns, endure, reckless charge, and water arrow.

The typing and food remains the same.

The battles, um, no, there are no battles. However, one time I did go hunting and I was shooting into a river which had these fish thinking it was a Magicarp.


	59. Staryu Evo line

ENTRY 56: STARYU EVOLUTIONARY LINE

STARYU:

Basically, it's a starfish that communicates with aliens. Besides the shitty Star Trek reference, the stats are bad seeing the HP and attack as a two, but is better since the defense is a three and the speed is a five. The moves include: lunge, tackle, reckless spin, and spinning attack.

The food it eats is whatever a starfish eats.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass.

As stated in the last chapter, my daughter, Rose, was attacked by these damn starfish and I decided to sell them off to Team Aqua. They have the Spanish word for water, they get the watery shit I have.

* * *

STARMIE:

It's a ten armed starfish nicknamed the gem of the sea. Bullshit, the gem is technically worth a fortune as I sold a couple in my world for gold. What? Can't I have some gold? The stats increase as the speed is now at a six, four on attack and defense, and a three on HP. The moves include: surf, swift, recover, and core splash.

The typing is different as it is now a water and psychic type with the weaknesses being bug, electric, grass, dark, and ghost types.

The food is the same.

The battles with them, well of course from the Misty girl, but other than that, I dealt with the ones I got the gems from.


	60. Mime Jr Evo line

ENTRY 57: MIME JR. EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MIME JR.

A mime, no, a tiny floating fucking clown from IT, YES! The stats are pretty bad since a Happiny could knock it out. The attack and HP is at a one, the speed is at a three, and the defense is at a two. The moves include: sleepy lost, mime, encore, and that fucking baby evolution.

The typing is psychic and fairy, like a Gardevoir, and the weaknesses are ghost, steel, and poison.

In terms of food, I don't know.

In terms of battling, uh, this thing runs away.

* * *

MR. MIME:

Oh shit, it's a creepy French mime turned into a Pokémon. The stats are still bad as the HP and attack is a two, and the speed is a five. The moves include: trick, trick play, lock up, and juggling (The fuck man?).

The typing remains the same.

The food I assume is the same.

The battles, I had Ash's mother come and try to fight me at one point. I laughed as the mime tried to confuse Edward, only I recalled Edward and got Bender who didn't put up with it well.


	61. Scyther Evo line

ENTRY 58: SCYTHER EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SCYTHER:

This is one giant mantis you don't want to piss of. The stats are relatively good seeing the speed and attack at six, the defense at four, and the HP is a three. The moves include: cut, slashing strike, agility, and air slash.

The food is anything leafy.

The typing is bug and flying with the weaknesses being electric, fir, ice, flying, and 4x the damage from rock types.

The battles with them are oddly impressive seeing that they can go fast and strong. However, the damn arm blades make a painful cut which I can tell will bleed until you egt to the hospital. I have one in the lab and my God is he annoying.

* * *

SCIZOR:

OK, this one is pretty decent. The speed is lowered to a four, but the attacking is great seven, the defense is still a four, and the HP is still a three. The moves include: cut, crushing blow, metal wing, and pound down.

The typing is way better seeing as it is now a bug and steel, but the only weakness in 4x damage from fire types.

The food is the same.

The fighting, oh Lord, I had that Sawyer kid come in with one of these and Bender chewed it up and spit it out repeatedly. Of course I wasn't there and the kid threated to sue. I watched a recorded battle and it was legit so, fuck all of you who think my battles are not legit.

* * *

MEGA SCIZOR:

The name is true now seeing this thing with scissors for hands. So it's like Edward Scissor hands? Anyways, the stats are getting better seeing the attacking at an eight, the defense is at a six, and the speed and HP are the same.

The typing is the same.

The battles with them are actually impressive again. Only it took the father and daughter to beat this mother fucker.


	62. Smoochum Evo line

ENTRY 59: SMOOCHUM EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SMOOCHUM:

Well, it is in the kiss category. This is a stupid Pokémon as the name and the stats. The speed is a four, the attack and HP are a two, but their defense is shit. The moves are: anything that involves kissing (good fucking God people), energy antics, and that fucking baby evolution.

The typing is ice and psychic with the weaknesses being bug, fire, dark, ghost, rock and steel types.

The food is whatever it eats.

Never fought one.

* * *

JYNX:

A Jynx, bullshit, I heard of jinxes, but not Jynxs. Anyways, the stats are rated by me as badly made. The speed is at a five, the HP and attack is at a three, and the defense is stuck at a two. The moves include: anything with kisses, hug, lick, and mimic.

Typing and food is the same.

The battles, well, they are hilariously pathetic. The funny portion comes in when a woman used it on Edward and after the battle, him and Siliveisa went to have a "talk" which involved fighting and yelling. Also these things will kiss the shit out of everything and possibly rape you. Had that happen almost once, until Midori got in and kicked the living hell out of it.


	63. Elekid Evo line

ENTRY 60: ELEKID EVOLUTIONARY LINE

ELEKID:

This kid is electrical and deadly, and looks like a plug. The stats is a two for HP and defense, a three for attack, and a fine five for speed. The moves include: outlet, gather energy, magnetic trip (probably an acid trip), and thunder spear.

The typing is electric with the weakness being ground.

The food is electricity.

A battled a couple in my earlier years but I have one in the lab as someone didn't have the time to take care of it. Midori claims bullshit, I do to oddly.

* * *

ELECTABUZZ:

Much more powerful as the speed is now a six, the attack is a four, and the HP and Defense is a three. The moves include: anything with thunder, quick attack, punch, and plasma.

The food and typing are the same.

I battled a couple of these and damn are they something. They are something as they are used as lighting rods. Benjamin Franklin just lost his patents to Pokémon, LOL man LOL.

* * *

ELECTIVIRE:

It's a walking, talking, fighting electric power plant. The stats are way better than the previous as the attack is at six, the speed is slower at five, but the HP and defense remains the same. The moves include: discharge, gigavolt, electroslug, and knuckle punch.

The typing and food is the same.

The battles with them are shocking, literally. I have seen it where Bender, Midori, Heleva, and Edward would have been shocked with nearly 18k volts. Midori was the closest to having a heart attack oddly and Heleva just had her fur burnt off.


	64. Magby Evo line

ENTRY 61: MAGBY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MAGBY:

Lame advice on health; the stats show a five for speed, two for HP and defense, and a four for attack. The moves include: play with fire (in a fight?), ignite, detour, and scorch.

The typing is fire with the weaknesses rock, ground, and water.

The food is, um, whatever a fire duck eats.

The battles with these have proved only two things: It sucks, and it can lose easily to a 1st tier water type.

* * *

MAGMAR:

A bigger, hotter fire duck. The stats are getting better as the attack and speed are at a five, and the defense and HP is at a three. The moves include: flamethrower, fire punch, eruption, and flame tail.

The typing and food is the same.

The battles I had with these are pretty tough, but workable. However, the fire from this thing did nearly burn down my house.

* * *

MAGMORTAR:

The mortar portion is correct as this thing is a living volcano. The stats are the same, and the moves include: mantle bazooka, burst punch, fire arrow, and twin bursts.

The typing and food remain the same.

Now, this thing fires shots that at 3.6k degrees Fahrenheit, which means this shit can burn your house down. Bullshit, it actually burnt down a building at one point, but luckily that building was rented for a day.


	65. Pinsir Evo line

ENTRY 61: PINSIR EVOLUTIONARY LINE

PINSIR:

That is one big ass beetle. The stats are well off as the attack is at a six, the speed is a five, the defense is a four, and the HP is a three. The moves include: sonicboom, power pinch, sever, and grip and squeeze (Not a move, this is what Rasputin did with women).

The typing is bug with the weaknesses being flying, fire, and rock types.

The food is whatever a giant insect eats.

I battled a couple of these motherfuckers and I will tell you that it will scare the hell out of you kids, err, young Pokémon.

* * *

MEGA PINSIR:

This thing is guaranteed to make you do numbers 1-3, if you knew what number 3 is. The stats are way better seeing the attack at a grand eight, the speed is a six, the defense is a five, and the HP remains the same.

I battle only one and it was damn impressive. However, I used Bender and he suffered his legs to be in casts and a heavy blow to me as I had to switch on everyone else.


	66. Tauros Entry

ENTRY 62: TAUROS

This is a bull you don't to throw bullshit at. The stats are pretty good as the speed is a six, the attack is a five, the defense is at a four, and the HP is a three. The moves here include: smash kick, crimson bull (instead of crimson chin), rage, and take down.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting.

The food isn't bullshit, that's what democrats eat and force people to eat.

Some notes for people who tolerate these damn bulls, they will plow whatever shit comes there way whether it'd be a tank, Trump, your parents, or a brick wall.

I never battled them, but would prefer them dead and chopped into steaks.


	67. Magikarp Evo line

ENTRY 63: MAGIKARP EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MAGIKARP:

The PokéDex is 100% accurate with this piece of ocean shit, it is fucking utterly useless. The stats on the Magi"crap" has a shitty one for HP and attack, but surprisingly is decent on speed and defense. The moves include: anything with splashing, flail, soggy rush, and dragon rage.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

The food it eats is fish food, and why even feed it?

The battles; HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

The only battles I had with this fish were on my own hunting trips to the river for fish and oysters, well the Pokémon versions at least.

* * *

GYARADOS:

Well, if you evolve your shitty excuse, you actually get this scary monstrosity. The stats are way better as the attack is a six, HP and speed is at a four, and the defense is a three. The moves include: howling rage, hydro splash, wriggle, and dwindling wave.

The typing is now water and flying with the weaknesses being rock and 4x damage from electric types.

The food is water fits in its mouth, which means a lot of edible Pokémon and people will become this thing's lunch.

The battles, well now, this thing is powerful and I will say it can be a pain in the ass to actually knock it out.

* * *

MEGA GYARADOS:

AHHHH! Ok, this can scare the living shit out 'a you since it is way more intimidating. The stats are getting better as the attack is now an eight, defense is a five, and the other two remain the same.

The typing is different as it is now a water and dark type with the weaknesses being fighting, fairy, electric, grass, and bug types.

I remember fighting that Team Flare guy who had one and we placed a bet. I won, gaining a total revenue of 5.6 million dollars, but he tried to steal off Edward. He did and my son escaped and came back, he looked like he was run over by a train and had his limbs removed and reattached.


	68. Lapras Entry

ENTRY 64: LAPRAS

YES! People have done something smart and drove these Pokémon to near extinction. Kill off the rest of them and start killing off the Pikachu population while you're at it. The stats are decent seeing the HP at five, attack and defense at four, and the speed at three. The moves include: confuse ray, energy ball, call for family (this is no time to call your relatives since THEY ARE ALREADY FUCKIGN DEAD!), and water splash.

The typing is water and ice with the weaknesses being electric, fighting, grass, and rock types.

The food is whatever it eats.

I never battled one, in fact the only fight I did is when there were two idiots yelling over who'd get it and I won the bet they had and got myself one of these stupid, blue, shit filled, shell Pokémon. I tried to sell it to Team Aqua, but Catherine has been keeping the Lapras under good guard.


	69. Ditto Entry

ENTRY 65: DITTO

This thing is like the changeling from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. The stats are pretty bad seeing as the HP and defense is at a two while the attack and speed is at a three. The moves include: sharp point, rage, toxic, and linear attack.

One impressive thing to know, if you didn't watch DS9, is that Ditto can change its form into anything else. Meaning if there is two of you, ask one a question and if the other one gives you a response like "Ditto" or something like that, shoot it.

The typing is normal as the weakness is fighting.

The food is, um, something.

The battles, bullshit, this thing is made for breeding, you dumbass. Other than that, this thing is a transforming thief. At one point I saw two Edwards and I was hitting myself in the head thinking I'm having a bad dream. It wasn't and so I asked who the wife is. One said Marie, so I shot that one.


	70. Eevee Evo line

ENTRY 66: EEVEE "EEVEE"LUTIONARY LINE

EEVEE:

The funny nickname for this Pokémon line is called "Eevee"lutionas instead of evolutions. Many people complain about how this thing is a brat and C7 curses it's a fucking spoiled brat. I have a few and half of them are like this. The other half know not to fuck with me, literally and figuratively. The stats crap as HP and defense is at a two, and speed and attack is at a three. The moves include: rear kick, tackle, bite, and quick attack.

The typing is normal with the weakness fighting.

The food is whatever the thing eats, usually it is berries, but Catherine now keeps me away from feeding everyone because she suspects I poison the food, LOL.

The battles, HAHAHAHA, they are pathetic.

* * *

VAPOREON:

First evolution on the list, and this thing is a little mermaid version of a Pokémon. The stats are decent as the HP is at five, the speed is a four, and the attack and defense is a three. The moves include: dual splash, spiral drain, hydro splash, and fast wave.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass.

The food is whatever it eats.

Now I have battled a couple of these, but I really doubt they are good.

* * *

JOLTEON:

This is a pretty fast one seeing the speed at seven. The first three are at a three. The moves include: lightning strike, double kick (with discharging electricity, it must be very painful), thunder fang, and pin missile.

The typing is electricity with the weakness being ground.

The food is probably electricity.

The battles with it are not that great as I had one of these run through the lab and I had to chase it with my M4A4. However, the Delphox got in the way and was almost shot, then he was struck by a lightning strike and fainted there.

* * *

FLAREON:

This fire dog is excellent for attacks as it is a seven for attack, four for speed and the HP and defense remains a three. The moves include: Fire slash, heat tackle (I'd be careful of that), fire spin, and quick attack.

The typing is fire with the weaknesses being ground, rock, and water types.

The food is anything hot.

The battle is had with it prove two things: They are slightly annoying and they are not to be fought inside a building made of flammable material.

* * *

UMBREON:

And this one stays up all fucking night, worse than Robin William's cat. The stats are decent as the defense is a five, the HP and speed are a four, and the attack is a three. The moves include: feint attack, confuse ray, shadow bullet, and evoblast.

The typing is dark where the weaknesses are fighting, bug and fairy types.

The food is whatever.

The battles I had with it are slightly pathetic. I had to drag a few away from the windows just because I see the damn glowing rings pass by as I type this shit up. Wait; one's coming this way…

(PANG!)

I knocked out the mother fucker with a frying pan.

* * *

GLACEON:

I liked the Fanfiction story better than the Pokémon itself. The stats are decent as the defense is a five, the attack and HP area three, and the speed is a four. This evolution is like the predecessor with the spoiled nature according to the DerpéDex but I could be wrong. The moves include: anything with ice, reflect energy, quick attack, and second bite.

The typing is ice with the weaknesses being fighting, fire, rock, and steel types.

The food is something cold.

I have two of these in the lab and I need to sell them. Shooting them puts me on a bad record with my daughter and the local Gov. in general, so I go with option number two and try to sell them to the nearest/most money holding guy I can find.

* * *

LEAFEON:

A walking plant, eh? I once set one of these on fire and watched a hilarious show of it running in circles. Anyways, the stats are pretty good seeing the attack and defense as a six, the speed a five, but the HP still a three. The moves include: energy crush, leaf blade, leaf guard, and quick attack.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being bug, fire, ice, flying, and poison types.

The food is the sunlight and CO2.

The battles are, well, none. I never fought one, just like trolling with them.

* * *

ESPEON:

Ok, I actually went to the point of skinning an Umbreon just so I can protect my head. One major tip is to use Umbreons for anti-psychic hats so psychics can't read your mind. This works seeing as I have to deal now with an Espeon, my daughter, and that Delphox who's playing on the roof, only him I don't mind since it's pretty damn good fiddling.

The stats on this are decent as the first three are three and the speed is a six. The moves include: psyshock, solar ray, psybeam, and solar suggestion.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being bug, dark, and ghost types.

The food is whatever.

The battles I had with it are pretty decent, but Heleva cleans it up fast.

* * *

SYLVEON:

C7 is very correct when he says this thing will molest everything. I have one in the lab and it gets it on with half the males in there. The stats are decent as the HP is at a four, while the next three are at three. The moves include: curly ribbon, echoed voice, fairy wind, and dress up.

The typing is fairy with the weaknesses being steel and poison.

The food is whatever.

Battles, none. However, there are some rumors are going around that Arenmo is being secretly raped by this one in his sleep. I severely doubt that, but then again, according to the Derpedex, C7 gets raped by his own so, I'd better check on that.


	71. Porygon Evo line

ENTRY 67: PORYGON

Oh great, the first artificial Pokémon on this list. Frist off, this thing is copyright protected so at least people have a brain for that. The stats are crappy as the first three are at a three and the speed is a two. The moves include: calculate, code check, sharpen, and tackle.

The food is probably your stored data and MBs that Comcast will charge you for.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting types.

The battles, HAHAHA! Actually I battled one on my computer as one was going through be emails. I injected it with a Trojan virus. Afterwards, It came out of the computer and died.

* * *

PORYGON2:

The two refers it as the second up, to be honest not any better. The speed and HP is at three, while the attack and defense is at a four. The moves include: calculate, sharpen, tri attack, and reckless charge.

The food is still your information.

The typing is still the same.

My advice is to find every single one of them and inject them with most powerful computer viruses you can find. These things are worthless and the computerized version of a Rattata.

* * *

PORYGON-Z:

This thing was modified to go through alien dimensions? Was it the reason we have these fucking UBs, AKA Ultra Beasts, and did this thing go through Fluidic space and visit species 8472? Puns beside, the stats are still meager. The attacking is a four, the defense has been lowered to a three, the speed is a five, and the HP is a three.

The food is still your information, hide your Word files.

The typing remains the same.

The battles, bullshit, I battle these things on the interent.


	72. Omanyte Evo line

ENTRY 68: OMANYTE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

OMANYTE:

The fuck is this? The stats on it are crappy. The HP, attack, and speed are a two, but it is brought up as the defense is a four. The moves include: collect, tickle, mud shot, and water arrow.

The typing is rock and water with the weaknesses being ground, electric, fighting, and 4x damage from grass types.

The food is whatever an extinct Pokémon eats.

I never battled one.

* * *

OMASTAR:

Well, the shell drove it to extinction; I guess nature hates you. The stats are decent, seeing that everything has increased by one. The moves include: time spiral, send back, pull down, and hydrocannon.

The food and typing is the same.

I never battled one.


	73. Kabuto Evo line

ENTRY 69: KABUTO EVOLUTIONARY LINE

KABUTO:

Another fucking fossil, c'mon people? The stats are decent as the attack and defense is at four, the speed is a three, and the HP is a cruddy two. The moves include: eerie light, shell attack, granite head, and mud shot.

The typing is rock and water with the weaknesses being electric, fighting, ground, and 4x damage from grass types.

The food is whatever the extinct thing eats.

The battles, um, never; I never fought one.

* * *

KABUTOPS:

This thing is now an insectoid, humanoid creature with two blades for arms, like a Scyther. The stats are getting better as the attack is at six, the defense is a five, yet the other two remain the same. The moves include: chop up, rock slide, cling, and primal scythe.

The typing is the same.

The food is the same.

I battled one before and it was a big trick. However, I could've used my Serperior, but that's gone as the royal pain in the ass was becoming to fucking arrogant.


	74. Aerodactyl Evo line

ENTRY 70: AERODACTYL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

AERODACTYL:

Oh shit, Jurassic park and those criminal teams created a Dinosaur/Pokémon hybrid. The stats are relatively decent seeing the speed at seven, the attack at five, and the HP and defense at three. The moves include: land crush, granite head, power blow, and wing attack.

The food is probably small Pokémon.

The typing is rock and flying with the weaknesses being rock, electric, ice, water, and steel types.

I battled one and it was a pain in the ass, until I threw Siliveisa at it.

* * *

MEGA AERODACTYL:

Scary as fuck and definitely powerful. The stats are higher as the speed is an eight, the attack is a seven, the defense is a four, and the HP remains a three.

The typing remains the same.

Now, with this thing, I used Midori since the son of a bitch used a second Aerodactyl. I still won, but it was a long threat list she pulled on me, and it's the trainer, not my wife.


	75. Mini story 3: Visit to C7

**If C7 is reading this, I would like to know how well I did on your personality.**

* * *

MINI STORY 3:

As I finish up on the pterodactyl, I planned on going to Mr. C7's place to collect more information. As I walked through the door, Midori stood there asking, "I assume you're going off to shoot something?"

I told her smiling, "No, I'm going to…"

She cut me off laughing, "I'm kidding, you're going to the Derpé guy's place, right?"

"How?"

She held up a stick note saying 'go to C7 house for info'. I said, "Oh, right."

She then said, "Try not to get killed while going there."

I reassured her, "Oh don't worry, I won't."

That half way reassured her. It took about an hour to get to this guy's place, and in the back of this weirdo's house I hear bombs and gunfire. I knock on the door and a Lurantis pops up and asks, "Who are you?"

I told her, "I'm the pest control ready to kill you."

She looked like she pissed herself as I laughed and said, "HA, no I'm here for the information from C7."

"My master, one minute please."

I waited about three minutes until I see some drunken guy coming up with an AK-47 in his hands asking, "Who the fuck are you?"

I greet, "I am Francesco Italy, the gym leader and temporary lab runner. Anyways, I was wondering if I could come in and possibly gain more information you may have collected."

I can tell he was thinking about it and said, "You got self-defense?"

I told him, "I have a .44 and a rifle."

"Ok, come in."

I come into the place, and the air hit me like a brick as the smell of Alcohol, sweat, and other stenches I don't want to talk about filled my nostrils. I coughed a little and asked, "I see why in the 'Dex you say the place smells of Alcohol with a hint of ball sweat."

C7 tells me, "This is nothing."

I see the Pokémon all over the place along with the Umbreon looking at me strange. The Lurantis was sticking almost literally to the guy. I ask C7 while dodging the Pokémon, "Why is your Umbreon looking at me weirdly?"

He asked his friend, "Vinny, why are you looking at him like he murdered your friend?"

Vinny said, "Because his hat looks like it's made of Umbreon fur."

I said, "Oh, that's because it is."

All three of them look at me like I was a psychopath. I told them, "Just get me my information, and I'll leave."

C7 led me through multiple rooms until I asked, "How do you tolerate all these Pokémon?"

C7 just replied nonchalantly, "I just do, with guns and food."

"Same here."

"Oh, and do you shoot your own Pokémon?"

"I shot mine once, but I ditched him a few years ago. Now, I just have my wife, friends, and my children."

C7 asked, "And your family is what?"

"Oh my wife is a Gardevoir with my children being a Gallade, a Gardevoir, and a Kirlia."

C7 laughed and said, "Ha, so you're a Poképhile?"

I rolled my eyes and said, "Yes, yes, I'm one of those. Now, where is the info?"

He pulled out a device and said, "This has most of what you can use."

I open it and read and say with a disgusted look, "This shit is supposed to be worth something?"

He said, "Yeah."

I handed it back to him saying, "No way in hell, it's worse than your 'Dex."

His Umbreon went falling on the floor laughing as I turned around and headed for the door. Before I left I said, "Also your Sylveon is behind."

He turned and said, "What?"

I was gone so I don't know what happened, lol.

* * *

 **Another thing I would to add is that I had to rewrite the story because the first one gave me a minor nose bleed. I don't know how that happened so could some one please tell me what happened? Please explain it to me in the comments.**


	76. Munchlax Evo line

ENTRY 71: MUNCHLAX EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MUNCHLAX:

Food, that's all it does. The stats are oddly well off since the HP is a five, the attack is a four, however, the defense is a two, and the speed is shit at one. The moves include: lick, rest, heave, and errand run.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting.

The food is whatever it steals, and I don't fuck around with them as if one take a can of my sprite or my oysters, it will have its fur blown off with a .12 gauge.

* * *

SNORLAX:

Oh my fucking… You know what, here's a "me" style 'Dex entry, (clears throat): _Snorlax, the fat ass Pokémon. This mother fucker is as lazy as fuck and will do nothing but sleep and eat. Children make jump on its stomach and cause it extensive diarrhea to the Pokémon. This will cause it to fire the shit at any children that gets in its way._

The stats are pretty decent as the attack and HP is at six, the defense is a three, and the speed is snail slow at a two. The moves include: layabout, knock away, sleepy press, and collapse.

The typing is the same.

The food is half the supermarket.

Me, battling, this? HA, what a joke. I have had battles these before and I had Rose as a Kirlia fight it. It was pretty fucking hilarious and it was also a bad embarrassment on the challenger.


	77. Articuno Entry

ENTRY 72: ARTICUNO

The first legendry, and to be honest, I'm not impressed. It can create ice, and so can my freezer. The stats are good seeing the first three are at a four and the speed is a five. The moves include: anything with ice, freezing wind, tri edge, and blizzard.

The food is, um, I guess nothing?

The typing is ice and flying with the weaknesses being electric, fire, steel, and 4x damage from rock types.

Now, first off over the course of my history in the Pokémon world, I have pissed off a couple of legendries. This wasn't one of them.

* * *

 **Shortest entry, bare with me.**


	78. Zapdos Entry

ENTRY 73: ZAPDOS

The name suggests everything. It zaps everything, and someone was shot by lighting by this character. The stats are better as the attack has increased by one. The moves include: thundering hurricane, drill peck, lightning wing, and raging thunder.

The typing is electric and flying with the weaknesses being ice and rock types.

I actually fought this fucking electric bird myself at one point and, fuck, it was painful. It was about 2 years after the Greninja incident and a lightning storm was above us, then a bird came down and was shooting at us. I fired back, it refired back, it was hell. Midori fired shots, Bender blowtorched, Heleva shot it, and Edward was watching it all. The Wartortle I had was dipshit and wouldn't help, the servine I had was too fucking arrogant to help, I literally had to pull out my best guns to knock off this character. In the end, I pulled a .45 bullet into its head and chopped its head off right there and then. Afterwards, we had an electric bird for dinner.

* * *

 **Merry Christmas to everyone, shit like that, don't forget to review for the ItalyDex, and...close.**


	79. Moltres Entry

ENTRY 74: MOLTRES

A giant bird on fire, yay, its automatic food. The stats are relatively good as the attack and speed is a five, and the HP and defense is at a four. The moves include: anything with fire, scorching wing, searing flame, and combustion (if you throw gasoline on it).

The typing is fire and flying with the weaknesses being electric, water, and 4x damage from water types.

The food is whatever.

The battles, well, there was one time but it luckily left after we started throwing rocks at it. Well, we were throwing mud at it and that did some damage.

* * *

currently shortest.


	80. Dratini Evo line

ENTRY 75: DRATINI EVOLUTIONARY LINE

DRATINI:

A crappy dragon snake, not impressed. This snake's stats are crap for HP and defense, but only partially decent for attack and defense. The moves include: shed skin, tail whap, ram, and tail slap.

It eats whatever a dragon snake would eat.

The typing is dragon while the weaknesses are dragon, ice, and fairy types.

Me, battling, this? Well, I did and Rose as a Ralts won the battle.

* * *

DRAGONAIR:

A larger, still crappy-ish snake that is totally useless. The stats are all increased by one. The moves include: tail smack, dragon's smack, slam, and search and invite.

The typing is the same.

The food is the same.

The battles aren't any better, ok, I have to up it to a Kirlia to fight with, but overall, it's pretty damn pathetic.

* * *

DRAGONITE:

A giant orange dragon that's too fucking friendly until it gets its ass shot; probably by me. The stats are getting much better as the attack is a seven and the other three is a four. The moves include: heavy impact, hyper beam, hurricane tail, and agility.

The food is the same, I assume.

The typing changes where it is now a dragon and flying type with the weaknesses being dragon, rock, fairy, and 4x the damage from ice types.

I've battled many of these and they are decently tough. However, I can knock them out with easy using Midori.


	81. Mewtwo Evo line

ENTRY 76: MEWTWO EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MEWTWO:

Oh look, what happens when you decide to artificially create a Pokémon with the care and humanity of species 8472, you get this. Other than this retarded creation, the stats are excellent as the speed is a seven, the attack is a six, and the HP and defense is a four. The moves include: power edge, psychic swift, recover, and psyburn.

No food.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses, supposedly, being ghost, dark, and bug types.

HAHAHA, if you see this character, you might as well shit yourself, and I did that once. They sent him to me and I fucking wet myself as I ran trying to outrun the asswipe. Did it work, of course fucking not. The one thing that saved my ass was panzerfaust that I fired into him. Ok, it wasn't a real one, but still it almost worked. Alright, He was still alive, and claimed to be back to kill me but where is he currently? I DON'T FUCKING KNOW OR CARE, HE'S GONE and that's all I care about.

* * *

MEWTWO X:

"OH FUCK!" is the most appropriate phrase to use when fighting this one. The stats are excellently good with the attacking being a full blown ten, the speed a seven, but the HP and defense remain the same.

The typing also changed seeing it now as a fighting and psychic with the weaknesses being fairy, flying, and ghost types.

Never battled one and no one even has one.

* * *

MEWTWO Y:

Like a Charizard, yet the evolutions are getting uglier and uglier. The stats are still well made as the attack is an eight, the speed a seven, the HP is the same, but the defense retracts to a three.

Typing is the same as the original.

The battles, none you dumbass.


	82. Mew Entry

ENTRY 77: MEW

Originally I thought that Mewtwo was the evolved form of Mew, oh well. The stats on this one foot cat, thing, is decently good as the speed and attack is a five, and the defense and HP is a four. The moves include: psychic, psychic exchange, beam, and see off.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being bug, dark, and ghost types.

No food.

Now it says that it comprises all the DNA of all the Pokémon. I claim BULLSHIT! That's not fucking possible, even when life was stating out on Earth whether, Biblical or evolution, nothing has all the DNA of everything. And another thing… Wait, Midori just came in…

*THUD*

Well, Midori did some really sneaky as fuck shit behind my back. She convinced my parents to come and visit everyone at the lab. I'll probably be screaming and cursing more so if my temper goes up. Anyways, as I was originally saying, this Pokémon seems to be playful, well, I don't know since I never met the fucking excuse for a "legendary".


	83. Chikorita Evo line

ENTRY 78: CHIKORITA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

CHIKORITA:

Uh… This is a tiny reptile with a giant leaf growing form its head. The stats are crap seeing the speed, attack, and defense as a three with the HP being a two. The moves include: razor leaf, headbutt, run around, and vine whip.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being fire, ice, flying, poison, and bug types.

The food they eat is like other plant based Pokémon, sunlight and lots of CO2.

I've battled them using Pella as a Torchic, however I have a few in the nature room which Catherine now basically lives in. Other than that, use these Pokémon when they are more, evolved.

* * *

BAYLEEF:

It's a dinosaur styled plant. The stats are decent as the HP, attack, and speed is a three while the defense is a four. The moves include: leaf boomerang, hammer in, razor leaf, and body slam.

The typing and food is the same.

One thing that should be aware of, if you're normally depressed, this overly happy Pokémon apparently has little shoots that contain something that makes people peppy. I extracted it and smoked it and I discovered that the shoots contain something similar to Marijuana. Unfortunately I was high for three hours and I somehow got stuck on the top of the tower.

* * *

MEGANIUM:

A sweetheart, maybe, a pain in the ass to fight as you're holding your breath, definitely. The stats are shitty for a third tier Pokémon, worse than Venusaur. The attack, defense, and speed are at a four and the HP is a three. The moves include: green force, fire counterattack, ultra powder, and mega impact.

The food and typing is the same.

I've battled multiple Meganiums and they are not impressive what so ever. Also, take a flamethrower and drive these things to extinction like those Lapras from a few entries ago.


	84. Cyndaquil Evo line

ENTRY 79: CYNDAQUIL EVOLUTIOINARY LINE

CYNDAQUIL:

My head, and it's not from the war room, it's from the relative room. Besides that, the stats of this, err mole, is good crap seeing the speed as a four, but the attack as a three, and the HP and defense as a two. The moves include: tackle, ember, rage, and swift.

The typing is fire with the weaknesses being water, ground, and rock types.

The food is anything hot.

I battled a couple of these early on, but now I have a couple of them in the "war" room. Yesterday, some of these along with two Pidgeottos went rogue and tried escaping. I pulled out my M4A4 and shot them in order. Of course my father was yelling at me for using automatic weapons and we were screaming at each other for a few minutes until my mother and Midori pulled us apart. Don't you just "love" your parents?

* * *

QUILAVA:

Getting better, sort of. The stats aren't that good seeing the speed as the same with the HP and defense now a three and the attack being the same. The moves include: smash kick, fireworks (I'll use this for New Year's), tackle, and flare.

The typing and food is the same.

The battles I had with these are pathetic. Kevanin can wipe them on the floor, of course now he's slightly more arrogant as he's now a Frogadier, but still.

* * *

TYPHLOSION:

Ok, this one can scare you. The stats are decent enough for you to last a minute in a fight with me. The speed is a five, the HP and defense is still a three, and the attack is a four. The moves include: magma punch, flare destroy, rage, and fire spin.

The typing and food stay the same.

I've battled these enough to know that simply using Bender or Heleva is enough to knock these out.


	85. Totodile Evo line

ENTRY 80: TOTODILE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

TOTODILE:

A little crocodile that is totally useless. The stats are crap as the speed and HP are a two with the attack and defense a three. The moves include: fury strikes, flail, bite, and water gun.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

The food is whatever a crocodile eats.

I never battle done yet, but I have seen a rogue one come in and play around with Kevanin before about a couple months ago. However, I think they may have been the reason why my wine disappeared at one point.

* * *

CROCONAW:

Well, this is some scary-ish shit. The stats are decent as the attack and defense is a four while everything else is a three. The moves include: scary face (pop a .44 in that face, lol), slash, wave splash, and big bite.

The typing and food remains the same.

The battle's I had are not impressive, if anything, it's a bore.

* * *

FERALIGATOR:

Ok, the 'Dex is correct on the intimidation of the jaw. The stats are decent, but not great. The attack is a five, the defense and speed is a four, and the HP is a three still. The moves include: pull away, hydro crunch, drag off, and sharp fang.

The typing and food remain the same.

The battles are still getting better, but I threw Bender at one and he whooped it's ass in two minutes. Also my father is trying to convince me not to battle and go back to studying and college for engineering. HAHAHA, I laughed and told him that I make millions, why should make hundreds of thousands? He shut up after that part.


	86. Sentret Evo line

ENTRY 81: SENTRET EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SENTRET:

This is basically a giant rodent without a bullet through its head. The stats are shit seeing the speed as a one and everything else as a two. The moves include: scratch, tail smack, grope (oh Lord, you want a move called grope in today's scandals, really?), and quick attack.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting types.

The food is whatever nuts and berries it can find.

Never battled one.

* * *

FURRET:

That is one big ass ferret, I'm sure the Canadians would love these. The stats are much better as the speed is a five, the attack a four, and the HP and defense a three. The moves include: anything quick, baton pass, keen eye, and slam.

The typing and food remain the same.

I actually hunted one of these and sold them to a Canadian for $500. The "local" Pokémon conservation queen, AKA Catherine (Because Catherine was the name of a queen in Russia), claimed it as murder. I call it as, go fuck yourself.


	87. Hoothoot Evo line

ENTRY 82: HOOTHOOT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

HOOTHOOT:

A weird as fuck owl if you ask me. The stats are still pretty bad with the speed and HP at three, and the attack and defense at a two. The moves include: peck, kick shot, hypnosis (useless as fuck against me), and confuse ray.

The typing is normal and flying with the weaknesses being electric, ice, and rock types.

The food is whatever an owl eats.

Never battled one.

* * *

NOCTOWL:

Well now, we have a Midori sized owl that can catch you and turn you into a midnight snack, great. The stats are getting better as the speed and attack is a four, with the attack at three, and the defense still a two. The moves include: speed dive, high flight, spearhead, and surprise.

Typing stays the same.

Food is anything that is small and is minimum of three feet high.

I've battled a few of them and they really suck. To be honest, I've seen Pidgeottos that attack better than it.


	88. Ledyba Evo line

ENTRY 83: LEDYBA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

LEDYBA:

A 3 foot ladybug, this world gets better and better. The stats are crap as the speed is a three, the HP and defense are a two, and the attacking, is like a WWI veteran going against the Hulk. The moves include: ram, spinning attack, comet punch, and tackle.

The typing is bug and flying with the weaknesses being electric, ice, fire, flying, and 4x damage from rock types.

The food is anything that is plant material.

I never battled one, lol.

* * *

LEDIAN:

The stars are its energy, so get the death star and blow them all up, now you're dead. The stats are, somewhat, better as the speed is a four, but the first three are at a two. The moves include: split spiral punch, metal star, swift, and comet punch.

The typing and food is the same.

I only battled one and it was a waste of time. Pella as a Combusken took it out easily.


	89. Spinarak Evo line

ENTRY 85: SPINARK EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SPINARK:

SHIT, a spider! Kill the mother fucker. Anyways, the stats are crap seeing the HP, defense and speed is a two, but the attack is at least a three. The moves include: collect, string shot, spider web, and stun spore.

The typing is bug and poison with the weaknesses being fire, flying, rock, and psychic types.

The food is whatever a spider eats.

I battled these as they try to eat away at the house, but seeing as I have to go there every three days, there hasn't been a problem.

* * *

ARIADOS:

A bigger and deadlier spider, great. The stats are somewhat better as the attack is a five, the HP and defense is a three, but the speed is still a crappy two. The moves include: reactive poison, offensive needle, leech life, and impound.

The typing and food is the same.

I battled these myself and they are a pain in the ass, literally. Luckily, it bit me in the leg and not anywhere else. Other than that, I never battled one in a gym battle.


	90. Chinchou Evo line

ENTRY 86: CHINCHOU EVOLUTIONARY LINE

CHINCHOU:

People come up with the stupidest names and Pokémon I never even seen or heard of. The stats are below decent as the speed is a four, the HP is a three, and the attack and defense is a two. The moves include: ram, lightning ball, aqua spark, and razor fin.

The typing is electric and water with the weaknesses being grass and ground types.

The food is whatever the fish eats.

Never battled one before.

* * *

LANTURN:

A fish that glows in the dark, better. The stats are also better as the HP is a good five, the speed is still a decent four, and the attack and defense is a three. The moves include: confuse ray, take down, energy stream, and lightning strike.

The typing and food remain the same.

I never battled one.


	91. Togepi Evo line

ENTRY 87: TOGEPI EVOLUTIONARY LINE

TOGEPI:

Oh fuck, it's the little eggshell baby that the Misty girl carries around all day. The stats are shitty and pathetic. The speed and attack is a one, the HP is a two, and the only good thing is the defense as a three. The moves include: sleepy song (Oh, so it's now part Jigglypuff ah?), plead, attract smack, and yawn (It will be scream if you go against me).

The typing is fairy with the weaknesses being poison and steel types.

The food is happiness, so please kill them all off by giving them anger, hatred, and lots of cursing.

I never battled one.

* * *

TOGETIC:

Take your happiness and shove it way up your ass, Togetic. Anyway, the stats are getting better-ish as the defense is now a four, but the other three are a two. The moves include: sweet kiss, fly, chase up, and speed dive.

The typing is now flying and fairy with the weaknesses being electric, ice, rock, poison, and steel types.

The food is still your happiness, KILL IT USING FORCE OR ANGER!

Never battled one, who the fuck reads this?

* * *

TOGEKISS:

HAHAHAHHAAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!

This one is complete bullshit, as already stated, there is no one region that is peaceful you stupid motherfuckers. The stats are better seeing the defense and speed at a four, and the attack and HP at a three. The moves include: air cutter, blessed wings, return (coward), and reckless charge.

The food is still your fucking happiness.

The typing is also the same.

Because it's so damn peaceful it will never fight me, but if I find it, it will become Swiss Togekiss.


	92. Natu Evo line

ENTRY 88: NATU EVOLUTIONARY LINE

NATU:

It sounds like Natto and that shit is fermented soy beans. The stats are good crap seeing the speed as a four, the attack as a three, but the HP and defense is a two. The moves include: telekinesis, psywave, flop, and future sight (AKA fuck time travel).

The typing is psychic and flying with the weaknesses being dark, electric, ice, rock, and ghost types.

The food is whatever this bird eats.

I never have seen one of these before, let alone battle one.

* * *

XATU:

WARNING, PokéDex bullshit detected! If this thing can see the future, explain to me why I found one and shot it dead? Oh wait; I have my Umbreon hat on, lol. The stats are belter as the speed is a five now, with the attack a four, and the HP and defense as a three. The moves include: stressful eye, future sight (still bullshit), dazzle dance, and psyloop.

The typing and food remain the same.

I battled only one, and it was more pathetic than Pella riding the giant moth.


	93. Mareep Evo line

MAREEP:

Basically it's a sheep, and that has multiple uses so, for once, it's actually good. The stats, however, are bullcrap. Everything, with the exception of S. attack, is a two. The moves include: tackle, thunder wave, static shock, and thunder jolt.

The typing is electric with the weakness being ground.

The food is grass.

I never battled one, but I have bought clothes made of Mareep wool, and to be honest, it's not that different from regular sheep wool.

* * *

FLAAFFY:

That is a really shitty name. The stats are increased by one. The moves include: attract current, energy recall, tail code, and thunder spear.

The typing and food remains the same.

I battled one and the wool on the Pokémon went all over the damn place. Of course I paid for the wool and Edward was the laughing stock of the place for about an hour.

* * *

AMPHAROS:

First off cool name as you pronounce it, secondly the stats are a little more diverse. The speed remains a three while the first three are a four. The moves include: cluster bolt, electricannon, lightning crush, and thunder rod.

The typing and food remain the same, I think for the food it does?

I battled a couple and at least there is no wool. However, it still is pretty pathetic and it's not a hard challenge.

* * *

MEGA AMPHAROS:

Way better, and more profitable. The stats are better as the attack and defense is a five, the HP is a four, however, the speed is still a three. The typing has changed to where it is now an electric and dragon type with the weaknesses being fairy, dragon, ice, and ground types.

I battled one and it was easier than the regular one hilariously.


	94. Azurill Evo line

ENTRY 90: AZURILL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

AZURILL:

Ok, first off my head hurts, two, this is a fucking excuse. The mouse here is shitty seeing the stats like that. The speed and attack are a one with the HP and defense as a two. The moves include: delivery, type match, jump catch, and that fucking useless baby evolution.

Food, I don't know.

The typing is normal and fairy with the weaknesses being steel and poison types.

Battles? Maybe me and Catherine arguing over whether I should sell the one sin the lab or not, but other than that, there has been no battles.

MARILL:

Still is a piece of shit, and it's a mouse too. The HP and speed increase by one. The moves include: bubble, rollout, jump on, and bubble drain.

The typing is now water and fairy with the weaknesses being electric, grass and poison types.

The food is aquatic plants, like seaweed, but make sure it isn't weed on an island in the sea.

I've only battled one and the trainer claimed cheating. Folks, just because I mega evolve my son into a badass motherfucking kick ass machine and he knocks out your Pokémon in three seconds, does not mean hacks, it means you and your Pokémon suck.

AZUMARILL:

Much better now, the stats are better. The attacking and defense is a three with the HP and defense a four. The moves include: tail rap, bubblebeam, rolling tackle, play tough, and superpower (it's not a fucking super hero people).

The food and typing is the same.

That Tracey kid went against me and I laughed my ass off when he lost in ten seconds. He cursed at me for another ten seconds, then I had Edward "escort" him out the door of the gym.

* * *

 **Also, happy New Year's, shit like that.**


	95. Mini story 4: New Year's surprise

MINI STORY FOUR: NEW YEARS SURPRISE

Me and Edward planned a little surprise for this year for the whole family, well that is if my parents want to join.

I closed up the Ampharos entry and get off the computer and see it is 11:23 PM. I put on my new Umbreon Coat, Umbreon hat, some dark leather gloves, and a baton. I also grab my Anonymous mask and carry it along with a remote control. Kevanin and Catherine weren't around and that was good seeing as I didn't want Catherine's hippy talk, or Kevanin's ignorance fucking this whole event up. I walk down to the battle arena where I see everyone kicking the shit out 'a each other and yell, "It's time!"

Edward was already excited seeing the event ready to work. For the whole day he has also been wearing an Umbroen hat so nobody could see what the plans were in his mind. Bender said, "So, what's the New Year's surprise this time? A bullet to one of us?"

I said, "Iie, jaanai desu. We are going to see a spectacular event that the whole world will know about."

Midori asks, "And that would be?"

"You'll see dear, you'll see."

We walk down the hall and I already see my father going to bed asking, "What's with the animal train?"

I looked at my father and said, "We're going to see a spectacular fireworks show that will make the ones at home look like shit, wanna come?"

He raised a hand saying, "I'll go to bed."

"We'll be watching on the roof if you need us."

He looked at me and said, "Have fun", and went into his room. We teleported to the roof as me and Edward put up the stand for the remote control. I had a smug grin seeing the fireworks display. Once we had everyone: Me, Midori, Edward, Rose, Bender, Heleva, Pella, Arenmo, and Siliveisa with Magnus joining in for the hell of it. I look at my watch reading 11:57 and said, "I shall dedicate this concerto to the city tower of Luminose and create a new recognition for it. Tell me, do you know what day it is Midori?"

She said, "December 31st, why?"

Then a clock bongs away as I say with a smile while putting on the mask, "Not anymore."

I began the poem: "Remember, remember, the day after December, this event will make the tower so great, which is why it was excellent for you to wait."

I tap the baton on the stand and say, "First the overture."

And I move in a way of me looking like I was conducting an orchestra, "Yes, yes the strings, listen carefully can you hear it? Now the brass."

We all hear some music playing as it played throughout the city. Edward began to smile and laugh a bit as everyone was amazed, and Kevanin and Catherine teleported to the roof behind everyone. The music I set it to Tchaikovsky's 1812 overture ( **Play this to make it more realistic** ) at that certain part from "V for Vendetta".

Midori asks, "What going on?"

I tell her, "Wait, here comes the crescendo!"

Then we see in the distance the top of the tower explode causing two things: me laughing like a maniac and fireworks began to poor out of the tower. It exploded the whole top and everyone besides me was both shocked and awestruck. Then the tower begins to explode all the way downward and we see a shit ton of fireworks break out creating a giant Confederate flag as I scream out, "Oh it's beautiful, isn't it not?!"

And the rest of the tower blows to bits as I laugh like madman, "HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!"

Everyone was in shock except for Edward who was enjoying it as well. After the building and dust settled down I took off the mask and said, "Don't worry know one's in there, I planned it all out."

Catherine went screaming, "YOU FUCKING BLEW UP A BUILDING AND THAT'S PERFECTLY FINE?!"

Everyone looked behind to see Catherine and Kevanin standing there, only Kevanin said, "She's the one screaming not me", and he jumps of the lab going back into it. I tell her, "So what, they'll either rebuild it or not even notice it."

Midori looked at me and said, "You just blew up the center of the city, how are people not going to notice that?"

"The same way I not notice my parents, I just try."

We all went back down as everyone still recovered from the amazing fireworks display and Catherine didn't even go to her room. Now, I know it's now of my business but she either went to the bar or into Magnus's room, or a third option, she's plotting my assassination. Oh well, teenagers.


	96. Bonsly Evo line

ENTRY 91: BONSLY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

BONSLY:

A bonsai Pokémon, the people are getting dumber like the millennials. The stats are actually pretty decent. The attack and defense is a four, with the HP being a two, and the speed being a 500LB man running with a sack of rocks. The moves only include fake tears and baby evolution.

The typing is rock with the weaknesses being fighting, grass, steel, ground, and water.

The food is whatever a tree rock eats.

Never battled one, go fuck yourselves.

* * *

SUDOWOODO:

What the fuck is this? An imitating tree? Imitate me pulling a gun to my head ya lousy excuse for a disguise. The stats are getting higher, not on weed, as everything is now one bit higher. The moves include: flail, rumble, karate chop (From Mr. Miyagi?), and push over (Ya, you over the cliff).

The typing and food remain the same.

This is the shitty version of a Romulan cloaking device as it uses natural background. Also, it makes great target practicing during the winter as you blast off pieces of its top head piece with a .45. Ain't I a great person?


	97. Hoppip Evo line

ENTRY 92: HOPPIP EVOLUTIONARY LINE

HOPPIP:

Oh come on, this shit? I have problems with these all day. The stats are crappy seeing the first three as a two and the speed as a three. The moves include: hover heal, flail around, splash, and bounce.

The food is CO2 and sunlight.

The typing is grass and flying with the weaknesses being fire, flying, poison, rock, and 4x damage from ice types.

In battles, please, I'll be getting a flamethrower and… Hold on Catherine's here. Wait, why do you have that bat? Why did you lock the door? Wait, WAIT! *WHACK, THUD*…

Catherine here, and besides my violent father's antics, Hoppips are sweet, loveable creatures and they are very friendly. They enjoy playing around and don't cause any problems. They might eat your food, but they are just children. I'm going now before my father does something stupid.

* * *

SKIPLOOM:

Ow, my fucking head, anyway, this Pokémon is like a thermometer, cool, a Pokémon with a use. The stats aren't better seeing the speed increasing by one. The moves include: bullet seed, splash, miracle powder, and U-turn (Not a move, this is what you do with a car and "accidently" run over your mother-in-law, that's how she did get killed).

The typing and food remain the same.

Never battled one.

* * *

JUMPLUFF:

Better, this Pokémon at least flies away. The stats are also better as the first three are a three and the speed is a good six. The moves include: mass attack, acrobatics, solar step, and cottonweed punch.

The typing and food remain the same.

I battled a few of these before and this was when I originally had my Snivy. She was a bitch. Didn't even fight it because it was too low ground, yet it kicked her ass.


	98. Aipom Evo line

ENTRY 93: AIPOM EVOLUTIONARY LINE

AIPOM:

Oh great, it's a shit throwing primate. It even has a giant hand on the end of its tail so it can throw large quantities of its shit at me, after shitting the shit. The stats are decent enough as the speed is a five, the attack is a four, the defense is a three, and the HP is a two. The moves include: anything with tails, last resort (AKA throwing shit), scratch, and imitate.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting.

The food is whatever a monkey eats.

I only battled a couple and they are bad.

* * *

AMBIPOM:

A monkey with two giant hand tails for throwing double the shit in my direction with bigger loads. The stats are below good, but above decent. The speed is a six, the attacking is a five, yet the HP and defense is a three. The moves include: anything with tails, hang high (now it smokes weed?), astonish, and double hit.

The typing and food remain the same.

I battled enough of these to stop having them compete. After the battles, they somehow grab hold of something and throw it at me because they think I cheat, or I'm disgusting (because I'm a Pokephile) and that I'm a huge dick. And to those that read this and think I'm all three, you are right about the last two, and go fuck yourselves!


	99. Sunkern Evo line

ENTRY 94: SUNKERN EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SUNKERN:

It's a sun flower seed, pathetic. The stats are shit seeing the main subjects as a two and the specials as a one. The moves include: seed bomb, sun soak, cure kernels, and rollout.

The food is sunlight, of course.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being bug, fire, flying, ice, and poison types.

I blowtorched a few that were on my lawn, but other than that no battles.

* * *

SUNFLORA:

This is a walking talking sunflower that kicks ass, err, to you it would. The stats are much better as the attack is a four, the defense and HP is a three, and the speed is a crappy French car. The moves include: dazzle dance, green blast, petal dance, and blade arms.

The food and typing is the same.

I battled couple from time to time and they are literally the worst plant to use in a fight.


	100. Yanma Evo line

ENTRY 95: YANMA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

YANMA:

What the fuck is that? I looked up the meaning and it's Turkish for combustion. This is not a combustion Combusken; this is a fucking dragonfly. The stats are decent seeing the speed a five, the attack and HP a three, and the defense two. The moves include: speed dive, scout, air slash, and agility.

The typing is bug and flying with the weaknesses being electric, fire, ice, flying, and 4x damage from rock types.

The food is whatever a dragonfly eats.

I used to have one as a watcher I paid $13 an hour for, but he peaked at me and Midori "doing" something and I fired my gun through the window at it.

* * *

YANMEGA:

Way scarier and much more intimidating. The stats are better seeing the speed is still a five, but the first three have increased to four. The moves include: assault boom, U-turn, sonicboom, and shoot through.

The typing and food remain the same, ish.

I have battled a couple of them and it's not too hard, but they only knocked off Rose as a Kirlia at one point.


	101. Wooper Evo line

ENTRY 96: WOOPER EVOLUTIONARY LINE

WOOPER:

The names are getting stupider and stupider as time goes on. The stats are utterly shitty seeing the first three are two and the speed is a tireless car in a tar pit. The moves include: slam, tail whip, splatter, and yawn.

The typing is water and ground with the weakness being 4x damage from grass types.

The food is something.

I never battled one.

* * *

QUAGSIRE:

LOL, the Quagmire Pokémon. The stats are double from a Wooper. The moves include: mud shot, landslide, wave splash, and rock hurl.

The food is whatever decides to crawl into its mouth.

The typing is the same.

The battles, eh, they really suck. It can't even hit too much as it sits there trying to assault someone.


	102. Murkrow Evo line

ENTRY 97: MURKROW EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MURKROW:

Bears bad luck, loaded up bullshit. The crow's stats are pretty decent seeing the speed a five, the defense as a four, HP is a three, and defense is a crappy two. The moves include: swarm, glide, plunder, and dark cutter.

The typing is dark and flying with the weaknesses being fairy, electric, rock, and ice types.

The food is whatever a crow eats.

This thing should be renamed the "Mr. Italy" Pokémon since it steals, like me.

I never battled one, but I have shot one as it stole Midori's wedding ring.

* * *

HONCHKROW:

Ok, the category is stupid, it doesn't even look like a mobster. Maybe if it looked like Vito Corleone or Al Capone, or if it at least was smoking a cigar. The stats are better seeing the attacking as a six, but the speed reduced as it and HP are a four, and the defense remains a two. The moves include: shadow bind, vengeance, blindside, and riot (This is an attempt that Catherine tried to start, lol).

The typing and food remain the same.

The battles I had were mainly at night seeing these things were worse than the Zubats I have. At least a M4A4 keeps them at bay.


	103. Misdreavus Evo line

ENTRY 98: MISDREAVUS EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MISDREAVUS:

HA, if it decides to scare me, I'll make it shit itself as I pop a bullet through it. The stats are relatively decent seeing the speed a five and the first three being a three. The moves include: show off, mumble, spooky shot, and lullaby.

The typing is ghost with the weaknesses being ghost and dark types.

The food is your fear, and I'll make me its fear so it can eat its own fear.

I had to use a flamethrower on this one as it used to give Rose nightmares as a Ralts. It tried on Edward but according to him, he flipped it off and went back to sleep.

* * *

MISMAGIUS:

Appears when you least expect it? Thank God I did that secret project of me injecting myself with those two mega evolve stones. The stats are slightly better seeing the speed now as a six, but the first three remain the same. The moves include: poltergeist, anything with chanting (like the Indians), avenge, and psywave.

The food is something else, thank God.

The typing is the same.

I battled a couple and Heleva wipes them clean.


	104. Unown Entry

ENTRY 99: UNOWN ENTRY

What the fucking hell is this thing? It looks like person, and looks like a fucked up Kanji symbol. The stats are decent enough where the attack is a four, the speed is a three, and the HP and defense is a two. The moves include: Hidden power, shuffle, X-RAY, and ! (Literally that's a move).

I don't know what it eats.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being bug, dark, and ghost types.

I never seen one, let alone battled one.

* * *

 **Currently Shortest.**


	105. Wynaut Evo line

ENTRY 100: WYNAUT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

WYNAUT:

We have to have this thing as the 100th entry Pokémon? The name makes sense such as "Wynaut kill every one of these motherfucking shit faced creatures?". The stats are cruddy seeing the HP as a four, the defense as a two, the speed as a sumo carrying your grandparents, and the attack as a fish attacking the Terminator. The moves include: flail, astonish, alluring smile, and confusion wave.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being dark, bug, and ghost types.

The food is whatever the food is.

I never battled one, but I have one in the "war" room that is as annoying as all fuck. Luckily I sold it yesterday to those Team Rocket mother fuckers as their Wobbufett was out for the week.

* * *

WOBBUFETT:

Oh fucking hell, it's what I call the Sailor Pokémon, since it does that salute. The stats are oddly decent seeing the HP at a seven, the defense a three, but the speed and attack a two. The moves include: mirror barrier, grind, double return, and headbutt bounce.

The typing and food remain the same.

Warning to trainers, or assholes who own one, if two or more of these things come to your Wobbufett, then there will be competition and you'll have your Wobbufett starved and dead by a week. Good idea, but you're all to yuppie and too much of a snowflake to let them kill themselves over a stupid argument.

I battled a few and Heleva and Siliveisa do well for this shit. Of course I have Arenmo now fight because he is out beating his mother.

* * *

 **I finally made 100 entries, YES! Anyway as a semi-author note as I'm writing this. Some of you are wondering what the secret experiment is. The experiment was that I inject myself with liquid Gallade and Gardevoir mega evolve stones to see if it is possible to become a Pokémon. Good news it works and I can turn back to normal, bad news, I'm not in the mega evolve state, more like regular, that and I think because my hair is black, the green areas of the Gallade and Gardevoir is black as well. Next part includes where I used this Pokémon power to help me beam to alternative universes. Then, with a mixture of the Zapdos heart I ate years ago, the gems I injected, my Pokémon looks, and my collection of Disney villain songs, I became the Voodoo Gallade of the story "Amphibian Love". 4th wall breaker? Who the fuck cares.**


	106. Girafarig Entry

ENTRY 101: GIRAFARIG ENTRY

" _It's a giraffe_!"- Patrick Star

Maybe that's what I should do, start adding sayings to the entries? You can put that down in the comments of the story if I should or shouldn't. Anyway, the stats are relatively decent seeing the speed a five, the attack a four, and the defense and HP a three. The moves include: psybeam, show off, psyshot, and tackle.

The typing is normal and psychic with the weaknesses being bug and dark types.

The food is whatever a giraffe eats.

I battled one before and it was fucking lame. I had Kevanin do it and it was hilariously when the trainer was amaze of how a Frogadier used a psychic attack. Of course with more than 55% psychic type blood, I get why he's a water and psychic type.


	107. Pineco Evo line

ENTRY 102: PINECO EVOLUTIONARY LINE

PINECO:

An explosive bug, fuck. The stats are decent seeing the defense as a four, the attack as a three, the HP as a two, and the speed being the Blob in the Antarctic with tar in its blood. The moves include: tackle, selfdestruct, ram, and rollout.

The typing is bug with the weaknesses being fire, flying, and rock types.

The food is whatever it lands on, hopefully not you.

I never found one or battled one.

* * *

FORRETRESS:

The fortress is actually correct as the defense is a six, the attack is a five, the HP is a three, and the speed is a two. The moves include: Everyone explode now (AKA, this Pokémon was designed by ISIS), explosion, mirror shot, and pop.

The typing now is bug and steel with the weakness being 4x damage from fire types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In fights, pathetic. Bender can whoop this things ass in three seconds flat. That ability it has is pure bullshit to make the guy using it feel all powerful, well not when fighting me bitch!


	108. Dunsparce Evo line

ENTRY 103: DUNSPARCE ENTRY

What, what, never mind. The stats are decent enough as the HP and attack are a four and the defense and speed is a three. The moves include: strike and run, dig, double draw, and down draw.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting types.

The food is whatever it eats.

I never battle done before.

* * *

Currently shortest.


	109. Gligar Evo line

ENTRY 104: GILIGAR EVOLUTIONARY LINE

GILIGAR:

Welp, that look sucks. The stats are actually good as the defense and speed is a five, the attack is a four, and the HP is a three. The moves include: anything with poison, double shot, jump on, and slash.

The typing is ground and flying with the weaknesses being water and 4x damage from ice types.

The food is whatever it eats.

I had a couple in the "war" room, but I shot them all and threw them out. What, Catherine; oh wait, she needs help with the *Distance SWACK and THUD*.

* * *

GLISCOR:

Catherine here again, I need to start knocking some sense into my father, literally, so, wait, Edward? What are you *WHACK*…..

Edward here, yeah my father and sister are currently unconscious so I put them on the far side of the room. Gliscor's stats are good for fighting since the attack, speed, and defense is a five, but the HP is a three. The moves include: night slash, ninja fang, iron grip, and poison jab.

The typing and food is the same.

I battled a couple of these and one time I was picked up by one after I almost lost and it carried me about three miles from the gym. In the end, I just hit a psychic ball at it and the thing went like a rock into the lake. Ok, unfortunately I had to fish the damn Pokémon out, but at least I won the battle. Wait my father is waking up, better get Catherine out of here.


	110. Snubbull Evo line

ENTRY 105: SNUBBULL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SNUBBULL:

First off, this little puppy is correct, it is intimidating. The stats are decent as the attacking is a four, the HP is a three, but the defense and speed is a two. The moves include: roar, sharp fang, headbutt, and bite.

The typing is fairy with the weaknesses being steel and poison.

The food is whatever a bulldog eats.

I never battled one.

* * *

GRANBULL:

Now this thing will scare the shit out of you. The stats are higher as the attack is a well-made six, HP is a four, and the defense and speed is a two. The moves include: timid tackle, chomp, headbutt, and double stomp.

The typing and food are the same.

I battled only one and it wasn't too impressive, but it wasn't an excuse.


	111. Qwilfish Entry

ENTRY 106: QWILFISH ENTRY

It's a pufferfish. The stats are pretty decent seeing the attack and speed a five, and the HP and defense as a three. The moves include: anything involving stinging, stun poison, nerve shot, and offensive needle (What, is it a needle that says nigga on it?).

The typing is water and poison with the weaknesses being ground, electric, and psychic types.

The food is whatever a pufferfish eats.

I never battled one before, but I heard someone owned one and was sent to the hospital twice.

* * *

 **Currently Shortest.**


	112. Shuckle Entry

ENTRY 107: SHUCKLE ENTRY

Well, it's a turtle alright. The stats are fucked up. It's basically a piece of wet paper, in a NASCAR race, fighting the Hulk. But, the defense is a whopping full blown ten. The moves include: share (in a battle?), double stab, poison jab, and ferment poison.

The typing is bug and rock with the weaknesses being rock, steel and water types.

The food is berries.

I battled one before and it took a whole three minutes for Bender to get it out of its shell. Of course we had to send it to the hospital but who the fuck cares?


	113. Heracross Evo line

ENTRY 108: HERACROSS EVOLUTIONARY LINE

HERACROSS:

This is one big ass beetle. The stats are pretty decent, border-lining good, as the attack is a six, the speed is a five, and the HP and defense is a low three. The moves include: green draw, double headbutt, extra draw, and pitch.

The typing is bug and fighting with the weaknesses being psychic, fire, fairy, and 4x damage from flying.

The food is whatever a beetle eats.

I battled a couple and Midori and Rose do an excellent job at whooping the Heracrosses asses.

* * *

MEGA HERACROSS:

This is a giant beetle on fucking steroids. The stats are way more impressive as the attacking is a way high nine, the defense is a five, the speed has shrunk to a four, and the HP still stays at a three.

The typing also remains the same.

I battled one before and Midori with Mega evolution really kicked its ass.


	114. Sneasal Evo line

ENTRY 109: SNEASEL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SNEASEL:

Oh, the Pokémon thieves that should be renamed the _Edward Pokémon_ seeing as he steals worse than me in some cases. The stats are decent seeing the speed as a six, the attacking as a five, the defense is a three, and the HP as a two. The moves include: double scratch, corner, scratch, and slash.

The typing is dark and ice with the weaknesses being fire, bug, steel, rock, ice, and 4x damage from fighting types.

The food is eggs.

Oh, I hate these mother fuckers. I don't even let them get within my lab proximity within 200 feet. If they do, they can guarantee that I will be shooting them no matter how much police force they bring.

* * *

WEAVILE:

Ugh, a worse one. The stats are better seeing the speed as a seven, the attack as a six, and the HP and defense as a three. The moves here include: slash, chip off, shadow charge, and call for family (Oh, you're going extinct too?).

The typing is the same.

The food is whatever it hunts.

Annoying little bitches I'll say. Luckily the fights make them better as their annoyance gets turned into fighting skill. Unfortunately Bender wipes Weaviles on his ass every fucking time he fights them.


	115. Teddiusar Evo line

**Slight offensive content.**

* * *

ENTRY 110: TEDDIURSA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

TEDDIURSA:

Well, judging by the symbol on its head, I would say it is Islamic or a Turk. The stats are below decent as the attacking is a four, the HP is a three, and the defense and speed is a two. The moves include: take down, fake tears, rest (lazy ass), and flop.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting types.

The food is honey and berries.

I never battled these stupid bears. Although it is kinda funny dressing them up as a terrorist, except Catherine says that's a bad way of displaying them.

* * *

URSARING:

Ok, this is where I now say, don't piss it off. The stats are good seeing the attack as a seven, the HP a four, and the defense and speed a three. The moves include: hammer arm, drag off, confront, and cross chop.

The typing and food, I think, remain the same.

I battled a few of these and dealt with a wild one. The wild one was a mother fucker in multiple areas. Luckily two Glock 18 shots stopped it and made it run back home.


	116. Sulgma Evo line

ENTRY 111: SLUGMA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SLUGMA:

What the fuck, it's a slug, made of lava. The stats are shit seeing the first three a two and the speed being, well, a slug. The moves include: combustion, flamethrower, collect, and heat tackle.

The typing is fire with the weaknesses being ground, rock, and water types.

The food is whatever a lava slug eats.

I never battled one before.

* * *

MAGCARGO:

PokéDex bullshit alert! The temperature is not 18000 degrees Fahrenheit; it's roughly 4000 degrees. The stats are sorta decent as the defense is a five, the attack is a three, and the HP and speed is a two. The moves include: flame burst, flamethrower, heat blast, and headbutt.

The typing has changed to where it is now rock and fire with the weaknesses being fighting, rock, and 4x damage from water and ground types.

The food is the same.

I battled a few of these and with Siliveisa fighting them, it is way easier to knock them out.


	117. Swinub Evo line

ENTRY 112: SWINUB EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SWINUB:

It's a fur ball, not a Pokémon. The stats are crappy seeing the attack and speed a three, and the HP and defense a two. The moves include: headbutt, double headbutt (almost as bad as trouble), ice ball, and mud-slap.

The typing is ice and ground as the weaknesses are fighting, fire, grass, steel, and water.

The food is mushrooms.

Never seen one.

* * *

PILOSWINE:

One giant piece of fur, with tusks. The stats are better as the attack is a five, the HP and defense is a four, but the speed remains as a three. The moves include: rest, stampede, sheer cold, and tonnage.

The typing and food, I think, remains the same.

I battled one and it was against Pella as a Combusken.

* * *

MAMOSWINE:

Holy shit, it's a wooly mammoth! The stats are also good seeing the attack as a seven and the HP, defense, and speed as a four. The moves include: icy wind, snow storm, ice fang, and charge through.

The typing is the same.

The food is the same.

I battled this one many times, and I remember battling one before we went on the horror movie style vacation.


	118. Corsola Entry

ENTRY 113: CORSOLA ENTRY

I think all that radiation from those nuclear bomb tests in the Bikini atolls created living coral that can think, talk, and move like an animal. The stats defense is a four, the attack is a three, and the HP and speed is a two. The moves include: refresh, surf, recover, and coral glow.

The typing is water and rock with the weaknesses being electric, ground, fighting, and 4x damage from grass types.

The food is whatever a piece of coral eats.

I never fought one, but I stole and sold one from the aquarium.


	119. Remoraid Evo line

ENTRY 114: REMORAID EVOLUTIONARY LINE

REMORAID:

It's a lame fish man, but it is better than that Magicrap. The stats are four on speed, three on attack, and two for the defense and HP. The moves include: water gun, splash, trickle, and water arrow.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

The food is whatever it shoots out of the sky, hopefully not you in a plane.

I never battled one, but I can tell you, they taste horrible, worse than a Magicarp.

* * *

OCTILLERY:

What the fuck? A fish evolves into a squid, err, octopus? The stats for this misfit are actually decent seeing the both attacks at a five and everything else a three. The moves include: ink bomb, water vein, switch cannon, and aqua liner.

The typing and food remains the same.

I battled only a couple, and actually gave one to my father who ate it. Oh well.


	120. Delibird Entry

ENTRY 115: DELIBIRD ENTRY

First off, it doesn't have deli meats, second off, it sucks. The stats are bad as the speed is a four, the attack is a three, but the HP and defense lag behind as a two. The moves include: hail, snowy present, ice ball, and icy wind.

The typing is ice and flying with the weaknesses being fire, electric, steel, and 4x damage from rock types.

The food is whatever it finds.

I never battled one.

* * *

 **Shortest currently.**


	121. Mantyke Evo line

ENTRY 116: MANTYKE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MANTYKE:

It's a miniature manta ray, not cute. The stats are pretty bad as the speed is a three, the HP and defense is a two, and the attacking is your grandfather against Rocky Balboa. The only moves are call for family (only if you pay them) and baby evolution; c'mon you stupid professor asswipes.

The typing is flying and water with the weaknesses being rock and 4x damage from electric types.

The food is whatever a manta ray eats.

I never fought one.

* * *

MANTINE:

It's a bigger, more looking like a retarded one, manta ray. The stats are still bad seeing the speed as a four, the HP and defense as a three, and the attack is a two. The moves include: giant wave, group swim, aqua splash, and anything involving waves.

The typing and food remain the same.

I battled one and it was too easy.


	122. Skarmory Evo line

ENTRY 117: SKARMORY ENTRY

An interesting bird, but it shouldn't be able to fly. Luckily *gun-clicking*, I got a gun. The stats are pretty decent, border lining good, as the defense is a six, the speed and attack is a four, and the HP is a three. The moves include: steel coat, cry for help (not around me, you'll be dead before you get help, unless Catherine comes here), razor wing, and joust (like a fucking night?).

The typing is steel and flying with the weaknesses being fire and electricity.

The food is whatever it eats.

I battled two of them and thank God I used Bender against these. He can take them out pretty well, only he gets cut real bad.


	123. Houndour Evo line

ENTRY 118: HOUDNOUR EVOLUTIONARY LINE

HOUNDOUR:

It's a creepy looking dog alright. The stats are less than decent. The speed is a four, the attack is a three, and the HP and defense is a two. The moves include: jump on, roar, bite, and smog.

The typing is dark and fire, like hell, and the weaknesses are fighting, ground, rock, and water types.

The food is whatever a puppy from hell eats.

I only battled one and it was a waste of time, Rose as a Kirlia took it out.

* * *

HOUNDOOM:

Now this is what I call a dog from hell. It looks like Satan's dog. The stats are decent as the attack and speed are a five, the HP is a three, but the defense is a two. The moves include: Grand flame, melting horn, dark roar, and flamethrower.

The typing remains the same.

This thing will eat anything, even dead people.

I battled a few and they are more impressive. However, Edward and Bender wipe them off with the fighting type advantage, MG (mega evolution), and the Z-crystals I got all in one package.

* * *

MEGA HOUNDOOM:

AAAAAAAHHHH! Pretty fucking scary, I'll say. The stats are a bit higher as the speed is now a six, the attack remains a five, the defense is now a four, and the HP remains the same. The typing also remains the same.

It's more, um, scarier as it once spooked Catherine as a Ralts into wetting herself. Don't ask, I'm the father who puts up with this shit.


	124. MINI STORY 5: Catherine, the problem kid

MINI STORY FIVE:

Relaxing in the chair as I think of what to do, I turn off the computer and walk out the door only to see Catherine looking up at me with a scowl. I said, "You look like your mother when I pushed Ash off the balcony."

She said, "You didn't have to put 'that' fact down in your 'Dex, dad."

I held my laugh and said, "Well, can I really blame you?"

She rolled her eyes and walked away. I was once in w while funny to see shit blow up in my face, but ever since Christmas when Arenmo and Rose got married, I basically dealt with Catherine more and I swear she is either jealous or she is just being a mood swinging teen. Well, technically Kirlias are like that.

I walk down to the front and Midori is sitting at the desk apparently bored as I come around and sit down next to her. I kiss her cheek and say, "Well Midori, usual shit?"

She smiled and said, "You think?"

"Well, here's something for you to know, Catherine is starting to experience the Kirlia moods swings, which I say is normal."

Midori then told me, "It is, I interviewed people who had Kirlias and they said it's a normal thing."

I rolled my names saying, "God only knows what Rose and Edward's kids, if they will be Ralts, will act."

Midori said, "I'm more interested in how the typing will mix."

I nodded saying, "True, it's interesting how Kevanin is a water and psychic type, even though there is no psychic type in the evolutionary line."

Midori said, "It'd be more interesting when Rose and Arenmo have a child and it's a dark and psychic type."

"Good point, but I'm waiting until someone down the line has a human looking kid, then we'll see some real biological miracles."

She just laughed and I let her getting back to the work as I walked back to my room. As I walk, I hear a tune play, I listen to it and I said, "The intro to "Fiddler on the Roof", it seems he mastered it well."

I knocked on Magnus's door and asked, "How's the fiddler doing?"

The door opened as I said, "Well, you can't fight, but you can play like a fucking champ."

Magnus stood up saying with glee, "I never had this much freedom, I mean I work around with Catherine sometimes but, I never actually could've just played instruments without a complaint."

I smiled saying, "Well, I'm a family guy-ish, also speaking of Catherine, have you noticed if she is, getting closer to you, a bit?"

Magnus blushed saying, "S-sometimes, but I don't think it's anything."

I looked at him and said, "Now, I've seen how romances form, and I don't really give a shit if she marries you. I mean you two have the same hippy, non-violent beliefs, only Catherine takes the fact that I blew up the tower on New Year's too seriously."

Magnus then said, "Yeah; that I think you took a little too far."

I laughed saying, "Midori is participating in the reconstruction of it so I don't blow it up, and unfortunately it worked."

He laughed saying, "Your own wife defeated you."

"And I beat my wife a couple times before, so it's equal."

We both laughed a bit as I exited the room and went back to my room. I hoped that my life would get better. It didn't as my father came down the hall, he looked and said, "Tell, me you're going to do something other than stupidity?"

I looked and said, "Well, depends, I think Catherine is going to marry off Magnus, my 'Dex is not half way finished, and Midori is helping to rebuild the Luminose tower."

"Why what happened?"

I said, "I did a V for Vendetta and decided to blow it up."

He looked at me with shock and said, "You blew up a fucking building?"

I grinned in his direction, "The main one, yeah."

He threw his hands in the air saying, "Unbelievable, my son is a crazy terrorist."

"I'm not, I just like a little excitement, besides no one was killed."

He walked away and I got to my room and found that my wallet was missing. I asked, "Edward?"

He popped up and said, "Catherine took it this time."

"What she gonna do with my wallet?"

"She said she was going to go drink off half the bar."

I shook my head and said, "Find her and get my wallet back."

He poofed off and I crashed on the bed saying, "Kids, why do they drink off your money?"


	125. Phanpy Evo line

ENTRY 119: PHANPY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

PHANPY:

What kind of name is that? Skipping the mega bullshitting in the name, the stats are barely decent seeing the attack as a HP as a four, the attack and defense are a three, and the speed as a two. The moves include: double spin, flail, take down, and stampede (typical for an elephant, don't you think?).

The typing is ground with the weaknesses being grass, ice, and water types.

The food is whatever an elephant eats.

I never battled this, however I do have one in current foreign trading that is stuck here.

* * *

DONPHAN:

Well now, this is better, a Pokémon that uses brute strength, fucking finally. The stats are also better seeing the attack as a six, the defense as a five, the HP a four, and the speed a three. The moves include: spinning turn, wreck, double spin, and rock hurl.

The typing and food remain the same.

I battled some of them and they aren't too good for my inside area so I fight outside. That and the brute strength isn't much, except when one of my Pokémon does get "lucky" and gets turned into road pavement, LOL.


	126. Stantler Entry

ENTRY 120: STANTLER ENTRY:

YES, another Pokémon that was nearly hunted to extinction, people are so smart, and I'm doing my part as well. What are you looking at Catherine? Anyways, the stats are decent seeing the attack and speed as a five, and the HP and defense as a three. The moves include: lead, frightening horn, push away, and big charge.

The typing is normal and the weakness is fighting.

The food is whatever a reindeer eats.

I never battled one, but hey, I have actually shot one, however it did get away. Catherine, why did you bring Magnus in here for? Hold on, my daughter's giving me grief.


	127. Smeargle Entry

ENTRY 121: SMEARGLE ENTRY

Oh look, it's a dog with a paint brush tail and a bureau, not a fucking French painter. The stats on the dog are cheap shit as the speed is a four, HP and Defense is a two, and the attack is a shitty American painter against Leonardo Da Vinci. The moves include: collect, flickering tail, split spiral punch, and trace.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting types.

The food is whatever a French painting dog eats.

I never battled one before, but when I asked one to paint a picture of me and Midori, I got a porno picture and smashed it upside the dog's head. I kicked his ass, and took my money back. That was one of the times Midori agreed with my violence.


	128. Miltank Entry

ENTRY 122: MILTANK ENTRY

It's a cow, a Pokémon cow, and I still get milk from my world, not this one. The stats are pretty decent seeing the speed and defense as a five, and the HP and attack as a four. The moves include: sitdown splash, max milk, tackle, and body slam.

The typing is normal with the weakness being typing.

The food is anything grassy.

To be honest, the beef is way worse than the beef in my world. In battles, um, well, urm, let's say never let a two day old child walk on the battle field.


	129. Raikou Entry

ENTRY 123: RAIKOU ENTRY

Another useless legendary, not whoopy. This electric Bengal tiger's stats are actually good seeing the speed as a six, the attack and HP a four, and the defense as a three. The moves include: roar, anything involving thunder, zap cannon, and volt bolt.

The typing is electric with the weakness being ground types.

The food is nothing.

I never battled one.

* * *

 **This is literally the shortest so far.**


	130. Entei Entry

ENTRY 124: ENTEI ENTRY

So it looks like a bold tiger, it's been eating too many Butterfinger bars. The stats are good seeing the attack as a six, the HP and speed as a five, and the defense as a four. The moves include: anything with fire, anything with flame, stomp, and combustion.

The typing is fire with the weaknesses being ground, rock, and water.

The food is nothing.

I never battled this tiger on Butterfinger commercial steroids sorry. However, I heard a rumor that it did almost beat someone, until that guy took a large branch and beat it over the head.


	131. Suicune Entry

ENTRY 125: SUICUNE

The name looks like suicide; please, go do that ya oversized water lion. The stats are pretty decent as the HP and attack are a four, and the defense and speed are a five. The moves include: tsunami, energy flip, icy wind, and bubblebeam (not effective dumbass).

The typing is water and the weaknesses are grass and electric types.

The food is nothing.

I never battled this one.


	132. Larvitar Evo line

ENTRY 126: LARVITAR EVOLUTIONARY LINE

LARVITAR:

A tiny dinosaur, lame as fuck. The stats are pretty sucky since the attack is a three, and everything else is a two. The moves include: bite, tackle, mountain eater (holy shit, that's a lot of food), and mud slap.

The typing is rock and ground with the weaknesses being fighting, ground, ice, steel and 4x damage from water and grass types.

The food is rocks.

I have one in the lab as Ms. Mother Nature got it from someone who was dumping it off. Luckily she didn't give the guy money for it.

* * *

PUPITAR:

Sounds like "poop"itar and is basically that, in a figurative sense. The stats are all raised by one. The moves include: speed attack, headbutt, rage, and hyper beam.

The typing and food is the same.

Only battled two and they were both at a time. Edward knocked them off with ease, Bender tried and nearly lost, but amazing since he did have the MG and the Z-crystal.

* * *

TYRANITAR:

Now this, my unpolitically correct, wasting time friends, is a mother fucking badass. This is literally the Pokémon version of Godzilla. The stats are way better as the attack is a seven, the defense is a five, the HP is a four, and the speed remains a three. The moves include: Dark Mountain, payback, ground burn, and darkness howl.

The typing is now a ground and dark type with the weaknesses being bug, grass, water, fairy, ground, steel, and 4x damage from fighting types.

The food is the same.

I fought a good amount of these and Midori, Bender, and Edward are excellent fighters for this shit. Sometimes I would now throw in Siliveisa or Kevanin for good measure.

* * *

MEGA TYRANITAR:

Holy shit! We have a more badass Godzilla on our hands. The stats are more improved as we see the attack as an eight, the defense as a six, the speed a four, but the HP remains a four as well.

The typing also remains the same.

I battled so far two of them, and they are pretty fucking tough. Now, Midori can handle one, but this cunt apparently had a second Tyranitar and used it as well with the MG, and she won that round. Then I sent Edward as a cleanup and wiped it off.


	133. Lugia Entry

ENTRY 127: LUGIA ENTRY

This was the Pokémon I saw on that seen from the movie, which I hated with all my guts. The stats are damn good seeing the speed and defense at a six, the attack at a five, and the HP is a four. The moves include: deep hurricane, aero ball, plasma gale, and elemental blast.

The typing is psychic and flying with the weaknesses being dark, ghost, electric, ice, and rock types.

The food is nothing.

I know it's a legendary, it sucks, and I don't give shits for them. Which is mainly the reason why I earlier stated I killed and ate the Zapdos. That and I never seen or battled it.


	134. Ho-Oh Entry

ENTRY 128: HO-OH ENTRY

First off weird name, second off, it's the "rainbow" category which means it's a queer/homosexual/bisexual/transgender/intersex/ambiguous (AKA LGBTQIA) legendary. The stats on this really fucked up bird is very good. The attacking is a seven, the speed is a five, and the defense and HP is a four. The moves include: combustion, sacred fire, rainbow burn, and gust.

The typing is fire and flying with the weaknesses being electric, water, and 4x damage from rock types.

No food.

I never battled one, but I have heard people see it. Someone did attack it once and regretted it so at least you tried.


	135. Celebi Entry

ENTRY 129: CELEBI ENTRY

Well the category should be renamed the "Doctor Who" Pokémon, since it of course time travels. The stats are decent as the attack and speed is a five, and the defense and HP is a four. The moves include: future sight, leaf poison, psychic shield, and leaf bind.

The typing is grass and psychic with the weaknesses being dark, fire, ice, flying, poison, ghost, and 4x damage from bug types.

No food.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: According to the, oh so famous, PokéDex, Celebi comes from the future. Oh really, ay? Does North Korea ditch Kim Jong Un? Or does Trump save America? Or do we finally meet aliens? According to the DerpéDex, it can bring back it's "friends" to life. This was a scary fact when I saw a figure dressed like Moses on top of a hill. The next thing I knew, the Ten Plagues were released onto Luminose City. Good news, none of us where there at the time, we were at my parents' house for the week, and can you say my aunts were there and they didn't know what the fuck to say?

In terms of battles, I never fought one, but I did get the fact that the Ten Plagues came by talking to one.


	136. Treecko Evo line

Besides the shit going on in Kalos because of the last three days of it picking up from the Ten Plagues, I writing this is my parent's other house as I pay a small amount of rent for the next few days because of the mess. That and I moved my whole family here and all fuck broke loose between the drunken relatives, my parents, my family, and me, while Edward, Kevanin, Catherine, and Arenmo were sitting on the sidelines.

Entry 130: TREECKO EVOLUTIONARY LINE

TREECKO:

First off, it's a gecko, second, it has a good set of balls to stand up to anything, and this is a proven fact. The stats are pretty bad seeing the speed as a four, but the first three being a two. The moves include: pound, slash, razor leaf, and scratch.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being bug, ice, flying, fire, and poison types.

The food is leaves, I assume.

Now earlier I stated that a Treecko stands up to anything. This was proven when two years ago, I bumped into one and she didn't like how I walked through her territory. I stared at her long enough and even threatened to fire a .12 gauge at her, and yet she held her spot. I fired, she shit herself, lol.

* * *

GROYVLE:

Stupid name, stupid Pokémon. The stats are getting better as the speed is now a five, the attack is a three, yet the defense and HP is a two. The moves include: pound, cut, detect, and smash kick.

The typing is the same.

Food= same.

I battled a couple and nothing impressive. It is hilarious to burn a whole forest of them and see them fleeing with parts of them on fire so it's easy to shoot them :D

* * *

SCEPTILE:

Ah yes, the oversized tree lizard; what a hippy. The stats are pretty decent seeing the speed up to a six, the attack is a four, and the HP and defense is a three. The moves include: slice drain, X-scissor, unseen claw, and energy bloom.

The food and typing remain the same.

Now, this one is fucking good sport. It says that it grows the trees in a caring, loving manner, like Catherine. I burn, destroy, incinerate, and obliterate the trees, in a caring, loving manner, you know, with flamethrowers, Molotov bottles, shit like that. In terms of battles, a quite few, but Bender handles them well.

* * *

MEGA SCEPTILE:

OK, this sucka is more of a badass like some other MEs (Mega Evolutions). The stats are way better seeing the speed a frickin' eight, the attack a six, but the HP and defense remains the same.

The typing has changed to where it is now a grass and dragon type with the weaknesses being flying, poison, dragon, fairy, bug, and 4x damage from ice types.

I battled a couple, and Midori with her ME takes these ones pretty good, until one smartass decides to come with a OP Pokémon and I have to deal with this kid's arrogance.


	137. Torchic Evo line

ENTRY 131: TORCHIC EVOLUTIONARY LINE

Ah, something I can write a shit ton of info about, my friends/family members, since they are Pokémon.

TORCHIC:

This would be Pella. Torchics are very friendly, until they hit the next Evo line. The stats are crappy since the speed and attack is a three, and the defense and HP is a two. The moves include: reckless charge, peck, claw, and singe.

The typing is fire with the weaknesses being rock, ground, and water types.

The food would be bird seed, I actually tried giving her worms, and anything small, just a warning note.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: The temperature of it is not 1800 degrees. I measured it, it's at around 900 maybe about a thousand degrees.

In terms of battling, I would have it fight weaker Pokémon until it can actually fight off harder opponents, or starts to peck at your feet.

* * *

COMBUSKEN:

Another Pella, only the beginning of hell. This flaming, Kung Fu, Jackie Chan chicken's stats are decent as the attack is a four, but the HP, defense and speed is a three. The moves include: flamethrower, scratch, high jump kick, and firebreathing.

The typing is different as it is now a fire and fighting type with the weaknesses being flying, ground, psychic, and water types.

The food is more formal, being small pieces of meat and vegetables, and tahini cakes, which I made thinking it was rice cakes.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: It can't do ten kicks per second. Pella was lucky to throw out two, maybe three kicks and she aimed one at my balls. Pain, FUCK YEAH!

In fights, she was very good and better than the average one. Or until a trainer brought in her Combusken and wiped Pella on the floor.

* * *

BLAZIKEN:

Ah, my good friend Bender and his daughter Pella, who are also my in-laws. This six foot killer bird's stats are good seeing the attacking as a six, the speed a four, but the HP and defense remain the same. The moves include: flamethrower, heat blow, burn away, and double kick.

The typing is the same.

The food has become whatever a human eats, I can't really argue.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Clear a 30 story building? Who the fuck writes this shit? Bender is lucky to jump 6 stories, and attempted to do seven, but had a piece of metal slice his leg and crash into the lab roof. Pella did 8 stories and tried ten, but she then went through someone's window, got flung out that window by whoever was in there, and crashed onto someone's car. I'm surprised she lived, but Bender actually claimed to sue that person, which we did.

Some other notes that are needed, Blazikens are hot heads. Proven fact, for at least the younger ones. Once a Blaziken matures, then its temper increases and becomes normal. Pella needs to work on hers. Another note, Blazikens seem to be alcohol drinkers for some reason. My uncle-in-law and Bender get along pretty fucking fine, way better than my father. They drink beer away like no problems have ever happened to them.

In terms of fighting, Blazikens are excellent at it. I battled a few with my own and damn you should've seen some of their looks.

* * *

MEGA BLAZIKEN:

You thought a Blaziken was cool enough, well, SURPRISE MOTHA FUCKA! This is where it hits awesomeness. The stats are way better as the attacking is an eight, the speed is a five, the defense is a four, yet the HP still is a three.

The typing remains the same.

When Bender goes through this shit, he can become one hell of a fighter and kick the living shit out of a lot of Pokémon. I took him against Alain's Charizard X and he won against it. Alright, Bender nearly lost, but still. And when you mix the Z-crystal and ME, you got literally the most OP Pokémon in the world, ok not really.


	138. Mudkip Evo line

ENTRY 132: MUDKIP EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MUDKIP:

Um, its own radar apparently. Which means it's another thing that the FBI, NSA, and Hillary Clinton, when she slips one into Trump's shirt, would love to have. The stats are below decent as the attack is a four, but everything else is a two. The moves include: mud sport (Not a sport), spring back, super hypno wave, and mud spatter.

The typing is water with the weaknesses are grass and electric types.

The food is water a mud fish eats.

I battled only one with Rose as a Ralts and she in the end became friends with it.

* * *

MARSHTOMP:

What the bloody hell is this? The stats are sort of decent as the attack is the same, but everything else is now a three. The moves include: anything with mud, hug (what the fuck, taking Catherine lessons?), bubble, and splash.

The typing is now water and ground with the weakness being 4x damage from grass types.

The food is probably the same.

I battled a couple to understand this, they suck, and they actually beat a Servine with a stuck up, dipshit attitude.

* * *

SWAMPERT:

Sounds like pervert, dumbass naming. The stats are pretty decent as the attacking is now a six, and everything but speed is a four, with the speed still at a three. The moves include: hammer arm, water arrow, waterfall, and hydro pump.

The typing is the same.

The food is the same.

I battled a few of these and they aren't that impressive.

* * *

MEGA SWAMPERT:

This should be renamed the Arnold Schwarzenegger Pokémon because do you see how it looks? The stats are also impressive as the attacking is an eight now, defense is a five, and the HP and speed is a four.

The typing still stays the same.

I battled a couple of them and they are pretty damn tough. Luckily, I have something called psychic Pokémon which kick this things ass pretty fast, in about five to ten minutes.


	139. Poochyena Evo line

ENTRY 133: POOCHYENA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

POOCHYENA:

HA, east anything it says? Here's some solid Botox, enjoy. The stats on this little wolf are pretty shitty. The attack is a three, the HP, defense, and speed is a two, and the specials are nothing special. The moves include: paralyzing glaze, bite, sharp fang, and lunge.

The typing is dark with the weaknesses being fighting, bug, and fairy types.

The food is anything.

I have one in the room, and Catherine won't let me get rid of it.

* * *

MIGHTYENA:

This isn't anything worth mentioning, except that the bites do hurt, mainly because Edward went up against a wild one, *shivers*. The stats are decent as the attack is a five, the speed is a four, and the HP and defense is a three. The moves include: sharp fang, hyper claws, crunch, and darkness fang.

The typing and food is the same.

I battled a lot of them from Team Magma and Team Aqua, and I won all the bets. However, I let them keep the money since they only put in paper money instead of gold.


	140. Zigzagoon Evo line

ENTRY 134: ZIGZAGOON EVOLUTIONARY LINE

ZIGZAGOON:

This is Zigzagoon, and he is always very curious. One day he found the barrel of my rifle, stuck his nose in it, and died once it fired. The stats are shit seeing the speed as a three, but the first three a two. The moves include: gnaw, body slam, collect, and sand attack.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting types.

The food is probably anything.

I have shot ma few of these and sold it to the French and Canadians. My relatives actually liked the fur clothes I make with these.

* * *

LINOONE:

It's just a slightly bigger fur pelt. The stats are decent as the speed is a five, the attack is a four, and the HP and defense is a three. The moves include: continuous headbutt, fury swipes, overrun, and claw swipe.

The typing is the same.

Food is the same.

I shot a few of these until the CEPA (Catherine's Environmental Protection Agency) decided to cut off the trade.


	141. Wurmple Evo line

ENTRY 135: WURMPLE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

WURMPLE:

Well, I'll say it is a crappy caterpillar. The stats are horrendously shitty seeing the first three as a two, and the speed being a SJW running through a Pro-Trump rally. The moves include: sleep poison, flock, tackle, and ascension (like it's going to meet Jesus Christ, really?).

The typing is bug with the weaknesses being fire, flying, and rock types.

The food is tree sap.

I blow torched a few as they were crawling on my lawn at one point. Good times when the CEPA didn't exist.

* * *

SILCOON:

One giant cocoon, nothing more. The stats are slightly better since the speed is the same crappiness, the first two are the same, but the defense is now a three. The moves are: harden, sticky string, ram, and advanced armor.

The typing remains the same.

This thing eats nothing but rainwater.

I sold this to the Asians and I made a lot of cash on silk. Unfortunately, guess who decided to do an embargo?

* * *

BEAUTIFLY:

Ok, this is much better to be honest. The giant butterfly, possibly a distant cousin to the Butterfee, has much better stats as the speed and attack are a four, the HP is a three, but the defense backs down to a two. The moves include: blot, whirlwind, colorful powder, and giga drain.

The typing is now bug and flying with the weaknesses being electric, fire, flying, ice, and 4x damage from rock types.

The food is pollen.

Now, it says that you can see one by simply putting a potted flower by the window sill. Catherine did this and the next morning a whole group of them were there. I yelled at the mother fuckers and they just looked at me and ignored me. Shooting them was more useful and I soon got a lecture from Catherine of why I shouldn't shoot innocent creatures. She is one motherfucking hippy.

* * *

CASCOON:

This is the second line of Wurmple. The stats for this one are the same as for the Silcoon. The moves include: tackle, poison thread, harden, and iron defense (You're not a steel type asshole).

The typing remains the same as Wurmple.

The food is whatever it eats.

I never dealt with one luckily.

* * *

DUSTOX:

Oh fuck, these assholes. You see, after the Ten Plagues of Kalos, there was then an influx of these little poisonous bastards. Also I moved back to the lab, and my parents have left the lab, thank God. But my aunt and uncle decided to stay here for a bit for about a couple of days. The stats on this bug are decent seeing the speed as a four, and the first three as a three. The moves include: smogscreen, toxic dust, cutting wind, and psybeam, apparently.

The typing is bug and poison with the weaknesses being psychic, fire, flying, and rock types.

The food is whatever it eats.

I battled enough of these to know to just take them out by rifle. A .45 should clean out a large group of them.


	142. Lotad Evo line

ENTRY 136: LOTAD EVOLUTIONARY LINE

LOTAD:

This is actually good camouflage because I can't tell if there lily pads or not. The stats are shit seeing as literally everything is a two. The moves include: ram, tackle, synthesis, and water sport (Like what, water polo?).

The typing is grass and water with the weaknesses being poison, flying, and bug types.

The food is probably CO2 and sunlight.

I have indirectly seen these as Catherine redecorated the room with them and I asked why the fuck did she buy lily pads. I found out later, using Rose, that they were actually Pokémon.

* * *

LOMBRE:

A trouble maker? I shot a couple of these, nocturnal or not. The stats are barely decent as everything but defense is a three, with the defense a two. The moves include: surprise, wave splash, ambush, and hook.

The typing remains the same.

Food, who the fuck knows.

I battled only one time with this bastard and it was so easy, that I decided to have Pella as a Torchic battle it. Ok she did lose, but when the trainer tried again with Pella as a Combusken, this time she won.

* * *

LUDICOLO:

It looks Mexican, Trump must've forgot to build a wall to block of these Pokémon. The stats are decent as the speed and attack is a four, and the defense and HP is a three. The moves include: solar ray, water punch, fire punch, and splash dance.

The typing remains the same.

The food, I assume, remains the same.

Now, this is a Pokémon that is easy to manage. I trade with a couple of these as I give them 40s and 50s music with way up rhythm in exchange for gold or MGs. In battles, one time Bender nearly lost to one all because Edward was playing "I'm Bad" by Michael Jackson. Who knew music could make you lose."


	143. Seedot Evo line

ENTRY 137: SEEDOT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SEEDOT:

It's a walking, talking acorn. The stats are worse than the shit you find on mass media new networks. The majors are a two while the specials look like a bunch of recycled crap piles. The moves include: headbutt, ram, surprise attack, and call for family (Why, the fuck, do, you, need, to call, for, your family?).

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being bug, fire, flying, ice, and poison.

The food is water it leeches from the tree it attaches to.

I never battled one, but I have had Rose as a Ralts remove them from the trees nearby.

* * *

NUZLEAF:

Scares people? Ok, that has happened, but I shot it and it stopped. The stats are below decent as the attack is a four, the speed and HP is a three, but the defense is a two. The moves include: fake out, stun spore, razor leaf, and gentle slap (What?).

The typing is now a grass and dark type with the weaknesses being fire, fighting, flying, ice, poison, fairy, and 4x damage from bug types.

The food is whatever it eats.

I battled a couple, and a few in the forests. Bender cleans them up pretty easy.

* * *

SHIFTRY:

Stupid name, fuck you. The stats are pretty decent as everything has been increased by one. The moves include: skill hack, otherworldly return (What the fuck are you, Giritana? The Devil?), light touch throw, and spirit dance (Oh great, now it's an Indian).

The typing and food remain the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: The winds thing of 100ft/second is busted. I measured it around 40-45 feet.

I battled a couple of these and they are sort of powerful enough to have you last for a minute or so.


	144. Taillow Evo line

ENTRY 138: TAILLOW EVOLUTIONARY LINE

TAILLOW:

Well, at least it cleans out the Wurmples. The tiny bird's stats are below decency like Kevanin filming me taking a shower, then selling the footage to a couple Lopunnys, hate that. The speed is a five, the attack is a three, but the HP and defense is a two and the specials are dirt filled socks. The moves include: peck, fly (any bird can do that), aerial ace, and whirlwind.

The typing is flying and normal with the weaknesses being ice, rock, and ground.

The food is Wurmples.

I never battled one before.

* * *

SWELLOW:

Oh so proud of your wings? I'll make sure to blow them off for ya. The stats are pretty decent as the speed is a seven, the attack is a four, and the HP and defense is a three. The moves include: wing attack, peck, skill dive, and agility.

The typing and food, I think, remain the same.

I battled one and it was a waste of my time.


	145. Wingull Evo line

ENTRY 139: WINGULL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

WINGULL:

It's a sea gull and it steals, another me Pokémon. The stats are below decent seeing the first three as a two and the speed as a five. The moves include: rain splash, wing attack, glide, and surprise attack.

The typing is water and flying with the weaknesses being rock and 4x damage from electric types.

The food is whatever it catches.

I only saw one and it took my watch. Of course after firing a few curse words and bullets it came down.

* * *

PELIPPER:

Weird as fuck name. The stats on this giant pelican is decent as the speed and defense is a four, and the HP and attack is a three. The moves include: water gun, aqua sonic (Why would Sonic need a water version of himself?), split up, and swallow (Not a fucking move you dumbass professors).

The food and typing remain the same.

I battled one before and in the end Edward one pretty easy. Pella wanted a go and she also took it out, at full health.


	146. Ralts Evo line

ENTRY 140: RALTS EVOLUTIONARY LINE

This is what my family consists of, so far I have three Gardevoirs, one Gallade, and a Kirlia.

RALTS:

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH! Ehem, this is the beginning of hell for me. I had three of them and they are annoying as all fuck. The stats are hilariously shitty. The attacking is a skinny wimp against a football player, the HP is like worse than a fly, the defense is like me against the US army, and the speed is a two. The moves include: slap (mostly form Midori and Catherine), psychic boom, psy bolt, and draining kiss (Only gotten regular kisses and that's from Midori).

The typing is fairy and psychic with the weaknesses being ghost, steel and poison types.

The food is basically anything that would consist of vegetables, fruits, and berries.

Some facts for those, Raltses are very curious. They are worse than curious George. They are also pestering, annoying, interruptive, and very, very "funny" troublemakers.

In battles, well they would suck, but the human genes in their bodies improved the stats as it gave them a more human built skeleton and muscles.

* * *

KIRLIA:

Second stage of hell, whoop dee doo. This would be Catherine, my hippy style, no guns daughter. The stats on the first three are a two and the speed is a three. The moves include: calm mind (Extremely bullshit), telekinesis, super psy bolt, and smack (Fuck yeah, it hurts worse than Midori).

The typing remains the same.

Food becomes more human oriented, but do not feed Kirlias chocolate because they will be having digestive issues.

Notes, well, first off, Kirlias are highly unstable in emotions. They can have mood swings so bad it makes a teenager look like he just had a B on his finals. This went with everyone, Midori being the scariest-ish at the time.

In battles, pretty decent to be honest. The main problem is that I can't get Catherine to fight. Pointing guns and yelling don't do shit, since she teleports the bullets out of the gun anyway.

* * *

GARDEVOIR:

Ah, this would be my beautiful wife Midori, and my daughter Rose. The stats are below decent seeing the first three as a three, and the speed being a four. The moves include: psybeam, eternal radiance, psystorm, and feedback.

The typing remains the same.

The food is basically human food.

There is a lot of notes about Gardevoirs. First off, they are psychopathic murderers. I may have read too many Fanfictions where the Gardevoirs are portrayed as murderers, but I swear they are. Next, Gardevoirs are #1 choice for Pokephiles. I met a number of people who have them, who are Pokephiles, whether they are male or female.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Gardevoirs, I proved, can make black holes, and thankfully they evaporate quickly. However, I encouraged Midori, Rose, and Catherine, just in case, that they should not use a black hole period in any case. Also, that "Will protect the trainer even if it means sacrificing itself" is loaded up bullshit. Even Midori wouldn't do that.

In battles, very kick ass I'll say. Despite looking weak, once you upgrade everything, you'll be saying, "HOLY SHIT THIS GUY'S GOOD!", ok? That and Rose can, half the time, beat her mother due to the genetic differences.

* * *

MEGA GARDEVOIRS:

Well, the dress is bigger. The stats changed as well with the S. attack being an eight, the speed being a five, the attack being a four, and the HP and defense being a three still.

The typing remains the same.

The battles are excellent for me since it is easy to win them using this. And once you add on the Z-crystal, you got yourself an ass whooper.

* * *

GALLADES:

This, my pro-Trump friends, is my son, only picture a light mustache and darker green. The stats are pretty decent as the attacking is a six, the speed is a four, but the HP and defense remains a three. The moves include: swift lunge, psychic cut, chop up (Including the taxes, lol), and feint.

The typing has changed to where it is now a fighting and psychic with the weaknesses being flying, ghost, and fairy.

The food is human food.

Few things to know. The arms being swords are right, the fact that Gallades can play good tricks on you is right, and this, I assume, is the #1 Pokémon for the female human Pokephiles. Also, one topic that C7 covered was that Gallades are autistic. This is very much disproven and I can assure you they are not socially autistic, otherwise Edward wouldn't have found Siliveisa.

In battles, HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA! If you can beat Edward, then you're very fucking lucky. Edward is the toughest Pokémon to fight, up to my knowledge. And when you add on the ME and the Z-crystal, oh fuck, you'll never win even if you were that dead-but-apparently-still-alive-asshole-who-I-have-to-go-and-kill-again Ash Ketchum.

* * *

MEGA GALLADES:

Now, you will lose. Not only is Edward as Powerful as fuck, but he looks as badass as fuck as well. Put a hat on, and you got yourself a villain/gangster. The stats are very good as the attack is an eight, the speed is a six, the defense is a four, and the HP remains a three.

The typing remains the same.

The battles; if you can beat Edward with his Z-crystal mode, which I called, the "Undead Curse", then you are so fucking, impossibly lucky. Or, you actually got the right Pokémon to kick his ass.


	147. Surskit Evo line

ENTRY 141: SURSKIT EVOULTIONARY LINE

SURSKIT:

Um, it's a water spider. The stats are crap seeing the first three as a two and the speed as a four. The moves include: sweet scent, stampede, super hypno wave, and quick attack.

The typing is bug and water with the weaknesses being electric, flying and rock types.

The food is microscopic organisms.

I battled only a hand full and it was fucking pathetic.

* * *

MASQUERAIN:

Another giant butterfly/moth. The stats are decent as everything except S. attack is a three. The moves include: gust, skim attack, whirlwind, and silver wind.

The typing is now bug and flying with the weaknesses being electric, fire, flying, ice, and 4x damage from rock types.

The food is probably the same.

I shoot them off along with every other insect I deal with. Unfortunately, the CEPA has restricted my guns apparently. Luckily, Edward can get those guns, or more guns, and I still clean out the insects. Who the fuck needs the CEPA or the EPA anyway?


	148. Mini Story 6: The Kalos Deal

**WARNING: This chapter contains Trump.**

 **Sorry, but I had to. XD**

* * *

Mini Story 6: The Kalos Deals

I finish up on the 'Dex entry and walk out of the room with a sprite in my hand. I walked to the front as I asked Midori, "Hey Midori, have you seen Edward he's been quiet lately."

She looked up and asked, "Isn't that a good thing?"

"Well, if it was Catherine then yes, but when it's Edward or Kevanin, no, it isn't."

"Look, the worst he could do is get arrested."

I laughed and said, "The chances of him getting arrested is the chances of him bringing Donald Trump here."

And coincidence began as I saw a swirl of energy go and then I saw Edward with three people. I shit myself as the one in the middle was, "The president."

Yeah, Trump is in my lab with two security members. He said, "Well, I assume you're this professor guy who has a lab and the works?"

I went blank and looked at Edward asking, "Why, the fuck, did you bring Trump into my lab. Not that I'm against it, but why is he here?"

Edward said, "Well, I popped up in the middle of DC according to your world's maps and decided what the hell."

"At least you didn't bring Hillary."

I stepped forward and asked, "Ok Trump, you're here, what would you like? I have a couple of beenazis and pidgemericans to get rid of."

He raised his hand, but asked, "What?"

"They're the nicknames for Beedrills and Pidgeottots because they fight like the Nazis and Americans, but you were about to say."

"Yes, I going to say that I would a couple hundred of these Pokémon to be enlisted in the US army."

I shit myself again as I made an "R u serious" face and said, "I got maybe one, two hundred, and about half of them don't even evolve into humanoid begins."

"Well, is it possible still do so?"

I sighed and said, "Maybe if I can get enough humanoid ones because I could get you Gardevoirs, Gallades, Machomps, Machokes, the Hitmons, Delphoxes, Greninjas, some of those karate Pokémon, and a few others. But, I'll have to collect enough and also get past Catherine."

Trump asked, "Who?"

"My hippy, non-violence daughter. Thankfully she isn't a liberal."

"So there are problems I assume?"

"Fuck yeah."

Then, right on cue, Catherine comes in and asks, "Who are these people?"

I said, "Oh just the president asking for Pokémon to join the US army."

She shook her head saying, "No. Not ever."

"Wanna bet?"

I turned to the president and asked, "How many Pokémon would you like?"

He said, "Let's try three hundred and start from there."

"Three hundred, ok. Edward, how many Froakies, Ralts, Fennekins, Braixens, Frogadiers, and Kirlias, besides your sister, do we have in total?"

Edward thought for a bit and said, "How does 82 sound?"

"Ok, fine. Mr. President, this might take a while and the Pokémon you'll receive won't be humanoid at first shot."

Trump said, "If I'm right, don't these Pokémon need to evolve or something like that?"

"Yes, and that may take years, but I'll get you the second tier ones."

"Alright then, I'll accept your trust."

"Good, now Edward, please escort the president and his guards back to the White House."

And the four disappeared as Catherine said, "You aren't going to take Pokémon and throw them into an army."

"Yeah, I'm the father, and who personally gives a fuck."

"I do."

"Ahh, please. Currently, we don't even have that many and since the humanoid ones are needed, that takes away only a little of the amount we have."

She stuck her nose up and left as Midori said, "You sure on this Frank? It might blow up in your face."

I said, "No Midori, Catherine will blow an explosive in my face."

She laughed a bit as I walked back to the 'Dex room.


	149. Shroomish Evo line

ENTRY 142: SHROOMISH EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SHROOMISH:

A walking, talking mushroom. I've seen it all now. The stats are relatively crap seeing the HP and defense as a three, and the attack and speed at a two. The moves include: worry seed, ram, headbutt, and absorb.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being bug, fire, flying, ice, and poison types.

The food is compost, so start shoveling your moldy bread and dead vegetables on top of this thing.

Oh God, I remember these. They once appeared outside the gym and I found Rose playing with two of them. As she evolved, they evolved two and believe it or not, she still sees them.

* * *

BRELOOM:

A boxing mushroom, what the fuck has the world come to? The stats are pretty good seeing the attacking as a seven, defense and speed as a four, but the HP remains a three. The moves include: hover hit, crash bomber, drain punch, and headbutt.

The typing is now a grass and fighting type with the weaknesses being fire, ice, poison, psychic, fairy, and 4x damage from flying types.

The food is whatever it eats.

Now, as mention in its pre-evolved form, Rose has two Brelooms as friends. Aside from that, I fight enough of these things to go to the store in my world and buy a pack while telling the cashier, "I fight these things." Of course, he laughed until I showed him my 'Dex and badge, then he shut up real fast.


	150. Slakoth Evo line

ENTRY 143: SLAKOTH EVOLUTIONARY LINE:

SLAKOTH:

Oh fuck, it's worse than my world's sloth. The stats on this lazy ass is oddly below decent seeing the first three as a three and the speed as a two. The moves include: Drowsy (That's a fucking Pokémon/condition you mother fucking professors), slack off, claw, and amnesia (Now you're also part psyduck?).

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting.

The food is literally three leaves, exactly.

HA, what an excuse for a fight. Never fought one, never even seen one honestly… never mind, Catherine got one.

* * *

VIGOROTH:

The total complete opposite of the last one. The stats are pretty decent as the speed is a five, the attack and defense are a four, and the HP is a three. The moves include: scratch, focus energy, ambush, and slash.

The typing and food remains the same, except the food isn't three laves with this Pokémon's metabolism.

I battled a couple and find it really annoying how they jump all over the fucking place likes it's a playground. Thankfully I made a rule stating that Vigoroths are no longer allowed to run wildly crazy unless in the middle of battle.

* * *

SLAKING:

Ah yes, the Homer Simpson Pokémon. This Pokémon will just sit around in a spot all day eating grass and drinking Duff beer. The stats are actually pretty good, despite its laziness, as the attacking is an impressive eight, HP is a seven, the defense is still a four, and the speed remains a five. The moves include: best dash, critical move, amnesia, and lazy headbutt.

The typing and food remain the same.

I battled a few and it seems to be pretty good at fighting, despite making slight craters in the floor.


	151. Nincada Evo line

ENTRY 144: NINCADA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

NINCADA:

It's an underground bug who's been eating at the tree near caves. The stats on this underground insect is not that good seeing the defense as a four, but the HP, attack, and speed as a two. The moves include: dig under (under where? I know shitty pun), scratch, bug bite (this is a mosquito bite ya dumbass.), and double scratch.

The typing is bug and ground with the weaknesses being fire, flying, ice, and water.

The food is tree roots.

I never saw one.

* * *

NINJASK:

It's a supersonic flying insect, yay. The stats are way better seeing the speed as an eight, the attack is a five, the HP is a three, and the defense remains a two. The moves include: supersonic (lol), parallel drain, slash, and sonic wing.

The typing is now a bug and flying with the weaknesses being electric, fire, water, flying, and 4x damage from rock types.

The food is whatever it eats.

It says that when it isn't trained properly it won't obey the trainer? I fired off one gunshot extremely close to hitting it and it obeys well. Other than that, I battled a couple, but they sucked.

* * *

SHEDINJA:

Well, you thought that Roswell, Utah Aliens were weird, try again. The stats on this weird thing is worse than the other evolution. The attack is a five, the defense and speed is a two, and the HP is a match in a forest fire. The moves include: anything cursed (George Carlin and Robin Williams are cursing), spike wound, empty shell, and resent.

The typing now is a bug and ghost type with the weaknesses being ghost, dark, fire, flying, and rock types.

The food is your spirit, I assume.

The battles I had, prove pathetic. Arenmo made an attack mixing a fireball and a dark energy ball which annihilated the Shedinja.


	152. Whismur Evo line

ENTRY 145: WHISMUR EVOLUTIONARY LINE

WHIMSUR:

Weirdly, I'll agree with Catherine on this one because a gunshot only makes it worse. The stats are below decency as the HP and attack are a three, the speed is a two, but the defense is like an old man defending himself against a Viking berserker. The moves include: screaming fit (Oh shit, I heard enough of this with the kids when they were Ralts, oh God help me on that), wail, pound, and round.

The typing is normal (you sure?) with the weakness being fighting.

The food is whatever it eats.

Catherine only convinced me once that shooting was bad with them around. I'll admit it this time because a gunshot only makes twenty of them turn into a fucking air raid siren blasting at your ear drums.

* * *

LOUDRED:

OW ME EARS! This shit was banned from my gym as well. The stats are decent as the attacking is a four, the HP and speed is a three, and the defense is a two. The moves include: bass control, surprise, stomp, and supersonic.

The typing and food remain the same.

I battled one once and Edward suffered slight hearing loss for about an hour.

* * *

EXPLOUD:

…. Ouch. This thing will kill you. The stats are decently good as the attacking is a five, the HP and speed is a four, and the defense is a three. The moves include: cacophony, anything that is hyper, body slam, and boomburst.

The typing and food remain the same.

Oh fucking hell this was a problem. We did this outside and it wrecked the gym/house. I banned off this also because Bender suffered hearing loss for three days. Rose had to walk around with him so we can talk with the guy right.


	153. Makuhita Evo line

ENTRY 146: MAKUHITA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MAKUHITA:

In Japanese, it means sowing; in Pokémon, it means this thing will punch your balls. The stats are pretty bad seeing the attack and HP as a three, and the defense and the speed as a two. The moves include: anything with slapping, fake out, thrust, and magnum punch (Oh really, I got a magnum shot).

The typing is fighting with the weaknesses being flying, psychic, and fairy types.

The food is whatever this thing eats.

A couple of notes, this thing apparently will be beaten senseless, even by everyone in the bar, and yet it will still fight. Also, why does it look like a stereotypical Asian? I thought we were in the age of SJWs?

The battles with are pretty bad. One kick from Bender or Edward and this thing is flying off like those Team Rocket bastards, literally.

* * *

HARIYAMA:

In Japanese, it translates into Nanji; in Pokémon, it's the house wrecker. The stats are pretty good as the HP and attack are at a six, and the defense and speed is at a three. The moves include: cross-cut, shove, knock off, and pivot throw.

The typing remains the same.

Food is still whatever this thing eats.

Now, this thing can actually snap a telephone pole in two. One escaped into my world and the police arrested it. I got yelled be the trainer and cops and I had to bail him out over a misunderstanding and misplacement.

In battles, I'll say it is a good fighter. However, it can take up to five hits from my Pokémon, sorry.


	154. Nosepass Evo line

**Now, sorry for the day delay. I work on two different computers so the second one decided to have the Word not cooperate. The first one was having a shit ton of updating and still wants to do so, so I might be running slower than usual, but I will keep up on making the "ItalyDex" and "A Pokémon's Betrayal".**

* * *

ENTRY 147: NOSEPASS EVOLUTIONARY LINE

NOSEPASS:

First off, it's a walking magnetic nose. The stats are cruddy as the defense may be a good six, but the other three bases are a two. The moves include: ram, pull, rollout, and sharpen.

The typing is rock with the weaknesses being fighting, steel, water, grass, and ground types.

The food is currently unknown. Starting yesterday, Catherine now feeds the Pokémon on the fear I might be poisoning the food. What a hippy.

Now, the fact of them pointing north is true, but the 3/8 inches a year thing is bullshit. I stuck a second magnet to one of these and it moved in a massively different direction changing around 65 degrees.

In battles, I only fought one and it was pathetic.

* * *

PROBOPASS:

What the fuck? It has three different noses following it's every command, it's a giant magnet, and it has a boss styled beard? The stats on this floating nose is decent as the defense and speed remain the same, but the HP and attack have increased to a three. The moves include: Power gem (No ME gem), hyper beam, top chop, and triple nose.

The typing is now a rock and steel type with the weaknesses being water, and 4x damage from fighting and ground types.

The food is still unknown.

Now, in the DerpéDex, C7 reports these things face fuck. Whether this is true or not, I'm pretty sure they don't have genitals on their faces. It pretty fucking obvious: I'm the professor; you're a drunken, smoking, weirdo with a shit ton of guns and Pokémon, which you use the guns on.

I battled a couple and they are kind of tricky when you're using nothing of the weakness. But throw Edward or Bender, it's fucked.


	155. Skitty Evo line

ENTRY 148: SKITTY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SKITTY:

The name sounds like shitty instead of Skitty. And this true for the stats. The speed is a three while everything else is a two. The moves include: tackle, lunge, scratch, and charm (Lucky charms?).

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting.

This thing eats, according to my daughter, small pieces of fish. However, it cannot stomach anchovies.

I never battled one, but Catherine has one and likes to have it taught to be peaceful rather than "kick the shit out of everyone who looks at you wrong".

* * *

DELCATTY:

Well, it's a random mother fucker. The stats aren't getting better as the speed is a four, the S. defense remains a two, and the rest have jumped to a three. The moves include: Max Energy Source (From where? My generators and Team Flare energy contract?), play rough, cannonball, and tail slap.

The typing and food remains the same.

I have seen one trot around the place and it annoys the fuck out of me. Thankfully, two Glock shocks scare it off, despite the 'Dex saying, "Will not be scared."


	156. Sableye Evo line

ENTRY 149: SABLEYE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SABLEYE:

Two diamonds for eyes, interesting. The stats on this underground ghost are crap seeing the attack as a four, the speed and defense as a three, and the HP as a two. The moves include: rummage (Like Catherine through my guns), scratch, dark blind, and supernatural.

The typing is dark and ghost with the weakness being fairy types.

The food is crystals, and that includes diamonds, emeralds, rubies, sapphires, other precious gems, and cubic zirconium made into a diamond.

I battled a couple of these and the bastards seem to take the ME gems and try to eat them. Good news, I shot them with proton weapons and that seems to keep them from my shit.

* * *

MEGA SABLEYE:

That's one big ass ruby. The stats are much better as the defenses are a five, the attacks are a four, the HP is a two, but the speed gets reduced to the pace of a hockey player running through the southern dirt.

The typing remains the same.

I haven't battled one yet, but with the speed it has, it'll be a way easy battle.


	157. Mawile Evo line

ENTRY 150: MAWILE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MAWILE:

I have one and the damn thing likes to play tricks on me. The stats are decent as the attack and defense is a four, the speed is a two, and the HP is a two. The moves include: surprise, selfish draw, destructive jaw (Oh yes, especially on the medical bills after I got my arm nearly bitten off.), and call for family (…).

The typing is steel and fairy with the weaknesses being fire and ground.

The food is whatever this thing eats.

IT'S A TRAP! The famous meme is true this time. It looks cute and it'll then spring a fuck ton of shit at you without a warning.

In battles, I had better luck with the last mother fucking Pokémon.

* * *

MEGA MAWILE:

Prepare for trouble, and make it double; with two of those maw things, not those two dumbasses that follow me around. The stats are very decent as the attack and defense is now a five, but the speed and HP are still the same.

The typing is also the same.

Now that is fucking intimidating. In battle, when those things bite down, watch the fuck out. Bender won the final round with this and had a week stay at the Pokécenter because his leg was bitten like fuck.


	158. Aron Evo line

ENTRY 151: ARON EVOLUTIONARY LINE

ARON:

Oh hell, these little bastards. The stats on them are less than decent as the attack and defense is a four, but the HP and speed is a two. The moves include: steel headbutt, take down (yeah, the powerlines), flail, and dig deep.

The typing is rock and steel with the weaknesses being water and 4x damage from ground and fighting types.

The food is anything that is iron based. This includes: cars, metal buildings, had a couple in New York, boats, trains, rails, guns, bullets, military weapons, and pipelines.

These are a pain in the ass to the nth degree. I had a couple get smuggled into New York and the bastards caused a couple of problems within the subways and buildings. Trump had these Pokémon banned as well and complained about the problems they caused.

In battles, I would recommend not trying to use a steel type with its steel-ness showing such as Klink Evolutionaries, Steelix, and Metagross, or they might become a nice snack for the Aron.

* * *

LAIRON:

This thing is now a little more controlled where it eats iron ore, not anything with iron. The stats are good seeing the defense a six, the attack as a five, the HP as a three, but the speed remaining the same. The moves include: granite head, stomp, metal claw, and wreak havoc (this is used when do some really stupid shit; like that fucking Flygon that snatched up Mark Pence and he got stuck somewhere in Johto).

The typing and food remains the same.

I battled a few and they are easier to manage, but still a pain in the ass.

* * *

AGGRON:

 _Aggron: The Catherine Pokémon. This Pokémon will restore its habitat to its rightful state, unless I blow the shit out of it mercilessly._

Maybe I should do that, make PokéDex like entries like that. Anyway, the stats are pretty good as the defense now is a frickin' eight, the attack is a six, and the speed and HP are the same at three. The moves include: giga horn, split bomb (Atomic?), mega burn, and bound crush.

The typing and food is the same.

I battled a lot of these mother fuckers. Team Magma, ironically, has a good amount of them and they constantly boats on being the best. Bender wipes these asswipes onto the floor to the point of me letting them use three Aggrons. Currently, Bender can handle up to four, but the fifth one knocked him out.

* * *

MEGA AGGRON:

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! One big ass scary mother fucker I'll say. The stats are very good as the defense is a full blown ten, the attack is a seven, but the HP and speed don't increase.

The typing has changed as it's now a steel type with the weaknesses being fire, fighting, and ground types.

I battled only a couple and they are pretty hard to fight off. Edward takes them on pretty well, until one of the battlers decides to use a dick move.


	159. Meditite Evo line

ENTRY 152: MEDITITE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MEDITITE:

 _Meditite: The Buddha Pokémon. This Pokémon is mentally retarded as it apparently meditates, and then loses what it was thinking about during that meditation and retries meditating. What a fucking moron._

The stats are crappy seeing the speed and defense as a three, and the attack and HP as a two. The moves include: smack, high kick jump, calm mind, and karate chop.

The food is one berry, lol.

The typing is fighting and psychic with the weaknesses being ghost, fairy, and flying types.

For some reason, this thing reminds me and looks like a smurf. Also, that one berry a day thing is true, not bullshit. Only I don't give a fuck and I dump a few berries and whatever rots, it east and regrets.

In fights, well, worthless.

* * *

MEDICHAM:

 _Medicham: the less retarded version of its pre-evolution. This wacko apparently needs to sharpen up the sixth sense which must be either telepathy or trying to locate me wearing my Umbreon hat._

The stats are pretty bad for this one as everything but speed is a three, with the speed being a four. The moves include: calm mind, yoga kick (Rose tried one, kicked Edward in the face, busted blood vessel), punch, and psyshock.

The typing is the same.

The food is unknown since it eats only a couple of months at a time.

That sixth sense shit is useless on me man. I shot one two weeks ago as it was "sharpening" its sixth sense. It made a seventh one; shitting itself in fear as it ran from my gunshot.

I battled a few and I'm sick of it.

* * *

MEGA MEDICHAM:

Oh great, now it's a fucking Hindu Indian. The stats are better as the attack and speed is a five, defense is a four, and the HP is a three.

The typing remains the same.

I battled one, Kevanin learned not to fuck around with MEs until he at least becomes a Greninja. Luckily, he's close to it.


	160. Electrike Evo line

ENTRY 153: ELECTRIKE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

ELECTRIKE:

 _Electrike, the fast as all fuck Pokémon. This dog will run so fast, that I actually tested it once and it was mentioned in the Arabian newspaper as a new species back in 2019._

The stats are kind of bad as the speed is a four, but the first three are a two. The moves include: thundershock, zap kick, thunder jolt, and bite.

The typing is electric with the weakness being ground types.

The food is a piece of meat, duh.

The faster than a human eye is actually true, only if you can zap enough fucking energy through it. Unfortunately this led to one winding up in Saudi Arabia in 2019. Thankfully it was killed because of "Religious" purposes.

In battles, well Team Magma and Aqua have a couple of these and they bet me on them. I won, they kept the cash as a way of saying "I won, you lost, please leave or I'll have Edward clean you out".

* * *

MANECTRIC:

 _Manectric, the thunder storm Pokémon. As that guy on Goodfellas said "Mother fucking Mutt!" This mutt will set forests on fire, make thunderstorms above its head, and apparently likes to control the weather._

The stats are decent as the speed is a six, the attack is a four, but the HP and defense remains a three. The moves include: attract current, thunder jolt, bit, and random spark.

The typing is the same.

Food is the same.

This is my kind of Pokémon, burns down the forests, WEEEEEE! Anyway, it does make thunderstorms, but I quickly shoot its ass to stop it.

I battled a couple of these, and easy fights.

* * *

MEGA MANECTRIC:

That is one big ass lightning bolt on its head. The stats are much better as the speed and S. attack is a seven, the attack and defense is a four, but the damn HP remains the same.

Typing remains the same.

I battled one and it wasn't that hard, but Arenmo as a Zorua was nicely "shocked" by the outcome, and the hospital visit.


	161. Plusle Entry

ENTRY 154: PLUSLE ENTRY

Plusle, the cheerleader Pokémon. All this Pokémon is missing is a skirt, tight clothes, tits, and an ass and you got yourself a cheerleader. This Pokémon will cheer for you until you lose, then it will cry like a fucking newborn.

The stats are decent as the speed is a five, the HP and attack are a three, and the defense is a two. The moves include: cheer on, extra circuit (Since when is it a computer mechanic?), boost, and tag draw.

The typing is electric with the weakness being ground.

The food is whatever it eats.

Oh shit, I had it once where Rose had a Plusle next to her as they cheered Edward on during the championships. Edward got through until that Alain kid got lucky with his Metagross. Midori fixed it straight and they kept cheering on for her.

I haven't battled one yet because they are too tiny and pathetic.


	162. Minun Entry

ENTRY 155: MINUM

Minum, the opposite of Plusle Pokémon. This is the same fucking cheerleader as the last little cunt, only it's a negative instead of positive.

The stats are decent as the speed is a five, the HP is a three, but the defense and attack is a two. This makes it worse than it's opposite. The moves include: spark, thunder wave, tag team boost, and minus energy (the term is negative you dumbass professors).

The typing is the same.

Food is the same.

Is it true on the cheering more important than its own life thing? I tested it and between cheering and a bull, it chose to cheer so yes, it's true.

I never battled one, but have seen one cheer on at one competition I won.


	163. Volbeat Entry

**Sorry if I didn't post anything yesterday, the website was down so I was unable to do shits.**

 **Anyways, enjoy and comment on my stories, shit like that.**

* * *

ENTRY 156: VOLBEAT ENTRY

 _Volbeat, the male firefly Pokémon. These are excellent target practices at night with a .12 gauge, except for cleanup. Since it's attracted to Illumise, whatever that shit is, then I suggest to make a pile, put a mine under it, and wait for at least ten of them and blow them up to end the Population of worthless Pokémon._

The stats are decent as the speed is a five, the attack is a four, and the HP and defense is a three. The moves include: acrobatics, pester, confuse ray, and double-edge.

The typing is bug with the weaknesses being fire, flying, and rock types.

The food is probably that Illumise stuff.

I used to deal with these mother fuckers a lot and they are annoying as all hell. Of course Catherine tries to protect them from my shots, but she hasn't been able to hold a .50 caliber bullet back as that shit will blow off something, hopefully not your testicles.

In battles, I battled only a couple and they aren't a threat to anyone.


	164. Illumise Entry

ENTRY 157: ILLUMISE ENTRY

 _Illumise, the female version of the last Pokémon. This Pokémon attracts male Volbeats and probably fuck each other at one point._

The stats are decent as it's the same as the male version, only the attack is a three instead of a four. The moves include: chaotic noise (That's Catherine screaming a mega phone into my ears), pester, helping hand, and twirling sign (Another one of Catherine's moves that apparently go onto my head).

The typing is the same as the male version.

I'm not aware what they eat.

Oh, so this is what an Illumise is. I thought it was drugs or some grass, my bad. I never saw one so, I got shits in knowledge.

I never battled one.


	165. Budew Evo line

ENTRY 158: ROSELIA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

BUDEW:

 _Budew, the walking seed Pokémon. This Pokémon likes to keep shut during the cold and opens up during the spring. Of course, in the spring, I like to test out my new US military grade flamethrower on the grass types and forests._

The stats are crap as the speed is a three, but the first three are a two. The moves include: Errand-running (This is what Midori does for shopping and me for hunting, selling, and marketing, usually black), buddy-buddy (sounds gay), that damn baby evolution, and poison enzyme.

The typing is grass and poison as the weaknesses are sire, flying, psychic, and ice types.

The food is sunlight and CO2.

I have two on sale in the war room so please some asshole with money here.

I never battled one, but have blowtorched a few.

* * *

ROSELIA:

 _Roselia, my rose bush Pokémon. This little walking, talking rose bush is a pain in the ass to tell apart from the real ones. Also, the thorns are poisonous._

The stats are below decency as the speed is a four, the attack is a three, and the HP and defense is a two. The moves include: petal dance, vine slap, headbutt, and cut.

The typing is the same.

Food is the same.

Now, hilariously, Rose has a Roserade as a friend that currently resides in the war room. Rose made friends with the Roselia when she was a Kirlia and they're still friends, although Catherine is currently throwing her propaganda at them and having them move to Rose's room.

In battles, well, I only battled one and it was pretty quick.

* * *

ROSERADE:

 _Roserade, the old lady, with flower hands, looking Pokémon. This Pokémon is a good money maker as you can chop off the hands and make some decent bouquets. This was a profitable thing for a while, until the EPA in my world said it was a danger to the species. Don't you just hate them?_

The stats are decent as everything has been increased by one. The moves include: squeeze, anything with poison, whiplash (That's from a car accident dumbass), and mega drain (only for the people who have digestive issues).

The typing and food remain the same.

As stated before, I have one that is Rose's friend. Aside from that, I use to kill these by the loads and sell them to my world for prices between 20 to 200 dollars. Catherine got the EPA to ban them so I lost a good industry. And if you think that the Kalos government would bother, you're fucking wrong. They actually rely on my money in order to stay afloat so hey, if Catherine keeps wrecking my industries, then the Kalos government might get rid of her.

Anyway, I battled a few of these and they have a trickiness to them, but they're not that hard to fend off.


	166. Glupin Evo line

ENTRY 159: GLUPIN EVOLUTIONARY LINE

GLUPIN:

Glupin, the Thing Pokémon. This sucker can digest a shit ton of shit, literally. However, if you drop it in a tank of acid, oh well.

The stats are crap as the HP is a three, but the attack, defense, and speed is a two. The moves include: Amnesia (With the brain being smaller than Patrick's, yeah, I'd expect that), gastro acid, starvin' (not a fucking move), and pound.

The typing is poison with the weaknesses being ground and psychic.

The food is pretty much anything.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Now, it may say it digests everything, but it doesn't. I dumped a bucket of acid on one and it was screaming and shitting, and running, err, squirming out'a there.

In battles, well, never fought one.

* * *

SWALOT:

Swalot, the toothless Pokémon. Sadly not being a dragon, lol, this Pokémon will eat its prey whole, so if your kids are walking about and they don't come home, grab your gun and kill as many of these as possible.

The stats are better as the first three is a four, and the speed is a three. The moves include: pick and choose (that's me with the guns), gunk shot, reactive poison, and blot.

The typing remains the same.

The food remains the same.

Nothing that's really interesting.

I battled only one and… Fine, the thing didn't eat for three days and nearly had Edward as a snack, but I won, except Edward was thrown up and had to bathe for a while.


	167. Carvanha Evo line

ENTRY 160: CARVANHA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

CARVANHA:

 _Carvanha, the little boat eating mother fucker Pokémon. This Pokémon will eat out your yacht, not sexually, and turn whatever DiCaprio owns into a new Davy Jones locker._

The stats are decent as the attack is a five, the speed is a four, the HP is a two, but the defense is a Chihuahua against the Georgia Bull Dogs. The moves include: focus energy, bite, sharp fin, and whirlpool.

The typing is water and dark with the weaknesses being bug, electric, fighting, grass, and fairy types.

The food is whatever swims within its proximity.

On some notes, these little suckers are very vicious. And I'll give you an example. Three days ago, a douche came in and wanted to see the aquarium. Next thing I know, I here on FOX news about three fishing boats being eaten away by a piranha. Then it shows the damn Pokémon eating the ships.

In terms of battling… I have to go to the nearby lake by my house in order to battle fish, frogs, certain non-land types, and shit like that. And to make it even better, Siliveisa and Kevanin are the only ones well equipped for this. Also Kevanin is finally a Greninja, unfortunately he gave us all the finger and teleported to my world, lol.

* * *

SHARPEDO:

 _Sharpedo, the "Jaws" Pokémon. It's Steven Spielberg's movie come to life. This character is even more destructive and will destroy anything in its path._

The stats are good seeing the attack as a six, the speed as a four, the HP as a three, and the defense as a two. The moves include: tight jaw, hunt (that's not a fucking move assholes), brush aside, and dark slash.

The typing and food remains the same.

Now, the fact that this thing can go 75 Mph by firing water out of its ass is an understatement. I measured one of these suckers going about 90Mph.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: The tear through a tanker may be true, but this thing bent its teeth on trying to bite through the WWII naval ships. Yeah I know, that schmuck took along with him a Sharpedo and it escaped and went off to Hawaii. Thank God that it stayed there until I got there, and had to deal with the police.

The battles are pretty good as it can handle off Silivesia for short periods of time, and then it will lose.

* * *

MEGA SHARPEDO:

Holy shit, we'll need an adamantium boat for this one. The stats are a little better as the attack and HP remain the same, but the speed is now a five and the defense is now a three.

Typing remains the same.

I battled a couple and half the fights I would win. Then I would have to resort to using Midori or Rose since they can simply float on water, well hover on it.


	168. Wailmer Evo line

ENTRY 161: WAILMER EVOLUTIONARY LINE

WAILMER:

 _Wailmer, the whale beach ball Pokémon. Honestly, it's just a 6 foot beach ball with a face and some fins. It can apparently suck in water in order to bounce on land. To me, it's whale hunting season so, FUCK YOU, and hold still so I can shoot you and make a huge explosion._

The stats are decent as the HP is a five, the attack is a four, the speed is a three, and the defense is a two. The moves include: hydro pump, tsunami (Not even close), surf, and double attack.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being grass and electric types.

The food I whatever a whale eats.

There aren't any problems here, or at least, not yet.

I battled one before, and it was between a Wailmer and Pella as a Combusken.

* * *

WAILORD:

 _Wailord, the lord of the whales Pokémon. First off, the blue whales are bigger than you so you're not the lord of the whales. Second, you're only good for blubber._

The stats are pretty decent as the HP is a six, the attack is a five, but the speed and defense remain the same. The moves include: giant wave, water cannon, super deep dive, and surf.

The typing and food remains the same.

Ok, first off, I massively fucked up by allowing the US to come back and forth bringing Pokémon to my world. All that it caused was a shit load of problems and Trump banning most of them. A Wailord escaped and went around Ireland confusing the shit out of people. I told the Irish president that as long as people aren't getting eaten by this thing, I won't move my ass off this chair documenting it until that happens.

In fights, it's a pain in the ass to defeat. Of course the Z-crystal shit with Silivesia works excellently on knocking them out.


	169. Numel Evo line

ENTRY 162: NUMEL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

NUMEL:

Numel, the dumbass camel Pokémon. This is the third Pokémon so far with an IQ less than 0. It's carrying magma in its body and this is a potential terrorist weapon waiting to happen.

The stats are crap as the HP and attack are a three, but the defense and speed is a two. The moves include: headbutt, burn off, flamethrower, and flare.

The typing is fire and ground with the weaknesses being ground and 4x damage against water types.

The food is whatever a flaming camel eats.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: The temperature isn't 2.2k degrees, I checked it around 800 degrees.

I battled a few from Team Magma and Siliveisa and Kevanin knocks them out easily.

* * *

CAMERUPT:

Camerupt, the walking volcano Pokémon. Why the fuck do you need to go and see a volcano when it can come to you? This Pokémon is a walking double volcano that can burn a city down with no fucking problems.

The stats are decent this time as the attack is a five, the HP and defense is a three, and the speed is a two. The moves include: lava burn, fire spin, explosive jet, and combustion.

The food and typing remain the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: This thing isn't 18k degrees people. It's about 2k degrees.

Try not to piss this thing off because you'll be shouting, while shitting, KRAKATOWA! And you'll realize you Arcanine fur coat is burnt up and destroyed. Thankfully, I got myself a new Delphox fur coat. Long story.

In battles, can cause some issues as I burnt down three warehouses while battling this thing.

* * *

MEGA CAMERUPT:

Now, it's a walking volcano. It's Mt. Helens and a camel fused together. The stats are good seeing the attack as a six, the defense as a four, the HP as a three, but the speed as an old man trying to out run Bender, the Blaziken or Robot.

The typing is the same

In battles, shit these are a pain in the ass to fight. I win them, but it would mean that someone would get burnt.


	170. Torkoal Entry

**Sorry about the wait of two days, the computer was pissing around.**

* * *

ENTRY 163: TORKOAL ENTRY

 _Torkoal, the coal plant turtle Pokémon. This thing burns coal as its fuel source, so it on purposely acts naughty so it can get a shit ton of coal from Santa._

The stats are good seeing the defense as a six, the attack as a four, the HP as a three, but the speed is literally… a turtle. The moves include: power generation, scorching smoke, body slam, and flare.

The typing is fire with the weaknesses being ground, water, and rock types.

The food is coal.

I battled a couple and they are not anywhere that good. Alright, defense is decent, but it doesn't beat other past Pokémon.


	171. Mini story 7: New friends, new Pokemon

**Warning, this chapter contains offensive content. Also, this was shabbily made and quickly constructed, so I won't be making anymore mini stories for future chapters.**

* * *

Mini Story 7:

I finished up on the entry and walked out of the room in my brand new Delphox fur coat. I got to the front where Midori wasn't sitting down because she was planning to get some new guests. I sat down and looked over the current stats for the month. Then a flash occurred in the front as it must be Kevanin. I looked up and saw three black guys, and Kevanin. I said to myself, "Oh fuck, Kevanin got friends."

They looked around as I stood up saying, "Rhetorical question: What do three niggers and a Greninja have in common?"

The guys looked at each other as the one in front said, "I don't know, what?"

"They're all dark."

They looked confused as one guy said, "Oh because Kevanin is a dark type, as he says?"

"Yeah, anyway what do you want?"

They walked up and pulled out three guns saying, "Take a guess."

I said, "Asking for one would be preferable, all you need is to just put your name, choose a Pokémon, and explain why the hell Kevanin made friends with a bunch of gangsta's?"

Kevanin then walked up as he was a Greninja, newly evolved, and dressed in a black coat and black hat like the other three guys. Then the main guy said, "Well, he decided to join, and he also said you got these Pokémon things."

Then the guy in the back said, "Well, I watched the shit as a kid so I know a lot of them."

I asked, "How far?"

"I skipped two seasons in the middle and watched up to… Aloha maybe."

"Good, then follow me, you can get what you want form the nature room."

I led the black group to the room as I saw Catherine taking a nap with an Eevee. Luckily she's asleep, or else all hell would break loose. I said, "Now, pick what you want within reason."

One guy went to the right; one went to the front, and one went to the left. The guy on the right asked, "Is there anything that is… decent?"

I walked to him and said, "Well, there is that Pidgeotto there."

The Pidgeotto looked down and flew down, nearly attacking us as Kevanin held it and closed its beak. It flew in front of us as the guy went, "A bird?"

"Oh, not just any bird. This bird here is a Pidgeotto. It's very territorial, and does decent attack damage."

Kevanin released it as the Pidgeotto flew to the guys arm. Then the man in the middle waved over. I walled to him as he asked, "How about I have the fox here?"

I looked down seeing a Fenniken as it looked up seeing the guy. He asked, "What's wrong with it? It looks like it never saw a human before."

I said, "It seen people, just no black ones."

He made a slight face as he asked, "But, can I have it?"

"Sure, sure, just some paper work and a bit of money and you're good to go."

Then the last guy was standing next to Sceptile as he asked, "Could I have the Sceptile here?"

I asked, "Sceptile? How the hell did that get out?"

She was supposed to be in a designated room for the abandoned Pokémon. I got to the little group as the man asked, "She looks way different. Those little seed spheres aren't there."

I explained, "Well, those were, um, ripped off by the trainer."

He went wide eyed as the Scpetile closed her eyes as a tear shed. The guy put his right hand on her head soothing, "Calm down there, I'll take you home and give you a better place than this."

He looked up and asked, "Can I take her to my home?"

Oh what the hell. I shrugged, "Only if she wants to."

Then the giant lizard squealed in joy and jumped on the guy hugging him. I said, "She's worse than a Gardevoir."

I called, "Alright, Gangster rappers, please take the Pokémon you chose and…"

"And put them back."

Catherine, of course. She woke up from her nap apparently. I said, "Hey, business and giving people some Pokémon."

She crossed her arms saying, "The one with the Sceptile is the only one I would allow a Pokémon to be with. Those two aren't anywhere close to even touch one, let alone have one."

I skipped that test bullshit and just gave the Pokémon to the people. I told her, "Look, why don't you go make some love notes to your little crush and deal with this mess?"

Then she got furious as she yelled, "Don't tell me what to do with my interests!"

She teleported away as the guy with the Pidgeotto said, "Who the hell was that?"

I sighed, "That was my daughter."

Kevanin said, "And my aunt."

The guy with the Sceptile said, "Your aunt? Your daughter?!"

We nodded as the guy said, "Holy shit. Hold a minute, are you saying your wife is a…um… Gardevoir?"

This guy knows his Pokémon. I nodded, "Yeah."

"And… who would his father?"

Kevanin said, "He's a Gallade."

I said, "My first kid."

I walked out to the front with everyone following from behind. At the front, there was that Kukui guy that was delivering a Pokémon to me. I forgot that it was scheduled today and almost missed it. He greeted, "Ah, Prof. Italy."

I gave the guy a handshake saying, "Yeah, so this is the Pokémon you were giving?"

"Well, it's not a normal Pokémon."

"Please tell me it isn't that Aether concoction?"

"Oh no, it's an Ultra beast."

Then the Sceptile guy said, "Shit!"

We looked at him as I said, "Good point he made, and Ultra beats is a very tricky son of a bitch."

Kukui said, "That's for you to decide."

He left as I saw the metal box right there. The guy said, "You sure on this?"

I tilted my head saying, "Well, if it does cause problems, Edward can kick the shit out of it, hoping it isn't Nihilego."

"That's a dman good point."

I wasn't going to open it, and then the day ebcam more interesting as Midori came in. The group looked up seeing her as she said, "Uh, Frank?"

I said, "Calm down dear, just customers."

Then the guy with the Pidgeotto said, "Hey professor, stand next to her."

What? Got up and moved over to Midori as the guy then said, "Take off that hat and glasses."

Uh… I took off my glasses and my hat, revealing a lot of shit to everyone. Then the guy said, "Holy fuck, I remember your ass!"

We looked at each other as I asked, "You do?"

"Yeah! You're form that racism protest years ago, with you and that bird friend of yours!"

"You mean Bender?"

"Yeah, that, um, what the guy say, um, Blaziken, that's it! Blaziken! You, her and that Blaziken of yours, only you were a kid back then."

Oh shit, this must've been one of those guys form the group. I said, "Alright, let me get your forums filled out."

I got them their 'Dexes, signatures, and Pokémon, with optional balls and food. Kevanin took them back to whatever ghetto they came from, and I sat in the chair relaxing. Midori sat on my lap as I said, "You sure?"

She gave a smug smile saying, "You got clothes and I got my dress. You're fine."

I asked her, "Where did you go though?"

"Well, I actually found my brother and he didn't recognize me at first until I showed him that memory of us building the stick tent before you showed up years ago."

"Oh yeah I remember. And?"

"He knows where my parents are so…"

Of fucking come on Midori. I whined, "You got your parents to come here?"

She nodded and said, "Along with my brother, so it might be interesting."

"What will your parents say that you're married to a human?"

"Probably bitch about it."

"Yeah, mostly."

And so, we got off the chair and carefully put away the little Ultra beast, which was later found to be a Poipole.


	172. Spoink Evo line

ENTRY 164: SPOINK EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SPOINK:

Spoink, the Wow-Wow-Wubbzy Pokémon. This thing will bounce on its tail in order to live. I hold it for thirty seconds and it drops dead, cool.

The stats are cruddy seeing the HP and speed as a three, the defense as a two, and the attacking as that Quilaval that threatened me actually going against some of the extreme shit I went through during my life. The moves include: psybeam, hop, sleep pearl, and bounce.

The typing is psychic with the typing being bug, dark, and ghost types.

The food is whatever this thing eats.

We don't get any more of these at the lab since they die too fast from me holding them.

I haven't battled one yet.

* * *

GRUMPIG:

Grumpig, the Boar's Head Pokémon. This is one of the sources to get pork, but the Emboar taste much better. Also, the black pearls are pretty valuable so I usually take them when the idiot is asleep.

The stats are decent as the speed is a four, the HP and defense is a three, and the attack is a two. The moves include: psychic boom, mind trip (An acid trip), bench manipulation (What kind of fucking move is this? You can twist a couple park benches?), and psybeam.

The typing and food remain the same.

I battled a couple and honestly… they are pretty sucky to me.


	173. Spinda Entry

ENTRY 165: SPINDA ENTRY

 _Spinda, the high Pokémon. This Pokémon is utterly fucked up and dances without knowing so. Also, it is true that no two are the same, but I fucked up that rule by genetically making it where there are two. Ain't I a prick?_

The stats are below decency as they are all three. The moves include: The Hula-la (What the fuck is that?), teeter punch, double-edge, and anything that is whimsy.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting.

Food is whatever this thing eats.

There is no bullshit, but I broke that rule of nature so, HA!

I never battled one, but there was one asshole who came in and tried to trade one for a Ralts. He never got shits with that stoned bear.


	174. Trapinch Evo line

ENTRY 166: TRAPINCH EVOLUTIONARY LINE

TRAPINCH:

Trapinch, the termite Pokémon. This little termite lives in deserts and will make Star Wars style sand pits where you fall in and become lunch for these things.

The stats are somewhat decent as the attack is a five, the HP and defense is a two, but the speed is a termite in glue. The moves include: dig, sand pit (that's a thing you retards), irongrip, and surprise attack (me running through the store with an automatic weapon shooting up the clerks! No wait, that's George Carlin).

The typing is ground with the weaknesses being grass, ice, and water types.

The food is whatever falls into its traps, most likely you.

I have three so far and I am giving them away for free along with the Pidgeottos and Beedrills.

I battled one with Arenmo as a Zorua, and he fainted form the attack, but then it became a draw as the Trapinch also fainted.

* * *

VIBRAVA:

Vibrava, the headache Pokémon. This Pokémon uses its wings to make headaches. Thankfully I pull the trigger before it does so and it gets a "dead"ache.

The stats are still below decency as the attack retreated to a four along with the speed, and the HP and defense remain the same. The moves include: quick charge, bite, sonic noise, and ram.

The typing is ground and dragon as the weaknesses are dragon, fairy, and 4x damage from ice types.

The food is probably the same, ish.

Now, this thing gives headaches, and shit they're as bad as the one I got today as that Goodra nurse punched my head. And damn did it hurt. Aspirin and Advil don't fix that shit. Anyway, it is true that the wings give out headaches, but they didn't tell how painful. It's as painful as someone drilling in your skull.

In battles, not really difficult. They are sucky as Midori and Rose takes them out easily.

* * *

FLYGON:

Flygon, the vice president stealing Pokémon. I'll explain later in this part what that means. This Pokémon lives in deserts and can create sandstorms. My advice is to use a shit ton of rocket launchers and Molotovs to catch one or kill it.

The stats are good seeing the attack and speed as a five, the defense as a four, and the HP as a three. The moves include: anything with sand, air slash, power swing, and spiral buzz.

The typing remains the same.

The food is currently unknown.

Now, some of you are wondering why it said the vice president stealing Pokémon. Well, about a few weeks ago, a Flygon flew into my world at around the Virginia/ Washington D.C. border. Then it flew about and snatched up Mark Pence as he was walking with his body guards. It happened so fast that the body guards only saw him get snatched up and flown away. Next, the Flygon entered back into this world and went somewhere to the Johto region. Trump was screaming some random shit over the phone and I had to fly over to Johto just to find Pence. I found the guy, but unfortunately I had to battle the Flygon, and three other assholes in order to get Pence back. I got Pence back, explained what the fuck happened, and got him back to D.C. Afterwards, Trump made it illegal to have Pokémon sent through randomly or unattended.

In battles, pretty decent by my standards. Midori can take these on pretty well and Rose needs some more practice.


	175. Cacnea Evo line

ENTRY 167: CACNEA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

CACNEA:

 _Cacnea, the cactus bowling ball Pokémon. This thing grows in the deserts, and apparently turns into a giant flowering plant in the Sahara. Unfortunately that experiment went downhill when the Egyptians took the Pokémon._

The stats are cruddy seeing both attacks as a four, but everything else as a two. The moves include: poison sting, shoot needle, anything with attack, and light punch.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being bug, flying, fire, ice, and poison types.

The food is whatever this thing eats.

In general references, I sold off these suckers to Mexicans, Africans, and a couple Austrailians, but then Catherine put a ban on it so I smuggle them through to the Mexicans, who smuggle them back into this world, who give to me and I ask, "Are we going through this shit again?" But, in actual facts, this thing shoots out thorns, watch the fuck out.

In battles, nothing good, it sucks.

* * *

CACTURNE:

 _Cacturne, the cactus scarecrow Pokémon. Scarecrows during the day, partiers at night. Also, these creepy things will follow you at night like Slenderman. Running with a flash light as you constantly look behind with make a long shit trail from the start of night to end._

The stats are good seeing both attacks as a six, and everything else as a three. The moves include: feint attack, payback (This is actually Kevanin's Gangster friends who didn't pay their full amount for those translators), poison experiment, and pin missile.

The typing is now grass and dark with the weaknesses being fire, fighting, flying, ice, fairy, poison, and 4x damage form bug types.

The food is still the same.

In general notes, nothing new. In useful information, it just sits there at day time, follows you at night, good fucking luck.

In battles, pretty decent to a noob's extent.


	176. Swablu Evo line

ENTRY 168: SWABLU EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SWABLU:

 _Swablu, the cleaner Pokémon. Yes, this Pokémon is its own sponge. It will clean up any stain like a bad Mr. Clean commercial. Also, it makes a nice hat when you're a lazy prick in buying one._

The stats are crappy seeing the defense and speed as a three, and the attack and HP as a two. The moves include: lullaby (You're not a Jigglypuff), bind wound, sing (not a move dumbass), and run around (Who the fuck designed this thing? Running around is what you do when you're getting chased by Beenazis, in New York, as there is a Feminist parade tracking through, and your wife gets dragged into it and beat the shit out of a few feminazis).

The typing is normal and flying with the weaknesses being ice, rock, and electric types.

The food is whatever it eats.

Alright, the not being scared of people it true, but I can make it piss itself as a bullet can barely touch its head. I can scare the shit out of every Pokémon here, except for a couple of Treeckos. Also, it does act like an automatic Mr. Clean sponge, all I do is give it soapy water and a bucket and I get my truck cleaned without a problem. However, I am letting Edward now drive it and he crashed it somewhere in another town. Oh well.

In battles, HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. Please, you sneeze and they will faint.

* * *

ALTARIA:

 _Altaria, the cloud bird dragon thing Pokémon. Why the fuck is it a dragon type if it looks like a bird? Anyway, the singing is supposed to be beautiful, but I usually use these as target practice like every other flying type._

The stats are decent as the attack, defense, and speed is a four, and the HP is a three. The moves include: anything with singing (like a musical), dragon dance (Really?), wing attack, and shining wind.

The typing is now dragon and flying with the weaknesses being dragon, rock, fairy, and 4x damage from ice types.

The food is whatever it eats.

Something to know, this dreamy wonderment bullshit may happen to some people, but I can have a dream and find as many ways to torture Ash as possible. However, he's "dead" so oh well.

In battles, better. However, Midori can knock them out easily.

* * *

MEGA ALTARIA:

Well, it's one big ass bird cloud, or cloud bird, or both. Anyway, this thing is a totally different thing form what the original line goes. The stats are way better as the attacking is a six, defense is a five, the speed is a four, and the HP still remains as a three.

The typing is now a dragon and fairy with the weaknesses being fairy, steel, poison, and ice types.

I battled that Cynthia girl who had one and Midori wiped the floor with it and actually made it shine well. The only use for this Pokémon line is one giant mop/sponge/cotton wipe.


	177. Zangoose Entry

ENTRY 169: ZANGOOSE ENTRY

Zangoose, the Wolverine Pokémon. This thing hates Sevipers and is a whack-ass in its cellular nature.

The stats are pretty good seeing the attack is a six, the speed is a five, and the defense and HP is a three. The moves include: anything with slashing, chop up, invite and strike (one of Catherine's attempts to "persuade" Trump to stop the trade we are doing), and detect.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting.

The food is whatever it eats.

OK, some shit that needs to be straightened to C7. No, Zangooses are not fucking emo. You must have gotten one with a fucked up past or something. I have battled them before and none acted like an emo. Also, maybe you were too drunk when righting that and threw the first idea onto the electronic paper, no?

As stated in the last paragraph, I have battled them and they can be tough-ish, but they're not great since Bender, Pella, and Edward kick their asses.


	178. Seviper Entry

ENTRY 170: SEVIPER ENTRY

 _Seviper, the relative to Arbok Pokémon. This character has a violent Trump/Hillary feud with the Zangoose for some reason, probably because they thought that their Pokélections were hacked by Russian Pokémon._

The stats are decent as the attack is a five, the speed is a four, and the HP and defense is a three. The moves include: anything with poison, shed skin, bite and escape (this is what a Hounddour did yesterday, except it got grabbed by one of Kevanin's friends and disappeared), and tail blade.

The typing is poison with the weaknesses being psychic and ground types.

The food is whatever this huge snake eats.

Some notes, yes, the tail is very deadly and leaks poison. Thankfully, none of these has gotten into my world. Also, it is very big rivals with the Zangoose Pokémon for some reason, have no idea why.

In battles, well only once and it sucked.


	179. Lunatone Entry

ENTRY 171: LUNATONE ENTRY

 _Lunatone, the meteorite moon Pokémon. Oh boy, another space Pokémon that everyone loves to make theories on. It also floats and scares the shit out of people._

The stats are decent as the speed is a four, and the first three are a three. The moves include: cosmic draw, moon blast, rock throw, and double draw (Well, psychic + two pencils, sure).

The typing is rock and psychic with the weaknesses being bug, dark, ghost, grass, steel, and water types.

The food is unknown.

First off, the scaring shit is real for a lot of you, but I got immune to that after the shit being put up between that parallel universal mine and the reoccurrence of Ash. Next thing to know, it does come from space, but form the moon. And why didn't the Borg collective come along and assimilate these along with those Cleffables, or whatever the fuck they're called?

In battles, HA, you have a better fucking chance of finding a rainbow shiny than one of these.


	180. Solrock Entry

ENTRY 172: SOLROCK ENTRY

Solrock, another fucking space rock Pokémon. Same like the last Pokémon, and another Pokémon that I wish was turned into a Borg drone.

The stats are better than the last as the attack is a five, the defense and speed is a four, and the HP is a three. The moves include: Solar blast, cosmic draw, explosion, and heat burn.

The typing is rock and psychic with the weaknesses being ghost, bug, dark, bug, steel, grass, and water types.

The food is sunlight.

OK, now there are two theories that I made that surround this thing:

1: It came from an unknown alien civilization that made these, programed them, and sent them here so I can write shit about them.

2: They actually come from the sun, judging by the sun like appearance, and also came so I can write shit on them.

But, for other shit that needs to be explained, I'll leave Mr. C7 to that since I'm not him.

In battles, well I only fought one… and Siliveisa took it out pretty fast.


	181. Barboach Evolutionary line

ENTRY 173: BARBOACH EVOLUTIONARY LINE

BARBOACH:

Barboach, the slimy whiskered thing Pokémon. What the fuck is this thing? Another type of mud Pokémon that can only relate to a Mudkip.

The stats are crappy seeing the attack and speed as a three, and the HP and defense as a two. The moves include: splash, mud slap, hook, and tackle.

The typing is water and ground with the weakness being 4x damage from grass types.

The food is whatever it catches.

Notes, well it says that the slime covering its body makes it stronger, so I suggest use a flamethrower and torch them all.

Battles, well Catherine has taken away the battling fun in the war room and now Pokémon have to actually ask me to battle, even if it's me they battle, in human form.

* * *

WHISCASH:

Whiscash, the seismograph catfish Pokémon. This Pokémon will beat the shit out of you if you look into its territory. Also, this thing can predict earth quakes, and cause small ones.

The stats are pretty decent as the HP and attack are four, and the defense and speed is a three. The moves include: surf, magnitude, water pulse, and landslip.

The typing remains the same.

The food remains the same.

Now, the ability of predicting earthquakes is not bullshit, it does work. And because of this, I smuggle and sell these off to the Japs and the Californians for a shit ton of cash as an accurate seismograph that can predict earthquakes. Of course this led to me gaining a good, fat bank account in 20 days, but then it stopped as Catherine didn't like me selling Pokémon off to my world's people, or me calling people racist names. She takes the fun out of everything.

In battles, pretty decent as I got no ground types and Bender is an open target for this thing.


	182. Crawdaunt Evo line

ENTRY 174: CORPHISH EVOLUTIONARY LINE

CORPHISH:

 _Corphish, the hermit crab lobster hybrid Pokémon. This Pokémon was once a pet because people where dumbasses in deciding what was a pet. It east anything, perfect way to kill off the species with Botox. Catherine, get the fuck out of here._

The stats below decent as the attack is a four, the defense is a three, and the HP and speed is a two. The moves include: irongrip, slash, double chop (It knows Karate?), and guillotine (only by the French, and maybe that French cook Louis).

The typing is water with the weaknesses being grass and electrical types.

The food is anything, literally. So far it has tried burnt meat, dog shit, paper, rocks, sand, dirt, dead Pidgeys, Botox, and some New York Times newspapers.

In notes, well the last paragraph sums one area up. Second one is the pets which people have to be the stupidest assholes on the planet to do. Why a lobster? I have no fucking idea.

In battles, needs work. This thing is crap in a crapper.

* * *

CRAWDAUNT:

 _Crawdaunt, the scary lobster Pokémon. This thing will kill anything that goes into its area. This is true, don't fuck with me. Also, it has a molting problem where it is killable after it molts._

The stats are good seeing the attack as a six, the defense as a four, and the speed and HP as a three. The moves include: guillotine, prop-up pinchers, power blow, and poison claws (You're not a poison type, dumbass).

The typing is now water and dark with the weaknesses being bug, electric, fairy, fighting, and grass types.

The food is relatively the same.

Notes here include that don't go into this things territory unless you're committing suicide, and try to kill them after they molt. Also, try to sell a few of them to good restaurants. And not the "good" ones on Kitchen nightmares that takes it and ruins the whole meal by freezing it for a week saying it's fresh.

In battles, alright these are pretty decent. They can last for a minute in battle and be easily taken out by Bender.


	183. Baltoy Evo line

ENTRY 175: BALTOY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

BALTOY:

 _Baltoy, the living clay voodoo doll Pokémon. This thing cries annoyingly, stands on one foot, and is owned by Team Magma. Dealt with these bastards, at least I make easy money with the Mightyenas._

The stats are crap as the speed and defense is a three, but the attack and HP are a two. The moves include: anything involving spinning, slap, pierce, and self-destruct (Shit, there was an ancient ISIS in the Pokémon world. That and I think a couple of them actually did make it into ISIS.)

The typing is ground and psychic with the weaknesses being bug, dark, ghost, grass, water, and ice types.

The food is unknown.

In facts, well it apparently was discovered to live with people back in ancient times. Now in today's society, ancient could be five years ago, or as Mr. Crocker would call it, yesterday. Also, if you see another one, quickly shoot it or else yours and the other one will group and cry.

In battles, nope, never fought one.

* * *

CLAYDOL:

 _Claydol, the weird eyed Pokémon. Apparently made by humans, what a surprise, about 20,000 years ago and came to life due to an unknown beam of energy._

The stats are much better as the defense is a five, the attack and speed is a four, and the HP is a three. The moves include: wide laser, hyper beam, rock smash (more like Hulk smash, this thing), and clay curse (I like my undead curse better).

The typing remains the same.

The food, assumingly, remains the same.

Some notes for those who read this and C7, the mysterious energy ray is currently a myth under my research and probably was Xerneas bringing some clay to life, so calm the fuck down. Also, I tried to replicate the ray effects and I wound up creating so far: A Riolu with a third arm, a Charizard that is pink, luckily it's a female, and a fire and fairy type, and a Ralts that has a third leg and an extra heart.

In battles, eh, I've seen better. Siliveisa and Heleva can whoop this things ass easily.


	184. Lileep Evo line

ENTRY 176: LILEEP EVOLUTIONARY LINE

LILEEP:

 _Lileep, the "extinct" sea polyp Pokémon. Why the fuck is it alive today? Isn't it supposed to be extinct millions of years ago, or did Jurassic world decide to bring that back to life to feature them in the new movie they're making?_

The stats are crappy as the defense and HP is a three, the attack is a two, but the speed is a sea plant in a sand pit. The moves include: spiral drain (you mean the kitchen sink right?), head butt, time spiral (Now it's part Celebi? Make your fucking mind up you stupid plant), and tender tentacles (why did that sound sexual?).

The typing is grass and rock with the weaknesses being bug, fighting, ice, and steel types.

The food is whatever it catches.

Now, the regeneration from a fossil is fucking impossible and I recommend don't do it because Trump wanted me to use that shit for a couple of people and I brought Lincoln back to life. Of course we had to explain to him that black people weren't slaves, women are SJW bitches, and had to teach the guy basic calculus.

In battles, well, they suck, massively. Bender can fight form a distance and kick it for crying out loud.

* * *

CRADILY:

 _Cradily, the moving sea plant Pokémon. Well, it moves at least. This thing moves all over the ocean looking for food, nothing exciting._

The stats are decent as the speed sucks at a two, but everything else is a four. The moves include: lure poison, spiral drain, Eerie light, and mud shot.

The typing and food remains the same.

Now, for once on my 'Dex, I will agree with C7 as he says this thing is shit. The only thing it's good for is looking pretty in your pool or aqua garden.

In battles, it's an excuse for a second tier Pokémon. Don't use it at me, or I will throw Bender/Edward at it.


	185. Anorith Evo line

ENTRY 177: ANORITH EVOLUTIONARY LINE

ANORITH:

Anorith, the prehistoric bug Pokémon. Another fucking fossil brought back to life, really? It has sharp fangs/pincers, good luck.

The stats are below decent as the attack is a five, the speed is a four, but everything else is a two. The moves include: slash, double scratch, pierce, and X-scissor.

The typing is rock and bug with the weaknesses being rock, steel, and water types.

The food is whatever it grabs with those little pincers.

Why the fuck do you keep bringing fossils back to life, hmm? Haven't we learned from Jurassic Park and Jurassic World of what happens when you bring things back to life? Including the ones that are 40ft fucking tall. We had dinosaurs, no need to have prehistoric insects begin to eat people, including Newman.

In battles, what battles? I never seen one of these little fuckers, now get the fuck out!

* * *

ARMALDO:

Armaldo, the more dangerous prehistoric bug Pokémon. Yeah, a bigger scarier thing that should be easy to kill with a .45 ACP hunting rifle. If not, then I'll use Edward's newly "borrowed" .50 USAA sniper gun.

The stats are above decent as the attack is a six, the defense is a four, and everything is a three as the speed lowered by one. The moves include: blade arms, spiral drain, guard claw, and fossil charge (Yeah, like a couple thousand dollars).

The typing and food remains the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Now, the thing about busting through a steel slab, its bullshit. A .50 caliber could bust through one, an oversized Jurassic Park bug from millions of years ago can't break a slab of steel. It's like an SJW trying to break a slab of solid facts, that dumbass can't.

In battles, well, at least when they go up against Slilveisa it seems to something. However, it still sucks.


	186. Feebas Evo line

ENTRY 178: FEEBAS EVOLUTIONARY LINE

FEEBAS:

 _Feebas, the ugly piece o' shit that's a relative to Magicarp Pokémon. Yep, another useless fish that makes good sushi. It's ugly, and it can live anywhere, except that radioactive lake in Kazakhstan, I dropped one off by helicopter, and found it dead the next day._

The stats are shit seeing the speed as a four, but the attack as a coral against a shark, the defense of a star fish versus a submarine loaded up with bullets, and the HP being less that a worm in the heat of summer in the Sahara. The moves include: tackle, ascension, add-a-dash (what?), and count and draw (Is it in kindergarten or something?).

The typing is water with the weaknesses being grass and electric types.

The food is whatever this thing catches.

One note is that this thing is the fourth Pokémon to be a retard. Easy to catch, one hell of an embarrassment.

In battles, HA, it's worse than a Ralts for crying out loud.

* * *

MILOTIC:

 _Milotic, the huge snake Pokémon. Supposedly the most beautiful Pokémon to exist, it has the power to calm most emotions, except when there's a family feud going on._

The stats are much better as the HP and speed is a four, and the attack and defense is a three. The moves include: anything with waves (except sound and radio waves), scale blow, wrap, and aqua tail.

The typing and food remains the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Now why the fuck is this 20 foot piss colored snake the most beautiful Pokémon to exist? I find a Siliveisa more attractive than this ugly creation.

Now in regular notes, the soothing effect only works for simple arguments. I had one in the lab when Midori got her parents and brother, then my parents and my siblings, adding along with the current family I have along with my grandfather; can you say the whole room as impossibly loud with five different languages flying across the room and lots of curse words. The Milotic I had a seizure and I had to have Edward take it to the medical room. Now, from the DerpéDex, C7 states they are ugly, agree, they suck, agree, and they are need a lot of shit to evolve, fuck you.

In battles, well, it simply sucks.


	187. Castform Entry

ENTRY 179: CASTFORM ENTRY

 _Castform, the weatherman Pokémon. This is basically a living weather cloud. It can change its typing, feelings, and mindset as the weather changes._

The stats are decent as the attack and speed is a four, and everything else is a three. The moves include: scattered showers, rainy day blues, weather teller, and water pulse.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting, but there are multiple forms that have different typing. The forms, separately, have fire, ice, and water types with their weaknesses.

The food is unknown.

Facts, well, first off C7 has nothing useful. However, this sucker can predict weather, so I sold a few of them to the weather stations and WSBTV. It made a couple ten thousand, but in terms of owning one… well C7 is correct unfortunately. Castforms aren't spoiled, but they will make your life a miserable hell if you let them. I had a few and they constantly sent the war room into disaster. I made it illegal to have on in here, but that isn't going to do much. Also, what are those two round things? Are those breasts or testicle sacks? I punched one before and it went crying and crashing into the ground so I assume the second one.

In battles, annoying as hell. First it's slightly cold and it's an ice type which means I use Bender to kick its ass. Then it starts to rain and the thing becomes a water type. Then the sun came out and it became a fire type, and I switched out Bender for Siliveisa, only to then find out its back to a water type. In the end, I wanna strangle the Castform and beat the shit out of the trainer.


	188. Kecleon Entry

ENTRY 180: KECLEON ENTRY

 _Kecleon, the chameleon Pokémon. Well finally, something that looks somewhat normal. This thing can change colors with the surrounding area, and use its tongue to snatch your shit and hopefully choke on it._

The stats are decent as the attacking is a five, the defense and HP is a three, and the speed is a two. The moves include: double scratch, tongue whip, imittack, and quick attack.

The typing is normal (for once it's right) and the weakness is fighting types.

The food is whatever it catches.

In notes, it is pretty normal in a sense. Alright, there was one that escaped into my world but it hasn't been causing any trouble since CNN and FOX didn't report shit on it. In regular, actually educational, facts, this thing can change into virtually any surrounding, but the stripe on its stomach will give its position away, which makes good target practicing.

In battles, God I've seen better battles between a Froakie and Rose, when she was in her first tier, and they weren't even fighting.


	189. Shuppet Evo line

ENTRY 181: SHUPPET EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SHUPPET:

Shuppet, the shitty puppet Pokémon. This Pokémon will eat negative emotions within a person/Pokémon. The best defense is a dark type because these little bastards will eat your emotions.

The stats are near decent as the attack is a four, the speed is a three, and the HP and defense is a two. The moves include: hypnosis, night attack (yeah like Catherine wearing a hockey mask, swinging a baseball, and on crazy drugs, seen that shit already), fade out (like shirt colors), and gossip (not a fucking move, just what the liberals do behind my back).

The typing is ghost with the weaknesses being ghost and dark types.

The food is dark emotions, you know envy, jealousy, shit the Bible says is bad.

No bullshit, but the ability insomnia is a medical condition, and it should be fixed. Also, try to hire the ghost busters on this, and make sure it's the new old ones because the new ones will be asking for female shit.

In battles, well Heleva, Arenmo, Siliveisa, and Kevanin (before he joined the ghetto) got a shit ton of practice on these little bastards.

* * *

BANETTE:

Banette, the ghost doll thing Pokémon. This thing is basically a living voodoo doll. If it opens its mouth, all the energy flows out, which is a pain in the as seeing as these need to be one of the couple of species to die along with Lapras, that deer Pokémon, and several extinct Pokémon that Prof. Hammond made.

The stats are good seeing the attack as a six, the speed as a four, and the HP and defense as a three. The moves include: shadow steal, darkness chant, breakdown, and lost crush (you mean this thing had a girlfriend? Get a fucking life, oh wait, you do have one).

The typing remains the same.

I'm not aware of what this thing eats since its mouth keeps closed.

In notes, not much. This thing is apparently some kind of doll that was brought to life. Well, at least we know God exists, because I don't think things randomly come to life like that.

In battles, pretty tricky bastards. Heleva is excellent for these, especially with her new Z-crystal move of "Dark Claw".

* * *

MEGA BANETTE:

Well, it seems the racist term zipperhead is no longer considered racist when looking at one of these things. The stats are pretty good seeing the attack as a high eight, but everything else as the same.

The typing remains the same.

I battled one before and damn was it hard. Luckily it wasn't the hardest son of a bitch as the Mega Alakazam character, which wiped off my brother in law, daughter in law, and wife, is currently the biggest son of a bitch out there. But this mega evolution only took Heleva to knock out.

* * *

 **Also, I'm not racist or sexist, I just add shit like that for comedy.**


	190. Duskull Evo line

ENTRY 182: DUSKULL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

DUSKULL:

Duskull, the mine Grim Reaper Pokémon. This thing will get rid of bad children, but apparently it missed its dead line with Catherine.

The stats are crap as the defense is a four, the attack is a two, the speed is a ghost trying to get his soul returns from the DIRS in hell, and the attack is a ghost trying to hit you. The moves include: haunt, dark mind, disable (Catherine on the trade with the US), and night shade (this is poison you douchebags).

The typing is ghost with the weaknesses being ghost and dark types.

Food is unknown.

Facts, well… First off this thing can go through walls, so if you own one and you decide to lock the doors so you can dance around naked singing to Justin Bieber's "Baby" for an hour or so, and your Duskull learned how to operate your smart phone and posted the video on Facebook, can you say you're fucked?

In battles, nothing interesting. Actually, very lame.

* * *

DUSCLOPS:

Dusclops, the Yuri Cyclops Pokémon. This Pokémon can mind control you and can absorb anything without a problem and make you kiss it goodbye.

The stats are pretty decent as the defense is a six, the attack is a four, and the speed and HP is a two. The moves include: Judgement (What? I thought God and Jesus does this?), dark one-eye, random curse, and roam.

The typing remains the same.

I'm pretty sure the food is whatever it absorbs.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Despite the thing saying absorbs anything, I broke that rule by teleporting out so there is no black hole, in fact I found two bars of gold in one.

In battles, more difficult, but Heleva can take this one out.

* * *

DUSKNOIR:

Dusknoir, the guiding of lost souls that belong to idiots Pokémon. I bet this is the reason why Ash came back to life several times, well twice. Anyway, it has an antenna, but it can't broadcast FOX news, but it can throw up shit it absorbed when listening to CNN.

The stats are a little higher as the defense is still a six, the attack is a five, the speed is a three, and the HP is a two. The moves include: shadow punch, pain pellets (AKA .308 bullets), night spin, and mind jack.

The typing remains the same.

I'm not aware what the food is.

In notes, just watch the fuck out and bring a pure dark type with ya.

In battles, it's a more hard to defeat Dusclops. Still easy, just harder.


	191. Tropius Entry

ENTRY 183: TROPIUS ENTRY

Tropius, the tropical banana tree dinosaur Pokémon. That alone says it all. The fruit on its neck is eaten by humans as well as everyone else. This seems profitable, but Catherine also cut that trade off as well.

The stats are decent as the speed is a three, but everything else is a four. The moves include: fresh-picked fruit (Not a fucking move), gust, fruition, and energy press (to make energy juice like Gatorade?)

The typing is grass and flying with the weaknesses being fire, flying, rock, poison, and 4x damage from ice types.

The food is grass, CO2, sunlight, and possibly its own fruit.

In notes, well, it makes pretty good bananas. I sold a couple off to Brazil, south East Asia, and even got one sold off to Central America. Of course Catherine decided to stop the trade and got me as a "capitalist criminal" which then I was being targeted by the SJWs which she joined. Then she left the next day as she realized there were homosexuals in the crowd. Yes, my daughter Catherine is a homophobe, deal with it.

In battles, what battles, there fucking walking talking dino-banana trees. Sure, Bender fought one before and won like it was nothing, but who the fuck honestly thinks a banana dinosaur will win?


	192. Chingling Evo line

ENTRY 184: CHINGLING EVO LINE

CHINGLING:

Chingling, the jingle bells Pokémon. Give them a Christmas carol and watch them ring away.

The stats are curd seeing the speed as a three, and the first three as a two. The moves are: inviting bell, chime, uproar, and baby evolution for the umpteenth fucking time.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being bug, dark, and ghost types.

This thing has no food.

In notes, um, well there isn't much. I tried selling them to New York for jingle bell carols, failed. And I got stuck listening to Catherine's peace carols with them. Oh God, it just wants to make you take the nearest .12 gauge and fire it right into your fucking head.

In battles, lol, what battles?

* * *

CHIMECHO:

Chimecho, the wind chimes Pokémon. Well, ya need your ear drums blasted besides one of the previous Pokémon, go for this.

The stats are decent as the main areas have increased by one. The moves include: chime, psychic boom, collect, and warp sounds (instead of warp speed, fuck off you wind chimes).

The typing is the same.

The food is berries.

In notes, well they scream out deafening sounds when blowing in the wind, so I take my gun, blast off the branches, and send the mother fuckers flying away from my ears.

In battles, nothing great. If anything, Heleva takes these on like a piece of chocolate cake, which I found out causes her very bad digestive trouble.


	193. Absol Evo line

ENTRY 185: ABSOL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

ABSOL:

Absol, the supposed Disaster Pokémon. Well, was it the reason of the 1906 San Francisco earthquake?  
Or the 2011 Earth quake/tsunami that caused Fukushima? OF COURSE FUCKING NOT!

The stats are actually good seeing the attack as a seven, speed is a four, and the HP and defense is a three. The moves include: bad news (like what Prof. Farnsworth?), prize count (Me after a hunt), future sight (I've already disproved this. Only God can see the future, not Pokémon, nor these legendaries including that Arceus shit), and darkness slugger.

The typing is dark with the weaknesses being bug, fairy, and fighting types.

In terms of food, well, I'm not sure.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Absols don't bring disasters. These must've been near coincidences, or another trait that hasn't been found yet. It doesn't have the ability to foretell disasters, otherwise it would've told us about a lot of shit.

DERPEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: Alright, I swear this C7 was trying his best to be a drunken dumbass. He says that they are covered in swords, um I see two. Next, they live on nightmares, blood and shit like that, no they don't. Also, catching an Absol isn't that fucking complicated. I suggest you use one of your antiqued guns and shoot the shit out of your Absol if it gives you so much fucking trouble.

In non-bullshit terms, C7 is correct that they dislike pre-killed things, and that the disaster thing is bullshit. In my experience, one was here for five days and I fed the sucker Angus steak. It didn't push it off, since it was the best shit you can find, but it didn't like it being dead already. So I decided to bring it to my world and chase down a deer. It did so and finally smiled. Of course the nature guard patrol came over and complained on it, but saw the Absol and said basically to stay away.

In battles, alright they suck on my terms.

* * *

MEGA ABSOL:

Well, it looks more like a MLP, and does look more attractive. Anyway, the stats are very good as the attack is a good solid eight, the speed is a six, but the HP and defense remain the same.

Typing remains the same.

In battles, a good few and they are pretty tricky. But Bender whoops their ass easily.


	194. Snorunt Evo line

ENTRY 186: SNORUNT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SNORUNT:

 _Snorunt, the Frosty the Snowman Pokémon. This thing lives in the coldest places and is, under my opinion, useless and should be shot._

The stats are crap as the speed and attack is a three, but the defense and HP is a two. The moves include: anything with snow, tackle, ice breath, and headbutt.

The typing is ice with the weaknesses being fire, fighting, rock, and steel types.

The food is snow and ice, but don't feed it lemon snow.

In notes, um, nothing much.

In battles, well easy turkey shoot, if they were turkeys but it's easy to shoot them.

* * *

GLALIE:

 _Glalie, the icy rock Pokémon. It isn't a rock type for some reason, don't know why. Also, it freezes prey, aka you, and eats it in joy. Sick Pokémon, isn't it?_

The stats are decent as the HP and S. defense is a three, and everything else is a four. The moves include: heavy blizzard, powder snow, reflect energy, and hailstone.

The typing remains the same.

Food is whatever it freezes and stores.

In notes, it can control ice however it wants. This is proven, but I would recommend to use a shotgun if it starts to go rampant.

In battles, Bender is a good ass kicker for this one. Always use a fire and fighting type for these.

* * *

MEGA GLALIE:

Of course, it has to be scarier. The stats are good as the attack is a six, the speed is a five, the defense is a four, and the HP is still a three.

The typing remains the same.

In battles, only a couple of times, but nothing interesting, no.

* * *

FROSLASS:

 _Froslass, the ice ghost Pokémon. This ghost is apparently a Pokémon that freezes enemies into blocks of ice at -60 degrees. There is also a legend on it, but I'll bash it later on._

The stats are very decent as the speed is a six, the attack is a four, and the defense and HP are a three. The moves include: icy breath (too much mint?), snowy drop (Pidgeon shit?), blizzard, and wake-up slap (Sometimes Midori does this as she might knock me out of sleep).

The typing now is ice and ghost with the weaknesses being ghost, fire, dark, rock, and steel types.

The food is whatever it eats.

DERPEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: Ok C7, some shit you need to pour into your drunken head of yours. Froslass don't rape people, nor are they kinky. Also, how about you take the time to actually research and fight some of these before you write about them, hmm?

POKEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: A lot of alerts, no? That legend about a woman frozen alive and reborn is a crappy version of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. That legend can be debunked in one word: evolution. Since this thing evolves from a Snorunt.

In regular notes, it will freeze people, so be careful and grab a flamethrower. Also, it's an all-female species, but that doesn't mean the perverts go and find one.

In battles, they are somewhat decent, but suck as bad as other evolution.


	195. Spheal Evo line

ENTRY 187: SPHEAL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SPHEAL:

Spheal, the bowling ball Pokémon. Now, during the winter, me, Edward, Bender, and Midori, with possibly Rose and Siliveisa, since Kevanin always aimed for my balls, would use these little Pokémon as little bowling balls, and Bender would always win usually three points ahead of me.

The stats are crap as the HP is a three, but the defense, attack, and speed is a two. The moves include: powder snow, unstoppable roll (yep, had this happen with Kevanin), rollout, and willpower.

The typing is ice and water with the weaknesses being electric, fighting, grass and rock types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, this thing can roll to get places, like my car. Also, it is true about them being noisy as hell when eating. There are a couple of them in the nature room so I should know.

In battles, only in bowling, sorry.

* * *

SEALEO:

Sealeo, the balancing Pokémon. This Pokémon will balance, smell, and steal my guns for its own amusement. It also will balance a Spheal on its nose, so I suggest highly you get a Spheal, possibly of the opposite gender.

The stats are low decency as the HP and S. attack is a four, but everything else is a three. The moves include: sheer cold, ice rider, aurora beam (what?), and knock over (Not a move, this is your Kirlia daughter hitting your head with a baseball bat).

Typing and food remains the same.

In facts, well it does take one of my guns, or Edward's which he stores, and balances them. It's great to see Catherine not complain about a gun in the nature room if the thing is balancing it, but I'd also like to get rid of that asshole Lucario that constantly comes in. Also, if it smells whatever it balances, what happens when it balances a female?

In battles, Edward is good to kick this walrus's ass.

* * *

WALREIN:

Walrein, the huge walrus Pokémon. Lame, lame, and just pathetic. Nothing interesting.

The stats are decent as the S. attack is a five, and everything else is a four. The moves include: ice entomb, big tusk, powder snow, and sheer cold.

The typing and food is the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Yeah, those tusks aren't that powerful. I sold one to a couple Antarctic professors and they sent me a report on having the Walrein sent to a dentist as a joke. This means, it isn't going to be an ice breaker. Also, the attacks don't go bouncing off. If anything, it makes an indent and it takes a good steam shower to fix it. I have one installed in the lab facility, don't ask why.

In regular notes, Team Aqua and Magma have this shit. Easy knock outs, nothing exciting.

In battles, a few of them are lucky enough to even get through, maybe… some random nature room Pokémon that needs to fight. Seriously, everyone in there wants to fight as bad as a female wants to mate in heat.


	196. Calmperl Evo line

ENTRY 188: CLAMPERL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

CLAMPERL:

 _Clamperl, the clam Pokémon. This thing has a thick shell that a .223 bullet couldn't punch through. I have tested it with several bullets and have determined that a .308 bullet can pierce this thing. However, it would only break the shell, not kill it._

The stats are near decency as the defense is a four, the attack is a three, but the HP and speed are a two. The moves include: bubble, iron defense (You're not even a steel type), clamp, and sparkling pearl (Which it isn't a pearl unfortunately).

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

The food is whatever it catches.

Notes, well first off that's not a pearl, so forget getting a gun and net. Two, it sits there sleeping since there's one in the nature room and apparently all it does is sit there and sleep, kinda like Catherine half the day. In notes of the DerpéDex, well all I see is the word fuck appear more times than the words 'I'm a big fatass loser who writes shit", at least I'm a somebody who writes shit.

In battles, fuck, I haven't battled anything in the nature room, in fact I would have to redirect all the challengers, AKA time wasters, to the my original gym at my original home, which Arenmo and Rose took.

* * *

HUNTAIL:

 _Huntail, the fish lantern Pokémon. This eel can glow in the dark, and can eat whatever it can with its mouth, aka you. It lives in deep depths, so you're fucked in finding one._

The stats are decent as the attack and defense is a five, the speed is a three, but the HP remains the same. The moves include: Crunch, bite, dark splash (not a dark type), and bite off (What, my head?).

The typing is the same.

Food is whatever can fit into its mouth.

In notes, good luck in finding these. They live very deep, and it makes it harder when a couple escape into your world. Yes, three did. Good news, I got two back, bad news, there might be one in Somalia since I heard rumors of a three tailed eel on the loose there, or from FOX news.

In battles, a joke. Look, at least your previous had decent bullet proof armor.

* * *

GOREBYSS:

 _Gorebyss, the fucked up dolphin Pokémon. Yeah, that's what it looks like. Anyway, this thing is apparently "beautiful" and also very fucking scary._

The stats are worse than the last one as the attack is a four instead of a five. The moves include: stun needle, mystic water, hydro pump, and captivate.

The typing and food remains the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: It's not beautiful or elegant. I find the Milotic more attractive than this piece of shit.

In notes, well it's hard to attack and can withstand bullets under .223 caliber. Also, it lives in submarine style depths so good fucking luck to you.

In battles, crap, just fuck it. And no not literally either.


	197. Relicanth Entry

ENTRY 189: RELICANTH ENTRY

Relicanth, the ugly rock fish Pokémon. This thing in another fossilized Pokémon that the dumbass researchers at Jurassic World thought would be a great add on to the current collection of things that could kill you.

The stats are good as the defense is a six, the attack being a five, the HP being a four, and the speed is a three. The moves include: Yawn (I do this in the morning, lol), sharp fin, granite head, and grand swell.

The typing is water and rock types as the weaknesses are electric, fighting, ground, and 4x damage from grass types.

The food is microorganisms.

In notes, well another fossil that needs to be shot dead. Also, C7 must've been on MDMA when he wrote that entry because he's hallucinating a lot of shit. Also, the DNA of this thing is not going to make you live longer. Actually it does the opposite as the DNA affects multiple key genes within the main chromosome that alters the alleles and then creates the malfunctioning genetic information. For people who failed biology, it fucks up your DNA.

In battles, needs work. Edward can take it out, but I say this thing is crap.


	198. Luvdisc Entry

ENTRY 190: LUVDISC ENTRY

 _Luvdisc, the Valentine's Day Pokémon. Yeah, this thing is shaped like a heart. According to the PokéDex, it's supposed to follow a couple as they fall in love. Well, I didn't see one so, fuck that._

The stats are a little less decent as the speed is a five, the defense is a three, and the HP and attack is a two. The moves include: loving draw (competing for someone's heart for a duel, I think Kevanin is doing that back in gangsta's paradise), sweet temptation (chocolate?), heart wink, and spike draw.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

The food is unknown.

Alright, there is a shit load of notes of the DerpéDex that is useless, but some of them make sense, despite this guy being worse than Cheech and Chong on alcohol. Luvdisc is first off supposed to swim to newly made couples, or couples falling in love. Well, I fell in love with Midori, didn't see any heart fish following us. Then last year, we went off to the Sinnoh beach and we found a Luvdisc following us. I normally would've shot it, but Midori insisted on letting it follow.

In battles, no battling. Actually, I sold a couple of these for battlers, but then again selling shit illegally isn't anything new. I sold off MDMA, LSD, and marijuana to that Gengar in the parallel universe named Deco, and some music that he asked for and I got some MEGs for all that shit.


	199. Bagon Evo line

ENTRY 191: BAGON EVOLUTIONARY LINE

BAGON:

Bagon, the hard headed Pokémon. Yes, this Pokémon has a dream, not for racial equality, but to fly. And, because it's a dragon type, it is retarded and jumps off a cliff.

The stats are decent as the attack is a four, the speed and defense is a three, and the HP is a two. The moves include: risky kick, dragon eye, granite head, and headbutt.

The typing is dragon with the weaknesses being dragon, ice, and fairy types.

The food is unknown.

In notes, well I have one and I had to make a diving board about 50 ft. high just so it can go slam into the ground. Yes, it is retarded enough to do this, but I make a second one for other smarter Pokémon to jump off and dive into the little lake.

In battles, a few beginners, nothing much. Very easy for Midori to take out.

* * *

SHELGON:

Shelgon, the boney soccer ball Pokémon. This thing has a shell made of bones which reflects about 60% of the incoming hits. Unfortunately it can't withstand Edward's death beam so it's out.

The stats are pretty decent as the attack is a five, the defense is a four, and the speed and HP is a three. The moves include: scrunch, rolling attack, double-edge, and rolling tackle.

The typing remains the same.

Food is still unknown.

In notes, it can be confused with a soccer ball and this was because one time Edward was "picking" it up and when we were trying to do it, I kicked it and hurt my foot. Also, the outside is bones, so please shoot it.

In battles, well, it can do something, but I still win and haven't lost a battle to anyone in about 4-5 years.

* * *

SALAMENCE:

Salamence, the axe winged dragon Pokémon. Yep, its retarded dream is real as it got axe shaped wings. This thing will spray the sky full of flames so I suggest watch the fuck out when it party's.

The stats are god seeing the attack as a seven, the speed a five, and the defense and HP a four. The moves include: agility, dragon claw, direct hit, and dragon finish.

The typing is now dragon and flying with the weaknesses being dragon, rock, fairy, and 4x damage from ice types.

Food is unknown.

In notes, well at least they aren't retarded anymore. However, it's annoying to constantly have that Hunter character come along, and no not Hunter Avallone, Hunter J, or whoever the bitch is.

In battles, well Hunter J normally comes along and tries to win. Midori whoops her ass and then a cat fight might begin.

* * *

MEGA SALAMENCE:

The coolest Pokémon need to have the mega evolves. It does look like a Ferengi ship, but that might just be me. The stats very good as the attack is still a seven, the defense and speed are a six, and the HP is a four.

The typing is the same.

In battles, Hunter J comes along and tries. Ends up with an argument, I tell her to go fuck her Salamence.


	200. Beldum Evo line

**Hey everyone, this is Edward writing this entry because my father isn't here. He went to take a picture of this so called Nightmare Greninja in this alternate universe, but hasn't returned so I have to take over for my father's shit.**

ENTRY 192: BELDUM EVOLUTIONARY LINE

BELDUM:

Beldum, the steel Pokémon. It is made of steel, so don't bother trying to fight it.

The stats are decent in my terms as the defense is a four, the attack is a three, and the HP and speed is a two. The moves include: take down, metal charge, core beam, and tackle.

The typing is psychic and steel with the weaknesses being dark, ghost, fire, and ground types.

The food is small things, like Rattatas, shit like that.

Facts on Beldums: They are not that bad in general since my father has done some shit to these things. Catherine failed to stop my father form going off to a USA army base to test bullets and explosives on a Beldum. He found that .45 ACPs, .308s, .50 calibers, and armor piercing bullets don't work on these, but explosive do.

In battling, I fought against a few and they aren't any good competition.

* * *

METANG:

Metang, the double Beldum Pokémon. It takes two Beldums to make one of these. Very hard, very tricky.

The stats are decent as the attack and defense is a four as everything else is a three. The moves include: tackle, ram, core beam, and psyshock.

The typing and food remain the same.

Facts about Metang: This is getting trickier. Metangs are more resilient to physical attacks than their predecessor, but non-physical attacks can do more damage. Also, my father had these shot at as they took on light tanks bullets. I was pretty amazed, until he decided to have a Abrahams tank shoot it. That killed it.

In battles, they are decent competition. These suckers can fire shots like no one's business.

* * *

METAGROSS:

Metagross, the double Metang Pokémon. Yeah, it has four brains, two Metangs, or four Beldums. It makes some fast calculations, but nothing compared to other shit.

The stats are pretty good as the attack is a seven, the defense is a six, the speed is a four, and the HP is a three. The moves include: extra comet punch, giga hammer, metal reversal, and magnetic laser.

The typing and food remain the same.

FAKE SHIT ALERT: So, the thing about being faster than a super computer is false since it was compared to one of the super computers in my father's world, and I was surprised by the speeds it went. The Metagross dad brought over only did maybe 0.005% of the speed of one of those super computers.

Facts about Metagross: These things are pretty vicious in my experiences. Also, very hard to kill. My father drugged one and sent it to a US base and they had five tanks shoot at it and in the end, it took a missile to kill it. This was pretty damn impressive.

In battles, I had to fight a few of them. One of them was form that Alain guy. Ever since I kicked his ass in the championships, he's been trying to get back up to being first. But my father easily knocks him over, along with the "champions" from Kanto, the Elite 4, Kalos, Unova, Sinnoh, Johto, Aloha, Hoenn, and the Orange Islands. 80% of the wins done by me of course.

* * *

MEGA METAGROSS:

Yeah, this one I know too well. It weights a little over a ton and is one pain in the ass.

The stats don't change much except for the speed which goes from a four to a six.

The typing stays the same.

In battles, well, I whoop that Metagross's ass easily as I can just mega evolve and then my father uses the Z-crystal and, BOOM, Alain lost.

* * *

 **Author's note, the mentioning off what happened to the father, aka me, is actually a revealing of something in the next chapter of "A Pokémon's Betrayal". Ain't I a shitty bastard?**


	201. Regirock Entry

**SURPRISE MOTHER FUCKERS! Prof. Italy is back after being raped by a Charizard and poisoning that Ganivus Gallade dick. I'm back, shit's good, and Midori has officially convinced me not to go back to that universe which sucks, oh well.**

ENTRY 193: REGIROCK ENTRY

Regirock, the giant stone giant Pokémon. I'm not sure if it is a robot or not, but I know it should've stayed down where it belonged. Also, people were smart to lock up this thing, but thanks to dildo Ash and his cock sucking friends, they released it.

The stats are pretty good as the defense is a frickin' eight, attack is a five, and the speed and HP are three. The moves include: tonnage, rock throw, land maker, and bedrock press.

The typing is rock with the weaknesses being fighting, grass, ground, steel, and water types.

The food is unknown.

In notes, well people did something smart. Also, it was studied and appears to be made of only rocks, dammit not a robot, from different areas. How the fuck is this starling, the news that Rose is pregnant is more awing than that.

In battles, never battled it.


	202. Regice Entry

ENTRY 194: REGICE ENTRY

Regice, the ice robot Pokémon. This thing is made of ice, why not a robot? Apparently it can't be melted by standard shit, and will freeze anything that does do near it.

The stats are good seeing the S. defense as an eight, the defense as a four, and the HP, speed, and attack as a three. The moves include: frost smash, ice beam, freeze lock (My bank account), and final blizzard.

The typing is ice with the weaknesses being fire, fighting, rock, and steel types.

Food in unknown.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Now, even though it says that it can't be melted by fire and magma/lava, have you "professors" and other smart dumbasses ever try to use a laser before on it? That shit would melt the ice like nothing. Also, because I don't know the actual temperature and I never seen this yeti, this thing can't be that fucking cold. Maybe around -300 or less.

In notes, this thing can't be melted with standard heat. It was apparently made during an ice age, well um, which one? These professors (or are these kids documenting this shit?) should at least have this thing carbon dated so we can find which ice age because we have had several instances of ice ages from as far as a +3 billion years ago.

In battles, never fought it.


	203. Registeel Entry

ENTRY 195: REGISTEEL ENTRY

 _"Bite my shiny metal ass"- Bender Bending Rodriguez_

Registeel, the iron man Pokémon. This you can call a robot, since it is metal and it has red eyes. Smart people, dumbass Ash let this thing go.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the defense as a six, the attack as a four, and the HP and speed as a three. The moves include: triple laser, steel wave, forbidden iron hammer (Thor's hammer?), and wide laser.

The typing is steel with the weaknesses being fighting, fire, and ground types.

Food is unknown.

In notes, well it seems to be made of a space metal, maybe something that the Cardassians/Klingons were using as they saw these really fucked up things walking around. Also, people got some senses to lock this up, only for the biggest cuck on the planet, AKA Ash, to dig it up and unleash hell. What a motha fucking prick he is, and was.

In battles, never seen it or fought it.


	204. Latias Evo line

ENTRY 196: LATIAS EVOLUTIONARY LINE

Latias, the red dragon Pokémon. A red dragon that looks like a little girl, good fucking grief people.

The stats are pretty decent since the speed is a six, the defense and attack is a four, and the HP is a three. The moves include: hypno blast, misty gale, mist ball, and speed wing.

The typing is dragon and psychic with the weaknesses being dragon, ghost, dark, bug, ice and fairy types.

The food is unknown.

In notes, well this red ass piece of shit is apparently intelligent enough to understand what the fuck I'm saying. Well good news you oversized high on cocaine dragon, my finger says fuck you! Now, apparently they ain't legendaries, but that doesn't mean I can't find a couple. I met a Latias believe or not at one point, then I found the blue SOB dressed up. He pushed me back as I pulled my gun and shot his leg three times. He turned into a Latios and everyone was wanting him for grabs.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: this so called hostility thing is bullshit, because that event up there would've never happened.

DERPEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: OK, C7, stop drinking, ok, there are kids reading your shit and my shit. He says that Latias and Latios commit incest. What kind of made up bullshit is this? I know the guy is a degenerate but please, some decency?

In battles, other than that fight, I only fought one where Edward knocked it out, seven minutes.

MEGA LATIAS:

Yeah, another ME, lame. This thing apparently now is purple. The stats are better as the speed is still a six, the defense and attack is a five, and the HP remains a three.

The typing remains the same.

I haven't fought one yet, but I heard of a dick who thinks he can whoop my ass.


	205. Latios Evo line

ENTRY 197: LATIOS EVO LINE

 _Latios, the non-Latino Pokémon. Well, it seem the Latias has a brother and I can say that this is nothing better than the last one._

The stats are good seeing the speed as a six, the attack as a five, the defense as a four, and the HP as a three. The moves include: energy stream, luster purge, lagoon flight, and glide.

The typing is the same as the opposite gender.

Food is unknown.

Alright, some pretty weird as fuck facts. The bullshit I called on the Derpedex was apparently proved correct thanks to a Quiliva, who not only is a lazy ass coward who is all bark and no bite but, who can apparently use a keyboard, work a computer, and scream shit at me. Of course his name is also false because Quiliva hats suck, one Team Magma member sold me one and I stored it away and sold it off to one of Kevanin's Gangsta friends in Chicago. So the fact he proved was that Latias and Latios do, in fact, commit incest. Don't ask me why, I'm just going to take C7 lessons and lock up at night. Another thing, the faster than a jet is true, but I had this dipshit bring his Latios over to see if he can outrun a USA based supersonic jet. The jet won so, fuck Latios.

POKEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: Yeah, what the fuck are the chances of a Latios opening up to me? Maybe if I was gay, then sure, but as hell no now.

In battles, well I only fought a Latios in a human disguise as I was in this bar and when I started to talk with the Latias in disguise, the Latios asswipe came up and tried to push me off. He said take a shot at me, so I shot him three times to get my point across, and left without an issue. But in regular Pokémon battles, yeeeaaaahh, better chances of me fighting off another reincarnation of Ash, sorry.

* * *

MEGA LATIOS:

Really? Really? Another fucking ME for this thing? Alright then, let's try this. The stats are very good seeing the S. attack as an eight, the regular attack as a seven, the speed as a six, but the defense and HP remaining the same.

The typing remains the same.

Never battled one, fuck off *gives middle finger*.


	206. Kyogre Form Entry

**Well, thanks to everyone who cursed at me, put down a comment, and corrected my ass because this fanfic finally hit the 10k views mark.**

* * *

ENTRY 198: KYOGRE FORMS ENTRY

 _'DAR SHE BLOWS!- generic whaler talk_

KYOGRE:

 _Kyogre, the blue whale legendary Pokémon. This thing is the first Pokémon to have multiple forms, other than Alohan. Also there is an America/USSR kind of relationship between this oversized whale and the Groudon._

The stats are good seeing the speed and attack as a five, and the defense and HP being a four. The moves include: spring tides, ocean cyclone, drizzle (worried to know what this is), and high tide (HAHAHA, not a move this is a natural course in nature dumbass.)

In typing it is water with the weaknesses being grass and electric.

The food is unknown.

In notes, well this thing is supposed to be fighting over domination of nature. I let the US army do nuclear testing in one area and that must've pissed off several of those legends as a few soldiers went running back to America.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: It can summon storms to raise sea levels? I thought global warming does this kind of shit? Also, how the fuck can it make storms? It's a whale, not a steam generator.

In battles, HA, never fought one.

* * *

PRIMAL KYOGRE:

Ok, what the fuck is this? I'd said it's a primitive Kyogre but hey, I'm not a retarded professor, am I? Now, the stats are very good seeing the S. attack as a fucking nine, the regular attack as an eight, and the other three being the same.

The typing is the same.

I never battled one, how many fucking legendaries have I fought, huh?


	207. Groudon Forms Entry

ENTRY 199: GROUDON FORMS

GROUDON:

 _Groudon, the earth Godzilla Pokémon. Personification, personification, here's a personification, MY MIDDLE FINGER! This thing is constantly fighting over Kyogre over power of nature, probably because Kyogre beat Groudon in Smash._

The stats are pretty good seeing the attack as a nine, the defense as a six, the speed as a five, and the HP as a four. The moves include: linear attack, pulverize, rock smash (like Hulk smash, gotcha), and break ground (not a move, this can be done with a sledge hammer).

The typing is ground with the weaknesses being grass, water, and ice types.

The food is unknown.

In notes, yeah shit happens. This thing fights its rival over something stupid and a third person asshole cleans it up. But since Team Magma is using this while Team Aqua uses the last one, let me tell a recent story. Yesterday, after texting shit off to that Quilava, Team Magma came along and decided to wage me, lost, and I used the money to get some gold, and sell it in my world in order to buy a few helicopters and drones. All are automatic so I sent those over, where I used my Tor browser and illegal finding equipment, to go save that excuse of a Pokémon from the looney Latios. All are loaded with targeting .50 caliber machine gun cannons, missiles, bombs, and other shit the US dumped on Syria and Iraq.

In battles, I never battled it.

* * *

PRIMAL GROUDON:

Ah figures. The stats on this are excellent seeing the attack at a nine, the special attack as a seven, the defense as a seven, but the speed and HP remaining the same.

The typing is now fire and ground with the weaknesses being ground and 4x damage from water types.

Never battled it.


	208. Rayquaza Evo line

ENTRY 200: RAYQUAZA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"It's not a dragon"- Larry Daily from "Night at the Museum: Movie 3"_

RAYQUAZA:

Rayquaza, the ozone snake beast Pokémon. This flying snake has stopped the shitty quarrels of Smash rivalry between Kyogre and Groudon for God knows how long, since it says hundreds of millions of years.

The stats are pretty good since the attack is an eight, the speed is a five, and the defense and HP is a four. The moves include: spiral growth, dragon burst, delta search, and Ozone flare (The real fucking reason why we have an ozone hole in the Antarctic).

The typing is dragon and flying with the weaknesses being dragon, fairy, rock, and 4x damage from ice types.

The food is meteorites.

In notes, this thing is the reason why earthquakes and tsunamis aren't in your front yard, in the Himalayas. Picture this in your impolitically correct mind: Rayquaza, starring as Jimmy Carter, Kyogre, starring as Anwar Sadat, and Groudon, starring as Menachem Begin. Basically, Raquaza has to keep these two assholic Pokémon under control several times instead of just once. Also, this thing lives in the ozone so don't both trying to find it you dickless losers. Keep trying to use that embarrassing Pichu on me, it won't work. Besides, Edward can whoop that legednary's ass in a few minutes.

Slight side note, all that USAA I got somehow got destroyed.

In battles, um, lol.

* * *

MEGA RAYQUAZA:

Remember the meteorites? Well, that shit powers up this things energy, apparently, to ME. The stats are extremely good as both attacks are a nine man, the speed is a six, but the defense and HP remain the same.

The typing remains the same.

HAHA, if I didn't battle one before, what makes you think I battled this scary green garden ozone snake?


	209. Jirachi Entry

ENTRY 201: JIRACHI ENTRY

 _"Just like a genie!"- Patrick Star_

 _Jirachi, the genie Pokémon. The Japanese translation is "Abduction of character", but whatever. This thing will grant you any wish that is true on the little sticky notes attached to its head._

The stats are decent as the HP and defense is a four, and the speed and attack is a five. The moves include: make a wish (What the fuck?), mind bend (have some acid or LSD), wish (I can do this in my sleep), and stellar reign.

The typing is psychic and steel with the weaknesses being fire, ground, dark, and ghost types.

The food is unknown.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Ok, waken up every thousand years… after singing to it… in purity? OK, first off, I'm lucky if I can sing "Gangsta's Paradise" good enough, and two, why a thousand years? It's somewhere in Unova of course and I actually have made it there. What do I do first? Well I first loaded the mountain with TNT and said, "Fuck this." Cool explosion, and once I got to it, it somehow was fighting Edward off in its sleep. I actually managed to play "Baby" and it woke up definitely.

In notes, WISHES! Ok, for the people out there who has watched "Fairly Odd Parents" with Norm, you should know by now that genies can fuck you several times over and laugh at it. In C7's notes, eh, same shit. I wished for only one thing… to get back to the lab after wasting my time. Of course I had one strip that said "Have a wife." I HAVE ONE YOU SHITTY LEGENDARY ASSHOLE! God, why does everyone think Midori isn't my wife, huh?

In battles, ok, this thing was tricky. I had Edward ME and Z-crystal activated, and that defeated it, but almost beat Edward.


	210. Deoxys Form Entry

ENTRY 202: DEOXYS FORMS ENTRY

" _Do you know what it is? A virus"- Agent Smith from "The Matrix_ "

DEOXYS:

Deoxys, the space virus Pokémon. Wanna bet that Voyager decided to throw off Neelix's poisonous cheese into the vacuum of space and a Borg Cube decided to fuck with it and create this weird ass creation?

The stats are excellent as the attack and speed are at an eight, but the defense and HP are a two. The moves include: cell storm, link blast, speed shot, and fastwave.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being bug, dark, and ghost types.

The food is, what I assume, space rocks.

DERPEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: Ok, C7 is a drunken weirdo, please find some of his entries and you'll see why he's apparently fucked up. He apparently says you cannot train this thing, do this do that… first off straightened out, YOU CAN'T TRAIN IT OR DO JACK SHIT WITH IT BECAUSE IT'S A FUCKING LEGENDARY! Clear?

In notes, the crystal thing in its stomach is the brain. Well, better than no brain.

In battles, um, never seen one.

* * *

ATTACK FORME DEOXYS:

This is fucking powerful. Both attack bars are at nine, the speed is an eight, HP remains the same, but the defense is a like a virus in alcohol. WAIT, that's its weakness!

Typing is the same.

Never battled it.

* * *

DEFENSE FORME DEOXYS:

Eh, this is bad. The defenses are both seven, the speed is a six, the attack is a four, and the HP is a two.

Typing is the same.

Never battled it

* * *

SPEED FORME DEOXYS:

Ok, this is impressive. The speed is a fucking solid ten, the defense are a four, the attacks are a five, and the HP is the same.

Typing remains the same.

Never battled it.

God, why can't they have it where the forms are more interesting?


	211. Turtwig Evo line

ENTRY 203: TURTWIG EVOLUTIONARY LINE

TURTWIG:

 _Turtwig, the tiny sapling turtle Pokémon. Well for starters, it's tiny, and it has a two leaved plant on its head. If it's thirsty, throw it in the lake/river._

The stats are below decent as the attack is a four, the defense is a three, and everything else is a two. The moves include: tackle, razor leaf, bite, and absorb.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being bug, fire, flying, ice, and poison types.

In notes, it's a turtle plant. Fuck Chia pets, here's a living Chia pet that can be of use for cleaner air until the factories get shut down by Catherine. Wanna bet on that shit? Anyway, I have one in the room, but it becomes a fighting ground between a Chespin, a Froakie, and a Pichu over who goes on top.

In battles, nothing.

* * *

GROTLE:

 _Grotle, the larger water finding turtle Pokémon. Hey lazy pricks, need to find a water source quickly? Then use the "new" Grotle which will find drinking water._

The stats are decent as the attack is a five, the defense is a four, the speed is a two, and everything else is a three. The moves include: synthesis, cut, mega drain (The pool or its bladder?), and razor leaf.

The typing is the same.

In notes, well this is good for finding clean water when you're in forest with nothing but brainless sentient animal assholes that even ain't animals. I did get one in the lab earlier… oh fuck, one minute… *door busts open with guns clicking*, hang on. Kevanin and his gangster friends are here.

(1 hour later)

Ok, they took the Grotle and expired food which they don't know is expired, oh well.

In battles, expect me to beat this thing with Bender like it was too damn easy.

* * *

TORTERRA:

 _Torterra, the big ass turtle Pokémon. Hey kids, you wanted a pet turtle, well here the fuck it is._

The stats are good seeing that everything has increased by one. The moves include: body slam, leaf storm, guard press, and land crush.

The typing is now grass and ground with the weaknesses being fire, bug, flying, and 4x damage from ice types.

In notes, Pokémon like to build nests on its back until it moves and understand why the land was cheap. Also, stupid Egyptians, I assume, or some kind of ancient group of stupid assholes thought I giant one lived underground. Aren't people the stupidest?

In battles, easy take outs. Bender does a good amount of damage and wins away at these.


	212. Chimchar Evo line

ENTRY 204: CHIMCHAR EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"Take your stinking paws off of me you damn dirty ape!"- Taylor from "Planet of the apes"_

CHIMCHAR:

Chimchar, the explosive ass Pokémon. Apparently when it has some bad gas, it fires it out of its ass causing one big explosion. So, if you feed this thing a lot of Mexican food, a lot of spicy shit, and prunes and bran muffins, you can knock out your opponents using the power of your monkey's ass.

The stats are crud seeing the attack and speed as a three, and the HP and defense as a two. The moves include: scratch, ember, serial swipes, and flare.

The typing is fire with the weaknesses being ground, rock, and water types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, feed it plenty of gut cleaning food, and/or gas creating food so it can shoot off a flamethrower out of its ass and roast your enemies alive. At least at that point you can call the move "Ass fryer" and say, "My monkey beat your Pokémon using his ass!"

In battles, sadly, nobody used the technique. Also, they suck.

* * *

MONFERNO:

Monferno, the bigger primate Pokémon. Well, the fire moved from the asshole to the tail. Good luck to those who have this shit flinging primate.

The stats are decent as the speed and attack is a four, the HP is a three, and the defenses are a two. The moves include: super singe, fury swipes, fire fang, and mid-air strike.

The typing is now fighting and fire with the weaknesses being flying, ground, psychic, and water types.

Food is the same.

In notes, well not much. This thing is a bigger monkey and will possibly throw its shit at you when you're being a bastard to it. Good self-defense when you're an abusive trainer.

In battles, using Midori or Siliveisa works well enough.

* * *

INFERNAPE:

Infernape, the battle monkey Pokémon. Yep, Bender is up against some competition, which is true since he has a rivalry between an Infernape.

The stats are pretty decent as the speed is a six, the attacks are a five, and the HP and defenses are a three. The moves include: flare up, fire spin, high jump kick, and split bomb (Possibly its turd).

The typing remains the same.

Food is the same.

In notes, well, as stated before, there is one that Bender hates and constantly fights as the two try to see who's better. One time they were fighting over Heleva.

In battles, oh God, I had enough of fighting monkeys. Personally, I wish I didn't kill Ash so I could rub my victory in his face and shit on his "progress".


	213. Piplup Evo line

ENTRY 205: PIPLUP EVOLUTIONARY LINE

PIPLUP:

 _Piplup, the piss off penguin Pokémon. It doesn't like being taken care of, well this I don't mind one fucking bit. Unfortunately, Catherine seems to hold back my use of .12 gauges to shoot them._

The stats are crap seeing the attacks as a three, and everything else as a two. The moves include: peck, water splash (I can do this in the pool), splatter (a Pokémon on the wall), and wavelet.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

The food is unknown since even Catherine is having a hard time feeding it.

In notes, well you can tell from above that I have one. Catherine is having a hard time taking care of it since it doesn't like that. I asked to use my M4A4; she denied and started to hug the penguin as it pecked the hell out of her head.

In battles, lol, what battles?

* * *

PRINPLUP:

 _Prinplup, the solitude Pokémon. This penguin thinks it is important even though I know it is just a waste of life. Because of this, it lives away from everyone else, or just because they are watching some really dirty porn._

The stats are decent as the S. defense is a four, and everything else is a three. The moves include: aqua shower, brine, bubble beam, and wave splash.

The typing is the same.

Food, I assume, is the same.

In notes, well not much. What I can say is that these things aren't too worth it so don't try and say, "Well, I want this arrogant penguin because I want to look like a total jerk", and then realize you'll be needing the DerpéDex instead of my shit.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: The fins cannot snap trees, no fucking way. I had one try it on a red wood, it failed.

In battles, only once and Kevanin took it out easy.

* * *

EMPOLEON:

 _Empoleon, the trident emperor Pokémon. This thing has a trident stuck to its face, oh well. I only saw this thing once and got other people to tell me shit on it._

The stats are decent as the attack and defenses are a four, and the speed and HP is a three. The moves include: ice blade, aqua jet, attack command, and hydro impact.

The typing is now water and steel with the weaknesses being electric, fighting and ground types.

The food is assumingly the same.

In notes, well this thing is as faster as a motor boat, but not as fast as a jet boat, since a jet engine on a boat is way fucking faster.

In battles, there was one and it was messy. You'd think that I'd win in three minutes, but nooooooo this girl had two of them and I had Bender take on both of them. The second one I switched out for Midori, but you get the fucking point.


	214. Starly Evo line

ENTRY 206: STARLY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

STARLY:

Starly, the target practice foul Pokémon. Yeah, nothing special. Their singing is better than Justin Bieber, but sucks worse than Lady Gaga.

The stats are crappy seeing the attack and speed as a three, the HP and defense as a two, and the specials being as special as that Black Panther movie, none. The moves include: gust, quick attack, bug search (A lazy ass way of finding bug types), and flap.

The typing is normal and flying with the weaknesses being electric, ice, and rock types.

The food is bugs.

In notes, not much. All I can say is bring Bieber to sign and every Pokémon will either commit suicide, or want to kill him.

In battles, none.

* * *

STARAVIA:

Staravia, the Sinnoh/Hoenn version of Pidgeotto Pokémon. Yeah, this one fights over territory, figures. Huge flocks, lame as fuck.

The stats are below decent as the attack and speed is a four, but everything else is a two. The moves include: whirlwind, clutch, flap, and wing attack.

The typing is the same.

The food is the same.

In notes, just be careful, ok?

In battles, I fought a couple and GOD they were worse than Catherine.

* * *

STARAPTOR:

Staraptor, the vicious lone ranger Pokémon. This thing is giving the middle finger to the flock and living alone. Tough life, I got a good family, who wins?

The stats are pretty decent as the attack is a six, the speed is a five, and the HP and defenses are a three. The moves include: brave heart, accelerate dive, clutch, and strong breeze (Not a move, you fucking retards).

The typing remains the same.

Food is much bigger.

In notes, again, be mother fucking careful. Only this time it can snatch your infants.

In battles, HAHAHAHA, pathetic.


	215. Bidoof Evo line

ENTRY 207: BIDOOF EVOLUTIONARY LINE

BIDOOF:

Bidoof, the mother fucking beaver Pokémon. Ok, it seems to be pretty agile, let's see if it can dodge a couple M4A4 bullets.

The stats are crap as the HP is a three, and everything else is a two. The moves include: scavenge, hyper fang, rollout, and tackle.

The typing is normal with the weaknesses being fighting.

The food is wood.

In notes, just kill 'em, skin 'em, and sell 'em to the Canadians, they'll love them. Catherine won't but who gives a royal fuck?

In battles, none.

* * *

BIBAREL:

Bibarel, the bigger beaver Pokémon. MORE FUR, MORE MONEY! Apparently an industrious worker, bullshit, tell me when you can carry around uranium, then we'll talk.

The stats are decent as the attack and speed is a four, and everything else is a three. The moves include: rest (so much for industrious), take down, yawn, (are you sure the bastards who wrote this 'Dex aren't being too good for everything?), and continuous headbutt.

The typing is now water and normal with the weaknesses being fighting, electric, and grass types.

The food is the same.

In notes, JUST SELL IT'S FUCKING FUR!

In battles, I had two trying to eat away my old house. I took a .12 gauge, but I got rid of them.

* * *

 **TFK here, there is a new time schedule so I'm trying my best to get these chapters put out during 9:00 and 10:00. This will probably be affecting all the other stories I have until May, so yeah.**


	216. Kricketot Evo line

**Author's Note:**

 **Sorry for those who waited for two days, a lot of shit, schedule got fucked up, and so I'm trying my best to get this 'Dex and the betrayal story written up as good as possible.**

* * *

ENTRY 208: KRICKETOT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

KRICETOT:

Kricketot, the xylophone beetle Pokémon. This little bug can be like a xylophone and play any music sheet in xylophone. Also, it talks like this so please be careful with your ears.

The stats are shit seeing the attacks like Justin Bieber going against Beethoven and/or Mozart, and everything else as a two. The moves include: call for family (with a xylophone, you're fucked), sling, rollout, and beat.

The typing is bug with the weaknesses being fire, flying, and rock types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, I have five of them and Catherine had them play a few basic songs. Sometimes it's just comical to see the little bugs play like a little band, until they played "Hit the Road Jack", then I threw a can and booed at them.

In battles, none, except music battles I've seen.

KRICKETUNE:

Kricketune, the Mozart Pokémon. This would be Mozart's favorite no doubt. This thing can create music pieces from its emotions.

The stats are decent as the attack and speed is a four, the HP is a three, and the defense is a two. The moves include: concerto, sore performance, revenge melody, and bug buzz (sounds more like jazz).

The typing and food remains the same.

In notes, not too much in good information. What I can say is that I have one and it and Magnus are fucking competitive. It's like having two violinists compete. And some of you bastards will say that Magnus plays the fiddle, not the violin. Well, go blow yourselves because he actually does play it, only it get annoying when they are playing for literally two straight hours on Mozart's music and maybe some other violinists music.

In battles, you've seen those rap battles on YouTube, but in my lab, expect violin battles.


	217. Shinx Evo line

ENTRY 209: SHINX EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SHINX:

 _Shinx, the electric bear thing Pokémon. Electric shit, nothing new, NEXT!_

The stats are crap seeing the attack and speed as a three, and the HP and defense as a two. The moves include: spark, plasma, jump on (Yeah, on my gun so I fire), and static shock.

The typing is electric with the weakness being ground types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, it just shocks the shit out of its enemies and runs away. Other than that, it's pretty lame.

In battles, only a couple, lame.

* * *

LUXIO:

 _Luxio, the electric semi-lion Pokémon. It will scratch your ass and you will faint and be eaten, have fun._

The stats are decent seeing the attack as a four, the HP and speed as a three, and the defenses as a two. The moves include: fasten claws, dazzle blast, bite, and random spark (a Taser up your ass).

The typing remains the same.

The food is anything that is meat.

In notes, just be careful around these fucking half lion degenerates. Also, take a shot gun and kill as many and sell the fur to me. This will help save lion populations in Africa.

In battles, oh God, they are pathetic.

* * *

LUXRAY:

 _Luxray, the electric lion x-ray Pokémon. This lion will see you behind a wall so if you're taking a shower, and you have a Luxray who can escape their ball or is out, and you're an attractive woman, expect your Pokémon to be gazing at you behind the walls._

The stats are pretty decent as the attack is a six, the speed is a four, and the HP and defenses are a three. The moves include: lightning star, fang snipe, crunch (can do this at breakfast on cereal), and thunder.

The typing and food remain the same.

A lot of notes for this one. First off, C7 needs to not let his Pokémon type shit up. The only reason I have mine do it is because they fought a lot of these fuckers and they're not fully Pokémon anyway, they're my kids. Second, he's basically correct on everything since Luxray sucks and is crap. Third, why the fuck do you let your Pokémon use your dildos? Better yet, why the fuck do you have dildos, you're a guy?

In battles, That Clement gym leading Jew uses his Luxray and I whoop their asses harder than a gunshot to that Lucario's ass. Only he keeps on coming back. Last time it was with crutches.


	218. Cranidos Evo line

ENTRY 210: CRANIDOS EVOLUTIONARY LINE

CRANIDOS:

 _Cranidos, the little T-rex Pokémon. What the fuck is so popular with having Jurassic Park doing some Bible style resurrection on these mother fucking fossils? Anyway, it comes from about 100 million years ago where it should've remained DEAD!_

The stats are decent as the attack is a six, the speed and HP are a three, the defense is a two, and the specials are as bad as the ones that Gordon Ramsey gets at Amy's Bakery. The moves include headbutt, corkscrew punch, steamroll, and headstrike.

The typing is rock with the weaknesses being fighting, grass, steel, ground, and water types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, two words .12-gauge. There is no need to have this little shitty dinosaur run around your place smashing everything to bits worse than a drunken Englishman when you can have a Bulbasaur.

In battles, never had one.

* * *

RAMPARDOS:

 _Rampardos, the retarded dino-dozer Pokémon. The retardation level of these are pretty moderate since their brain can't grow with those fucking this to the head. Also, this thing is the equivalent of a bulldozer so buy one._

The stats are good as the attack is a straight eight, the HP is a four, and the defense and speed are a three. The moves include: assurance (of what, you'd kill everything including that prick Ash?), clean hit (bullshit, every hit comes with a pain mark or blood stain), mold breaker (You Smash Mouth now?), and trample (Black Friday fuckers).

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, not much. It's basically a bulldozer T-rex that failed grade school and wants to plow under every minute object until it finally understands why it is so stupid.

In battles, alright I fought one and it wasn't that damn hard. Siliveisa took it out at a decent speed.


	219. Shieldon Evo line

ENTRY 211: SHIELDON EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SHIELDON:

Shieldon, the shield headed triceratops Pokémon. This thing is yet another motha fucking fossil. People, discover more species already, we don't need to have Jurassic Park to regenerate more fossil, then the next thing you'll want is a huge Pokémon called the Adomidous rex Pokémon that will turn Luminose city into a Las Vegas style all you can eat buffet.

The stats are decent-ish as the defense is a five, but the HP, attacks, and speed is a two. The moves include: hard face, shield attack, take down, and confront (what I do with my parents).

The typing is rock and steel with the weaknesses being water and 4x damage from fighting and ground types.

The food is probably grass.

In notes, it like to polish its head. My advice, to those dumb enough to have them, is to spray a shit ton of Windex on your Pokémon, some car wax, and a fuck ton of polishing oil.

In battles, never fought one.

* * *

BASTIODON:

Bastiodon, the castle face Pokémon. Why people, why? This thing apparently can repulse any frontal attacks. Well, I sold a couple to the US army, they called back saying that it can hold off RPGs and grenades, but not fucking tank shots.

The stats are pretty decent as the defense is a seven with the HP and attack as a three, and the speed being a two. The moves include: anger revenge, push down, fortress of rage (I think Catherine has done that to the nature room), and iron defense.

The typing remains the same.

The food is grass and berries.

In notes, well C7 says to go fuck itself. Me, I say you're wasting your time. I could find better shit in my septic tank than this thing.

In battles, I fought one, Bender just jumped behind and literally kicked its ass.


	220. Burmy Evo line

ENTRY 212: BURMY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"It was an Alaskan Bull Worm!– Spongebob Squarepants_

BURMY:

Burmy, the hippy worm Pokémon. I just called it hippy because its clothes is made of twigs and leaves. Also, there are several cloaks, but they're not worth anything.

The stats are shit as special attack is as special as a Ford Pinto in a car show with its gas tank loaded with matches and oil, and everything else being a two. The moves include: every kind of cloak tackle, tackle, wear cloak, and cloak evolution.

The typing is bug with the weaknesses being fire, flying, and rock types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, nothing, they have jack shit on them.

In battles, nothing.

* * *

WORMADAM:

Wormadam, the damn worm Pokémon. There are three different forms, like an Eevee, in how it evolves. Also, they are all female so go right on ahead perverts.

The stats for the plant cloak is four for defenses, three for HP and attack, and two for speed. The typing for this is grass and bug with the weaknesses being ice, poison, rock, bug, and 4x damage from flying and fire types.

The stats for sand cloak is five for defense, four for attack, three for HP, and two for speed. The typing is bug and ground with the weaknesses being fire, flying, ice, and water types.

The stats for the trash cloak is four for the attack and defenses, three for the HP, and two for the speed. The typing is bug and steel with the weakness being 4x the damage from fire types.

In general moves include: leaf hurricane, iron tackle, push over (yeah, this thing over a cliff), and cloak scale.

The food is whatever they eat.

In notes, it apparently sticks to whatever form it was in so good luck to the perverts!

In battles, lame, just fucking lame. Sometimes it sucks to be the hardest gym, eh?

* * *

MOTHIM:

Mothim, the male only butterfly Pokémon. Ok, it's a moth, not a butterfly. Tbhis thing is a honey thief and doesn't give a fuck.

The stats are decent as the attacks are a five, the speed is a four, the HP being three, and the defenses being a two. The moves include: silver wind, raging scales, gust, and get help (Say Tatsukete which is Japanese for help).

The tpying is bug and flying with the weaknesses being electric, fire, ice, flying, and 4x damage from rock types.

The food is honey.

In notes, eh, they like to steal off honey from a bunch of Combees. Serves those bastards right since they stole my honey, which Midori has, not me because I hate honey.

In battles, I shot one, then it stung my ass. Of course I won, but I needed some medical treatment for that.


	221. Combee Evo line

ENTRY 213: COMBEE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

COMBEE:

Combee, the triple bee Pokémon. It's basically three bees in one. It gathers nectar, makes honey, and do other bee shit.

The stats are crap seeing the speed as a four, the S. attack worse than Chuck Norris against Super Saiyan, and everything else as a two. The moves include: soliciting nectar, gust, bug bite (you get this from mosquitos), and sting missile.

The typing is bug and flying with the weaknesses being electric, flying, ice, fire, and 4x the damage from rock types.

In notes, it's a tiny bee that looks cute, ok? Catherine has a hive of them and God it makes me sick looking at that cuteness. In fact, that shit makes me so sick, I think it gave me cancer! But, I'm basically Plankton from that second movie for those who watched it.

In battles, only Rose, as a Kirlia, got creative and dressed Edward like a flower. That was funny, I'll admit, especially the part where Rose dumped a lot of honey on Edward. Then a whole swarm of them took him away. Rose and Catherine laughed their asses off as Edward went screaming away getting stung.

VESPIQUEN:

Vespiquen, the huge queen Pokémon. Well, for those perverts who can't get a real Pokémon wife, here's a female-only Pokémon for ya. Basically those holes, which seem to be the skirt, are where the grubs are, those are not for fucking.

The stats are decent as the speed is a two, the HP is a three, and everything else is a four. The moves include: leaf honey, attack order (Execute Order 66), anything with bees, and leaf needle.

The typing is the same.

Now, in notes I'd like to say, C7, no matter how drunk you are, you're right. Vespiquen is not worth anyone's time and ii personally say grab a shit ton of rocks and throw it at them. Also, I tried several things and a lot of useless shit, but last night I brought in two crazy Greninjas, one an assassin and the other a crazy asshole, and I nearly got myself killed. So in the light of events, and the wanting to find this prick and kill him, I decided to say this: kill all Pokémon bees.

In battles, lol, what a joke.


	222. Pachirisu Entry

ENTRY 214: PACHIRISU ENTRY

 _"Maybe it's just a squirrel thing"- Patrick Star_

 _Pachirisu, the electric Squirrel Pokémon. Oh yeah, one April fools I dumped one of these at my father's house and he tried everything, but he doesn't realize that it was a sentient squirrel out beating his ass. Anyway, this thing will electrocute you and Catherine has a couple of these. WHY?!_

The stats are speed as five, the HP and defense being three, and the attacks being two. The moves include: thunder jolt, electric tail, shocking bolt, and poison berry.

The typing is electric with the weakness being ground types.

The food is berries.

In notes, not much. But it says that if you see two squirrels rubbing their cheeks, their sharing electricity. AHAHAHAHAHA! No, they're most likely getting ready to fuck.

In battles, only my father has battled them and the squirrels fucking win. It was worse than Australia losing against birds, and I also released a couple Dodrioes into Australia and it was crazy to the point of on the news. But with the squirrels here, I battled only one, and it was easier than Bender trying to sneeze.


	223. Buizel Evo line

ENTRY 215: BUIZEL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

" _Pop goes the weasel!" – An old tune._

BUIZEL:

Buizel, the life preserver weasel shit thing Pokémon. This thing will have a life preserver on its neck so it can spy on you and your wife/girlfriend fucking when its bored. If not, just take out a rifle and underwater hunting.

The stats are decent as the speed is a five, the attacks are a three, the HP and defense is a two, and the S. defense is as special as Trump's wall against the Mexican Army+ drug gangs. The moves include: splash about (I got a pool room, any fucker can do that), water gun (Nerf!), quick attack, and wave splash.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being grass and electric types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, nothing, NEXT!

In battles, well, there was one time, but I got in trouble with that Pokéranger shit a few regions in some direction. They said I was being a problem by setting fire to trees, playing Flo Rida's Low, and having the Us Army doing target practice on the Pokémon. Sounds normal, right? And yes, I did do all this shit, I was going to let them test a few nukes, but Team Magma and Aqua said fuck no.

* * *

FLOATZEL:

Floatzel, the lifeguard Pokémon. Yes, that's its job. Good way in cutting cash, and a huge bonus for me until Catherine cut the trade lines, again…

The stats are good seeing the speed as a six, the attack as a five, and the HP and defense as a three. The moves include: screw tail (This sounds too sexual for a move), water gun, rescue (Not a move, Catherine can do this by simply filling a glass of water and giving it to an Igglybuff.), and waterfall.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, well… it's nothing great. The only thing good is the challenge of shooting them. Nighttime is great, except for that one time I thought I shot a Floatzel, only to realize I pissed off several water types by firing an M4A4 into the water, and injuring a worthless Froakie. Life can't like me, right?

In battles, lame, fucking lame.


	224. Cherubi Evo line

ENTRY 216: CHERUBI EVO LINE

CHERUBI:

Cherubi, the cherry Pokémon. Ok, this thing would make a good cherry pie if it didn't run off from my knife. The little ball ting on the back is where the nutrients is stored and once it is empty, then it evolves into the next thing.

The stats are crap as the S. attack is a three and everything else is a two. The moves include: sleep powder, leech seed, tackle, and double spin.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being bug, fire, flying, ice and poison types.

The food is the little ball attached to it, aka cannibalism.

In notes, nothing.

In battles, HAHA, it's a fucking cherry, what battles?

* * *

CHERRIM:

Cherrim, the flowering cherry Pokémon. This thing will open its petals when there is strong sunlight.

The stats are decent as the speed is a five and the first three are a three. The moves include: seed bomb, worry seed, magical leaf, and random peck.

The typing is the same.

The food is sunlight.

In notes, not much. Although the sunny form is too fucking happy. A flamethrower to its head would make it better.

In battles, maybe once, but it sucked.


	225. Shellos Evo line

ENTRY 217: SHELLOS EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SHELLOS:

Shellos, the two sea slug Pokémon. There are two variants, but with that mysterious ooze shit, I wouldn't poke it with a 39 and a half foot pole.

The stats are below decent as the attacks and HP is a three, and the defense and speed is a two. The moves include: mud spatter, recover, shell hunting, and surf (Not a move, I can do this in Hawaii).

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, there are two variations: The West Sea and East Sea. I have no idea where this sea is, but I'm pretty sure it isn't the Atlantic and Pacific.

In battles, I fought one, but it was too easy.

* * *

GASTRODON:

Gastrodon, the bigger two sea slug Pokémon. Still two variants, same seas. It used to have a shell, well I guess evolution is a bitch, isn't it?

The stats are decent as the HP and attack is a four, the defenses are a three, and the speed remains a two. The moves include: raging flood, eerie fluid, water pulse, and tackle.

The typing is now water and ground with the weakness being 4x the damage from grass types.

The food remains the same.

In notes, this thing isn't worth jack shit in my department. The Beenazis in the nature room are worth more cash than a dozen of these slugs, since the Beedrills can mega evolve and shit like that. Also, these things had shells, but evolution said fuck shells, let's use ooze with Botox and other killer chemicals like bleach.

In battles, I fought a few, but what did they do? If anything, they just watered Edward and he beat the ever loving shit out them.


	226. Drifloon Evo line

ENTRY 218: DRIFLOON EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"I want a balloon" – a little kid standing next to his fat mother, "You already got one"- Al Bundy_

DRIFLOON:

Drifloon, the child stealing Pokémon. This thing will steal kids when they hold onto them. Catherine, as a Ralts, held one and she disappeared. Then we found her three days later in a tree with a Pachirisu, or whatever.

The stats are decent as the HP and speed is a four, the attacks are a three, and the defenses are a two. The moves include: anything with wind, minimize, pull (Not a fucking move you lame ass professors.), and reaction (When I get shitty threats from everyone).

The typing is ghost and flying with the weaknesses being ghost, dark, electric, ice, and rock types.

The food is unknown.

In notes, the souls of Pokémon and people make these things. No wonder I had a shit ton of these come to the lab. Anyway, it also likes the damp seasons so a through a few into Florida, Trump wasn't too happy.

In battles, that incident with the army of them had whatever dark type I had shoot the ever living shit out of them. But hey, it was good practice.

* * *

DRIFBLIM:

Drifblim, the hot air balloon Pokémon. This thing can carry actual people, but they have a chance of getting lost and getting fucked.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the HP as a six, the attacks and speed as a four, and the defenses as a two. The moves include: wind wave, explosive smoke (grenades dumbass), shadow steal, and derail (This thing can derail a train?).

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, well this thing has no control of its direction whatsoever. Also, C7 really bashed it and apparently was also having a massive hangover after drinking with his friends and fucking a Gardevoir. Why are you ashamed, I fucked on, I don't see what's so bad.

In battles, I fought a few and they are pretty bad.

Also as a side note for this entry, I have probably pissed off a few people, but I pissed off a lot of Pokémon. First was that dickless, all talk Quiliva who probably killed Al-Qaeda in Call of Duty, and now we have this bisexual, multi universe Gardevoir prick now trying to attack me. He probably fucks and talks more than he actually does. You bastards can't knock my shit loose, you can't touch me! Besides, Edward would whoop both your asses in three seconds flat, if a not a minute.


	227. Buneary Evo line

ENTRY 219: BUNEARY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"Scwewy wabbit!"- Elmer Fudd_

BUNEARY:

Buneary, the little bunny Pokémon. This little rabbit does make good stew, but the process of catching was a pain in the ass so I decided to have a Bunnelby for stew, and damn did it taste good.

The stats are near decent as the speed is a five, the attack is a three, and everything else is a two. The moves include: splash, jump kick, defense curl, and pound.

The typing is normal with the weaknesses being fighting types.

The food is berries, fruits, and vegetables.

In notes, well it may look cute, but that doesn't mean I think it is. If anything, it looks like a little rabbit for a nice Easter stew. Nothing much in features, I eman, perks ears in danger, covers itself in cold, lame.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Now we get bullshit. Since when the hell can a little one and a half foot rabbit with those tiny ears crush a large boulder? Give me a fucking instance when this took place. And no, dressing up a Lopunny as a Buneary does not count.

In battles, none.

* * *

LOPUNNY:

Lopunny, the rapist Pokémon. That will be explained later on. Hops off very fast, don't touch ears, bland shit.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the speed as a six, the defenses as a four, the attack as a four, and the HP as a three. The moves include: healing wish (Yeah, a doctor's visit bitch), flop (…), happy turn, and kick away (Catherine with my guns).

The typing remains the same.

Food remains the same, except a bigger thing for carrots.

In notes, well they need a lot of talk on fucking things. Before that, I'll explain basic facts. Frist off, if you touch the ears to hard, expect a kick into your testicles and them getting ripped off by the force of it. Two, hire Elmer Fudd to kill as many of them as possible. Another fact is that Lopunnys are popular with Pokephilles. I've seen a number of them, and actually saw one couple fucking in the bathroom. Don't ask, that was an accident.

In battles, I fought a good chunk of them and one from that Dawn girl.

* * *

MEGA LOPUNNY:

Ok, now I'll explain why I called Lopunny the rapist Pokémon. It began a while back after we came from vacation and the Dawn girl challenged me. Now, Edward said that he'll play nice and so it was him versus Dawn's Lopunny. Well, she ME hers and guess fucking what, it knocked out Edward and as he was barely moving, the Lopunny then fucked him on the spot. Siliveisa came out and kicked so much ever loving shit out of the Lopunny, which it had to get sent to the hospital and I had to pay the bills. BUT, I couldn't get my ass sued off since I had her pay a wager, *makes an ass out myself by dancing like a roaster*. I found out the Lopunny was in heat, so that explained it and so I put a new rule saying that no Pokémon allowed if in heat, please get it fucked before entering.

The typing is now normal and fighting with the weaknesses being psychic, fairy, flying, and fighting types.

In battles, I fought against a couple, but nothing interesting.


	228. Glameow Evo line

ENTRY 220: GLAMEOW EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"I tought I taw a putty tat"- Tweety Bird_

GLAMEOW:

Glameow, the erratic Pokémon. That's what it says, except I had to define fickleness twice over to see what the fuck it means.

The stats are below decent as the speed is a five, the attack is a three, but everything else is a two. The moves include: charm, pose, gentle bite (bullshit), and slash.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting types.

The food is whatever the cat eats.

In notes, well this cat is at least showing if it's happy or not. If its tail is waving the tail around like a ribbon and/or purring, you're good. If it's pissed, it will start clawing, and this might be at your balls, up your, over your eyes, and then use you as a scratch post. Other signs may include: running around your house very fast, scaring the shit out of your kids, and make noises by the wind sill that sound like a baby in a blender. Now, I know what a baby in a blender sounds like. Rose put Catherine, as a Ralts, in a blender once, with the blades off, and she went spinning around and flying in the air, only to land down and cheering "Again, again!"

In battles, none, don't bother.

* * *

PURUGLY:

Purugly, the ugly cat Pokémon. The name is correct, who the fuck would want this? This will take whatever place seems comfortable, so expect your bed or chair to be taken by a giant, ugly ass cat.

The stats are decent as the speed is a six, the attack is a four, and everything else is a three. The moves include: own the place (Catherine thinks she owns the nature room, this isn't a fucking move, just fucking laziness), nyan press (Nyan cat move, cool), slash, and toss aside.

The typing and food remains the same.

In notes, not much. It looks ugly, isn't great, and… I'm out of shit to yap about.

In battles, ok I fought a few. Sinnoh/Hoenn bastards think their ugly cat can beat my son, HA my asshole.


	229. Stunky Evo line

ENTRY 221: STUNKY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"OOOOH, I'M DYING!"- Bugs Bunny_

STUNKY:

Stunky, the shit smelling Pokémon. This shit does smell, way fucking worse than a Muk. I banned these as well along with the second tier, but hey, I don't want Catherine throwing flowers everywhere making it look like spring took a huge shit in the lab.

The stats are nearly decent as the speed is a four, the HP and attack is a three, and the defenses are a two. The moves include: poison gas, slash, gnaw and run, and double scratch.

The typing is dark and poison with the weakness being ground types.

The food is whatever a skunk eats.

In notes, oh God does it stink. I battled a couple and Edward took baths afterwards. And we're not talking about a couple, we're talking like 10 baths to lower the stench way down to where our noses don't riot. Afterwards, the water bill was getting ridiculous so I made a new rule saying NO FUCKING STUNKIES OR THEIR TIERS.

In battles, I pretty much explained that above.

* * *

SKUNTANK:

Skuntank, the HOLY SHIT MY NOSE Pokémon. This thing is really, fucking, horrible. Thankfully I never got shot at with one of these. The smell is extremely, fucking horrendous.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the attack and speed as a five, the HP as a four, and everything else as a three. The moves include: frustration (Catherine over the fact that I sold a couple Pokémon to Trump, which I still do of course), toxic cloud, plunder, and poison claws.

The typing and food remain the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Now, this thing doesn't spray up to 160 feet, it sprays around 70-80 feet.

DERPEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: Ok, I know the smell is bad, but it isn't THAT bad, ok? Stop getting fucking drunk, talking about asses, and having your Pokémon proofread for you.

In battles, only once… only fucking once did I battle this and Edward and Midori got sprayed and shit did the place smell. Thankfully I did this in a warehouse so my wife and son had to just leave and go home to take several baths in tomato sauce. Yeah, it really wasted my cash badly that time.


	230. Bronzor Evo line

ENTRY 222: BRONZOR EVOLUTIONARY LINE

BRONZOR:

Bronzor, the "bronze" disk Pokémon. Why don't they have CDeo? It's because they got this piece of shit taking its place.

The stats are lower than decent seeing the attacks like a vegan versus Schwarzenegger, or Dwayne Johnson, the defenses being a four, the HP as a two, and the speed being a piece of metal grinding on the runway. The moves include: dull light, tackle, confuse ray, and spinning attack.

The typing is steel and psychic with the weaknesses being ghost, dark, ground, and fire types.

The food is unknown.

In notes, ok, so ancient morons back in Egyptian times thought the back of these floating bastards was mythical powers. Bullshit. Next it says that it is unknown if tombs are related to the shape of the disk, fuck shit. Also, if it's bronze, then why the hell is it a steel type? Shouldn't it be a bronze type? Fuck evolution and fuck Arceus in his pagan asshole.

In battles, none, fuck it.

* * *

BRONZONG:

Bronzong, the Chinese bell Pokémon. Looks like it, isn't one bit like it. But hey, good military practice.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the attack as a five, the defenses as a five, the HP as a three, and the speed as a two. The moves include: wide laser, hyper beam, shady stomp, and guard press.

The typing and food remains the same.

POKEMON AND DERPEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: Give me, and I mean, give me one fucking instance when a walking, talking Chinese Pokémon ding-dong bell makes rain appear? Tell me, when? Where?

In notes, well same shit. Ancient morons, Egyptians or Assyrians, found these, prayed to it, rain coincidentally came, and then they all tried to kill it. Me, oh man you should've seen the fun I had. I brought two US Abraham tanks, 10 soldiers who knew Pokémon, and a few grenades, and everyone went target practicing on a Bronzong. Of course I got stuck with police as Edward just knocked them out and I later paid like 500K dollars in fines. Of course, I stole that money from a bank in Kanto. What Midori, can't I have some entertainment?

In battles, I fought against one and it was pretty easy as Bender knocked it out.


	231. Chatot Entry

ENTRY 223: CHATOT ENTRY

 _"Polly wanna cracker?"- What you tell a parrot_

Chatot, the parrot Pokémon. Like a parrot, it can learn human words. Also, it can be a fucking annoying bird when it tries to imitate your voice, or your wife's voice.

The stats near decent seeing the speed as a five, the HP and attack as a three, and the defenses as a two. The moves include: Sing (I can do this and sometimes Magnus joins along with Bender and Midori. Kevanin just raps and I whoop his ass singing Gangsta's Paradise), tone-deaf, chatter (Catherine to the plants), and mimic (Now it's part Mr. Mime).

The typing is normal and flying with the weaknesses being electric, ice, and rock types.

The food is whatever a parrot eats.

In notes, Plasma has a few of these, but I don't care and I deal with one of these in the nature room anyway. God, Catherine puts on "Imagine" and these fucking, useless believer songs as I listen to "America, Fuck Yeah!" and sometimes crank up the volume to where the city can hear it.

In battles, LOL, worthless. Who the hell thinks they can win with a parrot?


	232. Spiritomb Entry

ENTRY 224: SPIRITOMB ENTRY

 _"Somebody kill me!"- talking muffin from ASDF movie 9/10_

Spiritomb, the spirit jail Pokémon. Everyone, this is where you'll go if you die, then after 500 years you'll either go to hell or haven, sounds great right?

The stats are decent as the attacks and defenses are a five, and the HP and speed is a two. The moves include: nightmare (What everyone can have), damage play, cursed drop, and B cancel (What?).

The typing is dark and ghost with the weakness being fairy types.

The food is unknown.

In notes, well there is apparently 108 people inside one of these things. Don't know how that was agreed to, but let' say it is. Also, C7 is worthless, fuck his shit. Also, I now know where I'll end up, or that mask Pokémon, and hopefully lead everyone and kill the bastard who killed me if I get murdered.

In battles, Cynthia girl, who else? The blonde bitch thinks she can beat my ass, HAHA, go back to the strip club girl.


	233. Gible Evo line

**Author's note: Sorry about yesterday's delay, I had biology that was due.**

* * *

ENTRY 225: GIBLE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"Oh shit! Um, hide."- David Levinson_

GIBLE:

 _Gible, the tiny little bastard Pokémon. Yeah, the name says it all. This little dicky with bite you if you stick your hand in its hole. Ready for bionics?_

The stats are crud seeing the attack as a four, the HP as a three, and everything else as a two. The moves include: tackle, gnaw, push down, and never enough (Gluttony).

The typing is ground and dragon with the weaknesses being dragon, ice, and 4x the damage from fairy types.

The food is whatever crawls in front of it.

In notes, bastards, tiny little bastards. One fun thing to do when you find several of these little holes is to stick dynamite in them, or C4. Then you blast them and see if any coming screaming, running, or pissing out.

In battles, none, sorry.

* * *

GABITE:

 _Gabite, the me Pokémon. It's a thief, simple as that. It steals like me, and loves things that sparkle. But it will give them back when pointing a .12 gauge in between its eyes._

The stats are decent seeing the attack as a five, the speed as a four, the HP and defense as a three, and the specials as a two. The moves include: gather up, sand tomb, slash, and tackle.

The typing and food remains the same.

In notes, oh God do they steal anything. Gold, jewels, gems, and anything that has a shiny to it. I had a Desert Eagle and it stole that as well. Then there was a story about a Gabite robbing a Jewelry store while using a gun. Oops.

In battles, a couple times. Midori can knock them out pretty well.

* * *

GARCHOMP:

Garchomp, the jet fighter Pokémon. Ok, this thing is basically a jet fighter Pokémon. All you're missing is bombs, guns, and "America, Fuck Yeah!" music.

The stats are good seeing the attack as a seven, the speed as a five, and everything else as a four. The moves include: dragon fang, bite off, turbo assault, and Mach cut.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, the jet thing is true. However, the army has asked to hire a few of these so they could strap on two bombs and a machine gun rack. I said sure what the hell and sold off about 30 of them.

In battles, too many of them. Midori, Rose, and Edward have to literally fight them off at least once a day. Trainers can't get any diverse shit in here can they?

* * *

MEGA GARCHOMP:

Oh fuck, this is what Prof. "Sycamoron" had. Also, THOSE ARE BIG ASS AXES! The stats are pretty good as the attack is a whopping nine, the defense and speed is a five, and the HP is a four.

The typing remains the same.

In battles, a few times. Very painful I can remember seeing. Those axe blades are pretty tough.


	234. Riolu Evo line

ENTRY 226: RIOLU EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"Mother fucking mutt!"- Tommy DeSimone_

RIOLU:

 _Riolu, the little blue puppy shit thing Pokémon. This thing can read emotions, blah, blah, blah, I fucked up my aura shit so it can't read my aura thing straight. It might get a couple sex/racist jokes, but nothing more._

The stats are crud seeing the attack as a four, the speed as a three, and everything else as a two. The moves include: wild kick, tumble over (any fucker can do this), punch, and quick attack.

The typing is fighting with the weaknesses begin flying, fairy, and psychic types.

The food is whatever they eat.

In notes, eh, I see it as another stupid dog. Luckily those gems I injected fucked me up so Riolus and their second ups can't read me like psychic types can't read when I'm wearing my hat, *sticks out a tongue and does middle finger*.

In battles, crap, just crap, worthless.

* * *

LUCARIOS:

 _Lucario, the Anubis mind reading Pokephile Pokémon. This thing can read minds, blah, blah, blah._

The stats are good seeing the attacks as a six, the defense and HP as a three, and the speed a as four. The moves include: feint, aura sphere, missile jab (How the fuck do you do this?), and hurricane kick.

The typing is now steel and fighting with the weaknesses being fighting, fire, and ground types.

The food is the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: The reading distance is not half a mile. How the fuck did you calculate that? Also, if this thing can move shit around like a psychic type, BULLSHIT!

DERPEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: Ok, now I'm pretty fucking sure this aura shit does not allow you to pick shit up.

In notes, C7 has a couple things right for once: They are sued as wank material, they have natural sense of justice, like superman, and that they need a friendship thing to evolve. Also, keep drowning 'dem Lucario's in the pool! Try buying your own and drowning them.

Now, his shit aside, there are a few things about Lucarios everyone should know. They are pretty popular with the Pokephiles, so technically if you come home one day and see your Lucario banging your mother… that line above is true.

In battles, that Korrina girl, Goddammit. Her and other assholes that either "fight" well, or fuck their Lucarios, come on in and lose when I throw Bender at them.

* * *

MEGA LUCARIO:

Honestly, it looks worse than the regular one. The stats are pretty good seeing the attacks as a seven, the speed as a six, the defense as a four, and the HP as a three.

The typing is the same.

In battles, oh God the bastards who do bring them in. I still win of course, but they are pure bastards. And why don't that Korrina girl go fuck hers, hmm? Get some Riolu kids.


	235. Hippopotas Evo line

ENTRY 227: HIPPOPOTAS

 _"You broke yer' wha?"- Tow Mater_

HIPPOPOTAS:

Hippopotas, the dirt hippo Pokémon. Apparently it is so dry that it the perspiration is sand instead of water.

The stats are near decent as the attack is a four, the defense and HP is a three, and everything else is a two. The moves include: yawn (Yawn), eleventh hour tackle (Who the fuck came up with that move?!), nose jet (One big ass sneeze up your ass), and tackle.

The typing is ground with the weaknesses being grass, water, and ice types.

The food is whatever it eats, most likely sand, dirt, and dust.

In notes, worthless. I can't get any good notes because who the hell would even write on a stupid sand sweating shit eating hippo?

In battles, God, Siliveisa knocks 'em out like the Team America against terrorists.

* * *

HIPPOWDON:

Hippowdon, the giant sand hippo Pokémon. It stores sand in its body and shoots it out of the holes. Who knows which holes, but that's where YOU get sent in.

The stats are pretty decent as the attack is a six, the defense is a five, the HP is a four, and everything else is a three. The moves include: vacuum up (Oh good, a replacement for my vacuum), sand tomb, sand bazooka (Something the US army wants), and sand impact.

The typing and food are the same.

In notes, nothing much. It's always fun to wonder what the hell I have to write. Of course between the ItalyDex and the DerpéDex, I'm making some pretty good cash. Also, rocket launchers and RPGs are very good on these.

In battles, Siliveisa whoops ass.


	236. Skorupi Evo line

ENTRY 228: SKORUPI EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SKORUPI:

Skorupi, the little scorpion Pokémon. This thing will grab your ass my its tail and sting the ever loving shit out of you until you're paralyzed and become lunch.

The stats are near decent as the defense and speed is a four, the attack is a three, the HP is a two, and the S. attack is as special as a 1800s rifle against a Tiger I. the moves include: poison sting, hone claws, pin missile, and stalk.

The typing is poison and bug with the weaknesses being fire, flying, rock, and psychic types.

The food is whatever it catches.

In notes, be careful of them. I've dealt enough of these and bought a shit ton of Roundup. Of course the police had that removed because there was a high percentage of pesticides going about the grassland and the Pokémon were looking like fuck so they took away my Roundup.

In battles, Edward whoops their asses… period.

* * *

DRAPION:

Drapion, the giant scorpion Pokémon. This thing is fucking big and will most likely kill you.

The stats are decent seeing the attack, defense, and speed as a five, and the HP and specials begin a three. The moves include: stomp, poison claws, heavy impact, and dangerous stinger.

The typing is now poison and dark with the weaknesses begin ground types.

Food is the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Those claws can't rip apart a car, sorry. Give me proof dammit.

In notes, well it takes some really good shit to kill these bastards. Tanks can blow off their heads, but then again missiles and a good ol' Apache helicopter can shoot the ever loving fuck out of them. And yes, I did have a US army helicopter come in and shoot up a few of them. Two reasons: One, I make money, two; they were on my land by two inches.

In battles, a good load of them. Too many to count, but they were fucking awesome.


	237. Croagunk Evo line

ENTRY 229: CROAGUNK EVOLUTIONARY LINE

CROAGUNK:

Croagunk, the poisonous frog Pokémon. This frog is pretty damn deadly. Also, that poison is fucking powerful.

The stats are crud seeing the attacks and speed as a three, and the defenses and HP as a two. The moves include: ghastly sound, paralyzing jab, nimble, and poison jab.

The typing is fighting and poison with the weaknesses being flying, ground and 4x the damage from psychic types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, yeah a frog that can inject poison into you, yeeeaaaah, what a great Pokémon to have, especially when it hates your guts. Also, try to blast off those orange looking circles on its cheeks. That's where the poison is.

In battles, haven't fought on yet.

* * *

TOXICROAK:

Toxicroak, the killer frog that is probably along with the Greninja Pokémon. One's a ninja; one's a poison factory. When the fuck can nature make its mind up?

The stats are decent as the attack and speed is a five, and the defenses and HP are a three. The moves include: knuckle claws, revenge (Not a fucking move), poison jab, and slash.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, oh boy, in notes. Well, the poison is fucking powerful, hands down. Now, there is one solution to fixing this: BLOW OFF ITS TOXIN SAC! Also, the toxin sac on its throat is about as painful as blowing off its testicles. Don't know why, but I fired a .12 gauge and it was probably about as painful. Love experiments, except when Catherine gets in the way.

In battles, ugh, ok Edward got a couple poison stabs and wound up in the hospital for a while. Midori was worse, Bender hated it, and then I decided to pussy out and ban off Toxicroaks.


	238. Carnivine Entry

ENTRY 230: CARNIVINE ENTRY

"Help me!"- The fly

Carnivine, the fly trap Pokémon. Well, we've seen a lot of walking, talking things, but now we have walking, talking fly traps. What the fucking hell have you people found?

The stats are decent with the attack being a five, the defenses, speed, and HP being a three. The moves include: swallow up (You can eat your food jerk off), lure poison, sweet salvia (Disgusting), and spit up (You sure it ain't throw up?).

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being bug, fire, poison, flying, and ice types.

The food is whatever it catches, most likely insect-based Pokémon.

In notes, well it can lure food the same way my worlds fly traps work, except they don't have mouths that can go suck your dick. However, it takes about a day to digest the prey, so if your kid goes running around a field of these, just shoot 'dem roots and burn them down until you find your kid, no problem and work required.

In battles, one time. Alright, Pella, as a Torhcic, got eaten by accident and the plant thing ran around crazy as Pella was burning his insides, literally. That got fixed, and I didn't have to pay the bills because of my waiver policy.


	239. Finneon Evo line

ENTRY 231: FINNEON EVOLUTIONARY LINE

FINNEON:

Finneon, the butterfly-tailed fish Pokémon. The pink stuff stores sunlight, apparently, and can shine at night.

The stats are near decent as the speed is a four, the attack and defenses are a three, and the HP is a two. The moves include: pound, tackle, elegant swim (What?), and mouth pump (Your throat).

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, none, just food. Yeah, I eat fish Pokémon, so fucking what?

In battles, none.

* * *

LUMINEON:

Lumineon, the bigger butterfly fish Pokémon. Well, it seems this thing now lives deep and is neon lighting. Fuck it.

The stats are decent as the speed is a five, the attack is a four, and the HP and defense is a three. The moves include: neon sign (For what, a brothel or a bar?), water pulse, quick swim, and elegant swim.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, it's just a bigger fish, nothing new. Also, they are worse than the usual Popeye's fish n' chips, no wait that's captain D's. Eh either way I sold them this, and the shit tasted way better.

In battles, I fought a couple, but nothing great.


	240. Snover Evo line

ENTRY 232: SNOVER EVOLUTIONARY LINE

" _Hey, an Abomibable snowman"- Bugs Bunny_

SNOVER:

 _Snover, the little snow tree Pokémon. It's a snow tree… thing. Eh, I'll use a reviewer's idea and use a flamethrower because I'm a dick and I love it. BURN BABY BURN!_

The stats are crud seeing the HP and attacks as a three, and the defense and speed as a two. The moves include: ice shard, powder snow, razor leaf, and hide (This is what Catherine tells everyone to do when I bring out a M4A4 or an AK-47 and try to shoot everyone).

The typing is grass and ice with the weaknesses being bug, fighting, steel, flying, poison, rock, and 4x damage against fire types. How pathetic.

The food is currently unknown since I don't like freezing my ass off.

In notes, not much, they come down during the winter and back up when it's spring. However, I take out my rifle and shoot them back up and force them there, then I leave for spring so I can use my rifle on the bastards here.

In battles, nothing.

* * *

ABOMASNOW:

 _Abomasnow, the abominable snow man Pokémon. Every time I hear the name, I think "Obama snow". For those who don't know Obama in Kalos, don't fucking bother, he's not worth too much time. Then again, no US president is worth any time since they all suck, aren't great/popular, and/or are dead._

The stats are decent as the attacks are a five, the HP is a four, and the defense and speed is a three. The moves include: hypno hammer, ice age (That's a period in time stupid), snow play, and below zero (If you mean Kelvin, you are a fucking retard).

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, trying to find one will take two things: patience, and a shit ton of napalm. That's right folks, all those fires you see in the mountains is the US army dumping napalm as a military exercise. And I know there are a few of you who think I'm crazy, but no, I'm not, just like to make myself a little more shown. Also speaking of US army, apparently some soldiers are now on the trend of getting it on with Pokémon. Fine with me, but don't sue me when the Catholics, Christians, Jews, and other groups in those groups come around and beat the shit out of you. Also, one soldier posted a picture of him and his new Gardevoir wife. See how life is great when you don't marry an American woman?

In battles, a good chunk. Besides, they're easy to win against. Bender knocks them, Edward does about the same, and that's it.

* * *

MEGA ABOMASNOW:

Ok, the true abominable snowman is here folks. The stats are good seeing the attack as a seven, the defense as a five, the HP as a four, and the speed deducted to a two. Typing remains the same.

I battled this asshole a couple times, but Bender fucked his shit up and won it easily. Now, Arenmo wanted to try but got whacked on the first round.


	241. Rotom Forms Entry

ENTRY 233: ROTOM FORMS

 _"Your potty has a shocky thing in it."- Patrick Star_

Rotom, the electric asshole Pokémon. This thing will possess anything that is electrical. Which means: Phones, cars, guns, laptops, IPods, computers, appliances, TV, Gameboy, the electric doors, and the occasional alarm clock that has randomly woken me and Midori up several times until I finally put on some good ol' "America Fuck Yeah", then it shut up.

The stats are decent seeing the speed as a five, the attack and defenses as a three, and the HP as a two. The moves include: plasma slice, astonish (Ain't astonishing me), telebeam, and discharge.

The typing is electric and ghost with the weaknesses being ghost and dark types. There are five more forms with different types. All those types have defense at a five and S. defense as a four.

The types follow: Heat Form is now a fire and electric type with water and rock as its weaknesses

Wash form is water and electric with the weakness being grass types.

Frost form is electric and ice with the weaknesses being fire, rock and fighting types.

Fan form is electric and flying with the weaknesses being rock and ice types.

And then mow form being electric and grass with the weaknesses being fire, poison, ice, and bug types. Also, that face is scary.

In terms of food, your electricity which you pay thousands for.

In notes, C7 is honest for once. It is true that they suck in a general reference and they can take over the internet. In my experiences, it's worse than a computer virus. But, this is great when I need to go get government info from D.C. Yeah, I used a Rotom to do so, I only got two files that stated some shit on how the Democratic bastards plan to rig the next election so Cruz will not win, but eh, I don't really care. Also, the Rotom got "killed" in a black out so that sucked as well.

In battles, well, you'll need some really good balls in order to fight me with these. Sure Midori's at a weak point, but that doesn't mean you go full stupidity.


	242. Uxie Entry

ENTRY 234: UXIE ENTRY

 _"Clear your mind, empty it of all thought" – Patrick Star_

Uxie, the "Men-in-Black" neuro-stick thingy Pokémon. Want to wipe someone's memory of something? An example being a Gallade who you took in for four/five days after eating some Greninja corpse? This is the Pokémon for the job!

The stats are pretty decent seeing the defense as a six, the attacks as a four, the speed as a five, and the HP as a three. The moves include: memory skip, mind off (More like fuck off), Zen blade, and psypower.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being bug, dark, and ghost types.

The food is, most likely, none.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Now, maybe this is where I get defensive but, Uxie did not give humans the ability to have intelligence nor give direct intelligence.

In notes, this thing has its eyes closed, most likely forever, and if it opens them, you lose your memory. Great when you need to wipe some asshole's memory that you don't want for him to remember. As stated before, I had this damn Gallade in my sickbay for four days and I sent him back early. Instead of asking for pay, I went there and stole a good set of dresses that Midori adored. She loves them, but the guy I stole them from didn't.

In battles, none stupid, don't even try.


	243. Mesprit Entry

ENTRY 235: MESPRIT ENTRY

 _"Because there is no such thing as happy ever after"- The Doctor_

Mesprit, the emotional fucker Pokémon. Have you wondered where emotions came from? Well thank no other than this fucking shit eating ass sucking cock fucker Mesprit for giving us emotions. We're better off as androids than humans with emotions that can raise our middle fingers at each other screaming FUCK YOU!

The stats pretty decent seeing the attacks as a five, the defense as a five, the speed as a four, and the HP as a three. The moves include: mind splash, psyshot, teleportation burst, and healing look (Timelord much?).

The typing is the same as the last one.

The food is none.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Ok, I don't believe it taught people emotions. Otherwise it would've also said it would've taught Pokémon emotions. I hate kids who write shit down.

In notes, well, I find this thing as one big ass target. Of course it is said to be at the bottom of a lake in Sinnoh. What lake? I'm not about to hire several US bombers just to bomb every lake to find these "legendaries".

In battles, none, but if I find it, I'll have to get a bomber and bomb the asshole.


	244. Azelfr Entry

ENTRY 236: AZELF ENTRY

" _This country could use a little less motivation"- George Carlin_

Azelf, the third shitty trait Pokémon. Willpower, to climb over my chair, into my computer, and kick you right in the fucking balls.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the attacks and speed as a six, and the defenses and HP as a three. The moves include: bind pulse, mind bend (Why not mind meld?), deep balance, and lock up (what I do so the Lucario thief don't bust on it).

The typing is like the last.

The food is none.

In notes, nothing new. Unfortunately I got my ass banned off from those parallel universe mines, but I'll just be just dragging Edward along as a way to get out of there.

In battles, none, it's a legendary.


	245. Dialga Entry

ENTRY 237: DIALGA ENTRY

 _"Wibbly-wobbly, timey-whimey"- The Doctor_

 _Dialga, the second time travelling asshole who fucks everything up Pokémon. Now, bullshit guaranteed on this bitch, since it's most likely female, and watch me debunk everything._

The stats are good seeing the attack as a six, the defense and speed as a five, and the HP as a four. The moves include: time bellow, flash cannon, deafen, and second strike (Why, mobile strike fuck you over?).

The typing is steel and dragon with the weaknesses being fire and ground types.

The food is none.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Ok, several things that are definite bullshit, ok? First off, time did not start as soon as this thing was born because they can't be born. Second to that, how the fuck does that work? Second bullshit fact, it doesn't have the power to "control" time, change it, maybe, fucking manipulate like Q. Go fuck yourself with that Lucario who's right now staring at your backside. All, Sinnoh residents are dumb fucks, did you know that?

In notes, very little. Yes, it is represented in the Scrolls, but sadly, not really, I stole them and burnt them. I don't know if I said that already, so I'll say it again if I did. They did make good fireplace material at least. And I replaced the scrolls with Torah's and Bibles.

In battles, never fought it because it has other fucking things to do.


	246. Palkia Entry

ENTRY 238: PALKIA

 _"This is fixed, this is a fixed point"- The Doctor_

 _Palkia, the universe travelling asshole Pokémon. Since when the hell did Star Trek, Doctor Who, and Pokémon decide to go into the same shitty universe that I am trying to fuck up here?_

The stats are good as the attack is a six, the speed is a five, and the HP and defense is a four. The moves include: transback, tsunami, water pulse, and wormhole (So they do exist, oh well).

The typing is water and dragon with the weaknesses being dragon and fairy types.

There is no food.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Give me, I mean, give me fucking evidence that this thing lives in some pocket universe. Does it visit Galifray as well? Does it deal with species 8472 or put with the UBs, or have to baby sit Porygon-Z?

In notes, well more mythology bullshit. More bad news, I just received news that the people have set fire to all the Torahs and Bibles I put in. Thankfully those were copies of the actual ones I bought.

In battles, none, you over enthusiastic asswipe.


	247. Heatran Entry

ENTRY 239: HEATRAN ENTRY

 _"Are you guys seeing this shit?"-Emmit Reese_

 _Heatran, the volcanic monstrous lava thing Pokémon. Yeah, unoriginal. Lavalantulas have come to Pokémon, yay._

The stats are good seeing the attack and defense as a five, and the HP and speed as a four. The moves include: magma storm, steel drop, heavy metal, and steam blast.

The typing is steel and fire with the weaknesses being fighting, water, and 4x the damage from water types.

In food, probably hot rocks.

In notes, it lives in volcanic areas, and also one excised and is currently in Hawaii. Local residents having been playing Pokémon Go and found that they try to capture it but there is nothing, then they take off their phones and see a Pokémon standing right there. Ain't life great?

In battles, a couple times, but it was more fun bombing the reserve.


	248. Regigigas Entry

ENTRY 240: REGIGIGAS ENTRY

Regigigas, the giant tow truck Pokémon. This Pokémon, again, has been put through legends of towing the North American continent attaching it to the South American continent causing the Mexicans to travel on over along with the rest of South America. Thanks assfucker!

The stats are pretty good seeing the attack as an eight, the defenses and speed as a five, and the HP as a four. The moves include: crush grip, body slam, double stomp, and gigaton punch.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting types.

There is no food.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: I'm tired of these motherfucking assholes, telling me these things are motherfucking legendary! They are fucking not! Also, that towing shit is bullshit, prove it, I dare you.

In notes, C7 and I agree that it is worthless, pathetic, and not anything to bother with. Also, Snowpoint Mountain? Oh…. I remember…. I had the US army bomb that area a few times over. So far they tested some really cool hypersonic missiles and it blasted the living shit out of that mountain. Fun shit, right?

In battles, never fought one, although I have heard a few did battle it, but never could take on Edward, lairs.


	249. Giratina Forms Entry

ENTRY 241: GIRATINA FORMS ENTRY

 _"The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world he didn't exist"- Verbal_

Giratina, the Satan Pokémon. This Pokémon lives in a hellish places, everything is fucked up and I fought shit from there. Yeah, I hate my life, don't I?

The stats are good seeing the HP as a six and everything else as a five. The moves include: shadow force, brutal edge, over slash, and dark wing flaps (lame).

The typing is ghost and dragon with the weaknesses being ghost, dragon, ice, dark, and fairy types. Fun fact, this is the only Pokémon to have all the types that goes against itself.

In food, what food asshole?

In notes, C7 complains about some organization that tried to take these three triplets, those three assholic legendaries that gave humans all the shit they have now, and used them to bring this fucker to us and got stopped by a group of teens. Good fucking news to you, I killed Ash for ya, no worries. Besides, Team Flare has good trades along with Plasma. In more notes, this demon is stuck in a separate dimension along with Palkia bitch and I theorize they have sex once in a while. Now, of course Giratina lives in a parallel earth, like I live now, but his place is fucked to the nth degree. Also, I decided to bomb the temple by allowing the US airstrike guys to bomb it. Then one soldier, who watched that episode said that we just bombed the Sinnoh temple. I played stupid saying I didn't know.

In battles, none, except for that damn vacation where I battled a reincarnation of Ash and, I guess, my brother in law, aka, his Greninja. *shivers* what a creepy sight.

ORIGIN FORM:

Eh, this thing has an origin form, big fucking whoopy. It isn't that much, the stats are debatable since the defense turned own to a four, but the attacking is turned up to a six. Typing remains the same, and I never battled it.

Alright, that's it from me. I'm now gonna take my .44 and go kill that fucking Delphox and Gallade for spraying their semen all over my wife's dress. Give her some Goddamn respect. And Edward will be taking over for the next couple of entries.


	250. Cresselia Entry

Hey everyone, Edward here. My father has disappeared so I have to go fish him out. Also, after this entry, I'm gonna let Catherine write the next ItalyDex entry.

ENTRY 242: CRESSELIA ENTRY

 _"Go to sleep, go to sleep"- Old tune my father used to sing when he dealt with us as Raltses._

 _Cresselia, the moon bitch Pokémon. Want a bitch to fuck during the full moon? This is the one for YOU!_

The stats of Cresselia are pretty decent seeing the HP, defenses, and speed as a five, and the attacks as a four. The moves include: moon twinkle, moonlight gain, psychic (Shit, I could do this move), and lunar payback (Why does it owe the moon? For my father's people dumping shit on it?).

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being bug, ghost, and dark types.

There is no food I'm aware of.

In notes, I ain't too sure since this says it represents the moon. Ok, I understand with its head, but seriously though, hwy the moon?

In battles, I fought… only once and it was made quick when Ms. Heleva took over.

* * *

This entry relates to the next chapter of "A Pokémon's Betrayal".


	251. Phione Entry

Hi everyone, Catherine here! Yeah, I'm taking over while my brother fetches out my father. So, I'm going to write this today!

ENTRY 243: PHIONE

Phione, the water head Pokémon. Awww, isn't it so cute? This little Pokémon floats around in groups and will return to where it was born. Maybe it got homesick?

The stats of Phione are decent seeing the attacking, defense and speed as a four, and the HP as a three. Examples of the moves of Phione are water pulse, whirlpool, aqua boomerang, and pull out.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

In notes, um, well, I never seen one honestly. I never battled one either, because I don't battle at all. I never seen my father battle one either, but at least I know they're nice and cute.


	252. Manaphy Entry

Hey, it's your favorite professor, Prof. Italy! Technically I was back yesterday but Edward promised Catherine to write up a 'Dex entry so unfortunately I couldn't kick her ass out of the room. Also, Midori and Edward, along with Kevanin's gangster friends, are trying very hard to convince me not to go back to that universe, but now I'll go at night and steal everyone's shit as a way to tell them not to arrest my ass.

ENTRY 244: MANAPHY ENTRY

Manaphy, the Phione cousin Pokemon. Like Romulans and Vulcans, Manaphy and Phione are cousins. Except they don't play the banjo or are hillbillies.

The stats are decent seeing the attacks and speed as a four, and the HP and defenses as a three. The moves include: call for family (Why… why… don't you got skype?), aqua ring, life saver (Fuck that, I'll save my life my taking out this .12 gauge *loads in a slug* and blow you out of the water), and fountain.

In typing, it is the same as Phione.

The food is unknown.

In notes, it says it can bond with any kind of Pokémon. Really? Ms. Mother Nature in the nature room down the hall can bond with the Pokémon and repel the humans. This is a totally useless fact, fuck the professors.

In battles, never fought one, rumors, but never fought one.


	253. Darkrai Entry

ENTRY 245: DARKRAI ENTRY

 _Darkrai, the nightmare factory Pokémon. Freddy Kruger in real life… ish. I've only seen one more Pokémon, in another universe, that could top this bastard off, sort of._

The stats are good seeing the speed as a seven, the attack as a five, the defenses as a four, and the HP as a three. The moves include: sleep hole, dark raid (what Catherine does with my ammo supply), night spear, and darkness roar (a lion running loose in a dark room).

The typing is dark with the weaknesses being bug, fighting, and fairy types.

DERPEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: Give me fucking evidence that Darkrai and Cresselia are having a romantic affair. Seriously, give me evidence, I dare, I double dare you mother fucker, give me evidence!

In notes, a lot of shit. So, according to C7, Darkrai is a pedophile, a sexual predator, and a nightmare spawn storm. This is only going to be a half agreeing as I cannot deny or prove it. In more realistic terms, it does create nightmares, I haven't be inflicted yet, but Edward has had one where Catherine was butchering him and selling everything on him off to North Koreans as a way to help them stay alive. Creepy shit.

In battles, fuck you, you crazy? I never fought one.


	254. Shaymin Forms Entry

ENTRY 246: SHAYMIN FORMS

 _"I wanna see cops beatin' up hippies!"- Grandpa Simpson_

 _Shaymin, the hippie nature handyman Pokémon. HAHAHA! Try your best you little hedgehog, you can't fix the shit I do._

The stats are decent seeing the speed and attacks as a five, and the HP and defenses as a four. The moves include: energy blow, aromatherapy (I'll visit my doctor, thank you very much), floral gain, and coax (fuck you).

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being bug, fire, flying, ice, and poison types.

In food, nothing.

In notes, this thing is supposedly able to fix the chemicals and pollution in the air. HAHAHA! What bullcrap. Let me tell you this, I've had the US army come to this world and bomb, blast, nuke, shoot, and destroy chunks of land and you think you can fix it? My world has pollution issues so I want to see your ass fix that shit, and you can't do it, so don't fucking try. Also, I REALLY want you to try to fix and area that has ground-zero type radiation.

In battles, never, sorry.

SKY FORM:

Oh yes, now it's a little deer that can fly. I ain't impressed… at all. The stats are pretty decent seeing this thing has the speed now at a seven, the attack is a five, the HP is a four, and the defense dropped to a three.

The typing is now flying and grass with the weaknesses being fire, flying, rock, poison, and 4x the damage from ice types.

In battles, go fuck yourself.


	255. Arceus Entry

ENTRY 247: ARCEUS ENTRY

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me"- Exodus verse

Arceus, the shit eating, ass fucking, nigga killing, paganistic fucktard, dumbass, cocksucking, loser murdering, drunkard, asshole, dipshit, satanistic, redneck, Nazi supporting, fatass, beer guzzling, jack off Pokémon. I ran out of insults, oh well.

The stats are pathetic for something that is supposed to be "god" as the attacks and speed is a six, and the defenses and HP is a five. The moves include: gather light, judgement blast (You can't judge asswipe), mind bend, and fast wave.

This is the only Pokémon to be able to change into all 16 types:

Normal type with the weakness being fighting types.

Fighting type with the weakness being fairy, flying, and psychic types.

Flying type with the weaknesses being electric, rock, and ice types.

Poison type with the weaknesses being ground and psychic types.

Ground type with the weakness being water, grass, and ice types.

Rock type with the weaknesses being grass, water, steel, fighting, and ground types.

Bug type with the weaknesses being fire, flying and rock types.

Ghost type with the weaknesses being ghost and dark types.

Steel type with the weaknesses being fire, ground and fighting types.

Fire type with the weaknesses being water, ground, and rock types.

Water type with the weaknesses being grass and electric types.

Grass type with the weaknesses being poison, fire, flying, ice, and bug types.

Electric type with the weakness being ground types.

Psychic type with the weaknesses being ghost, dark, and bug types.

Ice type with the weaknesses being fire, rock, steel, and fighting types.

Dragon type with the weaknesses being dragon, fairy, and ice types.

Dark type with the weaknesses being bug, fairy, and fighting types.

Fairy type with the weaknesses being steel and poison types.

This thing eats no food.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: This is so much bullshit that I don't have words for it. First fucking off, this retarded llama looking asshole did not create everything. Secondly, there is no point of going to the temple and looking shit up, which will be explained in the notes section.

In notes of this thing, now, here's a story:

The temple that was there was targeted by the US air force after I said there was a terrorist in there collaborating with North Koreans. The temple was blown to bits and nobody was hurt, then I simple apologized that it was my mistake and blamed the error on the computer and my daughter's paranoia. Next, I will a second story to those in this Pokémon world of how everything was made and became:

*clears throat* In the beginning, the earth was without form and void. Then God came around and said, "Let there be light!"

Light came and then he started creating the earth, the people, the nature, not in that order but still. Then Lucifer came along and gave Eve an apple and said, "Eat it, then give it to your husband."

And then that shit happened and sin as created, with the byproduct of woman giving men problems, aka, feminazis. Afterwards, we had the first murder, the flood, then Abraham, then God nuking Sodom and Gomorrah, then Moses with the Ten Commandments and painful circumcision, then skipping over we have Jesus Christ, crucifixion, the apostles, and then fats forward in time with Catholics, Protestants, Orthodox, Calvinism, Mormonism, and other fucking derivatives, and then we end with me giving you a shitty summary of the whole Bible.

In a simple summary of my summary, fuck Arceus, go Jesus.

In battles, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKIGN MIND?! Well, there was that one battle in another universe.


	256. Victini Entry

ENTRY 248: VICTINI ENTRY

 _Victini, the hacking Pokémon. Hey noobs and shitty losers, need to win gyms and tournaments other than red candies and joining criminal organizations while trying to kick some jackass kid who's now dead? Then get this fucking Pokémon._

The stats are decent seeing the speed and attacks as a five, and the defenses and HP as a four. The moves include: V-flame, stored power (So, you're a battery?), V-create, and turbo energize.

The typing is psychic and fire with the ghost, dark, water ground, and rock types.

Food is whatever it eats.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: This thing does not bring you victory ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Edward kick trainers with this thing and you're telling me that it can help a trainer win? Pass my rounds fucktard.

In notes, this thing looks like a V, does the V fingers, so it must be the Pokémon Winston Churchill had. And it also must be the reason why we won WWII.

In battles, I defeated trainers with them and damn did I love that look on their face. Oh well, no luck at all next time.


	257. Snivy Evo line

ENTRY 249: SNIVY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"We want snakes to slither away!"- Crowd from S1E13 of Ninjago_

SNIVY:

Snivy, the little green snake Pokémon. Bad mistake in the old days for me. This thing requires sunlight, so don't throw a lightbulb on it.

The stats are crap seeing the speed and defense as a three, and the HP and attacks are a two. The moves include: tackle, vine whip, blot, and leaf blade.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being bug, fire, poison, ice, and flying types.

The food is sunlight and CO2, with the usual water.

In notes, a lot of notes. I had one, and it wasn't bad. Fine, it was a little ass once in a while, but it wasn't bad. It needs sunlight so take it out of its Pokéball once in a while.

In battles, right now it does shit. In battles with my own, it did something, but sucked compared to a couple significant assholes.

* * *

SERVINE:

Servine, one more step for hell for me Pokémon. Well, arrogance kicked in like Kevanin when it hit the second tier. Always stays clean and needs to be cared for.

The stats are less than decent seeing the speed as a five, and everything else as a three. The moves include: wrap, tackle, vine whip, and wring out.

The typing and food are the same.

In notes, arrogance. That's all you need to know. These little fucking snakes are arrogant as hell, well, it's beginner's arrogance.

In battles, pathetic. My Servine, did well until he decided to not give a fuck anymore.

* * *

SERPERIOR:

Serperior, the king like shit eating wife raping Pokémon. I'll explain that shit as I go. This thing likes being treated like royalty, which you won't get from me.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the speed as a six, the HP stuck at three, and everything else as a four. The moves include: vine whip, leaf tornado (fucking cool when you do it in tornado alley), coil, and slashing strike.

The typing and food remains the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: The gaze doesn't do jack shit. Edward, as a Ralts, once looked in my Serperior's eye and Edward just cheered away. Elgard, the Serperior, was pretty confused, then Edward kicked his nose as I filmed it and still have it here. That was fucking hilarious, and Edward thought they were battling back then too.

In notes, oh God so much shit. C7 is right, costly and useless, along with arrogance through your ass. Elgard had his ass kicked out, not after being shot several times, after I found that he actually went and raped Midori. I don't give a fuck fi a 9-year old reads this, but my wife was fucked by my Serperior, and then I shot the asshole and kicked his ass out.

In battles, well they fight good, can't complain, unfortunately, C7 is right when they choose worthy opponents and when they do, they first get one-shot by Edward, or Bender, and then the trainer pisses themselves because they bet a couple grand and lost. True, can't lie there either.


	258. Tepig Evo line

ENTRY 250: TEPIG EVOLUTIONARY LINE

TEPIG:

Tepig, the little pig Pokémon. Who wants pork?

The stats are crap seeing the HP, attack and speed as a three, with the defenses being a two. The moves include: tackle, rollout, take down, and flare (Like my new gun).

The typing is fire with the weaknesses being ground, rock, and water types.

The food is berries, nice and roasted.

In notes, well, I know it's too effing small for pork chops. This thing will dodge your attacks and roast you alive, so good luck.

In battles, damn, because Kalos is a neighboring region with Unova, the fucking trainers come on over and try to battle me. What a bunch of losers.

PIGNITE:

Pignite, the smoke signaler Pokémon. Are you a lazy son of a bitch that needs a smoke signal? Then this Pokémon is right for you.

The stats are decent seeing the attack as a five, the HP as a four, and the speed and defense as a three. The moves include: flame charge, heat crash, flamethrower, and rollout.

The typing is now fire and fighting with the weaknesses being water, ground, flying, and psychic types.

Food is the same.

In notes, well more money. Indians bought two of these and I also found out it makes a great signaler every time you kick it in the crotch. Of course there is a kick limit and a temper limit on it.

In battles, well, Kevanin did very nice on these due to his water type and genetic psychic type add on.

EMBOAR:

Emboar, the huge ass pig Pokémon. This sucker would make Boar's Head look small.

The stats are decent as the attack is a six, the HP and speed is a four, and the defenses are a three. The moves include: heat crash, flare blitz, strong punch, and spiral punch.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, well it's a giant pig that can punch you from Alaska to Russia. The friend's thing is undeterminable right now since I don't give an absolute fuck about researching it since I have to deal with enough fire types in the war room.

In battles, a good few. Not bad, but I had to get Siliveisa to replace Kevanin in the fighting terms. Edward and Bender can still kick the shit out of them, but I'd like a weakness to kick in.


	259. Oshawott Evo line

ENTRY 251: OSHAWOTT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

OSHAWOTT:

Oshawott, the little blue otter Pokémon. Cute, sure, whatever, so was Edward and Catherine until they became what they are now.

The stats are crud seeing the attacks and speed as a three, and the HP and defenses as a two. The moves include: tackle, water gun (Really? I just need to call up the fire department and use their firehose), razor shell, and water pulse.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

In food, it's berries.

WARNING: This is new shit, warnings. Now, piss this thing off and expect that shell to cut off your balls.

In notes, well they're useless, don't bother using them. Just be careful when you piss them off for taunting them with a berry.

In battles, oh my fuck, they are fucking annoying. I've thrown my kids at them and they done very easy with very little trouble.

* * *

DEWOTT:

Dewott, the self-training dick turd Pokémon. Yeah, it can self-train itself to use two little scallops.

The stats are below decent seeing the attacks as a four, and everything else as a three. The moves include: water gun, razor shell, aqua tail, and rain splash.

The typing and food remain the same.

WARNING: Do not touch the whiskers. Touch them and most likely get your balls, face, eyes, or fingers slashed off.

In notes, they train and train and train, and I defeat them by telling Edward, "Edward finish it", as soon as the round begins because I know he can take one shot at these and wipe them out.

In battles, still too common. This is what happens when Trainers from Unova and Kalos walk between their backyards to go from one region to another.

* * *

SAMUROTT:

Samurott, the big ass Pokémon. Not literally a big ass, but it's a big jackass.

The stats are decent seeing the attacks as a five, and HP, defense and speed as a four. The moves include: pike, surf (go to the fucking beach bitch), hydro pump, and waterfall.

The typing and food remain the same.

WARNING: Ok, if you've watched Star Trek and know that a Klingon has honor, this is similar to that. Insult its honor and prepare for a duel. Good news, if you're a dick with a desert eagle with .44 bullets, you're ok. But if you're a complete dick with all insults and no actual bite, enjoy losing your testicles and becoming a woman.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Those eyes don't intimidate me, Midori, Edward, or just about anyone else.

In notes, they have honor, just remember that. Makes good friends, and is a choice of Pokephile material.

In battles, AHAHAHAH! Not that good really. I have had better fights with my own father than this.


	260. Patrat Evo line

ENTRY 252: PATRAT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"Be vewy, vewy quiet"- Elmer Fudd_

PATRAT:

Patrat, the lookout Pokémon. Well, my hunting rifle and shoot them off a great distance to where even they can't see it.

The stats are shit seeing the attack as a three, but everything else as a two. The moves include: tackle, bite, glance, and safety check (This is what they do in the US every time I go in and out).

The typing is normal with the weaknesses being fighting types.

The food is nuts and berries.

In notes, they will scout an area out for days worse than those two brothers who went scouting about in the West. Just take them out.

In battles, enough of them. I've shot a couple and battled a lot.

* * *

WATCHOG:

Watchog, the glow in the dark crossing guard Pokémon. This Pokémon glows in the dark so I can do night time practice.

The stats are below decent as the attack and speed is a four, but everything else is a three. The moves include: confuse ray, slam, hyper fang, and scrutinize.

The typing and food remain the same.

WARNING: Be careful when pissing them off. They will shoot at you with berries and nuts, which is also where they may target.

In notes, I have the US army target practice these bastard for two nights and have them pay $50 per extra night for every soldier who's doing it. Money making it is, until the Unova police arrested two soldiers and I had to get Edward to fish them out. In the process, one soldier got his own Oshawott.

In battles, a couple, but nothing interesting.


	261. Lillipup Evo line

ENTRY 253: LILLIPUP EVOLUTIONARY LINE

LILLIPUP:

Lillipup, the stupid dog Pokémon. Oh great, a little dog that had a banana pie explode on its face, not fucking hilarious.

The stats are crap seeing the attack and speed as a three, and the HP and defenses as a two. The moves include: bite, pickup, tackle, and take down.

The typing is normal with the weaknesses being fighting types.

The food is whatever a dog eats.

In notes, eh, they're brave in a sense, but when going up against bigger fuckturds like myself, they like to stand a good distance away from me.

In battles, eh, lame.

* * *

HERDIER:

Herdier, the herding Pokémon. Another Pokémon I sold to the US army since that fur coat is like armor. But it can't stop .50 fucking caliber bullets.

The stats are near decent seeing the attack as a four, and the HP, defenses, and speed as a three. The moves include: collect, bite, roar (You're a dog, not a lion), and tackle.

The typing and food is the same.

In notes, not much. Rescues people, saves Pokémon, and gets sold off by me, nothing new.

In battles, I fought a few. Nothing impressive, but it could last for ten seconds, maybe.

* * *

STOUTLAND:

Stoutland, the winter rescue club Pokémon. It rescues people from mountains, lame.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the attack as a six, the defenses and speed as a four, and the HP remaining a three. The moves include: odor sleuth (This is why you need deodorant), hammer in, wild tackle, and bite off (Hopefully not your dick).

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, apparently they rescue people and keep them warm. I'm not going to need their help since I'll bring one of my Pokémon family members along and my Delphox fur coat.

In battles, HAHA, stick to rescuing shit fag.


	262. Purrloin Evo line

ENTRY 254: PURRLOIN EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"Bad 'ol putty tat"- Tweety Bird_

PURRLOIN:

Purrloin, the little sneaky bastard Pokémon. Oh yes, I shoo these for breakfast. Actually no, I don't eat these, ew, but once in a while I have to blast them out of my lab.

The stats are crap seeing the speed as a four, the attack as a three, and everything else as a two. The moves include: scratch, knock off (Yeah, YOU!), slash, and fake out.

The typing is dark with the weaknesses being fighting, bug, and fairy types.

The food is whatever this cat eats.

WARNING: You might find yourself looking at this act and them BAM you lost your wallet and your Pokémon went and spent it on alcohol, just like Catherine who stole mine and went drinking.

In notes, no bullshit here. The only thing is the innocent act don't work because I've been around my kids long enough to get immune to that kind of shit.

In battles, eh, I've seen better.

* * *

LIEPARD:

Liepard, the feline asshole Pokémon. Nothing said, just this *loads in a slug into .12 shotgun*. Got it?

The stats are pretty decent seeing the speed as a six, the attack as a five, the HP as a three, and the defenses as a two. The moves include: taunt, torment, slash, and Mach claw.

The typing and food remain the same.

WARNING: watch your back when in an area with these cats, or else you could become their first robbery.

In notes, nothing really interesting.

In battles, ok, I have had some shit blow up in my face one time. This little prick came into my lab and snatched up a Pidgey and Kevanin as he was trying to make fun of a Pidegy by dressing up like one. I told Siliveisa that something went and she was pissed for a bit, but then she came back with Kevanin AND the Pidegy, only to then have Kevanin kick my balls for being a lazy prick. And this isn't the worst of it to make my day, a group of ISIS assholes stole my portal device and were teleporting troops. Good news, the portal was destroyed and the troops aren't in this world, bad news, I had it preset to the current alternate universe so I'm sure they'll have fun.


	263. Pansage Evo line

ENTRY 255: PANSAGE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"This is George…"- the beginning of every H.A. Rey book._

PANSAGE:

Pansage, the broccoli headed monkey. Fuck off George, we have enough problems. ISIS stole my shit and you're not helping with it.

The stats are crud as the speed is a four, the attacks are a three, and everything else is a two. The moves include: scratch (It's ass, wanna bet?), collect, fury swipes, and bullet seed.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being fire, ice, poison, bug, and flying types.

The food is berries.

In notes, if your broccoli headed monkey seems to be tired and the leaf is wilted, make sure to dump some water, shove a few berries down its throat and up its ass and tell it to run a mile.

In battles, *yawn*, lame.

* * *

SIMISAGE:

Simisage, the piss off Pokémon. Prepare for a lot of piss from this guy.

The stats are decent seeing the attacks and speed as a five, and the HP and defenses as a three. The moves include: seed bomb, fire's power (You're a fucking grass type stupid, get with the fucking program.), hand fling (With its shit in it), and scratch (After throwing its shit at you, it will scratch its ass. Doesn't nature sound so lovely?).

The typing and food remain the same.

WARNING: It will use that tail of theirs if you try to piss it off.

In notes, the warning says all honestly.

In battles, HAHA, pathetic.

And as some news to wake you sleeping fuckers up, I was sent a new portal, since the last one was stolen, so now I can finally go back and forth between universe. Also, I have been getting complaints on my daughter Catherine, who also gives everyone the middle finger to, since she's lame, too cute, and more/less sucks. Don't worry, Edward takes the 'Dex if I'm MIA, and if he's gone Catherine takes over. Calm down, the chances of her taking over are slim, but still possible.


	264. Pansear Evo line

ENTRY 256: PANSEAR EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"…he is a cute little monkey…"- still continuing that line._

PANSEAR:

Pansear, the red fire monkey. Must be a relative to the Chimchar evolutionary line.

The stats are the same as Pansage. The moves include: scratch, fury swipes, live coal, and fireworks (Yeah, it must have them in its ass so it can blend in with the Chimchars.).

The typing is fire with the weaknesses being ground, rock, and water types.

The food is berries.

In notes, it helps people, lame. Lives in a volcano, lame. Throws flaming piles of shit at people… less lame.

In battles, eh, just as crappy.

* * *

SIMISEAR:

Simisear, the flaming Pansage Pokémon. Yep, I'll keep referencing until this 'Dex is finished; this is a relative to the Monfernos.

The stats are the same as Pansage. The moves include: yawn, flamethrower, flare recharge, and water fling (… Nature is bullshit no logic).

The typing and food is the same.

In notes, this thing loves sweets. I suggest you try to poison the sweets to end these stupid retarded rip offs.

In battles, HA, lame, lame, lame.


	265. Panpour Evo line

ENTRY 257: PANPOUR EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"…and always very curious"- finishing it finally._

PANPOUR:

Panpour, the blue monkey that still resembles the other two shit flingers Pokémon. Finally, I finished that damn line. Anyways, it has water in its head and sucks.

The stats are the same for the first tier. The moves include: scratch, water gun, collect, and fury swipes.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being grass and electric types.

The food is still on berries.

In notes, it's a water monkey, fuck off. It can grow trees and plants better, but I don't care, Catherine can do that.

In battles, pathetic, just pathetic.

* * *

SIMIPOUR:

Simipour, the third fucking monkey that George evolved into Pokémon. *writes a few middle fingers do to no shit to write down*

The stats are the same as the last two second tiers. The moves include: scald, green fling (fuck you, don't go fuck me), rushing water, and scratch.

Typing and food is the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: No, the water can't break a solid block of concrete, what bullshit is that?

In notes, the tail is a hose, use it.

In battles, a couple, but they suck.

P.S. I'm rushing because I think Catherine just set fire in the kitchen, FUCK! *runs out of the room and trips over one of Bender's beer bottles, and keeps on running*


	266. Munna Evo line

ENTRY 258: MUNNA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"…Dream Weaver…"- From the song "Dream Weaver"_

MUNNA

Munna, the nightmare eating Pokémon. Well, this is good if you have a Darkrai, or a certain someone, constantly making up scary as fuck nightmares in your head.

The stats are crappy seeing the HP as a three, the defenses as a two, the speed as a RPM vinyl record in a CD race, and the attacking like a record player vs. a .22. The moves include: hypnosis (It's useless on me), mumble (Not a move, this is what Catherine does when I talk about her), dream eater (Hey, I like my dreams of brutally killing Ash, thank you very much), and ram.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being dark, ghost, and bug types.

The food is your nightmares.

In notes, well, I can't deny it sadly, the dream, err, nightmare eating is true.

In battles, eh, lame.

* * *

MUSHRANA:

Mushrana, the bigger dream eating Pokémon. Now it eats dreams, and it can even show them in a rainbow show, why?

The stats are pretty decent seeing the HP as a five, the defenses as a four, the attack as a three, and the speed is a two. The moves include: anything with dreams, hypnotic ray, telekinesis (isn't this a given or did they run out of moves?), and psybeam.

The typing remains the same.

The food is dreams.

In notes, still sadly can't disprove it, oh well.

In battles, still pathetic. Siliveisa wipes them clean.


	267. Pidove Evo line

ENTRY 259: PIDOVE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

PIDOVE:

Pidove, the relative to the Pidgey Pokémon. And now we'll shoot these fucking birds due to their brainless behavior and see if they taste good.

The stats are crap seeing the attack as a three, and the HP, defense, and speed as a two. The moves include: gust, quick attack, homing Pidove (I'll take a missile over this), and scout.

The typing is normal and flying with the weaknesses being electric, rock, and ice types.

The food is whatever a pigeon eats.

In notes, don't bother getting one because it will forget everything you tell it. Of course it's nice to have a hundred or so of them in one area as you fire off a M4A4 in public. Yeah, you'll be surprised what shit I've done.

In battles, HAHAHA, lame. They can't even do shit right, let alone fight Edwards's ass or my ass, literally I actually fought one.

* * *

TRANQUILL:

Tranquill, the stupid bigger pigeon Pokémon. It will always know where its nest is, even if it got sent over to China, and got shot and eaten.

The stats are lower than decent seeing the attack and speed as a four, and the speed and defense as a three. The moves include: gust, fly (You professors need to get either better names, or a better job and a life), wing attack, and air slash.

The typing and food remain the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: No war… AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! What kind of bullshit is this? You people need to shut up because I'll bet that there is something going on. Besides, US troops have been going all over the fucking place including that damn parallel universe. Luckily I intercepted them and got two back, but there's one missing. Also, some of those "war free zones" have been turned into no man's lands due to Plasma and the fucking Russians blowing each other up.

In notes, not any notes that can be said.

In battles, eh, next!

* * *

UNFEZANT:

Unfezant, the arrogant bird fuck Pokémon. Of course, we need little shit eating pheasants roaming around the place, why not? Unova is as fucked up as here.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the attack as a six, the speed as a five, the defense as a four, and the HP as a two. The moves include: fly, tailwind, strong winds, and feather strike.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, well, the males have that red fluff on their heads as females don't. I suggest for those out there with "issues" to go after the females.

In battles, *yawn*, I've seen beter with Catherine fighting a flower, lol this actually happened.


	268. Blitzle Evo line

ENTRY 260: BLITZLE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

BLITZLE:

Blitzle, the little Zebra Pokémon. Now, I don't think it was the wisest letting Africans go around shooting these Pokémon.

The stats are less than decent as the speed is four, the attack is a three, and the HP and defense is a two. The moves includes: rear kick (As bender said, "MY ASS, MY ASS!"), stomp, agility, and smash kick.

The typing is electric with the weakness being ground.

The food is whatever a zebra eats.

In notes, well, be carefully or you might get a lightning bolt up your ass.

In battles, one time and it was so fucked up. This Zebra tried to kick Catherine's ass, since she deserved it, and instead, she dumped a bucket of gas on it and threw engine oil at it. Of course I sent her ass to work for that $60 of gas 'n oil.

* * *

ZEBSTRIKA:

Zebstrika, the Zebra Pokémon. Who wanna fuck a Zebra?

The stats are decent seeing the speed as a six, the attack as a five, and HP and defenses being a three. The moves include: rear kick, wild charge, stomp, and shock bolt.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, well Africans and these Pokémon don't mix well.

In battles, ehh, the Botswana bastards go and try to kill them, but then Unova police get into it and all hell breaks loose. Also, African assholes did buy my portal, but made a cheap one so I can make good cash… despite not knowing what the hell kind of money I got.


	269. Roggenrola Evo line

ENTRY 261: ROGGENROLA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"What's in these bags, rocks?"- Squidward Tentacles_

ROGGENROLA:

Roggenrola, the living hexagon rock Pokémon. The name sounds like Rock 'n Roll which is infinitely better than this piece of living shit. It got Elvis, this don't.

The stats are less than decent as the attack and defense is a four, the HP is a two, the specials are like what they serve at McDonalds, and the speed is a rock in a tub of asphalt tar. The moves include: harden, smackdown, tackle, and headbutt.

The typing is rock with the weaknesses being water, grass, fighting, ground, and steel types.

The food is none, up to my knowledge.

In notes, well, it may be as hard as steel, but let's see it stand up against the US army. Of course, a tank got lost after misusing the portal and now I have to go fishing for them.

In battles, it's a fucking rock.

* * *

BOLDORE:

Boldore, the larger rock shit thing Pokémon. Well, it appear now is a tripod with two "eyeballs" and a desire to make me make it a wimp.

The stats are decent as the attack and defense is a five, the HP is a three, the specials is a two, and the speed remains the same. The moves include: headbutt, hard crash, power gem, and smack down (Now it does WWE? Come the fuck on.).

The typing and food remains the same.

In notes, it appears to have these crystals when it has too much energy. This makes it profitable, but of course the CEPA decides to ruin everything and I can't sell shit for shit.

In battles, it's not that fucking hard people. Siliveisa and Bender could take this on with ease.

* * *

GIGALITH:

Gigalith, the giant boulder Pokémon. Hmm, angry eyes, a lot of stupid rock shit covering it, yep, that's a Pokémon.

The stats are pretty decent, nearly good, seeing the attack as a seven, the defense as a six, the HP and specials as a three, and the speed as a two. The moves include: shear, anything with rocks, core cannon, and power gem.

The typing and food remain the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Blow away a mountain? Ok, I'm getting sick… and fucking tired… of these "professor's" bullshit. No, no, they're not even professors, they are fucking kids with no education and nothing better to do than to beat the hell out of everyone using a sentient animal that would one day evolve and either fuck/rape/kill/or-run-away-from its trainer.

In notes, let's see, the last monolith on record was the planned demolition of the world a few years ago *clicks and immediately clicks off due to picture of Ashhole on the screen* and little fucker Ketchum came around and fucked everything up. Flare is way better than his ass.

In battles, IT'S A GIANT ROCK WITH MR. POTATO HEAD ANGRY EYES FOR FUCKING CRYING OUT LOUD! Well, sort of.


	270. Woobat Evo line

ENTRY 263: WOOBAT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

WOOBAT:

Woobat, the little fluff ball bat Pokémon. This thing is tiny, Catherine thinks their cute, and I wanna puke.

The stats are crud seeing the speed as a four, and the HP, attack, and defenses as a two. The moves include: gust, psyshot, heart stamp, and psy bolt.

The typing is psychic and flying with the weaknesses being electric, ice, rock, ghost, and dark types.

The food is whatever a bat eats.

In notes, honestly must I say? It's a tiny puff ball with wings and we just got one yesterday and all I see is little Kirlia of Nature playing with everyone. Oh God it makes me so fucking sick, ooohhhh. Ok, one moment.

*runs out the door to the bathroom* *on a coincident note, Catherine appears in the room*

Oo, I can write something now. *Edward comes in and drags Catherine out of the room* *Siliveisa comes in the room*

Huh, what the hell? Oh cool, I'm typing now. Hmm, let's see, Woobat… oh yeah, my sister in law apparently plays with this every hour now. What the fuck is so adorable about it? Do you see anything? I don't.

Let's see, battles. Hmm, nothing there.

* * *

SWOOBAT:

Swoobat, that little fucking shit eating cunt who tried to woo off Edward, um, Pokémon. Yeah, I remember that time in Unova. Frank decided to be nice and let the two of us go to Unova and we got stuck in a middle of this shitty forest only to then find out that a female Swoobat was trying to get Edward. Well… I think she'll think twice before doing shit like that on my turf.

Stats, uh, let me see *looks around, then gets knocked out my Frank*

Bitch. Anyway, the stats are decent seeing the speed as a six, and the first three as a three. The moves include: attract, psyshot, phat sound and acrobatics.

The typing and food remains the same.

In notes, well the mating shit goes for both sides, since Siliveisa typed that in already.

In battles, well, the one above is shown, another one was with Midori as she knocked a couple before. Hold on, I think… *Gets tackled to the ground by Siliveisa.* *Lots of choking sounds.**Then Siliveisa takes Frank's head and bashes it on the keyboard* b yhnuy7hu y7hju… HELP!...bhnyhju56ty7 *Midori comes in and knocks out Siliveisa* *Frank now turns off 'Dex*


	271. Drillbur Evo line

Hey everyone, it's Prof. Italy here. Now, I didn't make jack shit these past three days because I had a lot of shit go on me. First of Siliveisa made an ass out of ourselves once this entry got published so that was done, then a Russian soldier disappeared into that Goddamn parallel universe, and to top it all off, I had this weird ass named Pienarr get stuck in my lab. He's as bad as my father, so I kicked his ass back to Unova, since apparently that's the only region I'll throw any asshole I don't like.

ENTRY 264: DRILLBUR EVOLUTIONARY LINE

DRILLBUR:

Drillbur, the driller Pokémon. Ok, a Pokémon with practical use finally. It can drill fats so make sure you're not in a Smokey and the Bandit style chase with them.

The stats are less than decent seeing the attack and speed as a four, the HP as a three, and the defenses as a two. The moves include: mud-slap, scratch, fury swipes, and hone claws.

The typing is ground with the weaknesses being water, grass, and ice types.

The food is whatever a mole eats.

In notes, well, no bullshit sadly. The thing does go around 30 mph, but rarely does past that.

In battles, a couple, but they weren't anything interesting.

* * *

EXCADRILL:

Excadrill, the bigger mole Pokémon. Drills better, causes problems and wastes my .12 gauge bullets. Remember kids, ask your parents to buy you powerful .729 caliber shotgun so you can blast the ever living fuck out of Pokémon you don't like.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the attack as a seven, the speed as a five, the HP as a four, and the defenses as a three. The moves include: dig, earthquake, metal claw, and drill run.

The typing is now ground and steel with the weaknesses being ground, fighting, water, and fire types.

The food is the same.

In notes, well it has caused a bit of trouble. One got away into New York and there was some issues in the subways. Of course the police found the Excadrill and instead kept it with them, then they gave it to the construction crews. Oh well.

In battles, well, it sucks.


	272. Audino Evo line

ENTRY 265: AUDINO EVOLUTIONARY LINE

AUDINO:

Audino, the hearing system Pokémon. Fuck the doctor, here's one you need for those centers along with a couple REAL doctors.

The stats are near decent with the HP and defense being four, and the attacks and speed being a three. The moves include: doubleslap, drain slap, do the wave (What the fuck is this, a dance move?), and heal pulse.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, yes, those little ribbon-like parts on its ears can here you heart, but none want to hear mine. Also, they can hear eggs, but when I'm around, shit like that don't happen because they'd here me as well.

In battles, it's a fucking nurse you idiot.

* * *

MEGA AUDINO:

Fuck, that's white. In fact, it's so white, it'd cause a riot at the BLM marches they still got going on AFTER EIGHT FUCKING YEARS! Anyways, the stats are decent seeing the defenses as a five, the HP is a four, and the attack and speed is a three.

In typing, it's now a normal and fairy type with the weaknesses being steel and poison types.

In battles, none. They don't usually fight me because they know that Edward can beat them shitless.


	273. Timburr Evo line

ENTRY 266: TIMBURR EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"Everything is awesome!"- The song played during the construction scene of the Lego Movie_

TIMBURR:

Timburr, the little helper Pokémon. Cool, another Pokémon with an actually practical use other than beating up, fucking, and killing.

The stats are crud as the attack is a four, the HP and defense is a three, and the speed is a two. The moves include: pound (with that log I'll need a thousand pounds of England), pummel (same shit), low kick (Ouch), and knock back (You actually fucking think?).

The typing is fighting with the weaknesses being fairy, psychic, and flying types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, well they at least are useful. Other than that, I see no other purpose than a construction worker and a little helper for Engineer in TF2.

In battles, well, only one.

* * *

GURDURR:

Gurdurr, the wrecking steel Pokémon. Fuck balls, we got girders.

The stats are decent seeing the attack as a five, the defense as a four, the HP as a three, and the specials and speed as a two. The moves include: bulk up, pound, hammer arm (Girder arm would be better), and steel swing (Ok, better).

The typing and food remains the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Yes, I see it has muscles, but I'm pretty sure a group of WWE style wrestlers, with no script, can kick it's ass in an hour, if not less.

In notes, well, more useful in modern construction at least.

In battles, well Midori and Rose kick ass easily, no worries.

* * *

CONKELDURR:

Conkeldurr, the double pillar Pokémon. This thing has two pillars of death that can become a mini tornado wiping out everything in its path.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the attack as a seven, the HP and defense as a four, and the specials and speed as a three. The moves include: top down, wake-up slap (Midori can do this gently, and Catherine can do this with a broom, or a shovel; seriously that happened once after cleaning off the snow and being tired of me and Midori sleeping in. I got the worst possible child, don't I?), chip away, and drain punch.

The typing and food remain the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Conkeldurrs did not teach humans to make concrete. The Syrians and other Middle Eastern bastards back as far as 6500 BC made concrete-like materials. You didn't do anything.

In notes, this thing is good for making roads, plowing shit under, and the usual heavy beatings.

In battles, expect heavy amounts of pain. Two of those pillars actually did wreck a building back in Georgia, except the building was scheduled to be demolished three weeks from now. Anyway, I dealt with enough of these and Edward is usually put against them because Midori would like a brake after dealing with bugs and darks.


	274. Tympole Evo line

**Sorry to those who think I'm being a douche/dick by uploading two entries every two days. I'm having slight constipation in my stories, ok?**

* * *

ENTRY 267: TYMPOLE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

TYMPOLE:

Tympole, the tadpole Pokémon. That face… that face… it's horrible.

The stats are crud seeing the speed as a four, the attack as a three, and the rest being a two. The moves include: mud shot, get loud (Catherine does this with that shitty modern music, this is not a move assholes), bubble, and round.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being grass and electric types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, it can vibrate its cheeks and tell others shit I don't need to here. This is apparent when every time I go to Unova for my daily hunting spree, a group of these looks at me and a shit ton of Seismitoads get out and try to kill me.

In battles, none.

* * *

PALPITOAD:

Palpitoad, the vibrating machine Pokémon. Need a vibrating chair? Well, stick one of these in and good luck.

The stats are below decent seeing the speed as a four still, the S. defense as a two, and everything else as a three. The moves include: frog hop, mud shot, round, and bubble beam.

The typing is water and ground with the weakness being 4x the damage from grass types.

The food is the same, assumingly.

In notes, this thing is more or less a pain when trying to control. Tantrums may arise if it doesn't get its way, but why the hell should I judge?

In battles, *yawning obnoxiously loud*.

* * *

SEISMITOAD:

Seismitoad, the giant frog Pokémon. A bulky asshole if you ask me, Greninjas are better, well, except for one.

The stats are decent seeing the attack as a five, the HP and speed as a four, and the defenses as a three. The moves include: shaky fall, hyper voice (Catherine trying to do a bad Britney Spears or Lady Gaga), drain punch, and grenade hammer (This can be done at home by super gluing a grenade to a sledge hammer, pulling the pin, and throwing the hammer at a group of SJWs saying FUCK YOU!).

The typing and food are the same.

In notes, these things can cause a few problems in terms of earthquakes. Yes, yes, there was one that came on in and caused SOME issues to the building, but then I kicked the hell out of it and, viola, asshole is out of the way. Also, don't leave Greninjas and Seismitoads in the same room as there will be all hell breaking loose on who's the better water type. I'd honestly say Greninja is because it's more human and more fuckable, but Seismitoad has only one weakness while Greninjas have four. Siliveisa, get the fuck out of here it's called an honest opinion.

In battles, aside from the few I gave you, gym battles aren't any better. They're getting pretty lame as everyone is like "I'm gonna get a badge!" and then after I total them all with just Edward, even the best gym leaders say "WHAT THE FUCK!?" Got that?


	275. Throh Entry

ENTRY 268: THORH ENTRY

 _"Wax on, wax off"- Mr. Miyagi_

Throh, the huge redskin asskicker Pokémon. Another racist term is no longer racist as the skin of this Pokémon is red.

The stats are decent seeing the HP and attack as a five, the defenses as a four, and the speed as a three. The moves include: storm throw, superpower (Hey super karate kid, kick blue boy's ass for me will ya?), scarf hold, and freestyle strike.

The typing is fighting with the weaknesses being flying, fairy, and psychic types.

The food is whatever it eats, mainly human food.

In notes, careful, there was one guy that came in from the Unova competition a while back and Siliveisa wanted to go at it, well, she regretted it. Midori finished her off without an issue left.

In battles, that one was an example. Another fight was with a blue one, but that'll be next.


	276. Sawk Entry

ENTRY 269: SAWK ENTRY

 _"Don't forget to breathe"- Mr. Miyagi_

Sawk, the Mr. Miyagi karate black belt Pokémon. They want the best chop, so they say FUCK SLEEP!

The stats are decent seeing the attack as a six, the speed as a five, and the HP and defenses are a three. The moves include: low sweep (with a broom?), five fierce chops (Sounds like a TV show or a restaurant), karate chop, and quick guard.

The typing is the same as the last.

The food is mostly human food.

WARNING: Don't disturb this Pokémon during training, or else you'll see how well its karate is.

In notes, be careful around them. Pissing them off is fun when they are just perfect in their thing, then you blare an air horn into a megaphone and damn was it fucking hilarious. Of course, they were ready to kill me, but I just shot their legs and ran for it.

In battles, eh, nothing great. Rose can imitate a couple moves, but that, mocks them and they fight twice as hard. She won anyway, but she also needed a little fix me up.


	277. Sewaddle Evo line

ENTRY 270: SEWADDLE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SEWADDLE:

Sewaddle, the little leaf bug Pokémon. This bug can make its own clothes, not cool. Midori, even my own mother, could do this, what the fuck is so special?

The stats are crud seeing the defenses and attack as a three, and the speed and HP as a two. The moves include: tackle, string shot, gnaw, and nap (…).

The typing is grass and bug with the weaknesses being bug, ice, poison, rock, and 4x the damage from fire and flying types.

The food is CO2 and sunlight.

In notes, it can makes its own clothes. Apparently because of that, it's used to represent a fashion designer. Huh, the last one I saw was a Taylor swift setup.

In battles, please, this is so damn pathetic.

* * *

SWADLOON:

Swadloon, the leaf eating Pokémon. Need to clean up your leaves? Then get this fatass to eat them for you so you can sit there being a lazy fatter-ass.

The stats are near decent as the defense is a four, the attack is a three, and the HP and speed is a two. The moves include: double razor leaf, gnaw, razor leaf, and tackle.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, it's a leaf vacuum cleaner. All I warn is don't let it into any kind of edible leafy vegetable patch you may have because you might as well kiss it goodbye.

In battles, lame… as… fuck… MOVEING ON!

* * *

LEAVANNY:

Leavanny, the daycare worker Pokémon. When you think about it…

The stats are decent seeing the attack and speed as a five, the defense as a four, and the specials and HP as a three. The moves include: X-scissor, nurturing, cutting arm, and leaf storm.

The typing and food remains the same.

In notes, it makes "clothes" for the little Pokémon. Aww, ain't that so… fucking revolting omg I'm gonna throw up *almost puked on the floor*. Well, I almost did, but then I bent down and found a $100 on the floor. I got too much cash. Anyway, so it does that. Also, this is a minority for pokephiles. It's not great, but then again so is fucking a Pidgeot.

In battles, a few but they more or less suck.


	278. Venipede Evo line

ENTRY 271: VENIPEDE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

VENIPEDE:

Venipede, the centipede Pokémon. Well, these bugs are easy target practices.

The stats are very crappy seeing the speed and defense as a two, and the attack and HP as a two. The moves include: bug bite, rollout, venoshock, and poison sting.

The typing is bug and poison with the weaknesses being fire, flying, poison, and rock types.

The food is whatever a bug eats.

WARNING: These things are deadly and poisonous, you have to be a dumbass to go and find one. Of course, we're all dumbasses like that Hux guy I have sitting in a room getting talked over by Catherine on why not to start fights and wars.

In notes, it's pretty powerful poison. However, that's nothing, the temper is horrific. Try to avoid, but also try to use a shit ton of Raid for this kill off.

In battles, none so far.

* * *

WHIRLIPEDE:

Whirlipede, the spinning shred ball Pokémon. For those who watched the movie Battleship, this thing looks like one of those spinning things.

The stats are good crud seeing the defense as a four, the speed and attack as a three, and the HP as a two. The moves include: poison sting, rollout, steamroller, and spinning attack.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, well, if you want to become a bloody road pavement while having a bug run you over and destroy a whole city, go for it.

In the battles, eh, pathetic. Midori takes them out easily, buuuut Edward does slightly better.

* * *

SCOLIPEDE:

Scolipede, the giant centipede Pokémon. This is one big ass bug that nobody likes… or fucks.

The stats are decent seeing the speed as a six, the attack as a five, the defense as a four, and the HP and specials as a three. The moves include: steamroller, anything with poison, toxic claws, and random peck.

The typing and food remain the same.

WARNING: These things are a fuck ton worse than the last two. The poison is deadly and you have a better chance of shitting yourself.

In notes, C7 proclaims that they are easy to enrage, hard to take out, and are good fighters. Now, from what I can tell, the first two are right and the third one, because I battle these things, is more or less true for regular people because they're as weak as me on a Ralts that can actually fight. But, I say get a Raid tank and blast every fucking Scolipede out of the world so I don't need to do it and I can relax on a vacation to Unova. Lol, not doing that.

In battles, HAHA, they suck really bad since it could take a couple hits on Edward, if lucky, and then bam, he wipes 'em out.


	279. Cottonee Evo line

**So, tomorrow I'll get two entries done as a counter for today, and for those who read the Betrayal, the next chapter may take up to the end of the week.**

* * *

ENTRY 272: COTTONEE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"It's so fluffy I'm gonna die"- Agnus_

COTTONEE:

Cottonee, the cotton cloud Pokémon. BURN!

The stats are crud seeing the speed as a four, the defense as a three, and everything else as a two. The moves include: absorb, ram, cotton guard, and fairy wind.

The typing is grass and fairy with the weaknesses being fire, ice, steel, flying, and 4x the damage from poison types.

The food is probably what a plant eats.

In notes, this thing is like a sponge. Yes, I used one by accident as a sponge to clean the dishes when Midori went on out for a bit of shopping. You'll be surprised how human we live. Anyway, so I cleaned up a whole sink of dishes, and then I found the sponge to have disappeared, only to have Catherine come back with a crying Cottonee. Catherine explained how I used one as a sponge dirtying it up and making it wet. I didn't even know.

In battles, well, that Cottonee won the battle against a tray of baked on eggplant parmesan.

* * *

WHIMSICOTT:

Whimsicott, the little annoying bastard Pokémon. Want uninvited guests who ain't your relatives or ghosts? This is the one for you!

The stats are decent seeing the speed as a six, the attacks and defense as a four, and the HP as a three. The moves include: Encore, U-turn (Yeah, Edward into a lamppost), fairy wind, and fluffy tag.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, well, the bastards come along and turn the room into one giant cotton ball. It happened once and Catherine and Rose, when they were little, went and played on it. They then stowed it away in their rooms and made their own beds with it. Catherine, regrets it, but she doesn't use her room since she's a lot of times in the nature room and teaching that dumbass how not to shoot like me.


	280. Petilil Evo line

ENTRY 273: PETILIL EVOLUTIONARY LINE

PETILIL:

Petilil, the little herb onion Pokémon. Food? Let me go and get out my .45 ACP.

The stats are shit seeing everything but the S. attack as a two. The moves include: blot, magical leaf, stun spore, and ram.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being fire, ice, poison, flying, and bug types.

The food is the same as a plant.

In notes, well, it makes a good soup. And, no, I can't boil the whole thing because CEPA forbids it under some of her unusual punishments, such as video tape of me and Midori fucking and that getting posted on porn sites. I don't know how the fuck she managed, but apparently she does.

In battles, against the boiling water, sure.

* * *

LILLIGANT:

Lilligant, the walking flower thing Pokémon. Don't bother with it since you'll take care of this more than your schooling.

The stats are decent seeing the speed as a five, and the HP, attacking, and defenses as a three. The moves include: petal dance, boo-hoo, leaf slice, and aromax.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, apparently it's popular with celebrities. Really? I don't see Jennifer Lawrence, Taylor Swift, or Katherine Kennedy walking with one, do you? Here in Kalos, sure I've seen it once or twice, except I yell to set them on fire along with their skirts.

In battles, once in a while, but nothing good.


	281. Basculin Entry

ENTRY 274: BASCULIN ENTRY

Basculin, the piranha Pokémon. Well, Carvanna wasn't enough, so they added this one. Watch out.

The stats are decent seeing the attack and speed as a five, and the defense and HP as a three. The moves include: crunch, tackle, splatter (Probably your guts), and flail.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being electric and grass types.

The food is whatever it can get its teeth on.

In notes, good luck. This thing is very aggressive and calling it a fish will piss it off. Also, there are red striped fish and blue striped fish, but those features must symbolize republicans and democrats.

In battles, crap, pathetic, and a waste of time. At least they taste, sort of decent.


	282. Sandile Evo line

ENTRY 275: SANDILE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"See ya later alligator!"- A line from an old Boomerang cartoon I can't remember_

SANDILE:

Sandile, the little crocodile Pokémon. This thing is slithery, shitty, and worthless.

The stats are near decent seeing the attack and speed as a four, and everything else as a two. The moves include: sand tomb, bite, gnaw, and crunch.

The typing is ground and dark with the weaknesses being water, grass, ice, bug, fighting, and fairy types.

The food is whatever a croc eats.

In notes, well, it's a little slithering sand croc that doesn't do much anyway.

In battles, piss off, these things are easy when you throw Midori or Edward on them.

* * *

KROKOROK:

Krokorok, the hard to spell as fuck Pokémon. Get a better name asshole. Anyway, the membranes on the eyes makes it a snake able to see shit in the dark. Well so does the US Army when their training for the day involves shooting your ass at night.

The stats are pathetic seeing as it's the same as before, only the HP is increased by one. The moves include: torment, bite, crunch, and dark clamp.

The typing and food remains the same.

In notes, well, these little bastards can be thieves at one point or another. Also, be careful at night or else these things will either kill, rape, or steal from you.

In battles, well, they suck a little bit less than the previous one.

* * *

KROOKODILE:

Krookodile, the really scary crocodile Pokémon. One reason why not to let your kids outside during the summer. Fuck bugs, fuck pollen, it's giant man eating crocodiles!

The stats are finally decent seeing the attack as a six, the speed as a five, HP and defense as a four, and the special as a three. The moves include: torment, obsidian fang, thrash, and bother.

The typing and food remain the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: This thing can't crush the body of an automobile with its jaws. How the fuck you plan to do that?

In notes, this thing is very violent. Watch out, but also make sure to carry a big ass gun, my preferred guns for this would be any range between .44 to a .75 caliber as a safe range. Anything higher will kill it.

In battles, there's one that wears glasses, until I had Edward break his glasses and piss it off. Oh man, Edward kicked its ass up and down the street so much that the croc just gave out and ran away. Well, it actually got thrown into a dumpster knocked out by Edward.


	283. Darumaka Evo line

ENTRY 276: DARUMAKA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

DARUMAKA:

Darumaka, the weird fireball thing Pokémon. This thing is a ball of something, and, unless I'm misreading, people use its shit to keep themselves warm. Which proves that Pokémon have anuses.

The stats are near decent seeing the attack as a five, the HP and speed as a three, and the defenses as a two. The moves include: searing flame, firebreathing, singe, and rollout.

The typing is fire with the weaknesses being water, ground and rock types.

The food is whatever it eats.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: It says that when it curls up it cools down to 1,100 degrees… ok, this is pure bullshit because I think these "professors" and "kids" had it as a real number of 110, but drew on an extra zero.

In notes, this thing is lame. All it does is breath fire.

In battles, oh God, I've seen way better.

* * *

DARMANITAN:

Darmanitan, the weird ass ape gorilla Pokémon. This thing needs to be shot, like, NOW!

The stats are pretty decent seeing the attack as a seven, the speed as a five, the HP as a four, and the defense as a three. The moves include: fire fang, rock smash, fire punch, and thrash.

The typing and food remain the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: The dump truck smashing is bullshit unless it's an autophiliac, and the temperature thing is also bullshit as well.

In notes, eh, nothing great.

In battles, a couple times and those times I dealt with what's coming up next.

* * *

ZEN MODE:

Yep, this shit. God, I hate these mother fucking things, but not as much as Ash and Arceus. The stats are still pretty decent seeing the S. attack as a seven, the defense as a five, the HP as a four, the speed as a three, and the defense a two.

The typing is now fire and psychic with the weaknesses being ghost, dark, water, ground, and rock types.

In battles, well, Heleva don't fuck around unless it's with Bender. She'll kick the shit out of these, but Siliveisa will annihilate this things.


	284. Maractus Entry

ENTRY 277: MARACTUS

 _"La cucaracha, la cucaracha"- A Mexican tune with maracas_

 _Maractus, the Mexican maraca cactus Pokémon. All you need is a Hawlucha, a Ludicolo, and a few Mexicans with some tacos, tequila, rats, my parents' neighbors, and a shit ton of cockroaches and ta-da!_

The stats are less than decent seeing the attack as a four, and everything but the s. attack as a three. The moves include: mega drain, pin missiles (Rose made her own a year ago, and shot Catherine in the ass with it. I laughed to damn hard and pissed myself), giga drain, and ambush.

The typing is grass with the weaknesses being fire, bug, poison, ice, and flying types.

The food is what a cactus needs.

In notes, well, I sold a couple to Mexico, and they sent me a video of the party they had. It was pretty interesting and what made it more fun was the fact that Catherine tried arguing with them. She don't know Spanish like she don't know her ass from her elbow. Then she came home drenched in tequila making the place smell like it. I grabbed a bottle of rice/red wine mix and drank it ignoring the scent.

In battles, it's a maraca dumbass.


	285. Dwebble Evo line

ENTRY 278: DWEBBLE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"Money, money, money, money"- Prehistoric Mr. Krabs_

DWEBBLE:

Dwebble, the little land crab Pokémon. Well, it looks as if Mr. Krabs came along and found a rock, fuck off you money hoarding asshole.

The stats are curd seeing the defense as a four, the speed and attack as a three, and everything else as a two. The moves include: beat, cut, flail, and bug bite.

The typing is rock and bug with the weaknesses being rock, water, and steel types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, well, don't smash it's shell unless you want hell.

In battles… a hermit crab, versus me? Really people?

* * *

CRUSTLE:

Crustle, the giant rock hermit crab Pokémon. That is one big ass rock on that big ass crab.

The stats are decent seeing the defense and attack as a five, and everything else as a three. The moves include: hard press, hammer in, cut, and heavy bullet (This is a M1 firing up your ass).

The typing and food is the same.

In notes, this is one crab you don't want to piss off. Well, do so, but make sure you got bullet proof armor and lots of ass kicking bullets.

In battles, decent, but Siliveisa and Kevanin win.


	286. Scraggy Evo line

ENTRY 279: SCRAGGY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SCRAGGY:

Scraggy, the foreskin Pokémon. Seriously, doesn't it look like a foreskin when you think about it very hard while drunk 'n high?

The stats are near decent seeing the attack as a four, the defenses and speed as a three, and the HP as a two. The moves include: headbutt, corkscrew punch, high jump kick (Bender can do this), shed skin (Foreskin, see?).

The typing is fighting and dark with the weaknesses being fighting, flying and 4x the damage from fairy types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, it'll head butt everything in sight, even your balls if it's the only thing there. Although I still find it disgusting to see this thing pull its foreskin up as a defensive technique. Really evolution? Fuck Arceus, go Darwin. And fuck both those guys, go Jesus!

In battles, what kind of piss 'round is this, eh? These thing I sneeze and Rose, as a Ralts, wipes them out.

* * *

SCRAFTY:

Scrafty, the pain in my ass Pokémon. Well, that made sense because one time I did get kicked by one. Also, his crest thingy got blown off so he's a loser.

The stats are decent seeing the attack and defenses as a five, and the speed and HP as a three. The moves include: spit acid (Not sure how), rock head, hammer kick (Stop, what the fuck), and low kick (for guys with big balls).

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, ok, look, it still has a scrotum and I don't give a fuck. Anyway, this thing has it where the larger the head thing on top is, the more up in class it is. But, when I come along, don't expect respect from me. And you don't have to respect me, just don't piss me off because I'm the guy with the .12 gauge here.

In battles, ok, a couple times, but they are worthless.


	287. Sigilyph Entry

ENTRY 280: SIGILYPH ENTRY

 _"Enjoy your affordable Swedish Crap"- Ikea Robot_

 _Sigilyph, the dafuq Pokémon. C7 says this thing is what happens when a bird and a totem pole go fucking. Well, I'll make sure that the Natives don't scream at this._

The stats are almost decent seeing the speed as a five, the defense as a four, and the HP and attack as a three. The moves includes: reflect, telekinesis, psychic assault (Catherine can do this), and psychic.

The typing is flying and psychic electric, ice, rock, dark, and ghost types.

The food is unknown, because I'm too lazy.

In notes, there is a lot here. So, there is this ancient ruin in Unova, but that place has become Afghanistan for one reason: I persuaded the US Army to take over the area so they can have for a military base. Of course, this wound up with a good chunk, except Team Plasma was breaking my balls and attacked the USAA along with these Pokémon, causing one big ass fight. Ok, America is winning and Plasma fucked off like a bunch of good criminals while these weird ass Kirby mini-bosses kept on attacking the soldiers. Currently, the area is being won by the Americans, so as a warning to everyone, DON'T FUCK WITH ME OR AMERICA! AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!

In battles, none.


	288. Yamask Evo line

ENTRY 281: YAMASK EVOLUTIONARY LINE

YAMASK:

Yamask, the dead person Pokémon. Get a translator and you could be possibly talking with your dead relative. Thankfully my grandfather didn't die in this world otherwise my father would be dead and the two would be screaming at each other making each other more dead… lol.

The stats are crud seeing the defense as a four, the specials as a three, and everything else as a two. The moves include: ambush, ram, will-o-wisp, and perplex.

The typing is ghost with the weaknesses being ghost and dark types.

In food, I don't fucking know.

In notes, a good few. First off, you'll need to have a dark type with you because these things will appear and scare the shit out of you. Rose pissed herself after one scared the hell out'a her as a Ralts, and then a recent one was a Team Aqua dumbass.

In battles, yeah, a few. Heleva kicks the asses very well.

* * *

COFAGRIGUS:

Cofagrigus, the sarcophagus Pokémon. Well, a great way on how to get rid of grave robbers.

The stats are decent seeing the defense as a six, the HP and attack as a three, and the speed as a two. The moves include: ambush, perplex, chuck, and lock up.

The typing is the same.

The food is gold nuggets; I need to try chicken nuggets, maybe from KFC, 'cause McDonald's is shit.

In notes, fuck C7, the guy's too drunk for this. Now, the Pokémon here is more or less a slight problem. First off, don't go stealing graves unless you bring a dark type along. Of course, I've done shit like this and brought Arenmo along to help me steal the coffins' covers. I bumped into one and had Arenmo blast the absolute shit out of it and then took that cover as well. Grave robber right here assholes, fuck off if you think you can… well, maybe for the right price of course.

In battles, eh, they suck.


	289. Tirtouga Evo line

ENTRY 282: TIRTOUGA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"Hello mine turtle" –ASDF guy_

TIRTOUGA:

Tirtouga, the turtle Pokémon. We don't have enough turtles apparently so we had to find and discover a few more in the past. I hate that kid, don't I?

The stats are decent seeing the attack and defense as a four, the HP as a two, and the speed as slow as a turtle on the interstate highway with a speed limit of 75-85MPH. The moves include: water gun, surf, slam, and prehistoric call (On what? Your prehistoric cellphone from the 1970s?).

The typing is water and rock with the weaknesses being electric, fighting, ground, and 4x the damage from grass types.

The food is unknown because I NEVER SEEN ONE AND ONLY BASE THIS SHIT OFF OF… fuck this *angrily goes to the wine cabinet, pours a glass, drinks it. Goes to fridge, opens it, drinks hot sauce, yells random shit, closes everything up, goes back to 'Dex* ok, I'm back.

In notes, um, let me see… diving half a mile, boring, fossil shit, lame, eh, that's it.

In battles, none.

* * *

CARRACOSTA:

Carracosta, the giant turtle Pokémon. In the Cayman Islands, we had big ass turtles, here, we have small turtles that apparently are even more worthless and should die in a hole.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the attack and defense as a six, the HP as a three, and the speed as a two. The moves include: fossil clutch, waterfall, crunch, and solid rock.

The typing and food is the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: This thing… this thing… cannot, in no way, punch a hole through a fucking tanker. Give me video evidence and I'll take it back, c'mon, show me.

In notes, well, nothing, sorry.

In battles, none.


	290. Arcehn Evo line

ENTRY 283: ARCHEN EVOLUTIONARY LINE

ARCHEN:

Archen, the little parrot dinosaur Pokémon. This thing… looks ugly.

The stats are almost decent with the attack as a six, the speed as a four, and the HP and defenses as a two. The moves include: rock throw, acrobatics, wing attack, and prehistoric call (Call up them turtles from your own time and tell them to upgrade to the new IPhone, what the hell do they got now, uh… IPhone 4 Z, ok?).

The typing is rock and flying with the weaknesses being water, electric, ice, rock, and steel types.

The food is whatever it eats.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Now, is there full on proof that this is where all bird Pokémon came from, hmm? Give us full-fledged evidence instead of these shitty one/two sentence notes that tell us jack shit and make us come up with crazy stories/fanfiction/theories/things that make us have no wife/girlfriend.

In notes, it's plain ugly and don't even bother to find a fossil you stupid fucking dumbasses.

In battles, piss off.

* * *

ARCHEOPS:

Archeops, the flying pterodactyl Pokémon. Finally, it got its ass off the ground and flew. Yay.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the attack as a seven, the speed as a six, and the defense and HP as a three. The moves include: acrobatics, swift dive, rock slide, and ancient power (polytheism).

The typing and food remain the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Ok, this is actually doing something nice. Now, there was one time I guy did come in with one, and I measured the speed. It went about 50 MPH, so this thing on the 'Dex is half the speed.

In notes, nothing much.

In battles, I didn't have much option, so I just through Midori at it and prayed for the best, which I knew she win anyway.


	291. Trubbish Evo line

ENTRY 284: TRUBBISH EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"A smelly smell that smells… smelly"- Mr. Krabs_

TRUBBISH:

Trubbish, the trash bag Pokémon. Ok, this thing is accurate. Have you ever wondered where your garbage disappears after you dumped your shit on the curb? Here it is you lazy prick!

The stats are crud seeing the speed as a four, the attack and defenses as a three, and the HP as a two. The moves include: garbage collection (hoarder), sludge bomb (Bart dropping a cherry bomb in the toilet), poison gas (Ya think?), and acid spray (Probably a can of that shit).

The typing is poison with the weaknesses being ground and psychic.

The food includes shit, piss, garbage, rotten food, used paper, useless shit you hang around the house, your daughter's "Peace for all" signs that I gladly threw out, and landfill material. This isn't limited, but that's all I know they eat.

In notes, it's a walking, talking trash bag. Fuck potty mouths, we got trashy mouths, lol.

In battles, yeah, I throw Edward at them with sometimes Midori or Rose if they want to go. Edward is usually first on up, unless he's at a disadvantage and my wife has better typing.

* * *

GARBODOR:

Garbodor, the giant pile of shit Pokémon. Holy fuck, I thought I couldn't get worse. We got giant piles of trash that can kill you by it breathing on you… ain't this world full of half-ass shit?

The stats are decent seeing the attack as a five, the defense and speed as a four, the specials and HP as a three. The moves include: gentle wrap, gunk shot, acid spray, and sludge toss (Doesn't Infernape sound like this, or was that the two tailed monkey?).

The typing is the same.

The food is a shit ton: Democrats, Nazis, sludge piles, landfills, nuclear waste, SJWs, Islamic terrorists, B.S. supporters, KKK members, industrial waste, MLP tapes, CDs, and other media, Trump and Hillary supporters, and good 'ol shitty singers, this time including Justin Bieber.

DERPEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: Now, where the fuck do they have a "lock up the prisoner, which is sentenced to death, in an air tight room with a Garbodor and wait until he dies of the stench". Where the fuck is this shit being implemented? Hmm? Give me some evidence because there is literally no country I know, unless it's North Korea or Guantanamo, which uses this as a death sentence.

In notes, well, it stinks like fuck. So much, in fact, that I had to ban these as well. I might pussy out, but I'd like to also be able to run the lab without the place smelling as if a herd of animals stopped by to piss and shit on the floor and walls.

In battles, well, one time and Edward… God, he was fucking bad, three gallons of tomato juice for that shit.


	292. Zorua Evo line

ENTRY 285: ZORUA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"Hey boy's, it's a spy!"- Engineer_

ZORUA:

Zorua, the tiny spy Pokémon. Ok, this is Heleva and Arenmo. God, I needed help with Arenmo. Be careful with these because you'll never know when you lose your wallet.

The stats are crud seeing the speed as a four, the attack as a three, and the defenses and HP as a two. The moves include: jump on, lunge, dark edge, and ram.

The typing is dark with the weaknesses being bug, fairy, and fighting types.

The food is mainly meat, but you can throw in a few vegetables and fruits here and there. Don't feed them chocolate though.

WARNING: Now, this thing has an illusion effect that only trained assholes can see through… or other Zoroarks. This means that you could accidentally kick a Zorua and piss off a whole family and then you disappear and wind up dead.

In notes, very tricky and annoying. I didn't deal with any trouble with Heleva, but Arenmo shiiiiiit, that was hell. First off, my eyes got trained enough to tell an illusion from reality, so my ass is saved there. Secondly, Arenmo was a, and still is, a sneaky bastard when he wants to be. Worse than Edward, better than Kevanin. Of course I suggest to those to try not to get too comfortable because the evolution up next will make you rethink on getting a Zorua.

In battles, they suck. Arenmo, he can do some things and even kick ass, which is mainly due to the fact that he got a fighting type from Bender.

* * *

ZOROARK:

Zoroark, the TF2 spy with Romulan cloaking Pokémon. Ok, prepare for hell, because here it is folks. This is Heleva and Arenmo.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the speed as a six, the attack as a five, and the defenses and HP as a three. The moves include: nasty plot (Dafuq? Anyone can do this.), foul play (Catherine every time I get fake messages from Trump, and soon to be Cruz), punishment (I did this, and still do it only to Catherine, to my kids), and snarl.

The typing is the same.

The food is human food, except chocolate.

WARNING: Again, these things are very capable of tricking the fuck out pof you if you aren't trained to see through that cloaking device.

In notes, paranoia sets in on this one. A lot of Fanfiction stories also helped it along. When I think of Zoroark, I think of a murderous being that will drink your blood, rip out your organs, and will kill literally everyone and make you shit out your spine in fear. In actual facts, these things have cloaks. Yes, I see through them because Heleva and Arenmo do them a lot in public. Sometimes they go invisible and steal shit behind my back, but when me, my psychic kids, or Kevanin is around, shit don't pass through. Also, the large crowds is true, but to a certain degree. I'm sure they have limits as to making these illusions.

In battles, very interesting. Cloak is literally the best method of fucking with the enemy's mind. Heleva has taken out opponents from the back, sides, and even below and above as she just slip, slice, win. Against others, HA, I use Bender on them along with Pella.


	293. Minccino Evo line

ENTRY 286: MINCCINO EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MINCCINO:

Minccino, the chinchilla tail broom Pokémon. This thing has a practical use that I like: it cleans up.

The stats are crap seeing the speed as a four, the attack as a three, and everything else is a two. The moves include: tail slap, cleaning up, gnaw, and cleaning up (Midori does this, Rose does this, and Catherine is just a filthy hippy).

The typing is normal with the weaknesses being fighting.

The food is berries.

In notes, AAAHHHHH! Catherine has one, bullshit, she has all the cute ones to make me sick. Anyway, the only good thing is that Rose has them work for extra food, which is capitalism at its best *gives thumbs up*.

In battles, pathetic, might as well dive into a pile of shit. At least you get the reason to skip going to a frat-boy party.

* * *

CINCCINO:

Cinccino, the bigger fur coat Pokémon. Well, it lost its usefulness.

The stats are decent seeing the speed as a six, the attack as a five, and everything else is a three. The moves include: tail slap, do the wave, covet, and fluffy tail (This… a move… what the fuck?).

The typing and food is the same.

In notes, PISS OFF! There's literally nothing of value here.

In battles, well, piss on is a better term as a Cinccino, that I had to fight, never seen Edward hit his motha fuckin' ass whoopin' level and all the little Pokémon did was piss on the floor. Lol to the trainer who paid the pissing fine of 10 bucks.


	294. Gothita Evo line

ENTRY 287: GOTHITA EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"Folks here's a story 'bout Minnie the Moocher…"- Cab Calloway_

GOTHITA:

Gothita, the tiny something Pokémon. It kinda looks like a maid, but I can't tell.

The stats are crap seeing the speed and specials as a three, but the first three being a two. The moves include: double slap, hypnotic gaze, psybeam, and smack.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being ghost, dark, and bug types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, for some strange reason they look at trainers and Pokémon weirdly. I'm not sure if it's studying for an exam, or is having lewd thoughts.

In battles, fucking lame.

* * *

GOTHORITA:

Gothorita, the Betty Boop Pokémon. That's what it looks like in my mind. Anyway, I suggest you anti-psychic your house if these are common.

The stats are near decent seeing the specials as a four, the HP, defense, and speed as a three, and the attack as two. The moves include: deleting glare (What, it's going to delete my texts and calls? Or my information on my computer?), double slap, psybeam, and smack.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, hide your children. You thought you had problems with Herbert and your friendly neighborhood kidnapper, well say hello to this bitch.

In battles, eh, Heleva wipes these.

* * *

GOTHITELLE:

Gothitelle, the maid Pokémon. Ok, here's a maid, fuck mistresses.

The stats are decent with the specials at five, the speed and defense as a four, and the HP and attack as a three. The moves include: tractorbeam (Since when the fuck did Picard give you Federation technology?), smack, mental shock, and psy report.

The typing is the same.

The food is human food. Can't say human because people think that means they eat humans.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: This thing can't predict the future, ONLY GOD CAN! CAN'T YOU FUCKING MORONS GET THAT!?

In notes, C7 has the correct philosophy on wives at least. Anyway, another Pokémon for Pokephilia, but I don't see the big excitement.

In battles, eh, Heleva and Siliveisa can take them out. It's a common shitter from Unova.


	295. Solosis Evo line

ENTRY 288: SOLOSIS EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"…by the tiniest creatures that God and his wisdom put upon this earth…"- Morgan Freeman_

SOLOSIS:

Solosis, the cell Pokémon. This is something you need to study under a microscope, only to tell you teacher, "Hey Teacher, the cell is smiling at me!"

The stats are very crappy seeing the HP, attack, and defenses as a two, and the speed of a cell moving a meter in a year. The moves include: cell culture (Bacteria), rollout, mini link, and nap.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being dark, ghost and bug types.

The food is whatever a cell eats, I don't know… proteins? ATP? Um, carbs?

In notes, well, it's tiny… Anyway, the thing about living in any environment is almost true, except when you dump it into acid, a volcano, or into an Army base. Alright, it survived that as well.

In battles, only a couple.

* * *

DUOSION:

Duosion, the Dr. Twobrains Pokémon. Shit, I remembered that from my childhood, yay.

The stats are crud seeing the HP as a three, and the attack, defense, and speed as a two. The moves include: recover, rollout, double link, focused wish (I wish all of you cell things died).

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, eh, lame. It might have bipolar issues of course, seeing that it has two brains and commonly thinks two different things. This means, if they're trying to steal food while attempting to rape the flowers, ignore that.

In battles, well, they suck and are pretty decent to defeat.

* * *

REUNICLUS:

Reuniclus, the cellar WTF Pokémon. Yeah, a cell with arms… how not fucking original.

The stats are near decent seeing the HP as a four, the attack and defense as a three, and the speed remaining a two. The moves include: link fusion, net force, dizzy punch, and mind bend.

The typing and food is the same.

DERPEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: No, these Pokemon don't sexually attack you. That's some made-up bullshit C7 created.

In real notes, they are able to go through the tiniest of cracks, but just like in The Thing, I blowtorch their asses if they come into my room, into my lab, or into my flamethrower room. So far, there was only one event of that kind of shit happening.

In battles, they battle decent unlike a lot of other shit I've seen.


	296. Ducklett Evo line

ENTRY 289: DUCKLETT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

DUCKLETT:

Ducklett, the duck Pokémon. *yawns so loud and so long that I may have broken a record* lame.

The stats are crap seeing the HP and speed as a three and everything else as a two. The moves include: water gun, lunge, rain splash, and water pulse.

The typing is water and flying with the weaknesses being rock and 4x the damage from electric types.

The food is what a duck eats.

In notes, lame, I might as well shoot these things for food.

In battles, eh, pathetic.

* * *

SWANNA:

Swanna, the swan Pokémon. Yeah, lame categories knowing me. Anyway, these Pokémon aren't great and suck in my opinion.

The stats are decent seeing the speed as a five, the attacks as a four, and the HP and defenses as a three. The moves include: feather dance, wing attack, air slash, and defog.

The typing and food is the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: This thing can't fly thousands of miles without stopping, that's pure ass bullshit, unless it's a plane.

In notes, why are these portrayed as graceful, eh? Give me a reason why, seriously. Also, don't go do a flock shooting because, unlike the US government, they immediately actually kick and peck your ass.

In battles, well, they have their moments, but they aren't that great.


	297. Vanillite Evo line

ENTRY 290: VANILLITE EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"I want some ice cream"- Peter Griffin_

VANILLITE:

Vanillite, the ice cream Pokémon. I ain't lickin' that face. Also, what the hell did evolution create?

The stats are crap seeing the attacks and speed as a three, and the HP and defense as a two. The moves include: triple spin, jump on, beat, and icy snow.

The typing is ice with the weaknesses being fighting, rock, fire, and steel types.

The food is snow.

In notes, well, not really much. Although I've had troubles with these little 'mons. The best example was when Rose, as a Ralts who didn't know the difference between a bird and a plane, came back with an ice cream cone and some ice cream, only for the ice cream to then hover about and she brought it down and started licking it, and then the ice cream attacked her. Lol, but she now has a phobia of ice cream after that event.

In battles, eh, pathetic. Bender melts it by looking at it. Pella would've too, but she went into a lazy state and even Bender can't get her fire ass off and into the battling, saying that I don't pick her. Well of course I don't if a fucking Frogadier comes on in and kicks your ass.

* * *

VANILLISH:

Vanillish, the ice cream from Vanil Pokémon. *sigh* why… why must we have giant ice cream cones? Of course I did pull that same prank on Catherine, she wasn't too happy of course.

The stats are crud seeing the defenses, attack, and speed as a three with the HP remaining a two. The moves include: anything icy or ice, frost breath, triple spin, and surefire spin (even though it's ironic).

The typing and food remain the same.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Ok, how the fuck did these things move down south during the ice age if in Georgia the fucking temperature can hit over 100 degrees in the summer?

In notes, other than my "nice" tricks, well, there is nothing great about them.

In battles, are you kidding? It's a giant ice cream cone you dumbass, how will that win a fight?

* * *

VANILLUXE:

Vanilluxe, the double scoop ice cream Pokémon. Yep, two heads don't piss them off.

The stats are decent seeing the attacks as a five, the defense and speed as a four, and the HP as a three. The moves include: double freeze, frost breath, hail, and blizzard (Because it's ice cream, get it? No? You suck.).

The typing and food are the same.

In notes, pissing them off is the last thing you want to do, unless you bring a fire type, a powerful one, or a flamethrower. Also, this was a pain in the ass to convince Rose to talk to. Even those she's a wife, has kids, won battles against some that should've kicked her ass… she's afraid of a giant, friendly, two headed ice cream… lol.

In battles, alright, they have a tad thing against… um… hmm, never mind.


	298. Deerling Evo line

ENTRY 291: DEERLING EVOLUTIONARY LINE

DEERLING:

Deerling, the fawn Pokémon. Who the fuck needs a calendar when you have this… thing?

The stats are crud seeing the HP and attack as a three, the speed as a four, and the defenses as a two. The moves include: tackle, wild kick, leech seed, and double kick.

The typing is normal and grass with the weaknesses being fighting, bug, fire, ice, poison, and flying types.

The food is grass and berries.

In notes, ok, fine, it's sickening cute, ok? Also, it changes colors worse than a white guy and worse than your weather and season sensitive tree.

In battles, never fought one.

* * *

SAWSBUCK:

Sawsbuck, the deer Pokémon. Well, I quit. Anyway, it's great for sport at least.

The stats are near decent seeing the attack and speed as a five, and everything else as a three. The moves include: push and take down, nature power (Catherine and hippies), and horn leech.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, not really much. It's the same as the last, only it's bigger and looks more like a deer.

In battles, Bender wipes this things ass easy.


	299. Emolga Entry

ENTRY 292: EMOLGA ENTRY

Emolga, the flying electric squirrel thing Pokémon. Eh, I'm not surprised or excited, but then again I'm not excited by anything on here except the good ones or the humanoid ones.

The stats are decent seeing the speed as a six, the attacks as a four, the defenses as a two, and the HP as a two. The moves include: thundershock, static shock, electron crush (Dafuq? How the hell did you acquire a particle accelerator?), and acrobatics.

The typing is flying and electric with the weaknesses being rock and ice types.

In notes, it's more or less a flying Pikachu. The only difference is, is that it's not all yellow, there is no lighting tail, and this thing flies.

In battles, that Iris girl is one. She lost, boo-hoo, I win.


	300. Karrablast Evo line

ENTRY 293: KARRABLAST EVOLUTIONARY LINE

KARRABLAST:

Karrablast, the weirdo Pokémon. This and the next one tier is fucking weird, idkw.

The stats are crud seeing the attack as a four, the speed as a three, and everything else as a two. The moves include: fury attack, beat, peck, and headbutt.

The typing is bug with the weaknesses being fire, flying and rock types.

The food is whatever it eats.

In notes, well, when mixed with Shelmet, expect both to evolve from some form of electrical exchange. My current theory is that they exchange a necessary nutrient which activates evolution.

In battles, lame.

* * *

ESCAVALIER:

Escavalier, the Roman Pokémon. Yep, this thing is a Roman Gladiator. Must've helped the Barbarians destroy Rome when the Romans stopped being nice to the Pokémon.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the attack as a seven, the defense as a six, the HP as a three, and the speed of the Romans when they were fleeing Rome, only to have a Barbarian sword up their ass. The moves include: fury attack, guard attack, joust (figures), and iron tackle.

The typing is now bug and steel with the weaknesses being 4x the damage from fire types.

In notes, this takes recycling to a new level. That armor is from that Shelmet Pokémon earlier.

In battles, it's not that great. Bender takes them out, Pella used to, she's gone, yay.


	301. Foongus Evo line

ENTRY 294: FOONGUS EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"He gave you all the Ick!"- Mr. Krabs_

FOONGUS:

Foongus, the Pokéball mushroom Pokémon. Well, the phrase "It's a trap" seems to be prevalent in this area.

The stats are crappy seeing the HP and attacks as a three, the defenses as a two, and the speed as slow as a slug crawling up this mushroom and eating it without dying. The moves include: rollout, ram, double spin, and rising lunge.

The typing is grass and poison with the weaknesses being fire, ice, flying, and psychic types.

The food is whatever a mushroom eats, err, absorbs.

In notes, *yawn* battling a mushroom? I'll just grab a shovel and smash it. Anyway, shitty joke aside, these things are disguised as Pokéballs and are probably the main inspiration for them.

In battles, are you pathetically retarded to extreme levels of insane stupidness? Me against a mushroom? First off, Midori is one hell of a cook; second, this is a joke on its own. How the fuck could a mushroom kick my ass if it's less than a foot tall?

AMOONGUSS:

Amoonguss, the giant Pokéball mushroom Pokémon. Yep, three time's the charm, literally.

The stats are near decent seeing the HP is a five, the attacks as a four, the defenses as a three, and the speed as a two. The moves include: toxic, strange reaction, rising lunge, and body slam.

The typing and food remains the same.

In notes, well, it's a giant mushroom that imitates a Pokéball… what can I honestly say?

In battles, what a fucking joke. Bender and Edward can kill these, no problems.


	302. Frillish Evo line

ENTRY 295: FRILLISH EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"Here Jelly"- SpongeBob_

FRILLISH:

Frillish, the miniature jellyfish Pokémon. This thing can help with removing shitty Pokémon I don't like. Would do Catherine, but Midori would most likely beat the hell out of me, divorce, and possibly take everything away.

The stats are shit seeing the first three as a two, and the speed as a two. The moves include: rain splash, absorb, confuse ray, and bubble.

The typing is water and ghost with the weaknesses being ghost, dark, electric, and grass types.

The food is whatever it drags down there.

In notes, keep your kids away. But, if you're a loony professor, like me, get a very protecting suit, pretend to be paralyzed, get dragged five miles, then shoot the fuck out of them, only to realize they're ghost, then call in Edward to use a mini sub. I have a sub, but the US army is still demanding mortgage payments.

In battles, eh, next.

* * *

JELLICENT:

Jellicent, the jellyfish Pokémon. Ok, so we now need to Poképroof all the ships, fuck.

The stats are near decent seeing the HP and specials as a four, and the speed, defense and attack as a three. The moves include: hydro pump, meddling, absorb life (Fuck, I knew ghosts would be assholes at one point), and eerie light.

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, well, it's true about the sinking of ships and crews. As Professor Hubert Farnsworth best said it, "The poor sons of a bitches." Anyway, there has been the USS Ronald Reagan, don't ask how the fuck it got here, that floated in that area and it came out without a problem, but a few crew members went shooting at giant jellyfish, argued with a Gyarados, and one even was, somehow, nearly raped by a Samurott. The problems I deal with, the problems.

In battles, eh, Heleva kicks ass, yay.


	303. Alomomola Entry

ENTRY 296: ALOMOMOLA ENTRY

Alomoomola, the back-ass double handed Pokémon. This thing has two hand fins and is a nurse, not yay.

The stats are decent seeing the HP as a six, the attack, defense, and speed as a four, and the specials as a two. The moves include: pound, wave splash, water pulse, and hydro pump.

The typing is water with the weaknesses being grass and electric types.

Food is whatever it eats.

In notes, it's a nurse joy in the water. Now, it's great to go shoot at Magikarps, carvanhas and other swimming fish/ anything, the problem I have is that when it starts to heal Pokémon, I want to kill it at least 10% more. So, if you see these things saving near death Pokémon, shoot both and move on to the cashier job, will ya?

In battles, lame, next!


	304. MUST READ: VERY IMPORTANT

**Ok, um... this is so fucking embarrassing... Ok. Now, due to the lack of interest that has developed on this story... oh God... I'm now willing to either trade this story with another discontinued story, or just give it away by Saturday. PM for possible trading.**


	305. MUST READ: UPDATE

**Weeeeeeell, it seems that nobody has wanted to trade for it, so as I thought over, I decided I WILL continue this, BUT it will be done on the weekends. Of course, I'll make them a minimum of 500 words instead of the 100-200 wordy shit entries you typically read. Also, both of these notes will be kept because I keep down everything I type, no exceptions... unless I rewrite, which I need to be drunk to do on this thing.**


	306. Joltik Evo line

**Um, slight thing for y'all, Catherine will be writing the next three, starting with this one, entries. Oh God **.****

* * *

ENTRY 297: JOLTIK EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"The ittsie bittsie spider…"- I'm pretty sure you know this rhyme._

JOLTIK:

Joltik, the tiny electric spider Pokémon. You know, the thing I hate worse than Catherine's assholic attitude is little spiders that attach to your electrical devices or your body. These things will do that exactly.

The stats are crap seeing the speed as a four, the attacks as a three, and the defenses and HP as a two. The moves include: stun needle, attach (My kids as Ralts could do this), jump on, and leech life.

In typing it's a bug and electric with the weaknesses being fire and rock types.

In food, something involving flying things.

In notes, well, I'll give an example of how these things are. Back when Rose was a Ralts, and even during the earlier ages of when she was a Kirlia, she used to hug onto my leg. Thankfully, shit like that don't happen, but then there was Catherine for a short period of time, then she became a bitch… *gets hit in the head with a chair*

Catherine here, and NO I'M NOT A BITCH! DAD'S BEING A FUCKING ASSHOLE! *Look's down seeing her father out cold*

Well, he's knocked out so I guess I'll continue, so, um, ok, fine, this stuff did happen. Now for the cute stuff. They are so cute with the way they look at you, the eyes, the little body, the everything EEEE! I even made a little area for them and so they can have fun with the other little ones.

In battles, um, never seen any of the little ones fight.

* * *

GALVANTULA:

Galvantula, the big electric spider Pokémon. They lost their cuteness, it sucks, but they are that bad once you know them, sort of.

In stats, they are pretty well off seeing the speed as a six, the HP and defenses as a three, the attack as a four, and the special attack as a five. The moves here include: electroweb, leech life, gnaw, stun needle, quick turn, electrisilk, double thread, cobweb trip, discharge, and signal beam.

The typing is like it's pre-evolutionary.

The food is whatever poor, helpless Pokémon gets stuck in its web. :(

In notes, well, they do have this web thing that can be turned into an electric fence, but it sucks that they don't feel ashamed for killing innocent Pokémon. They should be like me, a vegetarian! Yep, that's me! Also, um, this C7 guy… um… I think I'm gonna have nightmares.

In battles, I've seen my brother and sister fight them, but it sucks how they always win; don't you think they should lose at least once? Ok, let me try again: Don't you think dad should lose once? You know, just to play fair?


	307. Ferroseed Evo line

ENTRY 298: FERROSEED EVOLUTIONARY LINE

Ferroseed, the metal spiked seed Pokémon. Those thorns look kinda pointy. Oh, they shoot those if they are endangered. It also can absorb iron through rocks, cool!

The stats on it is sort of good, I think. The defenses are a four, the special attack and speed is a one, the attack is a three, and the HP is a two. The moves include: pin missile, pierce, self-destruct (people in dad's world do this for this Allah guy), and harden.

The typing is grass and steel with the weaknesses being 4x the damage from fire and fighting types.

In notes, well, it looks pointy. Never held one, or had one, but I heard about how someone got sent into the hospital for one of these blowing up. That poor guy though.

In battles, um, I think Pella fought them, but she has like 6x the bonus against these so it's kinda unfair.

* * *

Ferrothorn, the three legged ceiling climber Pokémon. Now how rude is that? Somebody just walks on by and this Pokémon shoots you. It's almost as bad as my dad.

The stats are looking good seeing the defense as a six, the attack and special defense as a five, the HP and special attack as a three, and the speed as a one. The moves include: iron defense, power whip, steel feelers, gyro ball, metal claw, and spike lash.

The typing is still the same and so is the food.

In notes, well, I think Edward said that he got cut after trying to fight with one. I don't know why you'd even want to fight something that looks like living barbed wire, but ok, whatever.

In battles, well, Mr. Bender seems to knock them out easily, but…

*father walks on in*

Hold on, let me finish this. Anyway, so Mr. Bender defeats them easy and dad can't win because he's a dick.

* * *

(Outside)

Italy yelled, "DON'T SAY SHIT LIKE THAT ON ME!"

Catherine yelled back, "LOOK WHAT YOU WROTE ABOUT ME!"

"So?!"

"You called me a bitch several times!"

"And I've seen you call me an asshole, a greasball gun firing fucko, and a yankee faggot. And it's rebel, not yankee!"

"FUCK YOU!"

"WELL FUCK YOU TOO! Except I say do that to Magnus not me."

Catherine then through the keyboard at Italy, only for him to dodge it and it to crash into the wall, but luckily not break. Italy gave her the finger and left as Edward entered in saying, "Um, Catherine?"

Catherine screamed, "WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT!?"

"Um, dad originally came in to say that you're required to now train."

"As in fight?"

"Yeah."

She crossed her arms, "Hell no."

"Hell yes. And if that don't work, mom will come in and drag you out."

"She couldn't drag me either."

"Siliveisa wouldn't mind kicking the shit out of you."

Catherine still had her arms crossed. Edward shook his head as Catherine looked at you, "Piss off weirdo."


	308. Klink

Hey everyone, this is Siliveisa here. My annoying sister in-law is getting a training lesson done so she can evolve into a Gardevoir and Frank can push her out faster. For once, he actually has a good plan.

ENTRY 299: KLINK EVOLUTIONARY LINE

KLINK:

Klink, the two gears Pokémon. Klink? Two living gears? What the hell? Oh well, I don't care.

In stats, the attack and defenses is a three, and the special defense, HP and speed is a two. The moves include: bind, gear grind, spinning attack, smash turn, reckless charge (Wanna know how many times I've seen Edward and my in-laws do that?), vice grip, rigidify, and disorderly flip.

In typing, it's steel with the weaknesses being fighting, fire, and ground types.

This thing doesn't eat food, so I'm not going to tell what it eats for the rest of these evos.

In notes, these gears need to spin around in order to stay alive. This is stupid, you know what the hell Italy does with the dead ones? He literally uses them for gears in some of his own shit. Aside from that, fuck all of you with a pair of gears.

In battles, is this a joke? Next.

* * *

KLANG:

Klang, the double gear, with a slightly bigger gear, uh, Pokémon. This isn't any more impressive, lame.

In stats, everything is increased by one, wow, lazy. The moves include: vice grip, gear smash (that's how gears reproduce), disorderly flip, bind, gear grind, metal sound, guard press, and charge beam.

The typing remains the same.

In notes, it's the same fucking Pokémon only with one gear being bigger. Also, I can now tell if this thing is pissed or not if it is turning ten times faster or it wants to try fighting me. I don't know what to find more believable: Italy being smart or you dumbasses actually reading this shit.

In battles, I've seen Bender kick a few gears asses, but… why the fuck do I care anyway?

* * *

KLINKLANG:

Klinklang, the triple gear Pokémon. Great, three gears now, huh? The next entry I'm dragging Edward to do because this is enough bullshit for me to do.

In stats, attack, defense, and speed is a five, special defense is a four, and HP and special attack is a three. The moves include: plasma steel, heavy bullet, heavy bumper, gear spinner, shift gear, gear grind, charge beam, zap cannon, metal blast, and lock gear.

Typing is the same you fucking assholes.

In notes, well, it's slightly more dangerous, lame, and I'm… ok, you know what I can't do this shit, FUCK ALL OF YOU! *gives the middle finger and leaves*

*Midori walks on in seeing the 'Dex open* Oh, Siliveisa forgot to close it up. Well, I guess I can finish up. Let's see… oh, ok. So, I guess, Klinklang isn't that bad, problem is I can't fight them unless I have to since, well, I'm a fairy type.

Also, sorry for Franks' 'Dex becoming a mess, he's been under the pressure of trading, the police, because they're trying to crack down on him, and issues with that Trump guy. And to add on top, Catheirne has been a pain in the neck since she's not exactly fighting well. She even went to a pokecenter, which Frank rarely does, and she's under par for crying out loud! Ok, enough wasting your time, I'll let you go, bye everyone! *waves hand to everyone as Edward comes in wondering who the hell his mother is waving to*


	309. Tynamo Evo line 300 fuckas!

Hello, this is Midori here. Um, Edward would've been here, but he's out helping Frank train Catherine to apparently evolve her, which might never happen knowing that… it's Catherine. Anyway, let's begin!

THE TYNAMO EVOLUTIONARY LINE: ENTRY 300

THREE HUNDRED, YAY! At least we know Franks money isn't going to waste /\ _ /\\.

Tynamo, the electric, um, fish Pokémon. This is the first Pokémon on the 'Dex to not have a weakness.

The stats on it aren't great as the speed and attack are three and everything else is a two. The moves include: thunder wave, tackle, water splash, and spark.

The typing is electric with no weakness. Weird huh?

The food, um, I'm not sure.

In notes, not really anything. Tynamo alone makes a tiny spark while a group can be as powerful as a lightning bolt, which Frank decided to make an electric generator using them. It almost worked until Catherine played bad guy and let them go, sending Frank and Catherine into a fight. *sigh* why can't my family get along? Actually, no, why can't my husband and daughter get along?

For the battles, nope, none so far.

* * *

EELEKTRIK:

Eeletrik, the electric eel Pokémon. This is something you don't want as a pet, but for those who do, have fun!

The stats are sort of good seeing the attacks as a four, the defenses and HP as a three, and the speed still a two. The moves include: small appetite (Kinda contradicting), headbutt, shock bolt, and thunder wave.

The typing is the same.

The food is the same.

In notes, it's pretty scary if you're stuck with these. Very zappy, very "fun". Um, they drag down whatever Pokémon they catch, cap them, eat them, the usual.

In battles, haven't fought any yet.

* * *

EELEKTROSS:

Eelektross, the giant electric eel Pokémon. Yep, they get bigger and bigger.

The stats are higher seeing the attack as a six, the special attack as a five, the defense as a four, and everything else as a three. The moves include: acid, wild charge, suction heal, and slurp shakedown.

The typing is the same.

The food is the same.

In notes, never go to a Unova beach without a gun. Believe it or not, I got lucky. One time Frank and I went there for an anniversary, he went to the bathroom as I was on the beach and then I saw a group of these Pokémon coming around swooping at others. One ALMOST got me, but Frank forgot his gun and I shot the Eelektross. Then I heard a lecture from Catherine. Um, laughing-on-the-floor. Is that lol?

In battles, um, that's my only one. Edward takes on others in organized ones.


	310. Elgyem Evo line

Ok, Italy here. Believe it or not is back because Edward thought it would be a "me" entry.

ENTRY 301: ELGYEM EVO LINE

 _"All we ever found was a crashed weather balloon"- the General from DS9 "Little Green Men"_

ELGYEM:

Elgyem, the alien Pokémon. Yep, more mother fucking aliens, yay.

The stats are crud seeing the attack and defense as a three, and the speed and HP as a two. The moves include: first contact (fucking alien assholes), headbutt, calm mind, and psy bolt.

The typing is psychic with the weaknesses being dark, bug, and ghost types.

I have no idea what they eat.

In notes, they are said to cause headaches. Never seen one, so I don't know. Also, judging by the fact this says 50 years ago and this was sent back into the 2010s, that would suggest a UFO crashed somewhere in the 60s. Here's what happened in reality: These fuckers had their recently licensed teenager drive their space ship and crashed it in Roswell, New Mexico. The US came along, took their shit, scolded why their teenager could've hit a nuclear missile or some shit, and then they are stuck here until whenever the fuck.

In battles, none.

* * *

BEHEEYEM:

Beheeyem, the flashy fucking thing Pokémon. I hate aliens now, fuck these things.

The stats are below decent seeing the attack as a four, the HP and defense a three, and the speed a two. The moves include: mind bullet (Matrix anyone?), psybeam, psyshot, and brain control (Mind control dumbass).

Typing is the same.

Food, I don't know.

In notes, the three lights might be a representation of encounters of the third kind… maybe, no? Moving the fuck on, the rest of it is a typical psychic type like my kids and Catherine's "boyfriend". Well, according to Edward's snooping, it seems he is.

In battles, fuck you, never seen one, neva' fought one.


	311. Litwick Evo line

Hi, Rose here! *Waves at screen*

LITWICK EVOLUTIONARY LINE AT ENTRY 302:

LITWICK:

Litwick, the little candle ghost Pokémon. They do look like baby candles; they're so cute!

The stats of them are three for defense and special attack, and two for everything else. The moves include: teleportation burst, slightly simmer, searing flame, flickering flames, flare, surprise attack (So I jump on my horse's back… sorry, my favorite song!), singe live coal, call for family, and trip over.

The typing is fire and ghost with the weaknesses being dark, ghost, ground, rock, and water types.

The food is your soul, literally.

In notes, well, they kinda are very hard to tell whether they're fake or real candles. One time on Halloween years ago when I was a Ralts, dad made a Halloween party for me and Edward, only for a few candles to move around randomly. Dad went saying things of it being haunted and stuff, scaring the crap out of me, then one of them went up and said hi to me. Then I made friends with it. :D

In battles, um, none so far.

* * *

LAMPENT:

Lampent, the Grim Reaper Pokémon. The thing called the grim reaper is this Pokémon since it hangs around waiting for you to die, probably from dad.

The stats are five for special attack, three for HP, defense, special defense, speed, and two for attack. The moves include: luring light, will-o-wisp, ember, freefloating, live coal, searing flame, cursed drop, night march (The US army passing by at night), mirror mirror (On the wall), and flickering flames.

The typing is the same.

The food is dying spirits.

In notes, um, it's kinda creepy. So, there are these Pokémon that hang around hospitals so when people die they take away their spirits for food. Why can't there be some Pokémon that are nice?

In battles, dad usually uses Siliveisa to kick their butts, but I doubt that I could do it since my typing would get be screwed.

* * *

CHANDELURE:

Chandelure, the chandelier Pokémon. Want one? Well, here it is!

The stats are seven for the special attack, four for the defense, special defense, and speed, and three for the attack and HP. The moves include: cursed shadow, eerie glow, shady move, super singe, flame burst, inferno, flare navigate, absorb life, cursed drop, fainting spell, sinister selection, and past friends.

The typing is the same.

The food is dead people's souls… or at least just before they die.

In notes, well, I don't care for C7's writing. Catherine tried to attack his house, but all was there was a crater. Anyway, so these Pokémon have been sold off as a chandelier. Don't ask how though.

In battles, a lot of battles done by Siliveisa… despite sometimes when dad has her fight even near fainting. One time she was on crack (dad has a lot of drugs lying in the drug lab, don't ask), she kept on going for five rounds against opponents that threw every time and then on this one, she pasted out on the field and almost died because of the Chandelier. Edward took a bat and hit dad in the head, only for mom to come in and knock out Edward because dad nearly died as well since the hit was a very bad area. Well, my family isn't boring at least.


	312. Axew Evo line

Well, Midori got me to write this one as she thought I had to put up with this annoying girl so much I could write about it. Oh well, wives are usually pushy… half the time.

ENTRY 303: AXEW EVOLUTIONARY LINE

AXEW:

Axew, the bladed mouth Pokémon. This thing has two blades for crushing berries, tearing a hold in your leg, and marking territory, until I come on in with a bulldozer fucking it all up.

The stats are near decent with the attack being a four, the defense and speed being a three, and the HP being a two. The moves include: dual chop, big bite (lame, I could do that), dragon rage, and dragon claw.

The typing is dragon with the weaknesses being dragon, ice, and fairy types.

The food is berries, but anything in a shell works as well.

In notes, well, no bullshit… yet. All I can say is that this thing is not impressive.

In battles, I think there's this group of dragon village people that comes and tries to beat me. But I didn't see Hiccup or Toothless in the mix so they looked like a group of weirdos and Pokémon.

* * *

FRAXURE:

Fraxure, the "get the fuck off my land" Pokémon. You hippies wanna go on its land, well here's the character who's gonna kick your ass off that land.

The stats are decent seeing the attack as a six, the speed as a four, and the HP and defense as a three. The moves include: scratch, dual chop, sharp fang, and dragon claw.

The typing is the same.

Food is relatively the same.

In notes, still in respectable limits. Haven't seen any bullshit on this yet, but with those swords glued to its ugly face, I'd expect a lot of good shit to happen… like Catherine finally becoming a Gardevoir and getting the fuck out of here.

In battles, eh, a couple times. Fine, one time Rose nearly lost after the Fraxure pulled a shit-eating move, then we found out it was that trainer's psychic type that went cheating, but Rose won so I don't give a fuck.

* * *

HAXORUS:

Haxorus, the "oh fuck" Pokémon. You need an M1 to go in and kill these things, but I went and allowed a few helicopters of US grade bombs to be dropped on them so you're fine.

The stats are good seeing the attack as a seven, the speed as a five, and the HP and defense as a four. The Moves include: dual chop, giga impact, guillotine, and stunning uppercut (It ain't stunning to me).

The typing is the same.

I assume the food is the same, unless it has killed someone.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Those tusks can't cut steel girders. C7 gave an example how, but I severely doubt that.

DERPEDEX BULLSHIT ALERT: It's easier to piss off a Haxorus, I'll tell ya that. First, throw a rock at it, then shoot a .308 into its head, call it a couple of really stupid names, and then try to say "how 'bout ya S my D?" That should piss it off in 3.5 seconds or less.

In notes, the territory thing is pretty true. Rage can get ya killed and I'm not going to be there with a helicopter for your death, sorry, to fucking lazy for that shit.

In battles, well, seeing that I'm going to have to tell you, Iris, that annoying Negro girl err Indian err something girl, showed up, wanted to fight, I won, and then for ten minutes we went arguing on how me and Edward's mega evolving + Z-crystal shit is cheating. God, it's not like I genetically modified him… well, he's half human half Gallade so… is that genetic modification?


	313. Cubchoo Evo line

Bender is now writing an entry, WOOOO!

ENTRY #304: CUBCHOO EVOLVING LINE

CUBCHOO:

Cubchoo, the snot Pokémon. You know when you have a cold and you have to constantly shove a tissue up your nose so everything stays in? Not me, my body heat kills all the germs and bacteria.

The stats are looking low seeing the attack as a four, and the defenses, speed, and HP a two. The four moves of it include: hail, icy snow, frost breath, and icicle punch (That's gonna hurt).

The typing is ice with the weaknesses being fighting, fire, rock, and steel types.

The food is… um, I don't know. Wait, wait, uh… oh, it's berries. Huh, not that hard.

In notes, it says that the drip contains the raw materials in order to do the moves. So, if Frank decides to cut off that drip, knowing him and his experimenting ways, then does it become frail? Next is that if the drip is sticky, it's in good health. Well, what happens if it's in bad health? Is it going to become slippery?

In battles, I think there might have been pone, but I don't exactly remember. From my past, I fought one as a Combusken, but Frank usually blabbers about the gym.

BEARTIC:

Beartic, the giant ice bear Pokémon. Frank has something in his world called a polar bear; I guess this is our version of it?

The stats are moderate as the attack is a six, the HP and defense as four, and the specials and speed is two. The moves here are: sheer cold (When you go to those mountains here in Kalos, it's fucking cold), superpower (Frank's daughter Rose when she was little pretending to be superman… didn't end that well), mountain drop, and icicle crash.

The typing is the same.

The food probably now includes Magicarp, or some other useless Pokémon.

In notes, they live in northern regions so it's not any worry for those who want to camp around in cold areas. You have better chances of getting killed, raped, or robbed, one or all in any order, than encountering a Beartic in Kalos.

In battles, HA, easy knock outs. I've taken out some myself and they're not that hard to take down. All I will say is take a precaution of getting a fire type Pokémon so your ass doesn't become target practice.


	314. Cryogonal Entry

**This is one, I'll have a second tomorrow, and a third on Tuesday.**

* * *

Hey everyone, this is Edward. Well, he last couple of weeks were hell. Dad has hardcore trained Catherine to the point where she hates him more than the fighting. Big issue, she evolved… dad's human genetics passed down as she now has tits. Yep, she has breasts… yay. And she is a Gardevoir, but Siliveisa almost kicked the shit out of me because she thought it was another Pokémon, lol. Enough boring shit, let's get this done with.

ENTRY 305: CRYOGONAL ENTRY

Cryogonal, the snowflake Pokémon. And not those SJWs from my father's world. These are honestly not too bad until you're a Ralts that thinks it's a giant snowflake that crashes on you. It hurts, but then again the me spinning it around was fun.

The stats are good seeing the speed as a seven, the attack and HP as a three, and the defense as a two. The moves include: anything with ice, frost vanish, call sign, and cryofreeze.

The typing is ice with the weaknesses being steel, fighting, fire, and rock types.

I have no idea what they eat.

In notes, careful because this thing will freeze you at a lower temperate than a Froslass. Now, my suggestion is do a dad stunt and take out something a flamethrower, flare, or Mr. Bender, and use it on these snowflakes.

In battles, meh, they're easy. Mr. Bender kicks their ass as I have only a regular advantage.


	315. Shelmet Evo line

**One more next.**

* * *

This is still Edward. I got Rose to do the next one since dad is still training Catherine.

ENTRY 306: SHELMET EVOLUTIONARY LINE

SHELMET:

Shelmet, the head armor Pokémon. It's a walking talking bugging knight hat that can kill you. Not much to be said, hmm?

The stats are bad seeing the defense as a four, and the HP, attacking, and speed as a two. The moves include: mysterious evolution (No shit Sherlock), ram, body slam, and yawn.

The typing is bug with the weaknesses being fire, flying, and rock types.

The food is whatever they eat.

In notes, them and Karrablast seem to be very explosive in terms of energy and evolution. I might be wrong, but I wouldn't give a fuck about it unless it meant to write this or have Catherine strip naked in here and make Siliveisa think I'm doing something that isn't with her. Yeah, touchy girl she is, but hey, can't blame that Greninja, now can ya?

In battles, I don't know, never seen one honestly.

* * *

ACCELGOR:

Accelgor, the ninja bug Pokémon. Unlike the Sedininja or whatever it was called, uh… Shedinja? Whatever, anyway, unlike that, this thing is a straight bug and will not hesitate to kick your ass.

The stats are decent for a fight as the speed is an eight, the attack is a four, the HP is a three, and the defense is a two. The moves include: acid spray, slashing strike, hammer in (A couple of nails), and deck and cover.

The typing and food are the same still.

In notes, because of its high speeds, this thing can usually out pace everything that is supposedly fast. Fuck everyone who thinks it isn't, because it is.

In battles, now it's just cheap shit because I've seen the stuff that can kick ass… and this is one of those things that just can't do that.


	316. Stunfisk Entry

Hi, Rose here!

ENTRY 307: STUNFISK ENTRY

Stunfisk, the electric… um, flat Magicarp Pokémon? I have literally no idea of what this is, nor do I really want to meet it.

The stats are looking pretty leveled with special attack, defenses, and HP at a four, the attack as a three, and the speed as a two. The moves include: trickle, thundershock, mud shot, thunder, muddy water, rumble, attract (Um, how? You're… ugly.), mud-slap, revenge, thunder blast, and head bolt.

The typing is ground and electric with the weaknesses being grass, water, ice, and ground types.

The food is whatever it eats, something with phytoplankton.

In notes, sadly I had to read the C7 entry, because dad said it's required, and this guy is worse than dad… by a long shot. Fine, it's impressive that Stunfisk can survive a huge amount of weight, but when my father decides to up it a notch and drive a dump truck, a loaded one I might add, over it… it was a mess.

In battles, I think Aunt Siliveisa battled one, not too sure.


	317. Mienfoo Evo line

**This is my second story/fanfic to hit 100k words :D.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

Surprise motha fuckas, it's Italy, wooo.

ENTRY 308: MIENFOO EVOLUTIONARY LINE

MIENFOO:

Mienfoo, the kung-fu karate whatever the fuck Pokémon. Well, seems Daniel became a Pokémon, great idea, dumbass shit content for that idea.

The stats are below decent with the attack and speed as a four, and the defenses and HP being a two. The moves include: pound, high jump kick, triple smash, and steady punch.

The typing is fighting with the weaknesses being fairy, flying, and psychic types.

The food is whatever it eats, some kind of berries, not much.

In notes, pride in kicking ass. I lost my pride, lol. Anyway, who the hell needs pride when you can have Edward and blast the living eff out of anything that comes your way, eh? Ok, that Alakazam can take out Edward, but for the most part, you all suck! Wait, *looks through a battle log Midori forced me to write* ok, and another time, but that was because Catherine help cheat.

In battles, as a Kirlia, yes, he has fought. Now, forget it, I have everyone else do it because Edward no longer has that typing and what idiot will bring a one tier against a third tier, mega evolution, Z-crystal ass kicking son of a bitch?

* * *

MIENSHAO:

Mienshao, the whipping Pokémon. Wanna bet these things were imported from China to the Southern US for whipping. Speaking of Chinese, the translation seems to be Minn less. What the fuck does that mean?

The stats are good seeing the attack and speed as a six, and the defenses and HP as a three. The moves include: feint, high jump kick, haul in, and meditate (Which further proves my theory of it being out of China, or at least Asia).

The typing and food remain the same.

In notes, the arms are supposed to be whips because of its fur. Well, shave it down and let's see this bald thing whip my ass, hmm? Another thing I should add is that Pokephiles go for these as well. I forgot to say that with the Zoroarks, but those werewolves are higher than these things.

In battles, Edward kicks there ass, no problems. Even these barrages they do aren't that great.


	318. Druddigon Entry

Edward here!

ENTRY 309: DRUDDIGON ENTRY

Druddigon, the giant rock dragon Pokémon. Dad brings CO2 guns in order to freeze these and sell them off to Flare or Plasma. This family needs work.

The stats are decent seeing the attack as a six, the defenses as a four, and the speed and HP as a three. The moves include: rough skin, clutch, proud fang, and giga claw.

The typing is dragon with the weaknesses being dragon, ice, and fairy types.

Food isn't known, because my father now relies on Siliveisa to throw her into such positions to see what they eat. I think she's thrown in to see if the Pokémon are carnivores, or if they specifically like Greninja's.

In notes, very much preferred to bring an ice type to freeze the place so this thing becomes a statue. Anything that can use ice type moves or freezes the area are needed.

In battles, Mom and Rose have fought a few of them in terms of a trainer waltzing on in, asking for a badge, and running back to his mommy that he lost.


	319. Golett Evo line

ENTRY 310: GOLETT EVOLUTIONARY LINE

" _You stay, I go… no following_." – The Iron Giant

Yep, I'm here, now, on with this shit that Catherine wants me to do. Besides, hearing her and Magnus fuck is annoying as hell because Catherine sends small pieces of all that sex into my head accidentally. Everyone got it… but Edward wanks to it, I pretend it never happened and it's Midori.

GOLETT:

Golett, the boulder boy Pokémon. It has an energy that makes it move, like us non robotic boulder people and beings.

The stats are crud seeing the attack as a four, the HP as a three, and everything else as a two. The moves include: dynamic punch, nap, pound, and beat.

The typing is ground and ghost with the weaknesses being water, grass, ice, ghost, and dark types.

The food is unknown.

POKEMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Active for thousands of years… made of clay… what's next? Their dicks are made of solid diamonds? Look, in a reasonable statement, the black haired snot-nosed kick ain't the History channel and even I ain't a good source.

In notes, wanna bet that the energy is a huge ball of radium? Explains why we find so little of that shit. Or uranium… or thorium, or whatever fucking element we find.

In battles, um… haven't seen any lately… you?

* * *

GOLURK:

Golurk, the iron giant Pokémon. Now, do the smart thing and fly yourself into a nuke please. The less weird things, the better.

The stats are pretty decent seeing the attack as a six, the HP and defense as a four, and the rest as a three. The moves include: hammer arm, hurricane punch (instead of tropical… what's next? Depression punch?), triple smash, and Golurk hammer.

The typing and food are the same.

In notes, it was created to protect people… Golurk, new message to fix into your puny brainless skull, people are lost causes, just kill them or yourself… or both… I don't know, just one or the other, or the third one.

In battles, did that, boring, now when can I go kill something that is more fun?


	320. I quit

**Mini Story eight:**

 ** _"I hate all of you"- Squidward Tentacles_**

* * *

Frank was walking down the hallway as he was holding out a huge check from the Kalos government. He went into his 'Dex writing area and said, "Well, now that this whole 'Dex business got me a chunk of cash, I won't be needing anymore info, but I will glaaaadly keep the money and sell the 'Dex to anyone who wants it, seeing as this thing is just a piece of shit with no real value."

He turned on the computer, went onto EBay, and put down the selling price of the 'Dex for $140K, expecting it to become a huge money realer. He left the room and went off to the front where Midori was and told her, "Now my dear, we got more free time and less worry on my shoulders."

Midori was a bit spooked, then asked seeing it was only her husband, "Really? Where did you get it because I know it's not from thin air."

Frank chuckled, "No, that's 'other' people and beings... and things. I decided to have the 'Dex right now just sell for whatever the hell I put the price at and anyone that wants it can have it. Besides, with the shit I got here, I got more productive things to do."

"Yeah, like making sure Kevanin doesn't steal Pokémon behind your back?"

"That's a given."

* * *

 **Rate and Review.**

 **This little story is to tell everyone that I quit the 'Dex and it's now available for anyone to take. 'Course, I know that there won't be anyone, but this thing lost its vibe for me. :/**


	321. Pawniard Evo line

**"I'm back"- Arnold Schwarzenegger**

 **Ok, so after about six months of being absent, I've decided to revamp the ItalyDex. Now, it is similar to the function of the other entries, but I've made some changes and removed the forced humor, a lot of cursing, and a lot of other useless shit. So from TFK, enjoy!**

* * *

ENTRY 311: PAWNIARD EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"That's Wizard's chess"- Ronald Weasly_

PAWNIARD:

 _Pawniard, the iron paw Pokémon. The entirety of its body is mainly blades and unfortunately can't exactly be hugged. If you see a group of them charging at you, either you were found to be cheating on a chess match, or you decided to piss all over their food. Either way, might as well sign a will._

The stats for Pawniard is moderately low seeing the attack as a four, the speed and defense as a three, and the HP and specials as a two. The moves that can be used include: rigidify, scratch, charge order, pierce, cut, cut down, metal claw, slash, and iron head.

The typing is dark and steel with the weaknesses being fire, ground, and 4x the damage from fighting types.

Notes for people who have one, I suggest get a lot of stones… or save yourself a lot of time and money and get a grinding wheel… or sandpaper. Either one will work. But if you don't and you plan to be wandering around, thinking to yourself "hey, I'm smart, I'm gonna take on a whole group of them"! Yeeeeaaah, there is a better chance you'll survive your teacher's lecturing than an army of little pawns.

BISHARP:

 _Bisharp, the General Pokémon. This Pokémon is the evolved form of Pawniard, in which it takes control of leading the army like General Lee and/or General Grant. In this type of notion, if you can succeed in taking out the leaders, you can sort of deal with the tiny pawns that the bishops are moving around… Fuck this is complicated._

The stats of a Bisharp is fairly good with the attack now raised to a six while everything else is increased by one. The moves that can be used include: single lunge, power edge, retaliate, mach claw, wicked jab, metal claw, metal wallop, metal sound, slash, dragon slayer, cut down, slicing blade, fury cutter, aerial ace, finishing blow, night slash, energy stream, and metal scissors.

The type is the same as its predecessor.

Some facts to know, as already stated it is the leader of most Pawniard groups. Another fact is that it is similar to a Gallade in terms that the arms can be used as weapons, due to similar sword features.


	322. Bouffalant Entry

ENTRY 312: BOUFFALANT ENTRY

 _Bouffalant, the buffalo Pokémon. While the claims of its power is technically overstimulated, it can cause some havoc in certain areas, but due to being limited in Unova, it means nothing to the lot of you. Also, they enjoy 70's stuff because they got an afro… or the circus... eh, either will do._

The stats of a Bouffalant is good with the attack being a six, HP and both defenses being a four, the speed as a three, and the S. attack drooping at two. The moves that can be used include: bouffant head, knock over, sap sipper, derail, revenge, head charge, tool breaker, hammer in, bouffer, gold breaker, horn attack, and double stop.

The typing is normal with the weakness being fighting types.

POKÉMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Alright, this segment I'll keep. So, there is this claim it can derail a train… Ok, what train? If it's a slow ass locomotive, yeah, that'll do. If it's a diesel machine that weighs God knows how many tons, no way, and if it's a bullet train, you're committing suicide. Also, there were probably times in history where buffalos were basically run over, so this is basically as the segment suggests, hands down.

Other facts to know, well according to genetic tests, Bouffalant and Tauros have similar genes and genetic material, thus suggesting evolution may have created two different types of Pokémon… or Tauros is just a domesticated Bouffalant, I don't know.


	323. Rufflet Evo line

ENTRY 313: RUFFLET EVOLUTIONARY LINE

 _"America, fuck yeah!"- Team America theme song_

RUFFLET:

 _Rufflet, the fluffy, tiny eagle Pokémon. The main point of this is that this little birdy can stand up against any type of foe that comes along. Now, how large the foe is until it decides to change that point, we don't know yet._

The stats for the Rufflet below par as the attack is a four, the HP and speed is a three, while the specials and defense are stuck as a two. The moves that can be used include: reckless charge, peck, incessant peck, chirp, shark beak, slash, and claw.

The typing is normal and flying with the weaknesses being electric, ice, and rock.

Notes on it, there have been claims, a lot of times, which a Pokémon will stand oh so mighty against an opponent, no matter how deadly it is. Well unfortunately, it has been disproven with Treecko, Charizard, and… what else? Um… Well, everything else in the so far made selection on what is available.

BRAVIARY:

 _Braviary, the bald eagle Pokémon. According to sightings, and people getting attacked/picked up by them, this Pokémon will do everything in its strength to kill you, despite being near death itself or crippled… or basically in the department of "I can't move"._

The stats are better as the attack is a six, and everything else is raised by one. The moves that can be used include: ambush, sky drop, wing attack, dual cut, big wing, wild edge, slash, fury attack, and brave bird.

The typing remains the same.

POKÉMON BULLSHIT ALERT: Now, there is this part in the 'dex that one of these giant birds can pick up… a car. Ok… do you actually think this is possible?

Notes that should be mentioned, they can be aggressive if you go and actually goad them. Of course, their history of battling until it basically can't fight or move seems to be a constant thing going on. Now, I personally take it as that these things are the perfect replacement for the bald eagle as America's national bird, am I right?


	324. Vullaby Evo line

**Sorry for the for the long wait, I kinda forgot about the 'Dex. Don't worry, I'll try to punch out an entry a day, or at least 6 a week, so sit back and relax.**

* * *

 _"Food, glorious food…"- the vultures from 'Ice Age'_

ENTRY 314: VULLABY EVOLUTIONARY LINE

VULLABY:

 _Vullaby, the semi-hatched Pokémon. It has wings that are smaller than KFC's and has an egg from the bones of dinner's leftovers._

The stats are poor seeing that the S. attack is a two and everything else is a three. The moves include: collect, corkscrew, leer, cutting wind, gust razor wing, whirlwind, rear guard, and surprise attack.

The typing is dark and flying with the weaknesses being electric, ice, fairy, and rock types.

Notes on it: Well, for a small vulture, it seems to be a chick walking in an eggshell diaper that was made of a Rattata's rib cage. Once it evolves of course, it discards the diaper and becomes an adult.

MANDIBUZZ:

 _Mandibuzz, the vulture Pokémon. Alongside being another only-female species adjacent to the male-only Braviary, this Pokémon will grab whatever little Pokémon they find, eat it, and then decorate themselves like the Flintstones in bones. How advanced._

The stats are decent seeing the defense as a five, the S. defense, speed, and HP as a four, and the attacks as a three. The moves include: trash crash, brave bird, bone drop, cutting wind, gust, dual cut, bone rush, dark pulse, blindside, and punishment.

The typing remains the same.

Notes on it: First off, why decorate yourself in bones? Wouldn't that feel odd and make you smell horrible. Well, come to think of it, you already smell like shit since you eat God knows what from the ground. And to top it off, you teach your kids this. I don't see why your male counterpart even goes for you.


	325. Heatmor Entry

**Ok, screw what I said in the last chapter.**

* * *

ENTRY 315: HEATMOR ENTRY

Heatmor, the flaming anteater Pokémon. Make sure you don't have this with your pet steel ants or else you'll find a molten steel burning your house down.

The stats are good enough as the attacks are a five, the speed is a four, and everything else is a three. The moves include: singe, charring breath, odor sleuth, searing flame, reinforced flame, heat blast, luring flame, fiery licks, hot lick, firebreathing, and incinerate.

The typing is fire with the weaknesses being water, ground, and rock types.

Notes: Ok, so as stated do not have any Durant within 10 miles of your property or else you'll regret it. I've had it twice where the damn thing turns a couple Durants into a pile of molten steel, then burns the lab and I have to get Siliveisa to do the fucking clean up. Anyway, it is highly recommended to not have both as your Pokémon, just one or the other.


	326. Durant Entry

**You get the gist.**

* * *

ENTRY 315: DURANT ENTRY:

 _"The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah…_ "- A nursery song, I think

Durant, the steel ant Pokémon. Hey there homeowners, do you know what's worse than your typical termites and cockroaches? Metal ants! And to make it more fun, flamethrower pyro anteaters will come on over and destroy your home to get those ants, burnt to the ground and ruined for life! Sounds like fun for the HOA! :D

From looking at the scores, the attack and speed is a six, the defense is a five, the HP is a three, and the specials are a two. The move set includes: knock over, mountain munch (solid Mountain Dew), scrape down, chip off, X-scissor, gnaw, hard crunch, call for backup (ya'know, police n' shit), metal jail (see the last move), pull out, iron head, devour, and vice grip.

The typing is bug and steel with the weakness being 4x the damage from fire.

Notes: So these things do swarm around the pyro anteater Heatmor from the last entry, but nobody cares what happens afterwards. Aside from that, the annoying bastards actually cause problems like eating up your house, causing blackouts, constantly robbing you blind, and especially stealing your credit card number… OOOOO I still remember when I got that call that I rang up 3000 dollars of Durant food! And I didn't even know what the hell that was anyway!


End file.
